kgreatie Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 I'm going through the same thing. I have alot of times where I'm completely, fine, I'm happy, and I'm like yeah he was awful to me because he just left me. Then sometimes I miss him and want to break down and cry on my knees for him back. Sometimes I feel like I will be alone forever and I will never find someone like him again. It sucks. Time takes the pain away, slowly, but it works. It's a long, awful process but you learn from it. I'm still learning how to live without him and it's hard. I know you can too 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 9, 2014 Author Share Posted March 9, 2014 Thanks for everyone giving their input. To be honest I wish these feelings would just go away. Yes yes I have a few more months to go, but that doesn't put me at ease. Nothing will. I just wish the day where feeling about my ex GF becoming neutral would one here faster. Link to post Share on other sites
Lifegoezon Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 It really does change on a daily even hourly basis. I would venture to say that they too feel it. We all have our pride. I broke up with my BF and I miss him terribly but I won't dare budge and break NC. I may be the dumper and I hear a lot here that that onus is on the dumper to contact the dumpee but I strongly disagree. If the dumpee did hurtful things to cause the dumper to dump then the onus is on the dumpee to name amends, in a sincere way that proves they've evolved, come to understand the puhain they caused, and realized what the person meant to the them to the point that they are serious about never repeating the hurtful action/s. I won't be contacting him. He will have to prove himself to me before I'd ever go through this again. He already fooled me twice so shame on me. Red flags abounded but I always believe people can change if they really want to. I am not one to believe people with crappy childhoods who developed really bad communication skills (or none at all) should be banished to a life of solitude, but they really do need to learn how to stop hurting the ones who love them. Like before they are on their deathbeds and lamenting everything they did wrong and didn't do anything about. My ex BF would never have dumped me, he'd just have pushed me to the point I dumped him. If it hadn't been now it would have been down the road with something else. I'm sure he was blindsided, but that really confuses me because his actions were so egregiously hurtful yet he honestly doesn't get it, plus he lied, believed his own lies and expecting me to react to his lies as truth and when that didn't happen he didn't like it. Well sorry I am not so naive. Maybe he can find a woman who is and string her along for a bit longer before she inevitably will also dump him. Amen sister. (Sorry for that cheese) Same here. I was the dumper. He was the lying cheat. I'm not doing any 180. Nothing he can do to prove anything either. Still I mourn what I thought we had. I just hope he's at least a bit ashamed. But he moved on from me long before I found out so he's further on the healing road than I am. At least I don't have guilt and shame to deal with as well! I actually said in my last email that I felt sorry for the women he would cheat in the future - he's already lying to the ones he's been dating while he was with me! Link to post Share on other sites
Sandy99 Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Somedude81: What you say here is what I am talking about: "Though for her next boyfriend, when she tells him how and why she dumped me, that guy better have red flags, sirens and fireworks going off that something is very wrong with how she handled the end of the relationship" See now you know she has a history of doing this type of stuff all the time. I bet you that other guy she dumped is out there telling everyone the same story you are. So what I am saying is if somebody mentions a repetitive story to you about how they dumped past people, get ready for them to do it to you. I think we can at least try to make good dating choices. I used to not think about this stuff as much, but I do now. A lot of people also have a type and they just keep dating the same person practically. This might not necessarily be a physical type (so it's not always obvious) but a personality type. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 9, 2014 Author Share Posted March 9, 2014 Just spend like 20 minutes bawling my eyes out. Came out of nowhere. I'm so tempted to break NC guys I'm so sick of crying. I'm so sick of being week. I'm so sick of feeling lonely. I feel like giving up. Link to post Share on other sites
Lifegoezon Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Don't do it. How can it possibly help? Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 Don't do it. How can it possibly help? I won't do it. Man I'll tell you what though... the temptation is there. There's just SO MUCH that I want to say to her. Keeping it bottled up is so hard to do. My self esteem is an all time low, I'm tired of venting to my friends because I don't want to get on their nerves about it, etc. Days are going by, but I just feel like I'm losing more than winning. Link to post Share on other sites
Lifegoezon Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Write it down. Read it tomorrow and you'll be glad you kept it to yourself. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 Write it down. Read it tomorrow and you'll be glad you kept it to yourself. Oh I did something like that a few weeks back. I wrote a letter that I WAS GOING to send. Something inside me told me not to. My greater consciousness, judgement, call it what you will, it stopped me from sending it. I just want my power back Link to post Share on other sites
Sandy99 Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 iDrumking: You could send her an email. Breaking NC is not that big of a deal. The problem is you have to control yourself and not mention anything about getting back together. It's best to keep NC for at least 2 to 3 months after a break up so you can get your emotions in check. But if you think you can write a simple email and get some things off your chest then do it. Don't talk on the phone. There are a lot more chances for trouble to happen. But just keep your words simple and to the point. You could also make her aware of her break up pattern if she's not already aware of it. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 iDrumking: You could send her an email. Breaking NC is not that big of a deal. The problem is you have to control yourself and not mention anything about getting back together. It's best to keep NC for at least 2 to 3 months after a break up so you can get your emotions in check. But if you think you can write a simple email and get some things off your chest then do it. Don't talk on the phone. There are a lot more chances for trouble to happen. But just keep your words simple and to the point. You could also make her aware of her break up pattern if she's not already aware of it. Good luck. I know it might be difficult for you to "instruct" me on what to write, but how would I go into detail without going into too much detail? (If that makes any sense.) I don't want to write a book, but I would like to be a deep and powerful impact when she reads it. Link to post Share on other sites
paperwings Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Oh I did something like that a few weeks back. I wrote a letter that I WAS GOING to send. Something inside me told me not to. My greater consciousness, judgement, call it what you will, it stopped me from sending it. I just want my power back I think we all wrote those letters. I have several. And everyone says not to send them. However, I'm not aware of the content of yours -- just passing on the general idea. I still wonder if she should read what I had to say someday, or if it would just shift the balance of power. I'll hold on to them for now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cakepop Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Today's a really hard day for me too. Only 4 1/2 days NC for me. Ugh. Feeling really down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 I think we all wrote those letters. I have several. And everyone says not to send them. However, I'm not aware of the content of yours -- just passing on the general idea. I still wonder if she should read what I had to say someday, or if it would just shift the balance of power. I'll hold on to them for now. That's what I'm in question of. Either I lose my power that I've spent the last month trying to regain, or I send it and getting things off my chest. I wouldn't send it with intentions of getting back together but to put her in my shoes. I dunno, I might be fooling myself Link to post Share on other sites
Sandy99 Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 I think it's good to communicate even when you break up, but communication is a two-way street. I think when you go NC you should be ready and willing to not talk to them for a good three months. Now, if you have all these burning things you feel that you need to say, you're going to have a hard time maintaining NC. When I have a break up, I always try to get my feelings out there and then I go NC until everything has calmed down. But sitting on some really important information, that doesn't include getting back together, I think is fine to put out there..as long as it's not nasty or mean. I'd just write the letter out on a Word document first. I don't know that much about your situation, but it sounds like your ex dumped you without much of an explanation. You can't ask to get back together at this point, because if she wants that she has to ask you, but you can communicate some feelings. You don't want to accuse, but rather inform. Without knowing about your situation it would be hard for me to tell you what to write. But I think sometimes what is good is to think about what good things they did for you while dating and thank them for that. I think that usually puts people in a more generous mood. I think you mentioned before she was a good support system to you, so thank her for that. Maybe tell her you accept she wants to move on, and wish her well. But that she left in a very abrupt fashion and that it seems like she's done that before. You could say that you want her to know that this is really hard and painful to experience and you wished she'd communicated her feelings more to you before just leaving. I don't know then maybe end it on a high note....something positive. Just try to get your feelings out, so you can go back to NC for a while in peace. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
flightplan Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Just my personal opinion, so take it for whats its worth, (which ain't much) but, I wouldn't do it. If you're hoping there are some magic words that will get her to change her mind, then you could be setting yourself up for failure.. and another mind f***. Ultimately you have to decide if it's worth it. That said, I know sometimes you just want to be heard, get things off your chest. Really depends on how you word it and what are your expectations. I just know from my own personal experience, these things almost always boomerang and I end up looking pathetic and confirming her decision to leave. Whatever you do, good luck. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 I think it's good to communicate even when you break up, but communication is a two-way street. I think when you go NC you should be ready and willing to not talk to them for a good three months. Now, if you have all these burning things you feel that you need to say, you're going to have a hard time maintaining NC. When I have a break up, I always try to get my feelings out there and then I go NC until everything has calmed down. But sitting on some really important information, that doesn't include getting back together, I think is fine to put out there..as long as it's not nasty or mean. I'd just write the letter out on a Word document first. I don't know that much about your situation, but it sounds like your ex dumped you without much of an explanation. You can't ask to get back together at this point, because if she wants that she has to ask you, but you can communicate some feelings. You don't want to accuse, but rather inform. Without knowing about your situation it would be hard for me to tell you what to write. But I think sometimes what is good is to think about what good things they did for you while dating and thank them for that. I think that usually puts people in a more generous mood. I think you mentioned before she was a good support system to you, so thank her for that. Maybe tell her you accept she wants to move on, and wish her well. But that she left in a very abrupt fashion and that it seems like she's done that before. You could say that you want her to know that this is really hard and painful to experience and you wished she'd communicated her feelings more to you before just leaving. I don't know then maybe end it on a high note....something positive. Just try to get your feelings out, so you can go back to NC for a while in peace. Good luck. This is a great idea. I will put some thought into and possibly post it and have some feedback from you and other members? Who knows, I might stop myself from writing. My emotions are still up and down. Sandy99: Thank you so much for putting detailed thought and advice into what I could write about. Link to post Share on other sites
Sandy99 Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 No problem. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 I think it's good to communicate even when you break up, but communication is a two-way street. I think when you go NC you should be ready and willing to not talk to them for a good three months. Now, if you have all these burning things you feel that you need to say, you're going to have a hard time maintaining NC. When I have a break up, I always try to get my feelings out there and then I go NC until everything has calmed down. But sitting on some really important information, that doesn't include getting back together, I think is fine to put out there..as long as it's not nasty or mean. I'd just write the letter out on a Word document first. I don't know that much about your situation, but it sounds like your ex dumped you without much of an explanation. You can't ask to get back together at this point, because if she wants that she has to ask you, but you can communicate some feelings. You don't want to accuse, but rather inform. Without knowing about your situation it would be hard for me to tell you what to write. But I think sometimes what is good is to think about what good things they did for you while dating and thank them for that. I think that usually puts people in a more generous mood. I think you mentioned before she was a good support system to you, so thank her for that. Maybe tell her you accept she wants to move on, and wish her well. But that she left in a very abrupt fashion and that it seems like she's done that before. You could say that you want her to know that this is really hard and painful to experience and you wished she'd communicated her feelings more to you before just leaving. I don't know then maybe end it on a high note....something positive. Just try to get your feelings out, so you can go back to NC for a while in peace. Good luck. This is not a good idea. Notes, letters, etc ARE A TERRIBLE IDEA! LOADS of threads with the same things about how they want to because they dont understand. Again LETTERS AND NOTES ARE A VERY BAD IDEA!!! You will NEVER get the closure you want. No matter if you want them back or not. An "information" letter and a "get back together" letter as this person described, will be constructed as wanting to get back together by your ex, I promise you. It will just start a whole new chain of questions AFTER you you just got the new ones answered. What good is talking to your ex just saying "Thanks for A, B C, D" Again, it makes you look pretty weak. If you say "Thanks, but you left pretty quickly. Why did you", will frustrate them, especially if they are trying to move on. Thats why they broke up in the first place. Some things are better left unsaid. This is one of those times. Link to post Share on other sites
paperwings Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Just spend like 20 minutes bawling my eyes out. Came out of nowhere. I'm so tempted to break NC guys I'm so sick of crying. I'm so sick of being week. I'm so sick of feeling lonely. I feel like giving up. Stay strong. Today was my worst day since the breakup. Crying like a child most of the day. Link to post Share on other sites
oracle Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Still happens after 3 months.. add the oddest times too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 I just have a heavy feeling this morning. Emotionally. Breathing is really heavy. I want her out of my head. Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Start dating, go out with girls maybe you'll find someone you really like. Dating helped me alot. I was just like you, maybe even worse if you read my first thread... man that's funny now. Link to post Share on other sites
Economist70 Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 It is literally the worst feeling. I was in a lecture at Uni, started thinking about my ex, got worked up and didn't listen to a word that was spoken thereafter.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 Well it's not like I want my ex back either. I simply want to end these thoughts about her. The more I see how she went about things, the more I'm motivated to forget her. But for some reason that's not enough. I long for her yet I despise her. I don't know what I'm feeling to be so honest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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