Diff. between a woman with issues or typical women behavior?

[irc333]

Okay, I talked about indifference to attract women and other methods to get them interested.

 

Now we'll launch into something else. "hot and cold" women. Some even show interest initially, even proactively, only to turn around to do a quick 180 change.

 

Recently, a female friend of mine was getting to know me, she's seen me at quite a few meetups and had asked me or wanted some kind of affirmation if I was a nice guy...even went as far by asking, "Are you a nice guy like my father was?"

 

Yeah, that was a bit ...interesting.

 

Anyhow, she invites me to her party with other friends I know, I had a really good time. It was actually the first time I went to the party with a mindset not to try to "get a date" with anyone I met there, but to just enjoy a company of friends.

 

She was a great host, and I let her know that.

 

There were occasions where she'd shown physical affection to me by cuddling up close to me in the kitchen ( which was rather random) and a few other acts of affection, though I had noticed she did this with other people in the house...as she's South American and they tend to be affectionate anyhow, but somehow I thought she was more so with me than others. No kissing, just held my hand briefly (hugging of the hand) or the hand on my back/caressing it.

 

Then when I was leaving, she met me at her door and said if anytime I wanted to come over, I could do so.

 

I was quite surprised by her invite. lol And thought to myself, "Hey, this is what happens when you DON'T try too hard!" lol

 

Couple of weeks pass and I decide to take her up on her offer. I called her and left a message, and she called me back and said she's been busy with some work on the house

 

I later texted her to see a movie at her place and she texted back that she's been off the grid for a while and has some construction going on STILL at the house.

 

She didn't make a counter offer, so I just asked, "Oh, cool...I'm working on some flooring in my home, what do you have going on?"

 

No answer. BUt she's been rather short with me than that evening where she was somewhat "clingy". Very strange.

 

Now I'm afraid to tempt anything else beyond that point, because I don't want to seem stalkerish or something.

 

THat being said, I've heard of MANY incidences where women show interest at first...then decide they don't want to be interested anymore?

 

Is that a sign of a woman with issues or typical female behavior?

[carhill]

IME, the tone and tenor of interactions with a woman who has 'issues' is invariably unpredictable. Blowing hot and cold for no apparent reason. The persistent feeling like one is walking on eggshells with her.

 

IMO, it's not the content, for example she being 'interested' one day and 'indifferent' the next, but rather the tone of that interaction. None of us are static, nor are we robots. We all have emotions and moods. We also have choices in how we communicate such emotions and moods and how we let them influence our behaviors.

 

No one is perfect

 

That said, there's also no reason to continue interactions one doesn't feel positive about and one has choices regarding how to communicate that.

 

Most of my female friends are 'typical women' and are, generally, a pleasure to be around and I can always count on them. The few who blow hot and cold do trend to the disordered (dx'd and medicated) so I give them a pass on their behaviors most of the time.

 

In this case, with a stranger, I wouldn't read much into it and write it off as one of those billions of interactions in life. However, if a pattern were to emerge of this type of behavior vacillation while dating someone, then I'd take a hard look at compatibility.

[Grumpybutfun]

Was she imbibing at her party? Wine has gotten more men laid than a moulin rouge pimp daddy. Might be why she was so clingy with you.

G

Edited March 19, 2014 by Grumpybutfun

[tbf]

Couple of weeks pass

Need I say anymore? She made an open offer to you where instead of striking while the iron was hot, you made her feel unimportant.

 

As a guess, she's moved on, possibly dating others.

[MidwestUSA]

I'd venture to guess that you simply overestimated her friendliness to you. Because that's what you wanted it to be. The more of your posts I read, the more I'm convinced you're getting some pity offerings. Sorry, she doesn't have issues, but she may have been a bit misleading.

[SmartDude]

Couple of weeks pass and I decide to take her up on her offer.

 

You don goofed son!

[carhill]

IMO, if the interest is that shallow that behavioral changes from clingy to rude happen within a couple of weeks, smart to leave that as a bullet dodged. Again, it comes down to compatibility. It's not the what, rather the how. OP, had she told you directly that she was interested that night but, since you hadn't contacted her in the interim, her interest had waned, how would you feel about that type of communication?

[JourneyLady]

Need I say anymore? She made an open offer to you where instead of striking while the iron was hot, you made her feel unimportant.

 

As a guess, she's moved on, possibly dating others.

 

I'd agree with this. Because if two, three weeks have gone by and the guy doesn't ask to see you again, he's just not that excited about having you around. A woman *can* push it and maybe eventually get close to the guy, but from that point on, he's free to take her for granted.

 

If you didn't even have the time to make a nice phone call and make a date with her within a couple of days, she's figured either you moved on or she's the one you'll call when you've used your other options.

[L1ght]

Women will always be hot and cold. Its an essential part of their design and they use such strategies to see how much a guy is interested in them, how he reacts and to see if he is paying any attention. It's also something that can not be helped due to the fact that hormonally they have a periodic change that sets their emotional state into fluctuation.

Ride the wave. If you like a girl then the complexities are always worth it at the end of the day.

My advice? Just be nice, smile and be patient cos it if they like you they will come back around. If it doesn't change then she clearly doesn't respect you and you're better off finding someone who does.

Goodluck

Edited March 19, 2014 by L1ght

[irc333]

IMO, if the interest is that shallow that behavioral changes from clingy to rude happen within a couple of weeks, smart to leave that as a bullet dodged. Again, it comes down to compatibility. It's not the what, rather the how. OP, had she told you directly that she was interested that night but, since you hadn't contacted her in the interim, her interest had waned, how would you feel about that type of communication?

 

If someone looses interest that quickly, then perhaps the attention span of someone that's of a child who gets bored of a new toy, then it' something I wouldn't want to be a part of.

 

But, that's the problem with most people (both genders) these days and probably accounts for a lot of failed marriages and the 50% divorce rate.

 

Selfishness pretty much.

[irc333]

I'd agree with this. Because if two, three weeks have gone by and the guy doesn't ask to see you again, he's just not that excited about having you around. A woman *can* push it and maybe eventually get close to the guy, but from that point on, he's free to take her for granted.

 

If you didn't even have the time to make a nice phone call and make a date with her within a couple of days, she's figured either you moved on or she's the one you'll call when you've used your other options.

 

 

Not likely, I've have women open to going out with me even within a couple of weeks. Believe you me, a couple of weeks isn't that long. Silly notion actually. I just had been rather busy with quite a few projects, just as she has.

 

In fact that's how long it took my dad to contact my mom. lol

 

It's funny how women give this silly advice, in fact I heard women actually admit to ignoring phone calls from men just to see how many times he'd continuously call her to "gauge his level of interest"

 

Talk about a sick mentality. More of a power play actually.

 

Seems advice given is some kind of answer for everything....if I waited a couple of days, "Oh you called too soon, you come off as desperate!" Always an answer for something lol

Edited March 19, 2014 by irc333

[joystickd]

You let a couple of weeks pass. WTF!!!! You messed that up for yourself. Some woman showed interest and you let a couple of weeks pass thinking she would still be into you. She wasn't interested anymore and now you wonder if she has issues. No person man or woman is going to wait around for someone for a couple weeks to figure out what they want. The only one with the issue here is YOU!!!! Man up and get out of your comfort zone.

[joystickd]

Not likely, I've have women open to going out with me even within a couple of weeks. Believe you me, a couple of weeks isn't that long. Silly notion actually. I just had been rather busy with quite a few projects, just as she has.

 

In fact that's how long it took my dad to contact my mom. lol

 

It's funny how women give this silly advice, in fact I heard women actually admit to ignoring phone calls from men just to see how many times he'd continuously call her to "gauge his level of interest"

 

Talk about a sick mentality. More of a power play actually.

 

Seems advice given is some kind of answer for everything....if I waited a couple of days, "Oh you called too soon, you come off as desperate!" Always an answer for something lol

If you are the one left complaining then you got played. You thought you were going to make the power play and she didn't take the bait and now you are upset.

 

When someone is into you it don't matter how soon you contact them. If you have to worry about that then you are the game player

[irc333]

If you are the one left complaining then you got played. You thought you were going to make the power play and she didn't take the bait and now you are upset.

 

When someone is into you it don't matter how soon you contact them. If you have to worry about that then you are the game player

 

 

LOL That's way to funny, I've hardly EVER been considered a game player. I'm no casanova whatsoever. Game players sleep around, I don't.

[xxoo]

LOL That's way to funny, I've hardly EVER been considered a game player. I'm no casanova whatsoever. Game players sleep around, I don't.

 

I think you're confusing a player with a game player.

 

And waiting weeks to act after a woman makes the first move is will predictably cool her interest. Not always, but it's a good bet. Lesson learned.

[Sunfire73]

Agree with others that you waited too long. She might have other options and so interest with you have lessened. Happened to me. Guys who emails and texts and waited too long to meet got passed by guys who showed more interest.

[joystickd]

LOL That's way to funny, I've hardly EVER been considered a game player. I'm no casanova whatsoever. Game players sleep around, I don't.

Read "game player" you basically played games to see if she was really into you. That was very feminine of you. Player is a different thing but I won't get into that because my school of thought of that doesn't contain the negative connotations that most people especially women think of players. I guess that was because I was taught differently:p

[preraph]

It's by no means typical. But you have to understand there are women (and men) who like to be the center of attention wherever they are. My old roommate was like that. She seemed to be flirting with every man and some women too. She did a lot of touching too. This didn't mean she was interested in anyone. She just wanted to be the center of attention. In fact, my friend, who I've known for decades was eventually diagnosed as narcissistic. Looking back, the only times I can remember her getting a bit ugly were times when someone else in the room was competing for attention. She put a lot of work into making everyone like her, acted very interested in just about everyone she talked to, asking them questions about themselves. She had lots of guys interested in her at all times, but it had absolutely no bearing on who she actually went out with.

 

It is odd she actually invited you to come over anytime, though. I don't know if my roommate did that or not. I don't think so, but a lot of people came over nonetheless.

[irc333]

Yeah, I know what you mean, I know of this married woman that has to be the center of attention sexually.

 

She sometimes posts pictures of herself in lingerie, apparently she's signed up with doing "Lingerie parties", but I often wonder what her husband thinks of her posting risque photos of herself up on Facebook. Why does he allow it?

 

It's by no means typical. But you have to understand there are women (and men) who like to be the center of attention wherever they are. My old roommate was like that. She seemed to be flirting with every man and some women too. She did a lot of touching too. This didn't mean she was interested in anyone. She just wanted to be the center of attention. In fact, my friend, who I've known for decades was eventually diagnosed as narcissistic. Looking back, the only times I can remember her getting a bit ugly were times when someone else in the room was competing for attention. She put a lot of work into making everyone like her, acted very interested in just about everyone she talked to, asking them questions about themselves. She had lots of guys interested in her at all times, but it had absolutely no bearing on who she actually went out with.

 

It is odd she actually invited you to come over anytime, though. I don't know if my roommate did that or not. I don't think so, but a lot of people came over nonetheless.

[carhill]

If someone looses interest that quickly, then perhaps the attention span of someone that's of a child who gets bored of a new toy, then it' something I wouldn't want to be a part of.

 

But, that's the problem with most people (both genders) these days and probably accounts for a lot of failed marriages and the 50% divorce rate.

 

Selfishness pretty much.

You've made characterizations of the person in your response, which underlines your apparent incompatibility. My question concerned how you would feel about a particular communication. It was direct and to the point. Do you appreciate and validate that kind of communication, as compared to behavior which, to you, indicates disinterest, or at least 'very strange' (your words) but does not directly communicate it, as exemplified by the change from 'clingy' to 'rather short with me'?

[JourneyLady]

Not likely, I've have women open to going out with me even within a couple of weeks. Believe you me, a couple of weeks isn't that long. Silly notion actually. I just had been rather busy with quite a few projects, just as she has.

 

Maybe they have few other options, or want few other options. Maybe they don't have high enough self esteem to care whether you're into them or not - or maybe they just want to go out, period, and don't mind if it's with you.

 

In fact that's how long it took my dad to contact my mom. lol

 

I'm not sure why the laugh. It's admirable that she held on, but I imagine these are teens we're talking about (or they were when they met).

 

It's funny how women give this silly advice,

 

First of all, that's a put-down and it's not silly. I'm a woman and I can tell you how *some* women think. If that's silly... sometimes it doesn't seem like you really *like* woman much at all. One wonders why you want one.

 

in fact I heard women actually admit to ignoring phone calls from men just to see how many times he'd continuously call her to "gauge his level of interest"

 

If a woman does that on purpose, that's a different thing entirely. That IS game playing and I'd hate it from anyone of either gender.

 

Talk about a sick mentality. More of a power play actually.

 

You are quite full of criticism about other people, aren't you?

 

Seems advice given is some kind of answer for everything....if I waited a couple of days, "Oh you called too soon, you come off as desperate!" Always an answer for something lol

 

 

That is to be expected. There is no one thing that suits everyone. If I'm a woman who's been rejected for coming on too strong, I'm going to back off. If I'm a woman who's been rejected for not coming on strong enough and losing the guy I wanted to someone else, I'm going to be more assertive and even aggressive with it. What you don't seem to "get" is that everyone's actions are predicated on two things: genetics (introvert/extrovert) and experience (when they've experienced rejection, what for, and whether they've been played themselves).

 

A little more human kindness and understanding go a long way with either gender.

 

To me the truth is simply that since you waited that long for contact, you weren't that excited about her, or had so many other options that she was nowhere near top of the list. If you were simply too busy in those two weeks, what makes you think you have time to develop a relationship with anyone?

 

Most of us, when we meet someone we feel a connection with, get excited about the prospect of finding the right person. They may not be the right person -- but we're keen to find out as quickly as possible. IF they're not as keen to find out as quickly as possible, it often means they either didn't "get" you that well and/or the timing is off. So leave it for later and keep looking. But you can't "leave it for later" at the beginning and expect it to still be there later... That's just silly and keeping people waiting for you to make your move IS a power play, whether you know it or not.

 

From the guy I let go, it comes off as "I'll get to know you on MY time."

Whatever. You will get no further help from me since it is "silly".

[topaMAXX]

OP, have you dated many latinas?

 

Generally, they are VERY emotional (more than any other kind of woman out there), especially one that may be less westernized.

 

It's possible that this has nothing to do with you. She may have just gotten angry or sad over something else.

 

OR

 

It has everything to do with you and she's pissed that you didn't contact her.

[irc333]

OP, have you dated many latinas?

 

Generally, they are VERY emotional (more than any other kind of woman out there), especially one that may be less westernized.

 

It's possible that this has nothing to do with you. She may have just gotten angry or sad over something else.

 

OR

 

It has everything to do with you and she's pissed that you didn't contact her.

 

Well, the thing is, I still at least want to maintain a friendship with her and our circle of friends, because we all gathered outside of the typical Meetup group events at a private party. I was having a very nice time , more so than I do at events that I've usually experienced. It was more of an intimate level because it was at her home and more of a tight knit group of friends.

 

She mentioned that she's probably having another party at her place in the future since she had such a wonderful time as well, but I hope I get invited again as I hope she doesn't' have any kind of animosity towards me.

 

All of this is just speculative though.

 

I do understand that some Latina women do get emotional. In fact, I have a couple of male single friends that have a personal policy of not dating them for that very reason...though I think that's a bit odd though to have that as a dealbreaker.

[irc333]

Most of us, when we meet someone we feel a connection with, get excited about the prospect of finding the right person. They may not be the right person -- but we're keen to find out as quickly as possible. IF they're not as keen to find out as quickly as possible, it often means they either didn't "get" you that well and/or the timing is off. So leave it for later and keep looking. But you can't "leave it for later" at the beginning and expect it to still be there later... That's just silly and keeping people waiting for you to make your move IS a power play, whether you know it or not.

 

"As quickly as possible" again, it's all subjective.

 

I have male friend, age 49, who does seem to drag his heels when women make it obvious they are interested in him.

 

He once went through a 2 month "getting to know you" ordeal with a woman he finally considered "getting coffee" with. He met up with her, only in group friends settings, but taking her aside away from a party (outside) or walking her to her car and such on numerous encounters with her.

 

He'd talk about how he really likes her, and I would ask, "So you ask her out?"

 

But he'd always have an excuse to not having sealed the deal with her (asking her out). Then he tells me, "Well, I DID tell her I was interesting in getting to know her better" and I was like, "Um, yeah, but you can say that all you want, but have you (again I asked)...asked her out??" He'd always kept hem-hawing.

 

Another woman he dated, I personally think he blew it with a with this one when, according to him, was moving a little to fast than he would've liked.

 

They had been dating, but one time they went to this party, note, they live on opposites sides of town, so she came with her female friends, and he lived on the far side of the other side of town..so they met in the middle at this person's party.

 

Well, she considered them "dating" officially. When he was at the party, he kept complaining of a significant amount of knee pain while he was there.

 

This one woman at the party kept talking to him, flirting, etc. And also kept asking him to dance, he would kind of blow her off because he couldn't dance due to his pain and his "dating partner" asked him to dance as well, but he couldn't dance either.

 

Finally, the woman that had been fliritng with him through out the night grabbed his hand and took him out on the dance floor.

 

BAD move...this woman who he had been dating saw this...and well, it wasn't pretty. Its not like she burst into tears or anything, but she was hurt.

 

I said to him, "Dude, why didn't you say 'I'm with someone'"?

 

His answer, "Well, I didn't consider myself to be 'WITH' anyone, obviously you and her thought otherwise."

 

I recall once he had some kind of event that he mentioned going to and apparently it was on her side of town, and she had been hinting at wanting to join him. He blew her off, because she didn't want to bring a woman along to a group of intimate, long time friends and have them think that they are an official couple.

 

Apparently, bringing "dates" to a group of close friends makes you look bad or something.

 

But he did invite me (a male friend) to go to it, but ask that I not say anything to her about that.

 

Yeah, very odd.

 

Now compare me to him, I move pretty fast. LOL I waited a couple of weeks (usually I don't wait that long), but my friend seriously drags it on for eternity.

[JourneyLady]

Women will always be hot and cold. Its an essential part of their design and they use such strategies to see how much a guy is interested in them, how he reacts and to see if he is paying any attention. It's also something that can not be helped due to the fact that hormonally they have a periodic change that sets their emotional state into fluctuation.

Ride the wave. If you like a girl then the complexities are always worth it at the end of the day.

My advice? Just be nice, smile and be patient cos it if they like you they will come back around. If it doesn't change then she clearly doesn't respect you and you're better off finding someone who does.

Goodluck

 

I don't blow hot and cold - and I'm a woman. I watch to see how much investment the other person is making with their time. The only time I start to blow cold is if I sense they aren't into me and I've turned into "back burner" girl. Otherwise it's an ongoing continuous escalation of investment of time and emotions. (Not to say I haven't unwisely invested in the past before I learned to trust my gut more...) When I leave the relationship or decide not to have one with the person, I tell them so -- and tell them why.