ReluctantRomeo Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 Originally posted by _Saffy_ maybe Romeo, but if that is true then i am surrounded by celestial angels, and i consider you to be one of the best Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meghead Posted February 25, 2005 Author Share Posted February 25, 2005 Thank you Saffy. I'm not sure what pm means, after a few minutes I guessed it means privately mail? Yes, I would like that. As soon as I figure out how to do it! Meg. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Dear Meg, I was in the same situation as you. My ex-husband first left me when our twins were two weeks old. I was shocked and didn't know what was going on. During the next two years I kept bringing him back when he would leave, but things were never good again. I was very unhappy in that marriage mostly because he had a daughter from his first marriage whit whom I didn't get along. Anyway he finally left me for good when the kids were 2 years old. He visited them almost every day. He also lived with his mother. What was a great thing for me is that I have been living with my mom too and she's been a great help for me during these 4 years. I was also coping and hoping that he'd come back. My only goal was to have him back. My girlfriends didn't want to associate with me anymore, god knows why. His parents also didn't want to babysit, but I had my mom. I had no job and lived from his and my mom's money. I also felt like dying but knew that I had to live for my children and parents. I believed that he was the right person for me and he just left me. I was so in love, I couldn't understand what was going on with my life. he also kept saying he loved me while acting rude and cold-blooded. Anyway, later I realized that he must have never really loved me if he could abandon me and our two little kids just like that. And although I initially believed he was the right one as time went by, I started realizing that he was a total ass who didn't deserve me in the first place. He never came back though. I was dating other people, had a few one night stands that made me feel even more desperate. I thought my situation was hopeless and my life was over. Anyway, I somehow manage to get over him with time, started working and 3 years later I met some guy who helped me forget about my ex-husband totally. I broke up with him. Last year I met the love of my life. I am so happy. The divorce was the second best thing that ever happened to me. This man loves my children and they love him. They are 6 now. As time went by, I realized that the divorce had to happen and that we were not right for each other and my ex was a bad person overall. You're in a specific state of mind and it's very difficult for you. Yet you might leave the kids for a couple of weeks at his mother's house to show him how it feels what he did to you. You can go to your mom's house and study. Your next goals should be to provide some income for you, take good care of the kids, find peace of soul. You should start dating other people for the sake of making some change. Forget your husband, he's not coming back. if he loved you, he wouldn't have abandoned you and your kids in the middle of nowhere with million problems. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meghead Posted March 21, 2005 Author Share Posted March 21, 2005 Recordproducer, thank you very much for your reply. It was a long story that I had written and it's nice that people take time to read it. My husband left me three months ago, but myself and the children are doing just fine. My driving lessons are going well, I've postponed my study, and I regularly take trips home with and without the children. I go out a lot when I'm at home with my three sisters and I'm actually having a great time. I have met someone else, and although we are not romantically involved yet, the possibility that there are other people for me has presented itself. I don't miss my husband anymore, and I am enjoying living alone!! I had never lived alone before. My husband was the only man I had ever lived with and I moved straight from my mother's house into a flat with him 6 years ago. The children are happy and settled and we are all doing just fine. Life is exciting and enjoyable for me. Although my husband hasn't said he wants to come home, I know him and I have a feeling that he wants to sometimes. What I do know is that it's only a matter of time before he does say he wants to come back. Unfortunately for him though I have moved on. Although it's not completely over for me, I am much happier these days without him and when he leaves in the evening after tucking the children in bed, I'm quite happy to see the back of him! I won't be having him back for love or money. I'm off on my next life adventure! Link to post Share on other sites
pinkpanda Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 I have been reading this forum for a while now, and Meghead thank you for giving me some hope for my own future, you see your story is more or less identical to mine, except I am 43, been married for 22yrs, and have 3 children. My Husband walked out end of Feb, and I am still in a state of desperation and shock, but reading your story has given me some hope that I will get over this and move on with my life, as at the moment I cannot see any light at the end of this dark tunnel. I have good days and bad days, this morning was bad as the kids went back to school after Easter hols. Sometimes I just need some adult conversation and company in the evenings and think that its about time that I got myself a bit of a social life. Thanks for posting your story PP Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meghead Posted April 12, 2005 Author Share Posted April 12, 2005 pinkpanda, I'm glad I helped. As you know, it's not easy, but as my mum told me, you either get on with it and get better, or you don't. I do, like you have my bad days, but they have decreased. When I do have bad days, I give myself a little pep talk and remind myself of all the things that I can do now. My husband is very controlling, from what I watch on television to what I eat. I'm not saying he disallows certain things, but if I want to do or eat something he doesn't think I should, there's an argument. Everything he didn't agree with, was a fight for me, including watching my favourite soap opera's!! Over the Easter holiday's, I knew I'd have low periods because the children were on holiday, and usually we would do things as a family. So I went home with the children for the two weeks. I have three sisters and a brother. All of us have children the same age so we took the children on days out to the cinema, the fun fair etc and we had a really good time. I'm not sure what my husband did on his own, but that's no longer my concern. I am seeing someone else now casually, and it's really nice. He lives far away, so we see each other maybe once or twice a month, and we speak everyday on the phone. It's no pressure. I just get the fun bits. He actually finds me beautiful and sexy!! It's the old cliche, but he makes me feel like a woman and not like a mother and house wife. Little things like he puts his hands around my waist when we walk down the street. That feels really good! When I was with my husband, either one of us or both of us were carrying the children. I don't know if my husband is seeing someone else yet. I suspect he is. This is another hurdle I will have to get over, because it's still going to hurt when I find out he is seeing someone, but it's enivitable. I'll just have to cross that bridge when I get to it. I am now moving home, to a much bigger place. This was what I wanted ages ago, but my husband didn't want to because of the expense. Now I'm paying for it, I can do what I want. I have also gotten myself a new job as a teacher in a secondary school, which I am really looking forward to this September. My son starts school too for the first time. I am also getting some kittens. I love cats but couldn't have any because my husband hates them. I have always had cats growing up and now he is not around, I can have some in my house again. I also plan to take up horse riding with my children, which is again something that I have always wanted to do. I'm very much looking forward to things without my husband and am looking on the bright side of things. As time goes on, I realise that there are mostly bright sides! That is why after the initial shock of being alone, I started to think about what I wanted to do and I am now enjoying my life and don't miss him at all!!! As you read from the first entry, I was devastated when he left, I was literally on the floor, but now? It's a completely different story. Things will get better, just think about yourself now and your children, and what it is you want. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 Originally posted by pinkpanda My Husband walked out end of Feb, and I am still in a state of desperation and shock, but reading your story has given me some hope that I will get over this and move on with my life, as at the moment I cannot see any light at the end of this dark tunnel. I have good days and bad days, this morning was bad as the kids went back to school after Easter hols. I'm so sorry to hear that. Good days and bad days are gonna be par for the course right now... the first day of school was always gonna be a difficult one, so well done for getting thru it. Sometimes I just need some adult conversation and company in the evenings and think that its about time that I got myself a bit of a social life. Good diagnosis. If it helps you, keep us updated with how you're doing. RR Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 Way to go, Meghead. You're doing really well - having fun, getting on with your life, moving house, re-entering the dating scene. Your resilience is an inspiration to me. Link to post Share on other sites
pinkpanda Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 Thankyou Meghead and RR so much, just hearing from you both has lifted me. To this day my husband has never really said why he left, just that he loved me but wasn't in love with me anymore, and needs time to get his head together, and after a normal family morning spent together with the children he just upped and left after lunch, he swears that there is nowone else involved and I have no reason to believe that there is. I have asked him to come around for a 'family conference' on Thursday, as we are so in limbo with everything and he is the only one that knows where he is going in life, and I want the children to sit in and ask questions too as they are so confused with it all. I am not sure if I have done the right thing, and it will be hell to sit through, but after this maybe we can see some direction. I am so inspired by you Meghead that you have given me some direction too, but the thought of dating again after 22 yrs of marriage is very daunting, though I know for a fact that I do not want to stay alone for the rest of my life. My children range from 7yrs to 15yrs, and as they leave home I will be alone unless I socialise again, I have always been a happy to stay at home housewife, who would rather stay at home in the evenings with my family than go out to the pub. But I can see that may have to change. I can also see some restrictions being lifted as well since he left, not that he was too controlling, but I find that we have more freedom and can please ourselves now, with what is on TV, when and what we eat at dinner etc. My middle daughter wants a Hamster and he would never let her have one, but I could never see any reason why she couldn't so I may buy her one. These little things are liberating. At the moment i am only just returning to work, and on my wage (part time) I cannot afford to take over the mortgage on this place, but I wish that i could leave here as I can then leave these memories behind , but until I can get my own head in order thats not an option right now. Good luck with the new job and your new man, I truly wish you the happiness that you so deserve, and thankyou for listening to me. PP Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 Originally posted by pinkpanda Thankyou Meghead and RR so much, just hearing from you both has lifted me. Our pleasure To this day my husband has never really said why he left, just that he loved me but wasn't in love with me anymore, and needs time to get his head together, and after a normal family morning spent together with the children he just upped and left after lunch These are just such clichés... you're right, it's no kind of explanation Well done PP for looking on the bright side and seeing some of the potential of your new situation. Things *are* going to be pretty dark right now but, as Meghead shows, it can work out very well in the longer term. Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 Meghead, you are going to be one of my rolemodels. It's [color=violet]awesome[/color] how you got your life back in such a short time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meghead Posted April 12, 2005 Author Share Posted April 12, 2005 pinkpanda, you are most welcome. My husband said exactly the same sh*t to me, 'I love you but am not in love with you' As far as I was concerned, that meant nothing to me. (I now believe that he said that to ease his own conscience from hurting me, but still getting what he wanted, which was to leave.) What was I supposed to do with that? I told myself that he doesn't love me. If he did, he would still be there. No powers can get me to leave the man I love, and I want someone to love me like that. If he can't, then what good is he to me? I was waiting for him to come home, waiting for him to say that he made a mistake and that he was sorry, that he loved me, but I got tired of waiting. I decided to take control of my own life. That's what it was about for me, he had control over whether I was happy or not. I decided that I should be the one with that sort of power, so I decided to try and make myself happy. If he can't love me the way I want or need him to , then I will find someone who will. Take control of your own life, make sure the children are happy and secure. tell them the truth. some people agree with what I did, others don't. I always believe that honesty is the best policy. My children are young so I told them in a simplistic way that they would understand, but I also told them that their daddy loves them very much. You have to be self reliant. This is the lesson I am now learning. I relied on my husband for everything, and he now tells me that in a month's time he is moving away. Very far away!! which means that he is leaving the children too. The challenge that I now have, ( amongst others)is how will I get the shopping in as I live 50 minutes walk away from the nearest supermarket. There is no bus that goes there. I have no childminders to watch the children while I go shopping, and how on earth do I get the shopping up the eight flights of stairs, plus the children? ( there is no lift) I have a few idea's up my sleeve, but my life is going to get difficult. I'm the sort of person that I have to plan everything, so now I have plans to move, and in approximately five years time, I plan to move closer to my family. I have to finish off my Master's degree before I move. Right or wrong, I am not considering my husband in our move. If he wants to see the children, he has a car, he can make the effort! A bit harsh, but I have stayed where I am for him, and access to the children, and now he is moving very far away. They are going to miss him terribly, but that doesn't seem to worry him enough to apply for jobs near them. But, that's life. I will look after them. I'm a very good mother. My advice to you would be to eventually not to be financially reliant on him. That way if he pays for the children , it's all good, if not, you are not up the creek without a paddle! I have my family life with my children, where I'm mother, carer etc, and when I go home, I can see my boyfriend and feel like myself. I do hope to get married again one day, and when I am ready I will be getting a divorce. Even if my husband did want to make a go of things again. How on earth would I get past what he has done? I don't think I could, and would I really want to? Things like now, I have a much better sex life than I did when I was with my husband and I'm not about to give that up!! Take control of you life, do what you want,and be happy. ( I'd buy the hamster too! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meghead Posted April 12, 2005 Author Share Posted April 12, 2005 kooky, thank you so much!!! I must say, I'm pretty proud of myself, but no one likes being unhappy. Link to post Share on other sites
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