Breadimus Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Numb. That's what I feel right now. I don't know what to do. I feel incredibly lonely and honesty miss the girl. Hey Big Fella, Let us take a big breath. Today we feel ****, that is true. We are looking back at all the things we should have done, could have done and would have done if we knew it would resort to this. But we did not, we have to accept that. This is the hard part. Not the fact that the woman you loved deeply lost the deep attraction and love she had for you, but the fact that it actually ended and now with hindsight you knew you could have stopped it. The woman you woke up with, cuddled and laughed and cried with does not exist anymore. She herself has changed and what you had is gone for ever. She might have the same face, body, looks and voice but she is not the woman you fell in love with and for me that is the hardest part to deal with, but also the only thing you can focus on to move through this pain. Cry it out, rant and rave and feel your feels. Every bit you do it will get better. For me I feel so bad in the morning, the worst pain descends upon me and I regret, regret, regret. But the pain now lingers for only a small amount of time compared to what it once did. And every day you start the grieving process again, take stock of how it felt compared to last week. Don't go by days, but weeks. It gives you a better group of data to analyze. Remember this though if she left you because she no longer felt the love she once had. You took care to the best of your ability at the time the 50% of the relationship that was your responsibility. This is what you have to tell yourself. You have taken stock and grown so much emotionally as a person that in the end this shattering of what you once knew has been beneficial. Focus on that. She took care to the best of her ability the 50% of the relationship that was her responsibility. For a time! You didn't fail, you both did and where as she ran from relationship, which is never a bad thing to do. I repeat never a bad thing to do. You now have to deal with the ending that she was prepared for a long time before it surfaced. I know for sure she is hurting as well, because she has made an enormous decision in her life. But her hurt is tinged with relief and yours is regret. And at this moment in time you have to get rid of that regret before anything can happen. Feel you feels buddy. Breadimus 5 Link to post Share on other sites
WYSWYG Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Good points to ponder on the previous post: "The woman you woke up with, cuddled and laughed and cried with does not exist anymore. She herself has changed and what you had is gone for ever. She might have the same face, body, looks and voice but she is not the woman you fell in love with and for me that is the hardest part to deal with..." Accepting this, is the hardest part of getting over the BU. I feel you OP. Nothing worst than missing someone who doesn't wana be w/ u anymore. Fresh from BU, our emotions cloud our better judgement. When I used to miss her badly, I would ask myself "do I really want her back?" The heart says yes but the mind says no.The heart feels the pain, the mind can rationalize it. So, Which do I follow to get a hold of my life again? The thoughts/emotions we get ourselves into is our biggest enemy. I wrote all the hateful names my ex used to label me and posted on my fridge. It's a constant reminder of our bad times and the reasons that we're not together anymore. It gets me angry - makes me go to the gym and hit the heavy bag harder - which gets me in shape - which boosts my confidence back... You hang in there, bro... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 16, 2014 Author Share Posted March 16, 2014 Good points to ponder on the previous post: "The woman you woke up with, cuddled and laughed and cried with does not exist anymore. She herself has changed and what you had is gone for ever. She might have the same face, body, looks and voice but she is not the woman you fell in love with and for me that is the hardest part to deal with..." Accepting this, is the hardest part of getting over the BU. I feel you OP. Nothing worst than missing someone who doesn't wana be w/ u anymore. Fresh from BU, our emotions cloud our better judgement. When I used to miss her badly, I would ask myself "do I really want her back?" The heart says yes but the mind says no.The heart feels the pain, the mind can rationalize it. So, Which do I follow to get a hold of my life again? The thoughts/emotions we get ourselves into is our biggest enemy. I wrote all the hateful names my ex used to label me and posted on my fridge. It's a constant reminder of our bad times and the reasons that we're not together anymore. It gets me angry - makes me go to the gym and hit the heavy bag harder - which gets me in shape - which boosts my confidence back... You hang in there, bro... Thanks for posting! I mean I've been doing EVERYTHING to get over her but nothing is pushing enough. We both made mistakes but I can't help but to put blame on myself. All of my life I've let people down and to add this to the list just blows my mind. I feel like I should be chasing her. With everyday I hold myself back from doing so, but at the same time she's slipping further and further away from me. Hell what am I saying? Who's to say she isn't already pass the point of no return. Do I have hope? Yes. Do I want that feeling? No. Just take my word for it but when I try to make a list of all the negative aspects about her and the relationship, I could only write down 3-4 points. Even at that they weren't significant. This girl did A LOT for me as I did for her and it hurts that a partnership like that is something she walked away from Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 16, 2014 Author Share Posted March 16, 2014 Basically what I'm saying is usually my friends talk me out of contacting her. When I'm alone and I have the stress of family, school, and work I get weak. I look for a way out and that's to call her and see if she would give us a chance because that was the only stable thing that kept me going. My brain is telling me no. Which makes me go crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
WYSWYG Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 (edited) ...."We both made mistakes but I can't help but to put blame on myself. All of my life I've let people down and to add this to the list just blows my mind."..... Again, sometimes we are our worst enemy. We all preach NC here for a good reason. If you get in touch w/ her again and get rejected, it might just be the last hurdle you need to move on. I've been there. 3 years ago, I had a BU from a longer RS. Back then, I didn't know about NC and pursued her - trying to win her back from the new guy. I was very desperate. Missed her badly - even stood for hours across her place on cold rainy, winter nights hoping to catch a glimpse. I saw things that I wish i didn't see and I was still in denial. I cant remember the pain anymore but I can recall the daily turmoil and abnormality. She rejected all my attempts and was getting nastier and more distant each time to the point that it finally broke me down to accepting reality. Nowadays, I see that ex occasionally in the area. I don't feel anything...nada! Edited March 16, 2014 by WYSWYG 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 16, 2014 Author Share Posted March 16, 2014 ...."We both made mistakes but I can't help but to put blame on myself. All of my life I've let people down and to add this to the list just blows my mind."..... Again, sometimes we are our worst enemy. We all preach NC here for a good reason. If you get in touch w/ her again and get rejected, it might just be the last hurdle you need to move on. I've been there. 3 years ago, I had a BU from a longer RS. Back then, I didn't know about NC and pursued her - trying to win her back from the new guy. I was very desperate. Missed her badly - even stood for hours across her place on cold rainy, winter nights hoping to catch a glimpse. I saw things that I wish i didn't see and I was still in denial. I cant remember the pain anymore but I can recall the daily turmoil and abnormality. She rejected all my attempts and was getting nastier and more distant each time to the point that it finally broke me down to accepting reality. Nowadays, I see that ex occasionally in the area. I don't feel anything...nada! Thanks man! Yeah I can't wait until the day I can look back and shake my head wondering why I put so much energy into this Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 16, 2014 Author Share Posted March 16, 2014 The urge to call her is getting overwhelming. Someone please talk me out of it. The RS is dead but for some reason I want to save it. Feeling hopeless Link to post Share on other sites
Breadimus Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 The urge to call her is getting overwhelming. Someone please talk me out of it. The RS is dead but for some reason I want to save it. Feeling hopeless Hey Mate, Take stock again for two seconds, let us think logically and not with our emotions. Stay with me here. Napoleon, he was a total ruler of men. He got his arsed kick in Russia, totally destroyed. Winter and typhoid did it in for him, not the enemy. But you know what he did? He said this is rubbish, I am Napoleon and I am going to come back bigger and better then ever. A year after he lost his army in Russia he was battering his enemies left, right and center with a new one. Granted in the end he was defeated, but this is the mantra you have to live with. "I have been battered, I have been bruised, but I am iDrumKing and I am going to come back from this and find some one who will give me more then the last." In the future you will be aware of what you have done wrong, and of what you can do right. You will also be aware of what you want from someone else. Focus on this. From now you on will be aware of "Winter and Typhoid" and you can plan for this. Today it has been a year since me and my ex sat in front of the Eiffel Tower eating cheese and drinking bad wine. It hurts that she has not contacted me, it does. But what would it do if I contacted her to remind her of this memory. Probably nothing, maybe something. But if it was important to her she would get in touch. If you were important to your ex she would contact you. You have to realize at this time you are not. Don't feel bad about this, it can happen. Life happens! Focus on the amazing memories you have together today. Would you trade them in not to feel this pain right now? No I don't think you would. I hope this made sense, I am in the process of writing about Napoleon. Feel your feels mate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 17, 2014 Author Share Posted March 17, 2014 Breadimus: Thank you I hate posting on here everyday about how I feel like it's an open diary, but this community is all that I have for support at the moment. Friends and family give me the average "you can do better." I smile and laugh, but deep down I hurt. I had so much love and care to give and being rejected just takes the wind right out of you. I was the gym yesterday and decided to give the punching bag a try. While going at it, I started to get overwhelmed with emotions. Every hit I made I began to feel my eyes watering up. Next thing I know I'm taking a knee with tears rolling down my cheeks. It just sucks... I'm sure in a few months I'll be looking back laughing at how much energy I wasted being sad about tho, but for right now it's an f'ing battle. Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 I'm sorry for what you're going through. It sucks and it hurts now. Look forward to the day when it stops hurting though. It's getting closer. It will come! Know that it will. It seems like you do, and that's a good sign. What does RS stand for? Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 17, 2014 Author Share Posted March 17, 2014 I'm sorry for what you're going through. It sucks and it hurts now. Look forward to the day when it stops hurting though. It's getting closer. It will come! Know that it will. It seems like you do, and that's a good sign. What does RS stand for? RS = RelationShip Sorry I just didn't want to be too wordy. Thank you for the support. Link to post Share on other sites
WYSWYG Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 keep posting, bro. You have to release that emotional vomit. You may feel intrusive and such but just remember that most, if not all of us here felt/still feels the misery you're going thru. Accept that you will be mourning for a while but also know that you have the power to redirect your thoughts. Get proactive to distract yourself. Re-kindle whatever hobbies/passions you have b4 she came to your life. Seriously, you'll be surprise how much it'll help you. Reading can steer you in the right direction. The writings of OSHO helped me get clarity in my dark days. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 17, 2014 Author Share Posted March 17, 2014 How do you deal or come to terms with someone you used to love deeply becoming a stranger? I ask this because when I woke up this morning I had a bigger emotional hit than usual of my ex not being around anymore. I mean from the moment I saw her at my college I dropped my books and knew that she was who I wanted to pursue. I had the "there's something special about her" feeling. We date for 2 years and see her at her most vulnerable state (sex.) Now everything is over and I'm suppose to remove her from my mind. How do you possibly do that? It's driving me insane. Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 It's hard, it's very hard but i know that there's no turning back now especially when I know that she is happy and that she found everything she never had with me. I'm happy for her. Even if I suffer and my dating sucks at least I know that she is ok and safe. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 Time. Time eventually sorts it out. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 17, 2014 Author Share Posted March 17, 2014 It's hard, it's very hard but i know that there's no turning back now especially when I know that she is happy and that she found everything she never had with me. I'm happy for her. Even if I suffer and my dating sucks at least I know that she is ok and safe. I understand where you're coming from David87. It's just crazy, ya know? I regretfully looked at her FB yesterday. I am no longer friends with her but I'm still able to look her up. I went through her profile pictures and she literally looked like a different person. I felt like I was going through a "stranger's" pictures. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 17, 2014 Author Share Posted March 17, 2014 Time. Time eventually sorts it out. I hope. I will say that I'm doing a lot better now than I was days following the BU. Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 Time. Time eventually sorts it out. Yep just like Enya says - Only time. Hey check this link Link to post Share on other sites
L1ght Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 In time we stop caring about people who don't care about us. Your mind will start to rationalize things better and you will clearly see that you are better off with someone who actually cares. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 It is hard. Going from lover/fiance/best friend to friend to stranger in a short time period has been rough, but we need to let go of all that wasn't meant for us. If it wasn't meant for us, it probably means it wasn't the best for us. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
paperwings Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 Keep your head up iDK. Your sentiments mirror my own. I'll here if you need someone to rely on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 17, 2014 Author Share Posted March 17, 2014 Thanks guys. Letting go is just something I don't want to do but I have to. Link to post Share on other sites
Weallwalkthelongroad Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 Well it's not like I want my ex back either. I simply want to end these thoughts about her. The more I see how she went about things, the more I'm motivated to forget her. But for some reason that's not enough. I long for her yet I despise her. I don't know what I'm feeling to be so honest. I can relate to this confused state of emotions. Some days are better than others. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 17, 2014 Author Share Posted March 17, 2014 I can relate to this confused state of emotions. Some days are better than others. You know what? I woke up today feeling bummed like I usually do, but throughout the day I felt something. I started to not give **** anymore. I was so tired of caring about someone who didn't care about me. Link to post Share on other sites
Weallwalkthelongroad Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 You know what? I woke up today feeling bummed like I usually do, but throughout the day I felt something. I started to not give **** anymore. I was so tired of caring about someone who didn't care about me. Thats good. Try to build on that attitude and make it two days in a row of feeling like that. Then go for 3 days...and you get the picture. One day at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
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