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I miss what I threw away


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DontBreakEven
I wanted to talk to him about the BU with hopes of him wanting to work on things. Like I said he's very stern and I don't know how to get pass that.

 

He begged and pleaded for me to give him a chance, I said no. Now I understand if he hates me

 

He was probably shocked to see your number, and nervous. I would text him and let him know what exactly it is that you want to talk about - he'll be more willing to pick up if he knows it's good news. Or call back and leave a message. I'm rooting for you! Yayyyy for dumpers who realize they made a mistake (and have the balls to do something about it)!!

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I've been browsing these threads for the past few days and though I've gained a lot of great insight, I do feel worse and worse about my situation. I hope I can get some great advice...

 

I dated my ex boyfriend for roughly 2 years. We went through the honeymoon phase, we got used to each other, and a few months before the BU I like I was tolerating it. He's a great guy, very loving and kind to everyone, etc. I thought that this was the guy I would marry someday. I started to get GIGs. I wasn't seeing or talking to anyone, but wanted to do something new.

 

So after I broke up with him about 1.5 months ago, I went out on dates with a couple of guys. Of course getting to know new people was fun, but I felt deep down something was missing. I wouldn't say I was comparing, but the guys lacked that special chemistry I had with my ex BF.

 

My ex BF hasn't spoken to me at all. He could be dead and I wouldn't even know it. Okay... a bit exaggerated, but that should show you how much I don't know what's going on with him. I feel guilty about breaking his heart. The saying "you don't what you have until it's gone" is hitting me very hard.

 

I don't know what to do.

 

 

I'm sorry if I sound mean. I'm probably taking it out on you because my ex did this to me. Truth is, serves you right for giving up such a great guy (as you so eloquently put it). You had a perfectly good relationship and sabotaged it. And for what really!? Just to experience some other D-Bags who don't stack up to the old guy. I hope he finds someone who deserves his love and is worthy of it. As for you, move on. You decided to break up with him, and you realizing he was great and that you shouldn't have left is the risk you take and the consequence you suffer.

 

I really do apologize for coming of like an ass. I have no right to judge, but I just feel like justice needs to be served for all the men who had their hearts broken for being nothing less that perfect boyfriends.

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Charlie Harper

If he is a great guy...you lost it, there are hundreds of women who would give everything to get out of D bag territory...

 

Next time you find a great guy, appreciate...in the mean time learn from your mistakes.

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Let me just say something, because I think my ex-gf is in a similar situation as you are, and I was in a similar situation as your ex.

 

We broke up like 6 months ago. I begged and pleaded, whole nine yards. I was crushed, broken hearted. But then I finally went no contact, and have been, for like 5 months. We've talked a couple of times recently because we share some mutual friends and have seen each other at events.

 

I know for a fact that she regrets her decision. And in fact we had some amazing chemistry and I know that we would have it if we got back together. But after the hell that she put me through, I would never ever ever ever be the one to contact her first. If we ever get back together, she will have to make the move, and she will have to really truly put herself out there for me. She shred my hearts to pieces, and yet I tried with every last ounce of energy in my body to work it out. And each time it was unfruitful, it hurt. But I did try, because that's how important our relationship was to me.

 

If she wants me back, she will have to try hard too. And that doesn't mean just one phone call or one text. But like I said, she will have to put herself out there, on the line, for me. People might think I'm silly and playing games, but I need to see that the relationship means that much to her too, as much as it meant to me.

 

So, if I were you, I'd be prepared to fight hard for him, to win his heart back. It might work, it might not. But if you truly believe that he is that special to you, you should fight for it. Nothing worth it is attained without effort.

 

Remember, you dumped him. He fought for you. He went through pain and effort.

 

It's your turn now. Hopefully it works out better for you than it did for him. I hope it works for you guys.

 

Feel free to PM me, I am really interested in this.

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And yes when I said I was "tolerating" the relationship, I did get bored. I waited for my feelings to change but they didn't.

 

But lately I've been struggling with my decision.

 

Why the hell don't girls tell the guy that they're feeling "bored" and need to get that exciting spark back!? You think you can just find it with someone else huh? Women like you are the worst. I'm sure he'd have been more than willing to ignite the spark if you told him straight up how you felt. Now you've mised you chance. I hope he never has to experiece anyone who "tolerates" and gets "bored" easily. What the hell do those things even mean!?

 

Ugggghhh, sorry for taking out my frustration on you BeccaCurts, but it really is your fault and you have no one to blame but yourself.

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somegoodman

If you really wanted him back you would put more effort in than a simple call. Christ, you could send him a multi-paragraph text message explaining in detail exactly what your intentions are.

 

 

But you're not doing that. You just want to know he still wants you. That's all you care about, admit it.

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But you're not doing that. You just want to know he still wants you. That's all you care about, admit it.

 

Eh I really don't get that vibe from Becca. I do believe she actually want's to get back together with her ex.

 

But anyways, as stated before, Becca, if you TRULY want to win him back you're going to have to do just that. WIN HIM BACK. It's not going to be an easy task. My gf dumped me 2 months ago and I don't plan on reconciling. If she wanted to...

 

Well she would have to FIGHT.

 

I think your route of calling once isn't enough. Make more of an effort buy writing a letter.

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I went to work like I usually do today. While On my break, I received flowers.

 

I don't know who they are from.

 

To: Me

 

From: (Nothing was written)

 

Are they from my ex (I'm just thinking out loud)? If so why didn't he write that it was from him?

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I went to work like I usually do today. While On my break, I received flowers.

 

I don't know who they are from.

 

To: Me

 

From: (Nothing was written)

 

Are they from my ex (I'm just thinking out loud)? If so why didn't he write that it was from him?

 

Nope. He is still in nc, not sending flowers. You still want to get together with him, or more curious about flower boy?

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Nope. He is still in nc, not sending flowers. You still want to get together with him, or more curious about flower boy?

 

Oh I do want to get back together with him. But just very confused about the flowers.

 

I mean if it were from "someone new" wouldn't they leave a hint?

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I hate when people just up and leave and don't even try to work things out. People are left with torn up hearts that they don't deserve. Especially if it's a good guy. "Nice guys finish last" seems to have some truth in it.. it's the great guys who always get their hearts broken and left for someone else who is more exciting but for what? The rush and the feeling? Find a guy who has a real heart like your ex. There are alot of people who can sweet talk you and be super romantic, but their hearts are black. Nice guys don't deserve to be treated like crap because it wasn't "Exciting" enough. Why get into a relationship if you're not going to try to make it work?

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I hate when people just up and leave and don't even try to work things out. People are left with torn up hearts that they don't deserve. Especially if it's a good guy. "Nice guys finish last" seems to have some truth in it.. it's the great guys who always get their hearts broken and left for someone else who is more exciting but for what? The rush and the feeling? Find a guy who has a real heart like your ex. There are alot of people who can sweet talk you and be super romantic, but their hearts are black. Nice guys don't deserve to be treated like crap because it wasn't "Exciting" enough. Why get into a relationship if you're not going to try to make it work?

 

I understand. I'm fully aware that I made selfish mistake.

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I understand. I'm fully aware that I made selfish mistake.

 

Seriously!? Do you understand? I think the only reason this is coming up is because D-Bag #2, 3 and 4 didn't work out so you want to go back to your "sure thing". That's extremely selfish behavior still. You don't want to get back because you love and care for him, it's just for your convenience. I wish I could meet your ex and tell him how awesome he is and that he'll find a new girl who'll be lucky to have him.

 

As for you, why not give flower boy a shot? That's the reason why you gave him up right? Something new? (There's nothing more new and exciting than not knowing someone's identity. -_-)

Edited by limbophase
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like iDrumKing, I also think Becca sincerely does want to reconcile.

 

I don't necessarily feel that she wants to do so because it's her "sure" thing. She has dated a couple of guys since then, and realized something really big was missing. Sometimes you don't know what you have until it's gone, and perhaps she really started to realize what she had after some time away from her ex.

 

Becca, rather than sending texts, I'd encourage you to write a letter, or an e-mail. They're more personable than text messages. I don't know if you need to "fight" for him per se, but he has a strong personality. You be strong as well! Show him that you really do care for him and love him, and explain to him why you two are so awesome together, and why HE is awesome. Take the love you have for him and let it show.

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like iDrumKing, I also think Becca sincerely does want to reconcile.

 

I don't necessarily feel that she wants to do so because it's her "sure" thing. She has dated a couple of guys since then, and realized something really big was missing. Sometimes you don't know what you have until it's gone, and perhaps she really started to realize what she had after some time away from her ex.

 

Becca, rather than sending texts, I'd encourage you to write a letter, or an e-mail. They're more personable than text messages. I don't know if you need to "fight" for him per se, but he has a strong personality. You be strong as well! Show him that you really do care for him and love him, and explain to him why you two are so awesome together, and why HE is awesome. Take the love you have for him and let it show.

 

She doesn't want to reconcile, look it says right here : Oh I do want to get back together with him. But just very confused about the flowers.

 

I mean if it were from "someone new" wouldn't they leave a hint?

 

OP you had your shot with your ex, you didn't want him anymore so just let it be, don't disturb his healing process.

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forgetmenot75

Becka: please call him again!!! Insist in talking to him! If you're serious about your intentions, insist until he picks up.

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Becka: please call him again!!! Insist in talking to him! If you're serious about your intentions, insist until he picks up.

 

With all do respect please read your own signature.

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Never Again
She doesn't want to reconcile, look it says right here : Oh I do want to get back together with him. But just very confused about the flowers.

 

I mean if it were from "someone new" wouldn't they leave a hint?

 

OP you had your shot with your ex, you didn't want him anymore so just let it be, don't disturb his healing process.

 

Her comment in no way indicates that she doesn't want to reconcile.

 

She's curious about the flowers because she's insisting they're from her ex. She's rationalizing that they couldn't be from someone new because there was no hint at the identity of the sender.

 

However, that being said:

 

OP, my signature is about chances, but not in the way most think. When I say "no second chances", I don't mean I don't believe in reconciliation...rather, that I believe you only get ONE chance to reconcile. After that, you're DONE.

 

There have been two BIG pieces of advice here that, personally, I think you should take to heart.

 

To combine them a bit: Learn to be happy and settled on your own first, for an extended period of time. Then, and only then, should you reassess. Stay NC until you're happy without the NEED to date or have a companion, because only then will you be able to accurately gauge yourself. If you decide you still want your ex and are willing to put in the work, you need to say the magic words "I'm sorry. I made a mistake. I want you back."

Edited by Pfenixphire
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I think you should give it a little more time. He is going NC and you for the most part are too. Maybe you should take a few more months off and try to figure out what you want.

 

If you don't want to 100% get back together with him I don't think you should contact him again, well, ever. You were bored in the relationship, you ended it. Give him the chance to reevaluate his life and figure out what he wants. And the same goes for you.

 

Dating ends in two ways, you either break up for good or you marry that person. This is obviously no exception.

 

If you two both really love each other still when you contact him to get back together he will want to (even if he acts reserved.)

 

You broke up with him. It's only been 1.5 months since then. Keep NC and do whatever it is that YOU want to do. Figure out if you really want him back. 1.5 months is not enough time to know if this was really the right move.

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Brokenguy22
i'm sorry if i sound mean. I'm probably taking it out on you because my ex did this to me. Truth is, serves you right for giving up such a great guy (as you so eloquently put it). You had a perfectly good relationship and sabotaged it. And for what really!? Just to experience some other d-bags who don't stack up to the old guy. I hope he finds someone who deserves his love and is worthy of it. As for you, move on. You decided to break up with him, and you realizing he was great and that you shouldn't have left is the risk you take and the consequence you suffer.

 

I really do apologize for coming of like an ass. I have no right to judge, but i just feel like justice needs to be served for all the men who had their hearts broken for being nothing less that perfect boyfriends.

 

preach it brotha!!

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I don't necessarily feel that she wants to do so because it's her "sure" thing. She has dated a couple of guys since then, and realized something really big was missing. Sometimes you don't know what you have until it's gone, and perhaps she really started to realize what she had after some time away from her ex.

 

I know you mean well sooshi, but something about that rubs me the wrong way. If he was so great as she claimes, then why not appreciate what you have when you have it? Why should she have to "see what else is out there" when he was nothing but great to her? I don't understand why girls do this. Why should he suffer through all that pain? People who were good to you shouldn't fill you with doubt like that.

 

I'm saying I can't begin to understand where she is coming from. To me GIGS is the dumbest thing ever. The dumper gives up someone only to want them back, and the dumpee is so heartbroken that they want to move on and now you've ruined them for others. It makes no sense. Doesn't matter if you realised something down the road. The point is you didn't appreciate what you had when you had it. Maybe next time, if she finds another good guy (heaven forbid. I hope she gets cheated on or abused first, just to know the pain he felt) she'll appreciate what she has. You don't always strike gold twice.

 

I just want her to get her s*** together instead of hurting this guy again. He deserves so much better than her.

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singme2sleep
I have no right to judge, but I just feel like justice needs to be served for all the men who had their hearts broken for being nothing less that perfect boyfriends.

 

What about girlfriends? Both genders do it!

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singme2sleep
I know you mean well sooshi, but something about that rubs me the wrong way. If he was so great as she claimes, then why not appreciate what you have when you have it? Why should she have to "see what else is out there" when he was nothing but great to her? I don't understand why girls do this. Why should he suffer through all that pain? People who were good to you shouldn't fill you with doubt like that.

 

I'm saying I can't begin to understand where she is coming from. To me GIGS is the dumbest thing ever. The dumper gives up someone only to want them back, and the dumpee is so heartbroken that they want to move on and now you've ruined them for others. It makes no sense. Doesn't matter if you realised something down the road. The point is you didn't appreciate what you had when you had it. Maybe next time, if she finds another good guy (heaven forbid. I hope she gets cheated on or abused first, just to know the pain he felt) she'll appreciate what she has. You don't always strike gold twice.

 

I just want her to get her s*** together instead of hurting this guy again. He deserves so much better than her.

 

Guys do it too. I was awesome to my ex, would have walked through fire for him but that wasn't enough. All I wanted was his love and I had it until he suddenly decided to take it back. Good people get left every day while their dumpers live it up. The end!

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There are two sides of the coin, GIGs, and then Dumper's Remorse.

GIGs- you want to see what's out there

Dumper's Remorse: you don't see anything better right away and then you panic and want what you had back.

 

Dumper's Remorse is not about your love for the other person, it's about fear. Fear of not finding better, even though you still want better..

Once you go back to the old guy, once you feel safe again, you're going to start itching to look around again.

 

You have to really be sure that you're done looking around, and that you truly truly want him back, for himself, not because you're scared.

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