joed88 Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 As the title says, I am about to go through a contested divorce and I'm not sure exactly what to expect. I'm sure a little background would help... I got married to her when I was 19, she was 29. She had no job and 3 kids from previous relationships. For the past 7 years, she still has not worked despite my many pleas for her to got to work and help me take care of her and her 3 kids. Within the past year things really started to get rough, she got addicted to drugs and even started stealing her youngest sons Adhd meds. About a month ago I left and got an apartment. I left her the house our car and all the cash we had. She is filing under the claim that I commited adultery, which is true but at the same time so has she. She came at me with an offer... she wants me to pay all her bills( which would be the house we bought together) and pay her $1000 a month for a year. This is outrageous. She knows there is no way I can afford that. I guess I'm just looking for advice from someone who has been through a similar situation. Any replies are appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 Ignore her request, and make sure all communication with her is via a solicitor/lawyer. Do not engage with her directly, ever again. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 Any kids together? Did you adopt her kids? If not, it may still get messy to be sure, but not nearly as messy as it could be. From your brief description, your wife sounds like a mess. I'd follow Tara's advice to get a lawyer ASAP and avoid ever speaking to her again, but if a conversation is absolutely unavoidable, I'd recommend carrying a voice-activated recorder (VAR, available at Best Buy and elsewhere for around $50). She's unstable, unpredictable, and not your friend. Protect yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author joed88 Posted March 19, 2014 Author Share Posted March 19, 2014 We do not have any children together and I have not adopted her kids. Yes, she is very unstable and very unpredictable. The only way she will communicate is through text messaging. I have not replied to her nor have I replied to her barrage of messages during the past month. Getting a lawyer is the hard part. Since I left her with everything I am still trying to get back on my feet. Thanks to both of you for replying. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 I wish I could travel back in time and smack the hell out of you before you decided yo marry this woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 Also, the amount of alimony could be factored into how long you've been married. I have a hard time seeing a judge signing off on $1000 a month alimony if you only been married a couple of years. Most states are no fault states and literally a handful are "at fault" states. But, if she's filing under adultery, you can countersuit adultery on her end as well and that should void out the claims. Considering that she has 3 kids from a previous relationship, you're probably not looking at child support, but she can hold the kids from you and there's nothing you can do about that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author joed88 Posted March 19, 2014 Author Share Posted March 19, 2014 I wish I could travel back in time and smack the hell out of you before you decided yo marry this woman. You and me both! I was young and extremely stupid she saw what I was and that I have a big heart and she took advantage of that...and at the same time I let it happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author joed88 Posted March 19, 2014 Author Share Posted March 19, 2014 I would have no problem paying some sort of alimony, even though I beleive she doesn't deserve it, just for this to be over. But she is a very spiteful woman... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 (edited) We do not have any children together and I have not adopted her kids. Yes, she is very unstable and very unpredictable. The only way she will communicate is through text messaging. I have not replied to her nor have I replied to her barrage of messages during the past month. Getting a lawyer is the hard part. Since I left her with everything I am still trying to get back on my feet. Thanks to both of you for replying. If you cannot afford a legal representative, although you may find someone who can help you if you're 'financially embarrassed', then you're going to have to deal with this on your own, so I will advise you what I advised someone else on this forum going through a divorce: Think very carefully about, and before, doing anything: Examine your motives. All 'good' decisions are based on logic, rationale and careful thinking. They should never be fuelled by emotional motives. Using terms like 'bitch' in your posts naturally demonstrates that you're still very raw from your experience, but you MUST make sure you base your decisions on what is legally right, not what seems right in your heart. The former are sure to work. The latter are doomed to failure. .... I'm merely advising you to make 100%, belt-and-braces sure that the decisions you make, are based on logical thought, diligent research and careful consideration of all facts, before implementing them. Emotional responses shouldn't even get a look in. That way, there can be no justified reproach, or bitterly regretful hind-sight. Hope this helps. (Remember this was to someone else. I know you didn't use the term 'bitch' in your comments.) Edited March 19, 2014 by TaraMaiden edited to add 'bitch' comment.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author joed88 Posted March 19, 2014 Author Share Posted March 19, 2014 Tara, thank you for that. As bad as it may sound I don't have any emotional attachment to her and I'm looking at this as mostly a financial decision and what is in my best interests. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 OP, my advice would be to peruse the online resources of the court of jurisdiction, meaning the court where she has resided sufficiently to be considered a 'resident' by their statutes, or the court of your residence, as applicable, and get the specifics of the process. If the court has a family law self-help division, inquire of them as to what resources are available to you. If your/her court no longer recognizes 'fault' as a type of divorce filing, her 'adultery' filing will be irrelevant. That's easy to determine. Next, do an accounting of joint assets and liabilities. A lawyer will want to know such matters and you'd need the information for settlement/trial/mediation anyway. Once you've got an understanding of the specifics of your case, interview one or more lawyers. Generally, such interviews are at no cost to you and the basics of the process in your jurisdiction are covered. You can then choose to retain or not retain that lawyer. The lawyer may cover 'scenarios' which can be of help to you. Expect your wife to file a motion for temporary support with her initial filing. This is different from alimony. Again, a lawyer can advise you as to specifics, or you can suss them out yourself or with the help of the self-help desk, as applicable. A lawyer can give you legal advice; the self-help desk will cover processes and procedures of the court. IME, the more homework you do yourself and the better prepared you are, the less costly the process, regardless of whether uncontested or contested, amicable or rancorous. Generally, the more assets and debts at stake, and the more rancorous/opposed the parties are, the more expensive the process is, at all levels. Each disposition is unique. I'd stop with the texting stuff. You're living separately and a filing is imminent. One tip: If you file first, you could 'control' the process by placing her in the position of filing a timely and conforming response with the court or becoming subject to a default judgment on the initial filing and motions. Check with your court on that. BTDT, being much older and with a lot of assets and debts at stake. You'll get through it. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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