Being edgy or flirty to attract women as opposed to being "nice".

[GemmaUK]

I tend to agree, but I had an impulse at the time. Perhaps it may be out of character of me to do so.

 

I recall some co-workers thinking someone was bossing me around at work or they would kind of bust my chops (jokingly) and I'd just laugh it off.

 

Well, they kind of coached me afterwards with, "Dude, you should come back with something...even if it's joking around / busting chops, etc" ...have a little fight in ya.

 

Sometimes I have a tendency, habit, to say, "Sorry" instead of "excuse me" if I get in the way of someone. Someone pointed out, "Dude, you don't have to apologize for something like that!"

 

And, I said, "Probably, yeah, sounds too apologetic" apparently some women can't stand it when a man is apologetic.

 

Like apologizing when there's no need or something.

 

Can anyone tie what I posted to what I've said here?

 

Yes. Absolutely1

You're so very polite always and trying to 'get to know' women that you aren't able to just have banter with them. The FB comment was too sexual and you could have made it much less so.

We're human too (women that is) but it's like we are a different species to you?

 

Having said that I think I upset you at some stage as you never acknowledge any responses I post on your threads?

If I did then my apologies and good luck!

[Salvatore85]

That's just a weird thing to say.

 

Its one thing to be flirty, its another thing to straight up come onto someone.

 

Would walking up to two of your female friends out of the blue, winking at them and saying "sup ladies, want to rub my belly?" be received warmly... think about it. At least in person you can qualify that you're joking in a nonverbal way. On Facebook there's no such thing.

 

For all they know you were in your chair pants down with a bottle of cocoa butter and your complete Maxim vol. 12 collection sitting on the desk.

 

Seriously? I've watched my friend say far worse to females and they love it lol. I don't understand it at all but they eat it up, no lie. And this isn't just slutty females, classy ones too.

[maturityassets]

IRC this is difficult for me to comment on. I relatively was very polite like you while in high school and in college. I was overly apologetic but this was because I suffered from social anxiety and I felt ashamed whenever I was forced to be in a social setting I was not comfortable in. I worked relatively hard on my social anxiety and since then I have found myself in 2 serious relationships and offered but a few women to be friends and benefits with. I mean growing up girls did have crushes on me but I was so socially awkward and afraid of women that I never knew how to take the next step and man up. I mean i remember being 13 and a girl who every boy thought was hot wanted to kiss me and I refused. They literally grabbed me and forced me to allow her to give my a kiss and I was so humiliated. But anyway I will always say confidence comes first and being yourself is most important.

 

But I do get with what you are saying when it comes to looks. There is one guy on my university who really tries really hard to be accepted in social circles and meet girls. He is incredibly built due to him being in ROTC most of his life but he doesn't have the most attractive face and he comes off socially awkward for some reason, girls talk about him badly sometimes and think he is aspergers... which could be the case but he says he doesn't have it. But he talks to everyone on campus and he always speaks first but there is just something off putting about his social matters where his flirtations come off flatly and girls look at each with that terrible work "oh this guy is weird lets get away". Which I don't understand. Even when I had social anxiety girls tried really hard to get me out of my shell and I'm not even model looking or anything. I was just a nice, quiet boy, glasses and gelled hair. I'm neither built or tall. Just relatively average in every way. Yet this guy on my campus gets ostracized for his awkwardness in a way I don't even remember being when I was extremely socially awkward.

 

I guess the most I can offer is either read some flirtation books, therapy and maybe a social/dating coach

[TigerLilly78]

Just reading some more of the comments made I think some people take internet and fb way to seriously these days seams if there isn't genuine drama on hand it must be created out of something..

[irc333]

Just reading some more of the comments made I think some people take internet and fb way to seriously these days seams if there isn't genuine drama on hand it must be created out of something..

 

Yeah, with Facebook is another reason to create more drama I suppose. LOL

[MissBee]

That is actually a very uncomfortable thought. I don't want to go through life thinking that every man I talk to is just waiting for the right moment to try and make a move.

 

Also, the "rub my belly" comment is gross. I would have deleted it too. I have a lot of family on Facebook and would be mortified if someone saw my "friend" wrote a comment like that.

 

Ditto.

 

FB is a public forum. I have people from my professional life on there and it's not the place to comment on my pictures or any other public space with suggestive stuff and sexual innuendos...ew, no. Whether I know you well or not it would not be well received. I had an ex bf comment on one of my pictures saying "I remember those lips" I was soooooo mortified! I hadn't seen the comment until much later and deleted it. It is not about political correctness, which always gets misused, but what you did [and my ex as well] was just a total miss in terms of proper social etiquette. Especially if you don't normally interact with someone in that way, doing so on their FB pictures is weird and can feel like you've violated them.

 

Keep your "edgy" flirting for parties, bars or some other in person social venue. But also, you're not naturally adept at this it seems, so maybe for you such tactics will look contrived and come off as creepy, so you should stick to things that are your strengths.