ChocolateBunny Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 So I always described cheating as anything you say to/do with another person that you wouldn't say or do in front of your partner. By this description, my boyfriend has cheated on me many, many times. But I wanted to get opinions from others to see if my boyfriend's behavior is normal, or if I have something to be worried about. So he's lied to me countless times. There's been times when he's said he's with a certain person or at a certain place, and he turned out to be somewhere else entirely. He lies to me about who he's texting, or who he's hanging out with when I'm not there. Something that has really been bothering me is that I found some messages on one of his online accounts, where he was talking explicitly to this girl, along with sending nude pictures of himself, and receiving nude pictures of her. This didn't occur while he was with me, but while he was with his last girlfriend of two years. But I did find some other messages on the same site where he received a dirty message, and started to talk dirty as well, until he found out it was actually a guy (lol) so he ended the conversation. This last one happened during our relationship. So what I'm really worried about is that I found some Facebook messages while snooping through his computer history. I wouldn't normally snoop, but I really feel like I have a reason to be concerned. So what I found was a long list of messages that he deleted. They were all from girls, and since he deleted them, I couldn't read the messages, I could just see the date and the name of the person. So having found those dirty messages he was sending while he was in a relationship before, I feel like he might be doing the same thing now with me. I mean, why else would he have deleted only those particular messages, right? And when I confronted him about this, he said that he didn't know why he deleted them. He said they were just friendly messages, which I obviously don't believe at all. I also saw on his history that he goes through pages upon pages (I'm talking hundreds) of girl's pictures on Facebook, and "likes" them all. I've also seen some flirty messages on picture comments. He gets mad when I say I don't trust him, but he hasn't given me a single reason to trust him. This is nowhere near all I've found, but I don't want to make this post too long. So from and outsider's point of view, does anyone else think he's cheating on me? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 Are a frog's bollocks waterproof? Jeesh, I knew this was a no-brainer here:- So he's lied to me countless times..... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
thummper Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 My question is, do you love this guy enough to put up with his deceit for the rest of your life, cuz, honey, he's established a pattern that's NEVER going to change. If you're still young, get out of this relationship and find someone who's in love with you and has no interest in talking to or sexting other women. For God's sake, don't marry this future serial cheater. Save yourself endless heartache NOW before you get hurt any further. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ChocolateBunny Posted March 21, 2014 Author Share Posted March 21, 2014 I really do love him. So much that I left everything and everyone behind and moved across the country to a place I've never been with nothing but two suitcases just to be with him (we were in a long distance relationship before). I keep waiting and waiting, hoping and praying that he's gonna change, because I really don't want to leave him. But I will most definitely not deal with this for the rest of my life. I don't want to believe that this is how things are gonna be forever, but it's starting to become clear that he's never gonna change. I just don't know how to go about leaving him. We live together and I don't know anyone here. He gets really violent when he's angry too, so I'm scared that if I break up with him he'll hurt either one of us. I don't even know how I would afford a plane ticket back. I just feel really stuck right now. I'm 18, by the way. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 If you're still young, get out of this relationship and find someone who's in love with you and has no interest in talking to or sexting other women. "If you're still YOUNG??" So, are you saying that only older women should blindly and hopelessly cling to bad relationships with a**hole partners because that's all they can get or deserve? Geez. Not cool at all. No one, male or female, regardless of their age deserves to be treated with such blatant disrespect. Period. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 I really do love him. So much that I left everything and everyone behind and moved across the country to a place I've never been with nothing but two suitcases just to be with him (we were in a long distance relationship before). I keep waiting and waiting, hoping and praying that he's gonna change, because I really don't want to leave him. But I will most definitely not deal with this for the rest of my life. I don't want to believe that this is how things are gonna be forever, but it's starting to become clear that he's never gonna change. I just don't know how to go about leaving him. We live together and I don't know anyone here. He gets really violent when he's angry too, so I'm scared that if I break up with him he'll hurt either one of us. I don't even know how I would afford a plane ticket back. I just feel really stuck right now. I'm 18, by the way. I love it. People come in and ask for advice. They get it. unanimously so far. And then they begin to justify every reason for not following that advice. "Oh but I love him, I don't want to leave him, what will I do, where can I go....." What is it you actually want to hear from us? Stick with him, no matter how much he deceives you, again, and again, and again....? Hang in there, it will only get worse, but you love him, so that's ok then....? You have family. You have the advice. LEAVE. Contact your family, and leave. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 I really do love him. So much that I left everything and everyone behind and moved across the country to a place I've never been with nothing but two suitcases just to be with him (we were in a long distance relationship before). I keep waiting and waiting, hoping and praying that he's gonna change, because I really don't want to leave him. But I will most definitely not deal with this for the rest of my life. I don't want to believe that this is how things are gonna be forever, but it's starting to become clear that he's never gonna change. I just don't know how to go about leaving him. We live together and I don't know anyone here. He gets really violent when he's angry too, so I'm scared that if I break up with him he'll hurt either one of us. I don't even know how I would afford a plane ticket back. I just feel really stuck right now. I'm 18, by the way. Sweetie, the writing is on the wall with this guy. I think you already know what the answer to your question is and what you NEED to do. I used to work for a shelter for abused women and children and your declaration that he gets violent when he's angry and that you're afraid of what he'll do worries me greatly. You MUST get out before this turns very ugly. It is painfully clear he has ZERO respect for you and no amount of love and loyalty from you is going to change that. You deserve better than this. I don't know where you are in the world but I would STRONGLY suggest that you look for a woman's abuse organization in your area or start with your local YWCA. It's completely anonymous and they offer a ton of FREE services (including shelter). They will help you figure out your options and help you find ways to get out and back on your own two feet. Trust me. I know that you love him and that isn't going to go away over night but this isn't what a loving relationships looks or feels like. Good luck and message me if you need to talk it out some more <3 Link to post Share on other sites
thummper Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 I really do love him. So much that I left everything and everyone behind and moved across the country to a place I've never been with nothing but two suitcases just to be with him (we were in a long distance relationship before). I keep waiting and waiting, hoping and praying that he's gonna change, because I really don't want to leave him. But I will most definitely not deal with this for the rest of my life. I don't want to believe that this is how things are gonna be forever, but it's starting to become clear that he's never gonna change. I just don't know how to go about leaving him. We live together and I don't know anyone here. He gets really violent when he's angry too, so I'm scared that if I break up with him he'll hurt either one of us. I don't even know how I would afford a plane ticket back. I just feel really stuck right now. I'm 18, by the way. Sounds like the police need to be notified. You don't have anyone back home who could lend you the price of a place ticket to get out and away from this jerk? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ChocolateBunny Posted March 21, 2014 Author Share Posted March 21, 2014 I love it. People come in and ask for advice. They get it. unanimously so far. And then they begin to justify every reason for not following that advice. "Oh but I love him, I don't want to leave him, what will I do, where can I go....." I wasn't trying to justify anything, it was just a response to the comment asking if I really loved him. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 We know you really love him, that's a given, or you wouldn't have posted. But the fact is and the fact remains: he's a lying cheat, and you have to leave him. No ifs, buts or maybes. he's completely untrustworthy, and you will never, ever be able to believe a word he ever says to you. Ever. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 I wasn't trying to justify anything, it was just a response to the comment asking if I really loved him. I have to add, that along with the cheating, he punches walls, punches himself and you mentioned in your other thread your fear that he may soon/could probably inflict violence on you. Love isn't enough, OP. You have to come to terms with that. You're 18. Stop laying the groundwork for a destructive path for your future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 Get out and go back home with the two suitcases you came with! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 Your post makes me really sad, OP. You're just 18 years old and already enmeshed with a violent liar. Yes, it sounds like he's probably cheating or has done so in the past. I think you know that, too. There are plenty of other guys who wouldn't dream of treating you that way. He is not worth it, I promise you. You know what you need to do. Contact your family, women's organizations, anyone who can help safely remove you from the situation. Your boyfriend is not a good guy who will give you the respect and kindness you deserve. He's lied to you and shown signs of inappropriate anger and violence, and yet you stay. Demand more for yourself and get the hell away from him. Your future self will thank you for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom888 Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 Why are you with a man who lies to your repeatedly? Do you like self-punishment? If you can't trust him, why stay with him? I don't understand. Does he have a really nice penis, and is a rockstar in bed? Are you addicted to him? Or does he have your family as prisoners, so you can't leave him? Are you an illegal immigrant that he is blackmailing? Why can't you leave such a lying cheater??? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 No I don't think written messages constitute cheating. They are however inappropriate & should not be tolerated. He lied to you, numerous times. That alone mandates a break up You say you are 18. Yeah I know you are legally an adult but where are your parents? Who lets an 18 year old kid move across the country to live with some guy? Assuming your parents aren't abusive, druggies or in jail, call them up & tell them you want to come home. Go home. Get a job, go back to college or join the military. Give yourself some time to grow up (that's not meant as an insult -- everybody has to do it eventually). Link to post Share on other sites
Cpt Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 We know you really love him, that's a given, or you wouldn't have posted. But the fact is and the fact remains: he's a lying cheat, and you have to leave him. No ifs, buts or maybes. he's completely untrustworthy, and you will never, ever be able to believe a word he ever says to you. Ever. This ^ No more needs to be said. You're young, what exactly is there to love about a guy who behaves like this? Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 Cheating is relative, and everyone had their own definition. However, he's certainly being disrespectful. And that, is enough to walk away and never look back. No relationship can survive without mutual respect. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ChocolateBunny Posted July 29, 2014 Author Share Posted July 29, 2014 I just thought I would give everyone a little update. I finally decided to end the relationship about two months ago. I found out that he cheated with 8 girls, multiple times each (that he admitted to after I found out from other people and confronted him about it). I had to live with him for about a month after that, because it took some time to plan my move back home, 2000 miles away. So I have been away from him for about a month now, and it has been the hardest thing. We still kept in touch, which was obviously a huge mistake. So I decided to initiate the No Contact rule. I am currently on day three of no contact and it has been incredibly painful and extremely hard to deal with all of this at once. I will be posting on other threads for advice and support. Hopefully this all goes well! Link to post Share on other sites
Thruster Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 hmmmmmmmmmmm my answer is Yes I would say he is and as long as he can keep you on the line he is going to I am no Dr. - -just that is my guess Link to post Share on other sites
batgirl Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 So he's lied to me countless times. This alone, cheating or not, should be enough to make you want to end this relationship. Find someone that won't lie to you. Edit:whoops read your update. Good for you! Link to post Share on other sites
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