So troubled . . .

[Stellar8]

I can't take it anymore and I just want someone else's opinion. I feel tired of bothering my friend.

 

 

 

This is based on an internet relationship and I don't feel comfortable typing much here, afraid the post might somehow be found by him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is there anyone willing to hear me out through PM?

[Chi townD]

You don't have enough posts to PM with people here.

 

 

You can probably post your story here without him finding it. I mean, out of all the websites out there, what are the possibilities of him coming across this one randomly.

 

 

Just don't use peoples names and get to the meat and potato's of the problem.

[No Limit]

As long as you didn't use the same username here like you do everywhere else, no, I doubt anyone will find you.

[Stellar8]

I was thinking about the keywords search, that shows up easily . . but I'll try . . .

[Chi townD]

Geez, you make it sound like you're trying to avoid the FBI or something.

 

 

Uh oh....I said FBI.

[Stellar8]

LOL . . . -hides-

[Stellar8]

I really don't know how to put everything together. We met on a game, slightly after September, last year. He was funny at first, and mentioned that he didn't have a gf, and had broken up and was a little sad about it. He got flirty pretty quick as friends. The next few times, we talked, he usually went on and on about himself, I didn't get to say anything. I still enjoyed his company, since we talked about some things in common and he made me laugh. He said he got on just to see if I'm online and finally gave me his messenger and he would message every so often, telling me to have a good day if I'm busy and we'd chat for hours. He then expressed that he would like to travel one day, and let's see how it goes with us.I told him not to get offended but I don't like guys with habits and he said he'll stop as long as he's with me, since he mentioned he was so high on the first day he met me. His 7 years younger than I, I'm born in 1985.

I asked him if he liked talking on the phone and since I was interested in him and I wanted to hear him and so we talked on app much similar to Skype. He told me "i love you", very early on. And, he continued to tell that often after we started chatting. My feelings grew the more we talked. He would be the one who asked to call me, most of the time.

 

 

During a phone conversation, I noticed that he'd usually play game the entire time and since we're from different time zones, my day starts and he'd then want to talk and it felt like game had priority over me. I told him that I don't like that and I shouldn't come after game and why doesn't he like to hang out with me on game, and he always says, I work and he work sometimes and so that's why and I said, that's not the case, I've been available a lot and online and he doesn't ask to join him and let me meet anyone.

 

 

Somewhere along, I told him not to say, I love you if he doesn't mean it, and he laughed then he says, I feel like saying now I love you but I feel like it's going to come back and bite me in the ass but I do mean it. I can't quite remember. He also mentioned that he didn't want me to date anyone in real life, and if I did to let him know right now, because he really likes me. He told me he wanted to come over and stay here for maybe 2 weeks, otherwise it'll get expensive.

 

 

When we hung out on game, he never let me meet his guild members, friends or anyone he knows. And, this was getting bothersome for me. He'd always say, okay you can meet but he just didn't initate it. It's usually just us 2.

 

 

Ignoring:

Very early on, maybe twice or three times after we had a conversations on phone, he suddenly ignored me. Saw me standing close to someone on game, while passing and said, "you two looked comfy" and just went on by and after a few days, saw me, and started talking and wanted to talk on phone and said, that he had some issues with his family and I told him that if he ever did, just to let me know and I'd give him the time he needed.

 

 

Leaving:

I told him that if he had kept on ignoring me, for weeks or months then I would have just deleted him and he said months? laughed and said, he can't do anything longer than a week, he then said he was surprised that I could do that, after we talked so long. I said I had no idea why I was being ignored and when he'd talk and he apologised and said, I'll let you know next time but it'll be awkward.

 

 

About him:

In game, there is stat reset item that you can purchase for about 10 dollars and his guild master paid for him multiple number of times, and he says that since he keeps the guild together, she offers to pay. I asked again at a later point, why does she always offer to pay, and he said, if I told you you'd think I'm a bad person." He tells me, "she's 34 and has a stable job, and is on medications and is naturally weakminded" and "I shamelessly accept it", and the disadvantage of not talking to her is that she's a high level. However, this time she's stalling and not giving it.

 

 

This one day, game had new feature, an island which you can go to and I was there with him and he told me how he met me and feels like he loves me so he tells me he loves me and I asked about his life relationships from the past and he told me, how he wrecked them and how one of them chosed military and family over him and how another, he couldn't handle her fears and stuff. I can't remember much.

 

 

He doesn't really work, just some days, helping our his dad pain ting business. He struggled to answer about his college, which he said accounting. He says money is tight so he can't afford to buy his own reset in game. He says he earns enough when I asked how much he gets helping out his dad.

 

 

I asked about his ex, and he says she doesn't play game anymore and she was 17 and told her, he loved her and he meant it and she choose college over him and that it seemed like she just wanted a bf, but with me, he feels like I really like him and when he talks to me, he doesn't feel like killing himself and he doesn't get bored.

 

 

 

Incident:

As usual, I get on messenger and tell him I miss him and he had left a message that he missed me too and was on game and I wanted to go to where he was and I asked and he said with friends and I was like don't you want me to meet them and he says, "of course, I do but they're lame" and I said well let me decide and he just stopped responding and I had left to fix something to eat and also to check if he leaves any messages on messenger and there was nothing and I get back on and he is still online. I told him that his stalling and now ignoring and I got no response. I was getting so frustrated and thinking maybe, he could be afk and so I tried to go about the game, doing my own thing and coincidentally ran into him and I said, "nice ignoring" and he asked me, "what are you talking about and I was afk hun", and there were people standing all around and there was a girl standing somewhere close, I didn't think much of it. He then says "brb" and disappears and I asked, why his stalling and he says, "this might take a while", and I told him that I have been waiting for him and all his doing is making me wait and been stalling from earlier. And he says, "omg babe give me a min". I was looking at game info on isle, and his isle had 2 people, and I knew the reason, why he was stalling.

 

 

I told him he was with someone and he said yes and we are in our guild master isle and "I can't introduce you right now and I'll introduce you tomorrow babe". I said, "I thought you wanted to call and talk, but you're trying to hide me" and he says, he still can call. And, I said forget me, and you're always ignoring my feelings and I'll leave" and he kept saying, "wtf are you saying" "wtf" "wtf are you serious" and then said "I swear". He just puts a face on messenger.

 

 

Leaving:

I told him that I'm done, he was in his own island with someone not guild master, and told him to just tell me if he has someone and why can't he just say it and it's why he doesn't let me join his guild and he tells me he doesn't have anyone and doesn't have a guild anymore and he has his own problems to deal with and that he was with his guildmates in their guildmaster island and their guildmaster and her boyfriend using his.

Then, after a bit tells me he doesn't want to be a brute but small things happen and I freak out and he doesn't like that and I always seem to go and let's do it.

 

 

I ask to speak to him on call. I wanted to hear him tell me and he says, "I mean it's going to happen right?" and I'm ask him "why?" and he says, "you're cold and irrat ional" and that he has "a feeling that it will" and "I will only drag you down and I'm only getting worse". He insists that he wasn't with anyone alone and that person I saw him with was his guild mate.

 

 

I ask why is he getting worse and he says, he can't say and say "stuff and things" and I ask, is it a girl and he says, "it's not a girl! and says I'm not gay". I ask him if his trying to get rid of me and he says, "yes kinda",and I keep asking him to tell me why he'd get worse and he refuses and finall says agrees it's family and then tells me he loves me and says another time maybe it's too soon and that he wants to hold me since his going to bed, so things were back to "normal".

 

 

Now, a day or two passes and I get on the game, and I see him there but not available on my list and I ask him if he deleted me off and he said, he did not but the list got deleted and that it's a glitch and added me back but now, his saying "me too" to when I say "ily" and his response just don't seem right and he didn't seem to go to sleep. I ask if he wants to call and he says, he needs to work in a few hours and needs sleep. But, kept saying his leaving but kept coming back on and not saying a word to me. After awhile, he asks me if I had a weapon to give him, I said right away no, I mean, it felt like he wasn't really talking to me and he just asks for weapon.

 

 

I tried to talk to him on messenger, the next day, and he says "I'm out of it sorry" and I asked him if he needs time alone and he agrees and so I leave him be and then I realise, I'm deleted off the list again and so I told him, he didn't have to do that and he said his whole list got deleted, his not bothering with the game now and doesn't care and just left the messenger conversation like that.

 

 

His Skype like app profile now shows his character pic, and I thought he can't be bothered with the game. After a day or 2, he messages me telling me, his sorry we haven't talked and he has been in another world and then messaged after sometime and said, "fine don't talk to me", and tried calling me, leaving me a missed call and sending me a voice clip and while I was still listening to it, he calls me again. I didn't have even a moment to decide anything. I answered the call and he tells me that, he thought I'd be yelling at the top of my lungs, which I didn't and I said I was worried and I asked why he called (I think), and he said, this is me reaching out and I asked if it's true the stuff about his family and he asks me, why he'd lie about that and that his okay and not really. I tell him to get on the game and add me back and he says his eyes hurt and he'll do it later and I insisted that it wouldn't take long and he refused and he says, he loves me and I told him the same and that he isn't listening, and he says give me a break and soon after falls asleep.

 

 

The next day, he doesn't say a word. I asked him what was wrong and he wanted to talk yesterday and apologised and stuff, and he says nothing and I asked why he didn't talk and he says, he doesn't know and then starts typing gibberish. Saying, he needs sleep and that he must pick up his phone and threw in a "lol" and a "zz" and "jtietjojetatlneljdjfojfjtjws". I told him it's not funny, how he goes back to ignoring me after a day. He just put a face and that was it.

 

 

It was the same thing the day after, except I asked if his back to being cold, and mean and rude to me and he just ignores my message after reading and doesn't respond.

 

 

On his skype like app profile now is showing someone else with his character pic, a female. It had to be her, I had type this long letter to give to him telling him, that I'm leaving. However, he found me on game and still refusing to add me back, sends me a mail saying "hey" and I told him that he ignored my message on messenger and his response "i cant be in a relationship right now, im sorry""i told you ill only get worse", and i asked him, you put up the pic of the girl character, and it's because of her and he says, "thats a friend" and I ask him to tell me, if it's cause of her and he just says, "im sorry goodbye" and leaves and doesn't respond.

 

 

I message on messenger, after an hour or so and ask him why conversations happen when he wants them to and why his saying, he can't be in a relationship, when it's really cause of her and he says, he has a lot of on his to deal with and it's just the way things have to be sorry and I ask him, so it's cause of her and if he likes her, he says "shes cool yeah" and says, "no it's cause of her" "i can't be in relationship right now period" and says "I ignore her more than you", I asked him, why he told me he loves me (two days ago when we last talked) and he says his circumstances have changed, and then says "look this is going nowhere, I gotta go" and then thanks me for my wisdom and insights and that it really helped him be a better himself a lot and that his really thankful and grateful and says bye and deletes my message where I asked him, "what are you sa ying?"

 

 

He sees me on game and starts indirectly talking to me and buffing me, and still hasn't added me back and I had to think about it and decided that I'm going to find that "friend" and ask her. I had no name or any information. I then recall from his old profile, he wrote a status message with a name, which sounded random at that time but when I recalled back on the day, that person standing near him had a name somewhat similar. I see him sitting in an area, with a girl and guy somewhat close and I recalled the name and decided I'll ask her when his not around.

 

 

Another leaving incident:

During valentines time, he gives me some worthless item. Doesn't wish me, doesn't ask me, and after some worthless game item, I told him, he doesn't even like or care about me, and said other people ask me to do it with him, why can't it be him? He tells me to go do it with them and that his gone. I ask him if he wants me gone and he says no and that he was just angry. He then asks if we can go to another server, for the valentines gathering on game and how he asked if it could just be us and not his friend, and at some point, I told him during a call that his even avoiding it by wanting to go to different server and he said, i thought you wanted to be alone and you're just paranoid.

 

 

The girl:

I find her and I asked her and she tells me his her bf and she tells me she's really confused cause they talk on the phone all the time. And, they been together for months now, I didn't ask how long, but it seemed like sometime before he met me, since he had an older character and she knew his guildmates and he'd always said that his guildmates are from his old guild. And, he hide any post information, so I couldn't see. She sent me 2 screenshots of their conversations and it was the exact same things he told me, he told her gmorning love on my way to work and ily.

 

 

I asked her if it was her in his island and she said yes and that she thought of him as her real life bf and they were going to meet. She said she doesn't know what to do and that she loves him but all this is weighing her and telling her, not to be with him. I told her, he treated me like an idiot, and she said yeah his always mean and never really sweet. And, she agreed that he doesn't do much in his life, sleep eat game all day and sleep again, repeat.

 

She tells me he asked her if he could have a stat restat and she was willing but it didn't work out, and she wasn't able to pay for him. She asked me if I've met the guildm aster and I told her, no he never let me, and I told her what he told me about her, about how her age and how she works and is medication and weakminded and she said "....". When she looked at my name, she realised that his fake account had my name in it. So then she says, she wants to hear him say it, that he cheated on her. I had sent her many screenshots and she says, she's confused. She's 9 years younger than me.

 

 

Confrontation:

He calls her when he wakes up and is telling her, he loves her and has noidea that me and her have talked and I asked her to add me into the game conversation, after getting off the call. And she does and I told him "friend?" "guildmaster isle?" and I told him his an idiot and all he said was "yes i am an idiot" and just agreed to two things I said and then said "I never used you" and logged out of the game, and calls her and tells her, he never loved me and it wasn't a serious relationship and that around the time me and him met, cause I told her he been with me since around end of September, he said, he had some issues he was going through that he didn't get to talk to her about and could talk to me about it, cause I gave good advice.

 

 

He then messages me and says: I'm touchie cause I said piss off and he said he needed my guidance and im sorry I needed it for my development and I told him to piss him again and he asked me not to be a brat and I told him that his a spoiled los er and he said, the one time we're having an adult conversation, could I not use five year old terms and said nevermind im in bratmode and that he thought he could explain himself but guess not and said bye and I said I don't want to know an i diot, lies over lies explain yourself? and told him to f off and he said, "honestly you're five".

 

 

He sees me on game, and continues buffing me and sends me a mail (didn't add me back to friends list) and tells me, he changed his hairstyle and regrets it. I ignore his message. Since, I didn't get to tell him what I thought of him, I took this as an opportunity and told him some stuff through messenger. I told him that his tra sh and how he uses everyone, and that he mails me acting like nothing happened, talking about regreting his hair.

 

 

He then replies "ok but the hair is really awf ul" "everyone says so" and after sometime, "yeah horrible i know". Then says after several hours, that he acknow ledges his trash, it's a result of. . (I couldn't read anymore unless I clicked on the message, which I didn't and deleted it off) and after about two days later, said, "okay im sorry ok ay, i never said it but i . . ."

I checked her profile since there was new feed and from her profile, I ended up in his which now has been enabled somehow to let me see all the posts, which were hidden before. I had him on block shortly after, I saw the character pic of them together on profile. I saw past posts where he put up likes on the screenshot and she did too and he had written 2 poems for her, last poem, a day before he apologised to me, telling her he loves her and misses her and how he'd swim the ocean of her even though he didn't pay attention in geography and wants to hold her, and she's all he needs when aliens take over and when they're making breakfast, buying cookies and the last one was just a day before he sent me that message apologising, so I deleted that one too without reading it fully.

So, everything's over and done with but I'm hurt . . . . And, what I'm really troubled about and I can't ask him this, but what came over him to end it? They're still together and she's there posting that his really sweet and that she loves him and that she misses him, in response to the poem. Is he going to England for her?

 

 

He wrote me a poem, I didn't look into it much, something about how I make him want to be a better man. I found her real pic unexpectedly while looking through her posts, and my self esteem (which was already low to begin with), took a blow. I do not know what to think. She's Chinese Asian and I'm Indian A sian. He put a like on her real pic along with 2 other people from when he used his older profile, 2 months back, while he was still talking to me and "with me". I never put up my real pic, just towards the end, I put it up but he didn't give it a like, I did hide my posts though and blocked him. He never up character pic, let alone with me before.

I feel like I need an opinion from a guy too. Sorry about this long post. I don't know how to make it any shorter, without mentioning what needs to be I guess . . .

Edited March 20, 2014 by Stellar8

[Zahara]

I skimmed through most of this. I am not sure why you're so consumed by this virtual guy. You've created some image in your head that isn't real.

 

Go out and meet people. Get involved in activities that require face to face adult and human interaction.

 

Step outside of your virtual reality and live your life. If your self-esteem is already low, start focusing on developing and healing yourself. Get off the game.

[Chi townD]

I agree.

 

 

I really don't get virtual relationships and I have yet to read about an WoW relationship that actually went somewhere.

 

 

To me, this isn't a relationship in the true meaning of the word.

 

 

You need to forget this guy. And more importantly, I know you love to play, but I strongly suggest you power down from the game and take a walk outside, There's real people out there and guys that you can actually go on a date with. A guy that will hold your hand and there's something to be said about being able to snuggle up with someone on the couch. To have that feeling on security and contentment.

 

 

to see a guys sparkle in his eye when he smiles. For you and a guy to go out and explore stuff together. Even if it's just a local festival. To ACTUALLY BE WITH SOMEONE YOU CAN TOUCH!!!

 

 

So, I suggest you come out of WoW and step into the real world. It's a hellva lot more interesting place in my opinion.

[Stellar8]

Zahara - It was/has been real life that's led me to have low self esteem. I haven't been on game since, thanks anyways.

[Stellar8]

Chi town D - Haven't been on game for more than a week now. It's not WoW.

 

 

Sure, guys exist, but hasn't worked in my favour.

 

 

Thanks.

[Zahara]

Zahara - It was/has been real life that's led me to have low self esteem. I haven't been on game since, thanks anyways.

 

I know it has been real life that has led you down the road of low self-esteem.

 

That is why I am saying it's time for you to focus on rebuilding your life and to cease consuming yourself with a guy on a game and further damaging yourself.

[Stellar8]

I know it has been real life that has led you down the road of low self-esteem.

 

That is why I am saying it's time for you to focus on rebuilding your life and to cease consuming yourself with a guy on a game and further damaging yourself.

 

 

 

Further damaging myself . . . well, online I have low self esteem, in real life I have no self esteem, don't see how that'll help in anyway. But, this isn't about my self esteem. I typed out the above to get an understanding of what happened. I didn't really think he loved me nor that he'd come here. However, I see that I'm not going to get a response to help understand. So, this thread can be closed.

[Chi townD]

Chi town D - Haven't been on game for more than a week now. It's not WoW.

 

 

Sure, guys exist, but hasn't worked in my favour.

 

 

Thanks.

 

 

Blah.... that's your low self esteem talking. Not you.

 

 

It sounds like you got burned pretty bad in the past. And if you did, then I'm sorry that happened to you.

 

 

But, there's a way to fix that and that's to start making positive changes in your life. and some of them are REALLY simple to start out with.

 

 

Go get a new hairstyle, something different. Something people will notice and like. Then, go get a new wardrobe, something conservative; yet sexy. You want people to say to you, "DAMN GIRL!!! You look hot!" This will help you with your self esteem hearing things like that.

 

 

Then, get to the gym and push some weight and run you ass off on the treadmill. Join a Zumba class or Spin Class. You work off the stress and frustrations your having; plus, working on that lean and sexy bod. This will help your self esteem especially when you catch dudes in the gym looking at your butt in those yoga pants as you walk by. You might think, "Damn! Bunch of perverts!" But, you'll be thinking it with a sly little grin on your face!!!

 

 

Then, go back to school. If you don't have a bachelor's then get one. If you have one but not a Master's, then get one. If you have one, but not a PhD, then get one. A good solid education is going to open up more door for you and improve things for you financially. So, you can afford that beautiful new townehouse in that awesome little neighborhood. And that cute little car you've always wanted.

 

 

Then, go out and get a new hobby. Usually there are clubs in your area with people that have the same shared interest. Join them! Get out and meet new people! Walk out your door! Put yourself out there! Be brave! So, join a running club, or cycling club. Take dive lessons, or a cooking class. Join co-ed softball. Community theater. Whatever your interest is in!

 

 

Then finally travel! There's a huge world outside your door full of people from different cultures and different backgrounds. GO MEET THEM!! See new and exciting things! Pick a place that you've always dreamed of seeing (and I know you have) do the research, plan it, save for it and GO!!!

 

 

Look, I can tell you how to gain back your self esteem, but that's all I can do. YOU have to find the motivation to do it! And I know you can.

[Zahara]

Further damaging myself . . . well, online I have low self esteem, in real life I have no self esteem, don't see how that'll help in anyway. But, this isn't about my self esteem. I typed out the above to get an understanding of what happened. I didn't really think he loved me nor that he'd come here. However, I see that I'm not going to get a response to help understand. So, this thread can be closed.

 

You come off very defensive. You need to be open and start being receptive to advice versus coming off with the "I couldn't care less I just want to know what happened" attitude.

 

Look, you're trying to understand a person that is a virtual image in your head. There is no understanding a situation that isn't real. People can be anything they want to be behind a computer screen. So no matter what conclusion anyone comes up with, it wouldn't matter.

 

And it doesn't take much to understand that you're not getting what you need from this and that you are being very negatively affected by it. In that sense, the best thing to do would be to stay away from it. Understanding it doesn't change the fact that it hasn't been a positive and healthy experience for you. That should be enough for you.

 

Online you have low self-esteem and in real life you have no self-esteem. I'm not sure how you calculate your degree of self-esteem based on those two situations BUT -- bottom line, you have self-esteem issues.

 

Stop gaming and engaging men online. Seek a therapist. Go out and get involved in activities that motivate your mind and spirit. Start an exercise routine. Take a class. Read self-help books. Travel. Meditation. Start working on positive things that help you build your self-esteem. Online or offline, you need to start focusing on you. If you create and build a stronger you, chances are you open yourself to better opportunities.

 

Sitting behind a computer screen and getting involved in virtual people will keep you stagnant in your issues. And knowing that you have issues, this is the best time to start working on them instead of boohooing about it.