Jllbcb Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 (edited) I have been thinking of her so often...one year EA/PA- told each other we loved each other but guilt got in way...we have been NC for close to 10 months with a couple of LC incidents in September (where I think we could have started back up-on her terms, again) and recently in February... I miss her so much and was doing well in NC- but she seems so happy- not a care in the world- I feel like I never even existed anymore.... I know the answer is no- let her be but my heart actually feels like it is breaking all over again- as this time of year is a definite trigger...I fear I will never get over her- Here is my potential email: Do u ever think of me? Miss me? Miss Us? Did I ever really mean anything to you? Am I just a blip on your radar? A distant memory from the past? Is there any sort of void left from my absence? A hole in your heart? Or just nothing? I have been thinking so much of you lately. I was your best friend and you were mine. We shared everything with each other. You told me you loved me. Multiple times. Is it so hard to admit that to yourself? Is anything left inside you or has everything been suppressed and denied? I will never, ever, completely understand you but I miss that XXXX that I fell in love with every single day. Talking to u a few weeks ago was like talking to a stranger. I know or knew EVERYTHING about you- your awesome traits and your adorable flaws. And I loved them all. Unconditionally. You do remember that right? That last conversation, You gave me nothing but one word answers. Like I don't know of XXXXX, her history or what she specifically meant to us? You asked literally one question of me the entire time we talked and U gave me not one speck of personal info. It makes me beyond sad. For what we used to be. And for what we meant to each other. Because we soared. We clicked. We made each other better and supported one another every day. And what we had was so, so rare. It doesn't come along in life very often, if at all. We were the true definition of intimacy. I don't expect any sort of honest reply from you. I'm sure you will condense this into a small cliche or completely ignore it. But just know we were better than this.We soared. XXXXX Edited March 20, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.... 12 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.... And - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.... Just in case you didn't get it from carrie's post. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jllbcb Posted March 19, 2014 Author Share Posted March 19, 2014 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.... I get it but can you elaborate? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 Yeah - you can post it here as often as you like. But for god's sake, in all that is holy, don't EVER think of SENDING it to her!! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jllbcb Posted March 19, 2014 Author Share Posted March 19, 2014 And - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.... Just in case you didn't get it from carrie's post. please give me the down and dirty version Tara Maiden... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jllbcb Posted March 19, 2014 Author Share Posted March 19, 2014 Yeah - you can post it here as often as you like. But for god's sake, in all that is holy, don't EVER think of SENDING it to her!! please -why? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thinkingofhim Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 Ending A: She ignores it. Your heart is broken. Ending B: She replies to tell you not to contact her any more. Your heart is broken. Ending C: She replies telling you she misses you, but cannot be with you. Your heart is broken. Ending D: She replies telling you she misses you, you reignite the affair, and break up for a second time. Your heart is broken. Don't send it. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 I get it but can you elaborate? For my part - Weedy, spineless, desperate, needy, clingy, doormat-like behaviour, desperate, unnecessary, needy and desperate. I think that covers it. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 A. Because why would you want to go back to being a liar and a cheater? B. Because why would you want to continue to hurt your family and hers? C. Because why would you want to torture yourself for a woman you will not end up with? Pick any of those answers. They all work. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jllbcb Posted March 19, 2014 Author Share Posted March 19, 2014 For my part - Weedy, spineless, desperate, needy, clingy, doormat-like behaviour, desperate, unnecessary, needy and desperate. I think that covers it. alright got it- I needed to hear that... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jllbcb Posted March 19, 2014 Author Share Posted March 19, 2014 Ending A: She ignores it. Your heart is broken. Ending B: She replies to tell you not to contact her any more. Your heart is broken. Ending C: She replies telling you she misses you, but cannot be with you. Your heart is broken. Ending D: She replies telling you she misses you, you reignite the affair, and break up for a second time. Your heart is broken. Don't send it. Thank you!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 Sooooo..... You gonna send it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jllbcb Posted March 19, 2014 Author Share Posted March 19, 2014 Sooooo..... You gonna send it? no- why- do you expect me to? I deleted it... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZMM Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 I'll be the devil's advocate here - Sometimes, you leave some things unsaid, and you just need to get them off your chest. so, you send your email, say your peace and move on. There is a good chance she won't reply. So, only you know if that is going to make you feel worse and only you know if you have things you left unsaid. As far as the tone of your email, it comes off very weak. If I were to send one - i would make my peace on how I feel and leave it at that. I wouldn't fish for validations from her on how much you mean to her or how much she misses you. If she feels the need to tell you that she will. This email sounds a bit whiny to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 But just know we were better than this. This is easy. YOU are better than this... Just be the person you know you want to be. It is not the person that wrote this letter and is so desperate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 I deleted it... :bunny::bunny::bunny: 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ZMM Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 OP - are you single? I had to write one of these recently, but I was the one who was taken, so it wasn't exactly the same. And I had never really expressed my feelings. So, I needed to say how I felt, lay the cards on the table so to speak. Yes, I doubted her feelings for me, I wasn't sure. But, I didn't ask her about that, I just told her how I felt. Put my heart on the line so to speak. It wasn't immediate, but it all worked out. Do you see what I mean about, your email sounding very weak? You tell her how you feel. If it means anything to her, she will come back, if she can. Let her know you are strong enough, that you don't need validations, you want her, but only if she wants you. And BTW - I am in middle of a D, so I'm wasn't BSing her. Enough about me - back to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wanting more Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 i think there are no answers to this email that would help you. she says yes, i miss you, i love you, i want you.........what does that do to you??? gives you hope, increases your desire. Makes you love her even more. the A starts up again, and in another year you're still stuck in it. even deeper she says no, i never loved you and dont want you............what does that do you you??? makes you more confused, hurt, mad, lonely. keep you questioning the A Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jllbcb Posted March 19, 2014 Author Share Posted March 19, 2014 OP - are you single? I had to write one of these recently, but I was the one who was taken, so it wasn't exactly the same. And I had never really expressed my feelings. So, I needed to say how I felt, lay the cards on the table so to speak. Yes, I doubted her feelings for me, I wasn't sure. But, I didn't ask her about that, I just told her how I felt. Put my heart on the line so to speak. It wasn't immediate, but it all worked out. Do you see what I mean about, your email sounding very weak? You tell her how you feel. If it means anything to her, she will come back, if she can. Let her know you are strong enough, that you don't need validations, you want her, but only if she wants you. And BTW - I am in middle of a D, so I'm wasn't BSing her. Enough about me - back to you. Im married. Just can't seem to get past her I've laid my feelings out before. She just can't get Past the guilt. And I understand that. I was more invested at the end for sure Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jllbcb Posted March 19, 2014 Author Share Posted March 19, 2014 i think there are no answers to this email that would help you. she says yes, i miss you, i love you, i want you.........what does that do to you??? gives you hope, increases your desire. Makes you love her even more. the A starts up again, and in another year you're still stuck in it. even deeper she says no, i never loved you and dont want you............what does that do you you??? makes you more confused, hurt, mad, lonely. keep you questioning the A Honestly I really appreciate your feedback I would say there would be almost a 100 percent Chance she would ignore at this point. I'm not sending It 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZMM Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 She just can't get Past the guilt. My OW was same way. That's why it was always on again, off again. But, since we were best friends and had other areas of interest that kept us together - we could turn on the platonic friendship and go back to that at anytime. We had always promised each other that no matter what, we would remain friends. We never got mad at each other either and talked everyday. It was bound to work out in the end - and it has. But, since you are married, the email doesn't come off quite as weak. However, I still would drop the validations. Don't you agree? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.... Continued.. no no no no no no no no no no! NO good can come of this. Stay in NC mode. Respect NC, have pride and self respect, do not reach out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 What is your best case scenario if you sent this message? Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 You need to be kind to yourself, she appears to be doing ok on her own but then again she might be masking her true feelings as well. Im soo hearing your feelings for her in your email but maybe you just need to express yourself and get a negative reply from her so you can move on? I think you have idealized your relationship and because you're apart now, it has strengthened your feelings/need for her. You guys are already doing fine, you have chosen to return to your individual lives so you have chosen your path. You need to stick to it. If she has changed her mind, wouldnt she have contacted you by now? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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