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Are cheaters usually extra possesive?


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I went to the dentist today and it got me thinking. My dentist is a woman and my ex made me stop going to her because having a woman in my mouth like that is too close to sex and it bothered her. I went back to her after the divorce because she does such a great job and I wonder how I will find one as good in Cali but it made me think of this.

 

She was paranoid about all of these things yet she was the one who was cheating left and right. I have heard similar things from people I know who have been cheated on. Has anybody else ever experienced this?

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ChocolateBunny

You know, I've seen that happen quite a lot with people I know. I think what tends to happen a lot of the time, is that people assume that what they do is what everyone else does, too. Sort of like how a very honest and kind person naturally assumes that everyone else will be just as honest and kind as they are. In return they get walked all over and called naive. Or another example, this company I used to work for would "steal" money from people left and right. Yet the owners were constantly paranoid that the employees were stealing from them, so they went to great lengths to assure that we were being watched at all times.

 

I think this applies to most situations. If someone is cheating on their partner, they will naturally be more over protective, and sometimes even accuse their partner of cheating, even though they are the ones being unfaithful. It doesn't quite make sense sometimes, and I'm not sure if my point got through correctly, but I hope I explained myself well.

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Cheaters are the most jealous people on the planet, they think everyone is like them, if they cheat you are probably too. My ex wouldn't let me near another woman without her being present, that included business meetings and lunches. She had to review the resume's of any woman that worked for me, she couldn't be pretty and at least 20 years older than me. All the time she was banging some stucco applicator behind my back, that lasted just over two years and she had his affair child. I still hope a cement truck drives up her chocolate starfish.

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My ex was extremely jealous about my interaction with my boss. Even if he saw me responding to work emails, he'd be climbing the walls. They're projecting their broken moral compass on you. If they're doing the dirty, then you could possibly be doing the same, hence the extreme possesiveness and the need to control.

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It's projection.

 

They feel guilty for their bad behavior and then try to convince themselves that it's their partner who is doing it and not them. Suddenly their partner is the bad guy.

 

If your SO is very jealous and controlling something might be going on with them.

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Yes. It's incredibly frustrating when you are the one being accused of cheating....yet SHE is the one who was sleeping around. Relationships like that take a toll on mental health.

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Are cheaters usually extra possesive?

 

IME, it varies. I've encountered some MW's who were very possessive of their H's, even though they were themselves involved in affairs. I gleaned this from interacting with the couples and listening to the MW's away from the H's. Others not at all. A relative surprise was the friend of ours who died recently. I never saw such behaviors with her, and had known her and her H ten years or so while she was married, but found out from exW after she died that she had engaged in an affair, while I knew her, with her employer. No signs that I could tell, relevant to possession, or the affair.

 

My affair was disclosed and open and I've never been possessive of women, in general, so nothing changed during. However, that wasn't a deceptive affair, so perhaps it's the deception which delineates behavior in some cases, IDK.

 

To me, it would be change in behavior that would be worth paying attention to. Say if a person who is normally laid back and not possessive changes into jealous and possessive for no apparent reason.

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I hear this too. Cheaters have a certain guilt, and they project it towards the innocent spouse. That's not to say all the jealous people are cheaters, but there is a pattern.

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pickflicker

She thought the dentist was too sexual?

 

Christ...I go to a male gynecologist, not even that is sexual. Blimey...

 

In answer to your question, yes, guilty people project their guilt all the time onto others. It's a "relieving" mechanism, I think, they're literally sharing the burden around.

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She thought the dentist was too sexual?

 

Christ...I go to a male gynecologist, not even that is sexual. Blimey...

 

In answer to your question, yes, guilty people project their guilt all the time onto others. It's a "relieving" mechanism, I think, they're literally sharing the burden around.

 

Yes. To her working on my mouth was one step away from oral sex and it was worse because I have good teeth and she probably sees many patients with awful teeth so she might become attracted because of that.

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pickflicker
Yes. To her working on my mouth was one step away from oral sex and it was worse because I have good teeth and she probably sees many patients with awful teeth so she might become attracted because of that.

 

She sounds insane. It's good that you're well rid of her.

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In my experience in personal relationships as well as relationships with other people I know, the cheater is always the one that acts most possessive in the relationship.

 

Not allowed to see a female dentist, that's one I've never heard before.

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leftfordead2
Yes. To her working on my mouth was one step away from oral sex and it was worse because I have good teeth and she probably sees many patients with awful teeth so she might become attracted because of that.

 

Wow seriously? She thinks the dentist would suddenly sit on your face? Glad she's your ex..

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