Any chance?

[Etchi_H]

So lets see, first time post, not a clue what to do with myself.

 

I guess I'll start with why she broke up with me, she told me it was because I was controlling. Which completely confuses me... not once have I ever thought about trying to control someone, nor do I have any clue about how to do that, or why I would even want to. I'm attracted to independent intelligent women. I'm not trying to say how she feels is invalid, I just don't understand what exactly I did to make her feel that way. She told me she doesn't want to talk about it, and we haven't, which also really confuses me, the closest we came to talking about it is about 2 weeks ago she told me in a Facebook message "it's just what you said about it".

 

A little background... our relationship didn't last long, a month, month and a week or so. I couldn't have built a better person to be with. Everything was amazing between us, and she introduced her 8 year old daughter to me by about 3 weeks in, at that point we had had no issues and got along really well, which I took as a sign that she trusted me greatly. The next day she told me she hadn't introduced her daughter to anyone besides her father that she had dated since. She gave me a ride to work and as I was getting out to go inside, her daughter got out of the car, gave me a valentines day card, and hugged me. I melted, and was in awe of this little girl.

 

I asked her a day after she broke up with me when she told me the reason we broke up, "So... everything else was perfect?" stared me straight in the eyes and said "Yes, everything else was perfect." "I just made a promise to myself that I'd never let anyone control me like that again, and I won't break that promise."

 

During the time post break up, I made all the typical panic mode mistakes, spamming texts to her just to get her to talk to me about things, when she didn't want to talk about it in the first place. I should have just agreed with her decision, but I just couldn't understand why, I didn't know what it was, I still don't. What I said or did, how could I fix it... I never asked her that though... I just wanted to know why she would throw everything else out, instead of wanting to talk through it, she just pulled a complete 180 on me... perfect, then not. I told her I was sorry, I just felt like she was pulling away, and as if it was scripted, she replied with "I was never pulling away."

 

A little bit more detail on why she said she felt like I was controlling... and before you say anything... I know... I know. Don't date co-workers.

 

We work at the same place.... she has a friend that she had been working with there for 4 years. Took all her breaks and lunches with this female friend every day. Well, I guess during the time we got together her friend had been sick, I didn't know this at the time, only after the break up did I realize, about her always taking breaks with her, always taking lunch with her, no matter what. So her female friend shows back up to work, and by this point her and I had been going to lunch together, going to breaks, sitting in her car talking and smoking.

 

I'd grown used to her company during these times, but then her friend is back, and her friend starts going and getting her and going to break... my ex didn't try to come get me for break, neither did her friend, so to put it bluntly, I felt butt-hurt, and like she was pulling away from me, so I started to do the same thing her friend was doing to me, not to spite my ex, but to make her friend feel like I was feeling... I only went and got my ex twice, failing to notify her friend we were headed to break on purpose to see how her friend liked it, but then... (I was already feeling butt-hurt mind you), my ex says, can she borrow my phone to text her friend.... that kinda pushed me over the edge at that point, and I said... "Really...?"

 

Now... here's the thing... I didn't do this without talking to her about how I felt, I told my ex how I was feeling about the situation, that I felt like her friend didn't respect me because she completely ignored me and the fact that we were in a relationship, her friend and I literally worked together within eye sight of each-other and talked regularly, joked around etc. Not only that but this friend of hers had made it known that she wanted to get with me... not a relationship, but just sex, to others we worked with, not to me personally, my ex confirmed this with me in a conversation she brought up, and said if she was going to be jealous, shed just have to get over it. I wanted nothing to do with her friend. She is much older than either of us are, were in our mid 20s, her friend is in her mid 40s but acts and dresses like a teenager. Plus I'm not just going to have sex with someone I'm not in a relationship with, not that kind of person.

 

So, basically, I thought her friend was jealous and trying to get between us by ignoring me on break, which by the way, I ended up apologizing to her friend for the way I acted, and she just walked away from me telling me she hardly ever got to see my ex as it was, which was bull****, she said she only got to see her once in the past month outside of work, when in reality my ex had gone out with her every single weekend the month we were together. So yea I'm still pretty sure she was/is jealous.

 

Which brings us to my current situation... is there anything I can do to get her back? I tried no contact and she ended up breaking it after 2 weeks with an apology stating she was sorry she broke up with me and that judging me by her past relationships wasn't fair, and that in the past she would have given me another chance, but she just cant right now, shes been burned one too many times. (Shes been in a lot of different types of abusive relationships, physical, emotional, mental, verbal etc.)

 

I then proceeded to pour my heart out to her, again... bad idea I guess.

 

Shes been ignoring anything I say to her since, but she hasn't un-friended me from Facebook, and I know shes reading the messages I send, because it tells you when they do. When we talk in person at work shes nice to me, probably just being polite I fear, and I don't get to see her on break or lunch at all, because of her friend, always taking break with her. In one of our last conversations she said shes been trying to get out more and have fun, I told her yea, same here. When I saw her later, I asked her if shed like to get out together and do something sometime, maybe get drunk and go rollerskating, joking around really, and she said yea we should.

 

After I got off work that night i sent her another Facebook message stating "So seriously, you wanna go get drunk and go rollerskating with me sometime? Or just one or the other? I mean whens the last time you did something silly like your 14 again? You can laugh at me when I inevitably fall on my ass! :)" No reply the entire weekend she had off to do stuff, So I got sad again, and told her "I don't like this anymore... can't we at least talk to each other like we used to, about anything... and just have fun as friends?" No reply.

 

So... yesterday I just probably made it worse, telling her that it was alright she needed to run away from me, and that it was ironic that she told me I can't just stop living because someone broke my heart, when she was the one that was heartbroken over someone that tried to control her before, and had to leave them for her own good, and was judging me by that persons actions from the past... trying to tip toe my way around saying that she was the one that has stopped living because someone broke her heart, too scared to take a chance with me... without actually saying it.

 

I'm attempting no contact again but... I don't feel like there is a bright outlook to my chances anymore.

 

TLDR:

Ex broke up with me because she felt I was trying to control her, can I get her back?

 

Edit: In person I still make her laugh easily, even at the dumbest comments I make, and I can still make her blush... if that counts for anything.

Edited March 20, 2014 by Etchi_H