My ex GF said she wants to get back together?

[iDrumKing]

Thats good. Try to build on that attitude and make it two days in a row of feeling like that. Then go for 3 days...and you get the picture. One day at a time.

 

I hope I can though I know it's gonna be a tough road ahead. Who's to say tomorrow I don't crumble and miss her.

[Weallwalkthelongroad]

I hope I can though I know it's gonna be a tough road ahead. Who's to say tomorrow I don't crumble and miss her.

 

 

It happens. If you do, you try to start again the next day. Nobody ever said it would be easy.

[iDrumKing]

For those who are having a bad day, start to think about the befits of being single...

 

I don't know if this is a shallow thought or not but while going into work this morning I felt like my crappy self. But after thinking... I COULD TO TO ANY GIRL I WANT. I don't know what came over me but my "Give a F**K" level for my ex GF drastically went down.

 

In your case it doesn't have to be about talking to the opposite sex without censoring yourself, it could be doing what you couldn't do while you were in a relationship.

 

Sure every now and then I know I'll be bummed, but I'm making progress and it feels so good.

 

Good luck

[TheKook]

OP, the reason why you're still feeling like this and have her in your head is because you have not yet accepted the fact that it's over.

 

Admit it, as much as you tell yourself that it's not going to happen, in the back of your head you're waiting for a miracle. You keep trying to have faith for some kind of reconciliation. Just accept that it's over, dude. The quicker you can completely and 100% genuinely realize that, these feelings will not relent.

 

Take it from a dude who got led on by a girl for two months. She was on my mind constantly as she left me hanging hardcore with our breakup. Everyday I thought about her non stop. It wasn't until she flat out told me it was never going to happen that I completely let go of it. However, in your situation, you need to just realize that for yourself.

[iDrumKing]

OP, the reason why you're still feeling like this and have her in your head is because you have not yet accepted the fact that it's over.

 

Admit it, as much as you tell yourself that it's not going to happen, in the back of your head you're waiting for a miracle. You keep trying to have faith for some kind of reconciliation. Just accept that it's over, dude. The quicker you can completely and 100% genuinely realize that, these feelings will not relent.

 

Take it from a dude who got led on by a girl for two months. She was on my mind constantly as she left me hanging hardcore with our breakup. Everyday I thought about her non stop. It wasn't until she flat out told me it was never going to happen that I completely let go of it. However, in your situation, you need to just realize that for yourself.

 

Dude I've realized that it's over... I have no hopes... lol

[Itspointless]

Thanks guys. Letting go is just something I don't want to do but I have to.

Knowing that, you will.

[DontBreakEven]

I can understand why you find a comfort posting here. A lot of people somehow don't "get it". A coworker last month asked me something, and I told him I was sad because I was going through a break up, and he said "didn't that happen 3 weeks ago?". I told him yes, and it's still happening.

 

It's very frustrating. A great book to read that gives comfort and a sense of normalcy to a lot of the things you are feelings is "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" by Susan Anderson. It's like my breakup bible; a safe place I don't feel alone.

 

This forum is too, but sometimes it's too much for me. There is so much pain and craziness and anxiety all over these boards. It makes sense, but sometimes I don't even want to look at it because I need to focus on healing, not constant pain (although I'm not denying that that is what is there).

 

Anyway, I hope you know that you are not alone. It doesn't help at ALL that this is your first taste of real heartache. The first one I ever had was a broken engagement to my first long term partner, and I can't believe I'm still alive to speak of it, to tell you the truth. I for sure thought I would never live again - and somehow disintegrate into my bed from the hopelessness I felt. Dear God it was Hell. (That was the one that took a year to indifference). Each one has been subsequently easier because at least history has proven to me that I will, in fact, not die (though sometimes I wish I just could because the pain is too much to bear). But somehow I wake up everyday and by God I'm still here for some reason ... so I drudge through the damn day, waiting to find out what the future has in store for me. Something always seems to end up making life go on somehow. It's strange how it works.

 

I know you are a guy, and I don't know your musical tastes, but Tristan Prettyman's latest album really speaks to me. Jason Mraz coldly broke off their engagement out of nowhere a few years ago and she wrote the album about that. It's very interesting, and helps you to know you are not alone with all these crazy feelings. Stay strong!

[iDrumKing]

I can understand why you find a comfort posting here. A lot of people somehow don't "get it". A coworker last month asked me something, and I told him I was sad because I was going through a break up, and he said "didn't that happen 3 weeks ago?". I told him yes, and it's still happening.

 

It's very frustrating. A great book to read that gives comfort and a sense of normalcy to a lot of the things you are feelings is "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" by Susan Anderson. It's like my breakup bible; a safe place I don't feel alone.

 

This forum is too, but sometimes it's too much for me. There is so much pain and craziness and anxiety all over these boards. It makes sense, but sometimes I don't even want to look at it because I need to focus on healing, not constant pain (although I'm not denying that that is what is there).

 

Anyway, I hope you know that you are not alone. It doesn't help at ALL that this is your first taste of real heartache. The first one I ever had was a broken engagement to my first long term partner, and I can't believe I'm still alive to speak of it, to tell you the truth. I for sure thought I would never live again - and somehow disintegrate into my bed from the hopelessness I felt. Dear God it was Hell. (That was the one that took a year to indifference). Each one has been subsequently easier because at least history has proven to me that I will, in fact, not die (though sometimes I wish I just could because the pain is too much to bear). But somehow I wake up everyday and by God I'm still here for some reason ... so I drudge through the damn day, waiting to find out what the future has in store for me. Something always seems to end up making life go on somehow. It's strange how it works.

 

I know you are a guy, and I don't know your musical tastes, but Tristan Prettyman's latest album really speaks to me. Jason Mraz coldly broke off their engagement out of nowhere a few years ago and she wrote the album about that. It's very interesting, and helps you to know you are not alone with all these crazy feelings. Stay strong!

 

 

Hey thanks a lot for reaching out! I agree with you coworker badgering you about your BU. My sister asked me the same thing. You can't simply say, her get over him/her. Doesn't work that way.

 

It's crazy because you're relating a lot to me. I for a while felt pain visiting LS everyday. Reading story after story scares me of what I could face in the future. Not a good combination when I'm trying to get over my recent BU. I've done my fair share of giving advice, but in a way I feel like I'm giving it to myself.

 

I've grown up around music all of my life. I was actually a music major, for a while... but I see where you're coming from with your music selection. A lot of people have had their suggestions about making yourself feel better after a BU, from working out to talking to new people.

 

I have yet to see anyone suggest music though. Many people don't understand that music has power over you. Listening to it can LITERALLY change your mood.

[DontBreakEven]

Hey thanks a lot for reaching out! I agree with you coworker badgering you about your BU. My sister asked me the same thing. You can't simply say, her get over him/her. Doesn't work that way.

 

It's crazy because you're relating a lot to me. I for a while felt pain visiting LS everyday. Reading story after story scares me of what I could face in the future. Not a good combination when I'm trying to get over my recent BU. I've done my fair share of giving advice, but in a way I feel like I'm giving it to myself.

 

I've grown up around music all of my life. I was actually a music major, for a while... but I see where you're coming from with your music selection. A lot of people have had their suggestions about making yourself feel better after a BU, from working out to talking to new people.

 

I have yet to see anyone suggest music though. Many people don't understand that music has power over you. Listening to it can LITERALLY change your mood.

 

 

Yes, I find the main suggestions I get are to a) work out, b) try and find someone new, or c) go to Church. Well, I understand the people telling me these things have the best of intentions, and I just nod and say "thank you", but a) i've just never been into working out. sure i like to exercise when I can, but a break up isn't going to turn me into a gym rat. b) the though of dating right now makes me want to puke. I'm not even remotely over my ex and I'm not looking to rebound .. I don't consider that a healthy idea for anyone involved .. and I certainly don't want to hurt someone else in the process of dealing with my broken heart. and c) I grew up Catholic going to Catholic schools my whole life - If church was the answer for me, I think I'd know it by now. Religion isn't for everyone. I certainly would like to be more spiritual as a means of trusting that the universe will somehow find a way of working itself out for me, but I know a Sunday mass is not what I need.

 

Now this is just me personally - however anyone chooses to deal with their emotions is up to them, and I judge no one. Music does hit me very hard. In fact, the first weeks of the breakup I couldn't listen to the songs that evoked emotion in me .. because it was too much. But now I can. I find solace in them. Colbie Calliat has a song called "Fearless" and I have that word tattooed on my wrist because that song has carried me through so many tough times in my life. Reading is also a place where I can find peace, if I find the right book. My 2 go-to's have always been "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" and "The Wisdom of a Broken Heart". Just gut-wrenchingly honest books, but hopeful as well. Not your typical, "Get over him/her in 30 days" breakup guides. Just honest, raw, real .. just like the music.

 

I'm glad that I can relate to you. I think part of the draw of these boards is to be able to give advice, because at the end of the day, you will realize, hey, I can say this to others but why can't I listen to it for myself? And slowly, s l o w l y, you will start listening to yourself somehow. Kinda like how you were saying the other day you had a moment of, "You know what? F*ck her!" That's you, taking your own advice.

 

A quote that has always comforted me, "Your destiny is not tied to those who walk away from you". It's just not. And another, longer excerpt from a blog I read:

“This too shall pass.

I know – I know – it doesn’t feel that way right now, but the pain will pass. Reality bites and life will give your heart a ruthless pruning, but you’ll grow back even fuller. You might miss a season or two – no worries, so did the damaged peach tree I watched my grandmother coax for 10 patient years. The fruit it finally bore was the best slice of sweet imaginable. That memory has always comforted me; find one that comforts you.”

 

Find what comforts you iDrumKing. If it's writing on here, do it until you have no desire to anymore .. even if you come here every night for the rest of this year. If it's music, listen any time you can. Make a breakup playlist for this particular girl. If it's sitting on the couch every night eating McDonald's and watching The Walking Dead, then do it. Baby yourself. You've been through TRAUMA. Don't let anyone make you feel otherwise. Breakups are tough, because it's a silent suffering we go through. When someone close to us dies, the whole world grieves them with you. When someone leaves you .. you don't get sympathy cards, bereavement time off work, people checking on you 24.7. In fact, within a month tops people are tired of hearing about it. And you slowly begin to suffer in silence, while the person is only lost to you, and is not lost to rest of the world. The world keeps on spinning, your ex's life keeps on going - somehow, you are in a standstill, and it's such a HARD place to be, I know.

 

And that's why we are here. And the music is here. And the books are here. Take this time to do whatever it is you need to do to feel better. And I promise that one day, you will. I can't believe I'm saying that, because right now I feel pretty hopeless too. But believe it or not, I've felt more hopeless in the past, and somehow, someway, I did live to get over the hurt and love again, as much as I NEVER thought I would. Somehow it will happen. Right now you are "in the meantime". It's a tough place to be, but also a beautiful one if you can see it that way. You are learning your capacity to love. You loved SO much and gave of yourself SO much that you are feeling intense pain. That's awesome. Not everyone is like that!! A lot of our ex's are not. A lot of people have intimacy issues, and never truly love. You CAN, you HAVE, and you WILL AGAIN. That's an amazing thing to know about yourself. Carry it with you. You sound like a wonderful guy who will someday be an amazing husband to the girl that deserves it.

Edited March 19, 2014 by DontBreakEven

[iDrumKing]

When I was little my mom would always tell me to clean my room. To make things easier I would throw all of my clothes and toys into the closet allowing it to pile up. One day it was so packed that the door swung open and everything inside came out.

 

This is how I feel. For 2-4 days I could hold the barrier. The barrier of ignoring my wants and needs in regards to my ex GF. I resisted and felt that I was making so much project. But I'm here in my home alone and it's coming at a rush. The door swung open and it's all coming out... Rinse and repeat. I'm going crazy.

 

- My mind is in a tumble right now. One part of me want's to contact her and talk some sense into things. It's telling me to fight for this and what we had was "genuine." Fear that NC everyday is making her more and more of a stranger. 2 years together, flushed down the drain... that's the painful part.

 

- The other side of me (the logical side) is reminding me that I've tried reaching out before and got a huge slap in the face for it. Doing the same thing and expecting different results is near insanity. She walked out on me so I owe her no mental energy.

 

To be COMPLETELY HONEST I don't think will crack and give in, but I do hurt like hell right now. This isn't how I imagined starting off my 2014.

[Snow101]

Didn't you just post a thread about how good your doing and you're the master of your thought processes?

[sly_fly1]

When I was little my mom would always tell me to clean my room. To make things easier I would throw all of my clothes and toys into the closet allowing it to pile up. One day it was so packed that the door swung open and everything inside came out.

 

This is how I feel. For 2-4 days I could hold the barrier. The barrier of ignoring my wants and needs in regards to my ex GF. I resisted and felt that I was making so much project. But I'm here in my home alone and it's coming at a rush. The door swung open and it's all coming out... Rinse and repeat. I'm going crazy.

 

- My mind is in a tumble right now. One part of me want's to contact her and talk some sense into things. It's telling me to fight for this and what we had was "genuine." Fear that NC everyday is making her more and more of a stranger. 2 years together, flushed down the drain... that's the painful part.

 

- The other side of me (the logical side) is reminding me that I've tried reaching out before and got a huge slap in the face for it. Doing the same thing and expecting different results is near insanity. She walked out on me so I owe her no mental energy.

 

To be COMPLETELY HONEST I don't think will crack and give in, but I do hurt like hell right now. This isn't how I imagined starting off my 2014.

 

 

let me tell you something,i was once in that situation, and i met the fork in the road, i could either give up, and let her go, or i could fight for what i wanted, i am not gonna explain the whole story, but it seemed impossible, it was like going through hell literally. i decided go try and get her back, it was a long, painful, stressful and hard thing to do.about 6 months of bread crumbs and no sleep, lost alot of wieght, no food, no nothing. just lonleyness and i was a prisoner in my own mind. but i finally did it. i got her back, right when i got her back. i became distant to her, because it felt hard to love her for everything she said n did to me. but i watchd her to see if she was going to try n fight for me. ill leave it at that.

 

things are possible, if she is the one you will be together, if she is not then let things run its course, never doubt what you truly believe,

 

if one day you acutally saw a ghost n told someone. would that make you a liar? or make them a non believer? do what you thinks best

[Me. Myself and I]

I feel for you...

Today I had the courage to go see my ex. Only to be told he had no feelings for me and that I had to try harder to accept things were over. He told me he did want to eventually settle down but that will never be with me.

I blame myself because I pestered him and he felt trapped. I too believed that what we had was genuine and that it was a shame to throw away the last three years. I became sick so sick that I vomited with anxiety attacks. I constantly thought this is worth fighting for I know he will feel something if I just explain. I tried to tell him things were different for me. Hell I was sat on his kitchen floor crying with my head in my hands not believing these words coming from his mouth. I have nothing but to accept this is what he wants. Part of me knows I'm not going to get over this. It kills me inside. Everyone kept telling me stop chasing, let him come to you... I thought by letting him know I was still here would make him think about things again. All I did was push him further and further away and confirm for him that the break up was a good idea. If I could have done things differently, I wouldn't have contacted him and would have waited for him to reach out to me. I screwed it up massively by contacting him. In the end I just made him angry any the very thought of my name popping up on my phone. Learn from my mistake! I'm still a mess and it will take me a long time to get back on track. If he decides to reach out to me great. But I'm not going to put myself through this time and time again.

Stay strong

[iDrumKing]

Didn't you just post a thread about how good your doing and you're the master of your thought processes?

 

Indeed I did. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to myself

[Sandy99]

Why did you break up? What were some of your issues during the relationship? Why did she say she left? Just curious.

 

By the way, I think NC can make them forget. Or it might take a year before they feel like they actually miss you or they might never miss you. There are all sorts of things going on basically outside your control that could determine why your ex might or might not miss you. It's hard.

Edited March 19, 2014 by Sandy99

[TheKook]

I knew you still hadn't fully accepted that it was over.

 

It really does suck, man. But trying to contact her and reconcile is going to only bring on more pain in the long run - which means a longer healing process. Like I said before, you just need to understand that things are the way they are and try and avoid these huge urges to contact her.

 

The quicker you understand that she's out of your life for good and that she isn't your problem anymore, the quicker you'll feel better! Think about it, mate. Breakups suck, but life is so good! There are plenty of love opportunities out there and you have so much ahead of you. And no, those two years are not flushed down the drain. As long as those were happy days and you enjoyed the relationship, then it was all worth it. You just didn't work out with her and that's that. It happens to everyone in life, but take what you can get from that and move on to that next woman who is going to be even better for you.

 

Let go of all hope of getting back with her. Accept that things are over. After all, it's in your best interest to do so, and don't you want what's best for you? It's time to look out for YOU, bro. Not her.

[iDrumKing]

I knew you still hadn't fully accepted that it was over.

 

It really does suck, man. But trying to contact her and reconcile is going to only bring on more pain in the long run - which means a longer healing process. Like I said before, you just need to understand that things are the way they are and try and avoid these huge urges to contact her.

 

The quicker you understand that she's out of your life for good and that she isn't your problem anymore, the quicker you'll feel better! Think about it, mate. Breakups suck, but life is so good! There are plenty of love opportunities out there and you have so much ahead of you. And no, those two years are not flushed down the drain. As long as those were happy days and you enjoyed the relationship, then it was all worth it. You just didn't work out with her and that's that. It happens to everyone in life, but take what you can get from that and move on to that next woman who is going to be even better for you.

 

Let go of all hope of getting back with her. Accept that things are over. After all, it's in your best interest to do so, and don't you want what's best for you? It's time to look out for YOU, bro. Not her.

 

You're right. I gotta pack my bags and go.

[DontBreakEven]

Didn't you just post a thread about how good your doing and you're the master of your thought processes?

 

He did. That's why he is in such turmoil. He's so in the thick of it right now I think he's hitting every stage of abandonment grief on the hour.

 

iDrumKing: this is worst of it. I promise. I'm not saying it will get much easier anytime soon, but it won't get worse. And someday, it will get better. It takes an unbelievable amount of time. And time takes time.

 

You do sound like an anxiety-prone person. Might I suggest getting a therapist and/or obtaining some anxiety meds to take the edge off? At least during this acute period.

[iDrumKing]

He did. That's why he is in such turmoil. He's so in the thick of it right now I think he's hitting every stage of abandonment grief on the hour.

 

iDrumKing: this is worst of it. I promise. I'm not saying it will get much easier anytime soon, but it won't get worse. And someday, it will get better. It takes an unbelievable amount of time. And time takes time.

 

You do sound like an anxiety-prone person. Might I suggest getting a therapist and/or obtaining some anxiety meds to take the edge off? At least during this acute period.

 

I actually am on meds (trying to back off.) The stress from the break up is something I'm able to handle, but when you throw in a parent losing a job and grandparent passing away at the same time then it gets hard to deal with lol.

 

 

Like I said, sorry to post here and annoy some, you guys are all I got right now to hear my problems. Thank you!

[Me. Myself and I]

I actually am on meds (trying to back off.) The stress from the break up is something I'm able to handle, but when you throw in a parent losing a job and grandparent passing away at the same time then it gets hard to deal with lol.

 

 

Like I said, sorry to post here and annoy some, you guys are all I got right now to hear my problems. Thank you!

 

 

It's a forum for help with love.... Don't feel like you're annoying anyone! If people don't want to read it they have the option. Going back and forth through all this is tough. Believe me. I'm going through it now. It's funny how you can give out the exact same advice to someone else, but you just can't take it yourself lol

The days you get are the same as me. One day I'm in tears one day I'm getting by and then one day I feel a surge of heartache and panic! It really is a roller-coaster. As tough as it seems now things will start to look up (there I go with the advice I cannot take myself again) I know I've said before I feel for you..... I truly do but take some time for yourself again. And if it helps by all means post away.... I know I have. It's a relief just to get it all out sometimes

[Snow101]

I hope you know I wasn't giving you crap drumking, I'm just saying its kinda funny how the ups and downs go. Thats why I never get too confident when I'm feeling good cuz that is like tempting fate to drop the hammer on you.

 

I'm in it too my friend. I could start a new thread every hour too... i guess theres a reason 90 percent of music is about love gone bad...it will drive you crazy.

[iDrumKing]

A buddy of mine said that while going through the drive through of my ex GF's workplace, she asked him how I was doing. He said I was doing fine. She said she "felt like scum of the earth" for hurting me.

 

I'm not reading too much into for I might just brush it off by tomorrow.

 

But out of curiosity, do you guys think there's any significance behind it?

[tlegend]

A buddy of mine said that while going through the drive through of my ex GF's workplace, she asked him how I was doing. He said I was doing fine. She said she "felt like scum of the earth" for hurting me.

 

I'm not reading too much into for I might just brush it off by tomorrow.

 

But out of curiosity, do you guys think there's any significance behind it?

 

Other than just possibly wanting to just know if you were moving on or not?....nope.

[Weallwalkthelongroad]

Maybe there is some dumpers remorse but I wouldn't read too much in to it. If she really felt that bad about hurting you, she would have brought that information directly to you instead of going through a friend.

 

Just my .02

[iDrumKing]

Maybe there is some dumpers remorse but I wouldn't read too much in to it. If she really felt that bad about hurting you, she would have brought that information directly to you instead of going through a friend.

 

Just my .02

 

Agreed. Like I said I'm not gonna read too much into it. Just wanted to hear some opinions.