iDrumKing Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 So I'm roughly 1.5 months in NC. I happy with progress of things, but by o means am I healed yet. Today was great! I woke up not thinking about her, went to the gym with a friend, went grocery shopping, went to the bar and caught up with an old pal, and grabbed dinner with two friends. The whole time I was free of thinking about her. But... while we went back to a friends place to chill, it hit me like a brick wall. My mood changed from very excited and happy, to very gloomy and sad. My motivation to have fun took a nose dive. Please tell me this isn't out of the ordinary. Link to post Share on other sites
Sandy99 Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 I think this is probably normal. You're having flash backs. Maybe something at your friend's house reminded you of your last girlfriend. Slowly they will probably become more and more infrequent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somecamel Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 I get them everyday still:( 1 Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Hang in there buddy, it happens to me to from time to time. I've got 3 months of NC. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
melell Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 It happened to me all the time until about 5 months. With every little rush of emotion and memory, even though it doesn't feel like, you are moving on. It is simply a matter of time. I promise you eventually you will not have the emotions, and you won't even remember how it felt. I was with someone for 7+ years, and honestly, time goes so fast, before you know it it will just seem like an old book you read 5 Link to post Share on other sites
chir Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 I feel you. 1 day i feel I'm healed . another or even hours later i feel broken. .One day i am a better person some days i feel so lonely... when will i feel normal again. Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Its normal and it does get better I can promise u that x 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 9, 2014 Author Share Posted March 9, 2014 I'm SLOWLY but surely recovering from my BU. As much as I go out and reconnect with friends, I can't help but to give fake smiles to try to show that I'm moving on. As much as I wish for her to wake up with a realization that she made a mistake, I don't think I could go through it again. She's has NEVER experienced heart break, due to the fact that she's always initiated any breakups she's ever been in. About 3 years ago I dumped a girl after a year long relationship. I'm trying so hard to remember the mindset I had when doing it, just so I can understand why things went the way they did with my recent BU. Just a vent. I'm still maintaining NC, all social network ties are cut, phone number removed. I still remember her # though so it doesn't really matter. Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 The worst part is that she doesn't know how it feels...just like my ex 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 9, 2014 Author Share Posted March 9, 2014 The worst part is that she doesn't know how it feels...just like my ex It's just so mind blowing. It really is. If there was one last thing I'd want to tell her is to put herself in my shoes. Hell even that probably wouldn't put things into perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
KevinC Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Im right there with you guys specially today im struggling. Questioning NC almost daily. Wishing for her to contact me. Ive done the same as you blocked everywhere but i do know her number even been thinking about showing up at her door. So i feel you friend we struggle together. Link to post Share on other sites
flightplan Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Ditto, something in the air. NC all the way and no thoughts of breaking it, but man, for some reason, it's kicking my arse this weekend. Having the same thoughts.. does she even know what this feels like? I'm pretty sure she doesn't have a clue. This too shall pass. Link to post Share on other sites
paperwings Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Worst day I've had in a while too. :-\ Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 9, 2014 Author Share Posted March 9, 2014 Ditto, something in the air. NC all the way and no thoughts of breaking it, but man, for some reason, it's kicking my arse this weekend. Having the same thoughts.. does she even know what this feels like? I'm pretty sure she doesn't have a clue. This too shall pass. Tell me about it. Weekends used to be my favorite part of the week, now it's three days that I spend alone. Sure I call up the bros, but a majority of them are out with their girls. To be honest I get jealous. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a dependent person. Sometimes I actually enjoy being alone, but it's changing my lifestyle that I'm having trouble with. I mean you had a specific schedule when you're with a SO. Link to post Share on other sites
Sandy99 Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 iDrumking: Did you know your ex had broken up with everyone she had ever gone out with when you started with her? I always think that past behavior predicts future behavior unless there is a big conscious decision to make a change. I always like to know how the people I date get out of relationships. I ask a lot of probing questions. I also listen to how they describe the people they have dated in the past because likely they will be saying the same about me one day. Whatever issues they had with the last one, they will somehow find in me. It's true! Because the problem is usually really with them. You know what they say that people are mirrors for our own problems. People are so predictable sometimes. If somebody told me that they had broken up with everyone they had ever dated, I now see that as a major red flag. The problem is when they don't tell you the truth. But I have noticed that however they broke up with the last one, is fairly consistent with how we end up parting. It's really weird. Hope your day goes better. It takes time, but I am sure you will slowly start to feel better. Your ex is obviously stuck in a relationship pattern where she can't see the relationship through and so she dumps them instead of trying to make it work. Who knows why. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 9, 2014 Author Share Posted March 9, 2014 iDrumking: Did you know your ex had broken up with everyone she had ever gone out with when you started with her? I always think that past behavior predicts future behavior unless there is a big conscious decision to make a change. I always like to know how the people I date get out of relationships. I ask a lot of probing questions. I also listen to how they describe the people they have dated in the past because likely they will be saying the same about me one day. Whatever issues they had with the last one, they will somehow find in me. It's true! Because the problem is usually really with them. You know what they say that people are mirrors for our own problems. People are so predictable sometimes. If somebody told me that they had broken up with everyone they had ever dated, I now see that as a major red flag. The problem is when they don't tell you the truth. But I have noticed that however they broke up with the last one, is fairly consistent with how we end up parting. It's really weird. Hope your day goes better. It takes time, but I am sure you will slowly start to feel better. Your ex is obviously stuck in a relationship pattern where she can't see the relationship through and so she dumps them instead of trying to make it work. Who knows why. You know what? I realized it when it was a little too late. Sure I KNEW she's always been the one to initiate them, but the concern didn't go red alert I guess because I was in the moment of things when I was getting to know her. It didn't raise a red flag to me because I assumed I'd have nothing to worry about, not trying to sound arrogant like I had things in the bag. I just mean things were going so well. She never told me about her problems, like I told her too if she had any. So the whole time. She never told me anything. Her problems built up and she quit. If there's ANYTHING into getting to know another girl, I want to be more "assertive." Because I WANT to get a better vibe, and be on the lookout for red flags, BUT I don't want to be so aggressive with it that I push them away. How do you find a balance? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Yup it sucks. I'm three months into my breakup and I still get them. Hell I spent most of yesterday crying and I don't know what triggered it. I haven't had a day like that in a long time. Getting dumped is truly a horrible experience. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lifegoezon Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Don't get me wrong, I'm not a dependent person. Sometimes I actually enjoy being alone, but it's changing my lifestyle that I'm having trouble with. I mean you had a specific schedule when you're with a SO. This is so true. Working week is not so bad but weekends really suck even though I am filling mine with activities. Some days I feel strong and spout sage advice here, which I'm mainly giving to myself of course. Other days I just keep dwelling on questions. How could he do this? How could I have got him and us so wrong? How can he care so little about me? At least I'm not pointlessly looking for a way back. There is none. We just have to trust that it will pass in time as long as we don't choose to hang out the agony. Kevin please do not show up at her door. Sit tight and keep believing it will get better. There's nothing to gain and all to lose by breaking NC. iDrumking - tomorrow will be different. Keep doing what you're doing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sandy99 Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 iDrumking: I don't know how you find balance. I guess if somebody is bragging that they have dumped everyone, run fast away from them...no matter how well the relationship is going. They will dump you too. Unless of course they say something like, "I used to always be like that, but I got some counseling or I realized what my problems was." But if there has been no effort at self reflection, they are still stuck in the pattern in my opinion. Or maybe they might say, "I used to always dump everyone and then I got dumped once"...then maybe you know that they have probably had some sort of epiphany about their behavior. I guess we all have to be detectives a bit while dating. Detectives in the sense that we can ask probing questions, but not come off too obvious. Don't blame yourself, though. It sounds like your ex has some issues and she'll just keep repeating her problems with the next person until she makes a connection that she's the one who needs help. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
flightplan Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 I agree with whats been said before, being aware of past relationships, but in the end, relationships are a crap shoot. You never really know someone, even though you think you do. Almost 15 years and I thought I knew her... man, was I wrong. I think all you can do is play the probabilities. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 I don't think a girl being the dumper in all of her relationships is strictly a bad thing. For one, was she actually bragging that she was the one to always end it, or did she just say it in a matter of fact way? Frankly I'd believe that on average women are more likely to dump their partners than men are. It seems that a man will only dump his GF if she cheated or has significant issues like being too clingy or controlling. A woman can dump a guy because she has some inkling of a feeling that she isn't happy but doesn't want to bother figuring out what it actually is or even talk about it, so she'll just end it. If anything, I'd be concerned about how and why a girl has dumped her boyfriends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sandy99 Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Somedude81: These are just my theories. People can date anyone they want, but I think it's risky to date somebody who is always a dumper. Like if you meet somebody who says they have terrible credit and blame other people or circumstances for this issue and take no personal responsibility for the problem. I guarantee you the first argument you'll have with that person is over their careless spending habits. Like I said...these are just my theories. I try to be careful, but of course there is no perfect person. And sometimes people won't even tell you the truth because they are worried you won't date them if you are aware of their past behavior. So sometimes you don't really find out the truth until the end. Or until they don't care as much how you think of them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
guest572 Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Frankly I'd believe that on average women are more likely to dump their partners than men are. It seems that a man will only dump his GF if she cheated or has significant issues like being too clingy or controlling. A woman can dump a guy because she has some inkling of a feeling that she isn't happy but doesn't want to bother figuring out what it actually is or even talk about it, so she'll just end it. My bf dumped me cause he didnt love me, he was unhappy but never spoke about it to me and suddenly ended it. I am not a cheater and dont have issues thankyou very much! Well, at least I didnt before he dumped me. Its been 2 months for me but I have had hardly any good days during that time. Lately I have been thinking about him ALL of the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 9, 2014 Author Share Posted March 9, 2014 I don't think a girl being the dumper in all of her relationships is strictly a bad thing. For one, was she actually bragging that she was the one to always end it, or did she just say it in a matter of fact way? Frankly I'd believe that on average women are more likely to dump their partners than men are. It seems that a man will only dump his GF if she cheated or has significant issues like being too clingy or controlling. A woman can dump a guy because she has some inkling of a feeling that she isn't happy but doesn't want to bother figuring out what it actually is or even talk about it, so she'll just end it. If anything, I'd be concerned about how and why a girl has dumped her boyfriends. No no no. She never "bragged" about being the one to breakup for every relationship she was in. The way I found out was we did at one time get onto the subject of our exes. After hearing her stories, each of them just happened to end with her doing the breaking up part. The reasons are fuzzy to me because this was while we first began dating, but if I can recall the reasons ranged from a guy being a jerk or her family didn't like them. Whatever the reason was doesn't matter to me anymore. I just hate the fact that sirens didn't go off in my head at the time of learning about her Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 No no no. She never "bragged" about being the one to breakup for every relationship she was in. The way I found out was we did at one time get onto the subject of our exes. After hearing her stories, each of them just happened to end with her doing the breaking up part. The reasons are fuzzy to me because this was while we first began dating, but if I can recall the reasons ranged from a guy being a jerk or her family didn't like them. Whatever the reason was doesn't matter to me anymore. I just hate the fact that sirens didn't go off in my head at the time of learning about her Why would sirens go off in your head? If her reasons for dumping guys wasn't enough for you to clearly remember then they must not have been that significant. The guys being jerks or family not liking them sound like legitimate reasons. In my case, my ex dumped her boyfriend before me for a whole bunch of valid that I completely agree with. He was a jerk, very needy, controlling, never gave her space, he was actually banned from her parents house and so on.I had no red flags about that, except for the fact that she may have been with him for too long. Though for her next boyfriend, when she tells him how and why she dumped me, that guy better have red flags, sirens and fireworks going off that something is very wrong with how she handled the end of the relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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