Being edgy or flirty to attract women as opposed to being "nice".

[irc333]

Yeah but it's not real life. In real life people are not rubbing the bellies of statues. People post zaney photos on facebook to specifically get a reaction that leads to comments like the op posted. I thought it was a funny comment. Because they unfriended the op leads me to think that he may have irked them previously. I had a similar circumstance. I unknowingly flirt with some woman who had a bf. Both the bf and her were irate. Weeks later, she posts a photo, and I was one of the first to like it. I check back later, my like is gone. She reuploaded her photo just to get rid of my like. It goes to the point that I hate online communication.

 

Very good point, such photos, esp. like the one I saw is suppose to illicit a reaction or some kind of shock value.

 

I saw some woman on a dating profile grabbing the Merril Lynch statue by the balls., and I emailed her, "You're at the wrong end! LOL"

[topaMAXX]

I understand irc333. These sorts of things have happened to me countless times, to the point I fear women. I wish I could give you advice but I don't know what to say. I guess I'd rather be a doormat than a creep.

 

No way. If I had to choose between doormat and creep, I'd pick creep every time. Sure, you won't get the girl, but at least you won't lose money or possessions (like you would as a doormat).

[irc333]

No way. If I had to choose between doormat and creep, I'd pick creep every time. Sure, you won't get the girl, but at least you won't lose money or possessions (like you would as a doormat).

 

Yeah, sometimes It's better to tempt fate with the comments one makes,and not worry about how someone will take them, that's part of being confident. Sometimes I think those people need to lighten up a bit. I actually was kind of taken aback by their reaction considering how they are when talk in mixed company in real life.

[irc333]

Touched By Violet,

 

LOL Yeah, this reminds me of that Saturday Night Live skit about Sexual Harassment , hosted by Tom Brady.

 

One of those, "It's so funny, because it's so true" situations.

 

Anyhow, I think these group of women kind if split somewhat from the Meetup to form their own little clique (click? sp?)

 

Though the difference here is, there are no consequences of getting fired. LOL

 

 

 

 

I liked your comment. Most likely you just aren't that attractive to her, so she responded negatively. People make playful banter, funny comments, and innuendos all the time on facebook, men and women included. Also, if someone unfriends you on facebook they probably were not a serious/close friend to begin with.

 

I remember a guy I knew who had a crush on my ex-gf's roommate and the girls all made a big deal out of it. Like why would he (unattractive guy to these ladies) be interested in her? He is making it awkward and weird. They acted like he was a loser or something and it made me mad and I told my gf at the time. I always thought he was a fun and nice guy. He did nothing wrong, he just told her he liked her and all of a sudden it was a big deal and he was being creepy. She was an average girl too. If a guy likes a girl who doesn't find him attractive it is almost always immediately into creeper territory.

 

Moral of the story. Women can be terrible to men they find unattractive.

Edited March 23, 2014 by irc333

[irc333]

Also, you may have a point, some women will just cut their nose off to spite their face if they don't find a man attractive. They really wind up burning bridges by trying to besmirch an average Joe.

 

There's this one woman in the group. When I first met her we were talking and getting to know each other. She was somewhat new to the group at the time. We both had birthdays in the same month and she asked how old I was, I told her. She says, "That's old!!"

 

And I touted back, "Really? How old are you??" and she told me, turns out she was only 5 years younger than me and continued to say, "You're old!"

 

I didn't know where she was going with this, but I was wondering if it was woman-speak for, "You're too old...for me!" LOL

 

Anyhow, I said, "I may be old ,but I'm spry!" And laughed it off.

 

One day, we had a softball event with the group. I wasn't sticking around for long, didn't plan on playing really due to an injury I was chatting with someone on the bleachers...they were picking teams, and she says, "IRC get your ass over here!!"

 

I was like WTF is wrong with this woman? I am guessing she's trying to see if she could walk all over me. I shouted back, "I am not playing, but love you too!" (sarcastically of course).

 

I think there are some women that stereotype unattractive men as "creepy" or even a sex criminal. Not sure why they feel the need to do that.

 

Some seem to attach unattractiveness in a man to almost sexually criminal behavior.

[GemmaUK]

My take on what happened was that the comment came across as sexual innuendo. The problem with sexual innuendo is that people need to be careful who they try it out on as it can easily be taken as creepy.

Self depreciation is a better way to make a joke quite often. Something along the lines of 'note to self: must start on that diet on Monday' probably wouldn't have got you unfriended.

 

I watched that Saturday Night Live vid - it is funny but aside from how each guy looks there's a lot more to it.

Guy number one had very eager wide eyes and kinda looked like he wanted to dry hump her given the chance, the other guy had normal relaxed eyes and expression. What he actually did was totally wrong but there was a massive difference in facial expression and body language between the two men.

Also, guy number one went on to approach another member of staff - which isn't really a good plan as it's like one turns him down so he swiftly moves on to someone else.

 

I know three men whom I find creepy. Two are average looking, one is good looking. It's their behaviour, facial expressions and body language that is creepy.

[organizedchaos]

Also, you may have a point, some women will just cut their nose off to spite their face if they don't find a man attractive. They really wind up burning bridges by trying to besmirch an average Joe.

 

There's this one woman in the group. When I first met her we were talking and getting to know each other. She was somewhat new to the group at the time. We both had birthdays in the same month and she asked how old I was, I told her. She says, "That's old!!"

 

And I touted back, "Really? How old are you??" and she told me, turns out she was only 5 years younger than me and continued to say, "You're old!"

 

I didn't know where she was going with this, but I was wondering if it was woman-speak for, "You're too old...for me!" LOL

 

Anyhow, I said, "I may be old ,but I'm spry!" And laughed it off.

 

One day, we had a softball event with the group. I wasn't sticking around for long, didn't plan on playing really due to an injury I was chatting with someone on the bleachers...they were picking teams, and she says, "IRC get your ass over here!!"

 

I was like WTF is wrong with this woman? I am guessing she's trying to see if she could walk all over me. I shouted back, "I am not playing, but love you too!" (sarcastically of course).

 

I think there are some women that stereotype unattractive men as "creepy" or even a sex criminal. Not sure why they feel the need to do that.

 

Some seem to attach unattractiveness in a man to almost sexually criminal behavior.

 

My guess is that men who fall in to this category generally don't have the confidence to come across as funny and cocky. So they come off as creepy instead. Take two men, one who's confident and one who's shy. Flirt with a woman and which will come off as creepy and which will she find funny?

[GemmaUK]

Just to add, the feeling of someone being creepy is an instinct.

 

It's not something a woman attaches as a label to a man because of his looks.

 

It's a feeling which makes you feel uncomfortable and often just unsafe around someone.

[topaMAXX]

Yeah, sometimes It's better to tempt fate with the comments one makes,and not worry about how someone will take them, that's part of being confident. Sometimes I think those people need to lighten up a bit. I actually was kind of taken aback by their reaction considering how they are when talk in mixed company in real life.

 

Dude, you need to stop stressing over what some random Facebook girl thinks of you. Who cares if you came across as creepy?

 

With the amount of women that I've approached in my life, I'm sure I've come across as creepy a few times. Whatever. No big deal.

 

You need to adopt the attitude of "easy come, easy go" when it comes to women and basically just say and do whatever you want. Relax and have fun, man.

[Survivor12]

I come from a close circle of friends and have a few on Facebook. Personally, I've known them for a while and I thought I would have good enough rapport with them in order to have fun with them or kind of bust chops.

 

There was this picture of two women from the group with a picture of their hands on Bhudda's (sp?) belly. I was in a fun mood that evening, and said, "My belly could use some rubbin' ;-)

 

And one of them said, "Inappropriate"

 

My comment was deleted, and I was unfriended by the FB person who put that up on their wall.

 

Now I'm thinking I may have inadvertently said something unpolitically correct, or they just don't have a sense of humor about it?

 

But I figured that since I knew them well enough to get away with using innuendos and such I could get away with it.

 

Of course it could be the whole, "he's not hot enough to get away with that" situation could stand, too.

 

Of course, some of you think I already have problems with women, but some have told me that being "edgy" build's attraction or tension with those around me and being.

 

I think my ability to flirt is not there...and if I attempt to flirt, it comes off as creepy or whatever...I'm not sure.

 

And that's why I think (at least that's one of the reasons).

 

Basically, when I flirt, it comes off as creepy. That's why I stay in the "Friendzone" mode, so when I don't flirt, I'm just buddies with a woman.

 

Here I see men in our group making the most lude comments in mixed company and the ladies laughing their asses off and partaking as well, but I make one small innuendo...then I'm creepy?

 

So that's why I hardly ever bother flirting and AFTER an incident like that, I just go back to talking about the the weather or current events with women.

 

I haven't read beyond your OP, but this is my 2cents on your comment:

 

Because you made your comment personal, it did come off as being a little creepy. If, you had said, "lucky guy!" --leaving yourself (and the visual of your belly out of it), it would have been taken in a different way.

 

You need to understand that flirting does not have to have sexual undertones. It's about being light-hearted and establishing a rapport. Until you get to know someone well, it's best not to tease someone about anything personal. Keep it generic.

 

Just a suggestion.

[NYC-BigKat]

That is actually a very uncomfortable thought. I don't want to go through life thinking that every man I talk to is just waiting for the right moment to try and make a move.

 

Also, the "rub my belly" comment is gross. I would have deleted it too. I have a lot of family on Facebook and would be mortified if someone saw my "friend" wrote a comment like that.

 

 

I like the rub my belly stuff. Sometimes I rub & slap my belly just for fun 'cause I kinda gotta big gut anyway. I think girls are just too too touchy .

[irc333]

Well, hindsight 20/20 and all. *shrug* They can't all be winners, but don't judge a man by his one sole comment.

 

 

I haven't read beyond your OP, but this is my 2cents on your comment:

 

Because you made your comment personal, it did come off as being a little creepy. If, you had said, "lucky guy!" --leaving yourself (and the visual of your belly out of it), it would have been taken in a different way.

 

You need to understand that flirting does not have to have sexual undertones. It's about being light-hearted and establishing a rapport. Until you get to know someone well, it's best not to tease someone about anything personal. Keep it generic.

 

Just a suggestion.

 

I think girls are just too too touchy

 

Agreed

[xxoo]

When leaving facebook comments, consider that this is something that will be read by all their facebook friends, possibly including their mom or dad, their child or niece, maybe even a grandparent or a grandchild. It isn't the same as chatting in private.

 

Also, if the photo is tagged with other people, their family and friends will also see the comment. That's a lot of people picturing your belly.

[Shaun-Dro]

Also, you may have a point, some women will just cut their nose off to spite their face if they don't find a man attractive. They really wind up burning bridges by trying to besmirch an average Joe.

 

There's this one woman in the group. When I first met her we were talking and getting to know each other. She was somewhat new to the group at the time. We both had birthdays in the same month and she asked how old I was, I told her. She says, "That's old!!"

 

And I touted back, "Really? How old are you??" and she told me, turns out she was only 5 years younger than me and continued to say, "You're old!"

 

I didn't know where she was going with this, but I was wondering if it was woman-speak for, "You're too old...for me!" LOL

 

Anyhow, I said, "I may be old ,but I'm spry!" And laughed it off.

 

One day, we had a softball event with the group. I wasn't sticking around for long, didn't plan on playing really due to an injury I was chatting with someone on the bleachers...they were picking teams, and she says, "IRC get your ass over here!!"

 

I was like WTF is wrong with this woman? I am guessing she's trying to see if she could walk all over me. I shouted back, "I am not playing, but love you too!" (sarcastically of course).

 

I think there are some women that stereotype unattractive men as "creepy" or even a sex criminal. Not sure why they feel the need to do that.

 

Some seem to attach unattractiveness in a man to almost sexually criminal behavior.

 

 

Right! I've noticed that a lot of women these days are determined to be nasty to men in general. It's almost like they're angry, bitter and ever so disappointed in the turnout of their life, they seem to set out to make men the very target of animosity since they didn't receive the fairy tale type of connection Hollywood crammed down their throats throughout history.

 

 

Of course this is just my opinion, so people can take it as they please, but it is something I'm noticing increasingly over time, especially when they like to have those so-called Ladies' Night Out nonsense. That's basically code for stay far away guys, this is our bitch shield!

[irc333]

When leaving facebook comments, consider that this is something that will be read by all their facebook friends, possibly including their mom or dad, their child or niece, maybe even a grandparent or a grandchild. It isn't the same as chatting in private.

 

Also, if the photo is tagged with other people, their family and friends will also see the comment. That's a lot of people picturing your belly.

 

True, however, I have quite a few friends that tend to have more "adult", more on a PG 13 level banter that bounce back and forth constantly, its a force of habit. Not sure if their family members or tagged family members see theirs, I'm sure it does pop up in their feed from time to time. But when people posts things on the fly, they really don't typically take into consideration on a case-by-case basis, esp. if they are used to such banter on other peoples profiles.

 

Also, the picture is somewhat "suggestive", so perhaps it's all moot.

[NYC-BigKat]

My take on what happened was that the comment came across as sexual innuendo. The problem with sexual innuendo is that people need to be careful who they try it out on as it can easily be taken as creepy.

Self depreciation is a better way to make a joke quite often. Something along the lines of 'note to self: must start on that diet on Monday' probably wouldn't have got you unfriended.

 

I watched that Saturday Night Live vid - it is funny but aside from how each guy looks there's a lot more to it.

Guy number one had very eager wide eyes and kinda looked like he wanted to dry hump her given the chance, the other guy had normal relaxed eyes and expression. What he actually did was totally wrong but there was a massive difference in facial expression and body language between the two men.

Also, guy number one went on to approach another member of staff - which isn't really a good plan as it's like one turns him down so he swiftly moves on to someone else.

 

I know three men whom I find creepy. Two are average looking, one is good looking. It's their behaviour, facial expressions and body language that is creepy.

 

 

Oh boy seems like everything creeps girls out these days gee us guys are really in for hardships.

[endlessabyss]

Before I actually made an account on this forum, I have read a decent amount of threads published by OP.

 

From my personal opinion, you're just trying to hard. Whether you realize it or not, relationships materialize unexpectedly for most, they don't materialize from people forcing themselves on others. The only guys that can just go out an get women whenever they please are those guys that have the perfect combination of looks, sociability, and success. Most likely you don't fall into this category (no offense, most people are not).

 

I would suggest to stop actively pursing a partner, and just continue improving upon what ever social skills you think you need improvement on.

 

This flirting thing you are trying to do falls outside the realm of your character, that is why it comes off as creepy. If your personality falls inside the realm of "nice guy" (whatever that is), than that's who you are. You can fake trying to be someone else in front of people for a transient time, but you'll return back to your original character at a certain point.

 

All you can do is be yourself, and learn how to be confident in that. If someone comes along, they come along. If they don't, they don't.

 

Leave it up to fate, you'll live a happier life. If someone can't appreciate your true personality, they are not worth being with.

[MidwestUSA]

I like the rub my belly stuff. Sometimes I rub & slap my belly just for fun 'cause I kinda gotta big gut anyway. I think girls are just too too touchy .

 

There's a difference between slapping your own generous belly (this would be considered self deprecation, or self acceptance) and suggesting, via social media, that a woman come rub it for you.

 

So, Kat, go on slapping yourself silly!

[endlessabyss]

Axe out pushing themselves on others; that was poorly articulated (wouldn't let me edit my original post).

 

What I really meant was: actively persuing others.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And yes, I will agree with some off the other posters here. If you fell into the elite of men (looks wise), you can bet this, most likely, would have not been an issue.

 

I see it on my own personal facebook page all the time.

[Charlie Harper]

If you have said: Hey! looks you two like chubby guys.... and leave it at that..you will see better results. when making jokes try to ba as neutral to yourself as posible, then again some women are nuts, and they don't like smart comments, they end up with the boring D bag...

my 2 cents

[xxoo]

True, however, I have quite a few friends that tend to have more "adult", more on a PG 13 level banter that bounce back and forth constantly, its a force of habit. Not sure if their family members or tagged family members see theirs, I'm sure it does pop up in their feed from time to time. But when people posts things on the fly, they really don't typically take into consideration on a case-by-case basis, esp. if they are used to such banter on other peoples profiles.

 

Also, the picture is somewhat "suggestive", so perhaps it's all moot.

 

I always consider the tone of that particular friend's page. Let the page owner set the tone.

 

How is rubbing a Buddha statue's belly suggestive? My kids do it!

[GemmaUK]

Oh boy seems like everything creeps girls out these days gee us guys are really in for hardships.

 

That was three men I talked about.

I know loads of men in my life! We all deal with males and females all the time!

3 that I consider creepy is way less than 1% of the men I know!

[TigerLilly78]

It was inappropriate because it was sexual innuendo that came out of the blue to someone who you had not flirted with or shown romantic interest to before. As someone else said, you need to gauge romantic interest first, engage in flirting that is not sexual, such as complimenting or teasing, and save the sexual innuendo for when you're actually dating a person. Don't let this one faux paux to scare you off from flirting with women altogether. Flirting is a good way to establish a romantic interest. You just need to learn how to do it, and when it's appropriate. There are books on the subject out there, I'm sure. Or consult with a dating coach. You are struggling, and I think you need help with this. Don't put yourself in the friendzone. That is not how to attract a woman. The Average Joes I know have attracted women by being charming, humorous, sociable, or having some quality about them that was special. I think you need to approach dating the same way a good looking man would, and that is by being charming, sociable, humorous, and flirtatious. Not by trying to friendzone yourself. That will only make them see you as just a friend. This woman saw you as just a casual friend or acquaintance, since you didn't establish a romantic interest first. And save the sexual innuendo for when you are actually dating the person.

Um how do we know the op isn't good looking? and whats good looking anyways what I like and am attracted to others may not be. That was a kinda crude comment..just saying..

 

Anyways op I don't think your comment was in anyway out of line that women just didn't have any sense of humor. Your prob better off she defriended you. There's nothing more attractive then a guy who can joke around a bit to me anyways. Even if its a little sexual its not going to kill anyone were all adults after all..

[irc333]

I always consider the tone of that particular friend's page. Let the page owner set the tone.

 

How is rubbing a Buddha statue's belly suggestive? My kids do it!

 

Hm, well, I guess it's up to interpretation I suppose. I'm not sure about apologizing or would it be wimpy if I did?

 

Anyways op I don't think your comment was in anyway out

 

Right, I didn't mean for it to come off as crude. Again, it depends on the person.

[irc333]

I tend to agree, but I had an impulse at the time. Perhaps it may be out of character of me to do so.

 

I recall some co-workers thinking someone was bossing me around at work or they would kind of bust my chops (jokingly) and I'd just laugh it off.

 

Well, they kind of coached me afterwards with, "Dude, you should come back with something...even if it's joking around / busting chops, etc" ...have a little fight in ya.

 

Sometimes I have a tendency, habit, to say, "Sorry" instead of "excuse me" if I get in the way of someone. Someone pointed out, "Dude, you don't have to apologize for something like that!"

 

And, I said, "Probably, yeah, sounds too apologetic" apparently some women can't stand it when a man is apologetic.

 

Like apologizing when there's no need or something.

 

Can anyone tie what I posted to what I've said here?

 

 

 

Before I actually made an account on this forum, I have read a decent amount of threads published by OP.

 

From my personal opinion, you're just trying to hard. Whether you realize it or not, relationships materialize unexpectedly for most, they don't materialize from people forcing themselves on others. The only guys that can just go out an get women whenever they please are those guys that have the perfect combination of looks, sociability, and success. Most likely you don't fall into this category (no offense, most people are not).

 

I would suggest to stop actively pursing a partner, and just continue improving upon what ever social skills you think you need improvement on.

 

This flirting thing you are trying to do falls outside the realm of your character, that is why it comes off as creepy. If your personality falls inside the realm of "nice guy" (whatever that is), than that's who you are. You can fake trying to be someone else in front of people for a transient time, but you'll return back to your original character at a certain point.

 

All you can do is be yourself, and learn how to be confident in that. If someone comes along, they come along. If they don't, they don't.

 

Leave it up to fate, you'll live a happier life. If someone can't appreciate your true personality, they are not worth being with.