I am so pissed off , how could he be so mean?

[smile]

So today was day three of not talking to my ex. I didnt call I didnt do anything, and he never called me either. I was thinking if I could just get through the rest of this week I would be ok.

 

Then, as I was sitting in my living room hanging out with some friends the phone rings.. well my friends went out to get pizza and since I am kinda sick I stayed at home waiting for them to return. Anyway thats when the phone rings and its him. He asks why I never answer my phone anymore. I said my cell was in my room. Altho if I knew it was him I wouldnt have asnwered (i didnt say that but I thought the space was good)

 

He went on and on about how bored he was. Said he was at his dads house and just bored. So I said that sucks man. He asked what I was doing so I told him I was just hanging out. He asked who was there.

 

He kept saying things alluding to comming over. Like I had codine cough syrup and he was joking about comming over and having some. Then he joked about watching my HBO. Then he told me that he didnt work tomorrow.

 

So after about 20 minutes of him telling me how bored he was I asked him if he wanted to come by and hangout. He said "and watch boring tv? " I said nah we can play board games or hang out if youwant. He said I dont know.

 

So I said he just did that for 20 minutes just to get me to ask him so he could say no. He said he would see what happens he may come by he may not. How messed up is that?

 

I am so pissed off. That is such a mean thing to do. Why do that? It is such an a**hole move. I am so mad at him and at me. Why the hell did I fall for it? I made it through 20 minutes.. it was the vicodin. Now I am sad and I feel so stupid.

 

Why would he do that?

[Devildog]

Why did he do that? Simple, to make sure he still can make you jump through hoops and dance for him. It gave him an ego boost to know you are still hung up on him.

 

Next time he calls you like that tell him "sucks to be you, gotta go, my ride is here, me and my friends are going out, bye." And then hang up. That will knock him down a few notches. His tune will change PDQ and he won't play that game again. If he gets an offer to come over he will be there.

[smile]

If thats his thought process well its just stupid. I mean I am so mad now I am not sure how much I want him around. I mean he has NEVER been that rude to me.. when he broke up with me yeah but since we have "been "friends " he hasnt been.

 

I did nothing to deserve this. I feel like such a loser. Like when the cool kids call and ask what youre doing friday night and you say nothing thinking they just might invite you to the big party. And they laugh and say yeh thats what I figured.. have fun doing nothing LOSER.

 

I cant stop crying and I want to throw stuff and scream. I am so tired but I cant stop crying. I am so angry and hurt. That is just so mean.

 

I dont get how being mean to someone is going to make them want you. What kind of messed up logic is that? Aaarrggghh I cant take much more of this. I miss my bf... this guy is a jerk.

[Devildog]

Dumpers have a tendency to use this tactic alot. I don't know why. Maybe just to reassure themselves. It is stupid and childish and immature. The "being friends" is just to try to absolve themselves from the guilt of hurting you, letting you down easy. It is a cop out.

 

Originally posted by smile

I dont get how being mean to someone is going to make them want you. What kind of messed up logic is that? Aaarrggghh I cant take much more of this. I miss my bf... this guy is a jerk.

 

Are you asking why you should do what I suggested? I am unsure, but if he broke up with you, then most likely he isn't trying to make you want him more. What he is doing is just to feed his ego by seeing how torn up you are over him and how easily he can get you to offer him another chance or your time in general. So don't do it. Yeah, don't answer his calls, let him leave a message and call him back much later, like days later. Don't let him think you are sitting by the phone miserably waiting for him to call.

[Weird]

next tiem he calls tell him to quit calling you (say you need some time to think about some things) or jsut tell him you are busy.

 

It does suck that he would do that crap with you but you need to realize you are putting yourself into that position trying to be civil and mature with someone who obviously isn't.

 

As was stated, he will keep doing this as long as you put up with it. Cut him off and watch his actions change.

[Universe]

I agree with everyone's replies so far. But don't blow it out of proportion. Yes, he's an a**. Leave it at that. Don't take further action. Proceed with your not calling him or hanging out plan. You broke form by inviting him to hang out. Don't do that. He must initiate all contact and hanging out. And you should only let him contact you and hang out with you when YOU want to. But I think you should definitely cold shoulder him for while. Every time you even give him the hint of the cold shoulder in the past he's gotten all concerned and run back to you and gotten all affectionate and everything. That's BS! I say be aloof and unavailable from now on and when he tries to get all lovey-dovey again, just ignore it. When he starts cry-babying like he always does, just call him out on it. Say, "You only act like you care about me when I start getting too busy for you. How long do expect me to put up with that crap?"

I think this is a definitely sign that you've been too easy on him. I say keep up with NC and don't be so easy on him this time no matter how much he tries to apologize.

 

How old is he again? I keep picturing this whiny little 8 year-old.

[smile]

I know I have been too easy . I guess I can't imagine hurting someone or disappointing someone I love. Like if he seems like he needs me or whatever I cant imagine what it would be like if I wasnt there. Just seems so cold. But I guess if he isnt treating me that way then why should HE get it?

 

He is 27. Yes I know he acts like a whiny kid. Today he has the nerve to call me. I made a new rule not to call him back unless he leaves a msg. That way I can avoid any of that "I called you?" crap.

 

Anyway he left a msg when I was at work. He was all worried about something he lost. But he was really vauge. He said " I lost something I am wondering if you might know where it is. Call me back" Why not say "hey I cant find (insert particular item here) can you see if you have it? If you have even seen it? Call me back if you find it or know anything thanks". Isnt that how you try to find something?

 

Anyway when I called him back he asked if I knew where the cookie cookbook his mom gave him when he was a kid is. I have never even seen that book. He knows that too because last May we had an argument about the fact that he shared that he had that book with some girl he had been friends with for two months and she made him some cookies from that book for one of his shows. She is a normal nice girl.. has a fiance.. she had NO IDEA she was stepping on toes.. her and I have since been friends.. anyway so he knows I have never seen it.

 

When I said no he said "ok I am sure it will show up somewhere". I was like ok... then he said he had to go he was house shopping at target. Whatever I was just answering his call. Then he said "I will talk to you later ok" I was like "yeh see ya" and i hung up.

 

How is it ok for a guy to be a jerk and then the next day act like nothing happened? He knows he was a jerk.. he has to know I was pissed, he knows me so well. So HOW ON EARTH can he just call me today like nothing. Looking for something he knows DAMN WELL i dont have.

[nan]

He's acting like an idiot. My bf did this kind of crap to me when we were broken up so I just stopped asking him what he was doing or if he wanted to do anything. He would always kind of beat around the bush, but he never got the nerve to ask ME to do something. Anyways, this kind of crap is just the thing that shows them that they still have power over you.

 

As far as the cookbook thing, it seems like a way for him to try to act nice and say sorry without saying it for real. But that's crap, if he knows he was an a** and you know he was an a**, he needs to apologize and not just let it go, especially when I know that it's not okay for you to let him treat you that way.

 

You story keeps getting more frustrating to me. It's like d*mn can someone just wake him up and have him figure out how to get his sh*t togther. He's starting to really irritate me. Anyways I'm sorry about what's going on and I hope you can move past this crappy part of things really soon.

 

Nan

[Universe]

Tell me where he lives. I'm gonna shoot this dipsh*t.

[Devildog]

Don't even say good-bye, or talk to ya later, or anything when you get off the phone calls with him. The not answering his call is a good idea too. A few times of doing the hang up without a word thing with my STBXW and she started changing her tune and attitude. She lost the snippiness and blaming me for everything. She knew I was ticked and wasn't just going to shrug off her rude and abusive and childish antics anymore.

[Intel]

It amazes me that people can get into an intimate relationship with somebody and then will play stupid little kid games. Relationships were meant to be for "grown-ups". Although, I know some people who are supposed to be grown-ups that do stupid stuff like this too. Is it just me, or does the world suck?

[smile]

Thanks so much everyone who posted here. Its great, when I worry that I am overreacting you guys can back me up and force me to stick up for myself. I really appreciate that.

 

So nan, I agree he is an idiot. I just wish I could feel mad at him instead of worrying about why he is doing this. Why does he feel he needs to push me away? What is he afraid of? But I mean as far as asking him what he is doing I NEVER ask that. I never ask what he is doing or where he is. He asks me tho. If I dont asnwer the phone he doesnt leave a msg he just calls my house and if I dont answer that he calls my phone again.

 

When I dont answer right away he asks what I am doing.. where was I. Why ask me that. Why feel irritated when YOU broke up with me and YOU dont want me? aaarrggghh.

 

Universe thanks so much. Its so great to feel like some guy wants to beat the crap outta the guy thats hurting you. Makes me think if at least ONE guy can see I dont deserve to be treated this way, then this guy who was in love with me for three years (and as he says stil isnt over me) should see that too. I just want someone to yell at him and point it out to him.

 

Devildog.. you just want me to hang up? I dont know if I can do that. I mean there is being aloof and then there is just being human. Thats mean and I cant do that. To anyone. I hate when ppl hang up on me.. I cant do it.. at least a goodbye before I hang up.. I dunno.

 

Intel ... yes it does suck. But only sometimes. Thats why we fight to get back the good stuff.

 

Sooo. If he calls or just shows up bc I dont answer his calls what do I do? I dont want to be mean.. but what is the line between mean and indifferent?

 

I am sad. I miss my guy.. why did he have to go on the road and freak out? You think maybe if I am gone he may come to think about the good things? Ugh NyQuil kicking in.. sorry

 

Brain slowing down now... thanks for your comments.. this kind of support means so much to me. You guys are the greatest . THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU... goodnight *

[Devildog]

Devildog.. you just want me to hang up? I dont know if I can do that. I mean there is being aloof and then there is just being human. Thats mean and I cant do that. To anyone. I hate when ppl hang up on me.. I cant do it.. at least a goodbye before I hang up.. I dunno.

 

Hang up when you are done talking. I don't know if you are trying to win him back or not, but irregardless he isn't respecting you right now. And people will only give you as much respect as you demand. This is just a small, but effective way of showing the other person that you don't appreciate how they are treating you, and that you deserve more respect than what they have been showing you.

 

I know it is hard for nice people to do mean things. Fortunately I have a very significant evil streak inside me. It's kind of funny actually. I am in general one of the nicest people you meet. Easy to get along with, good sense of humor, pretty laid back. But when I want or need to, my evil side comes out and people get horrified looks when they hear my plans MWHAHAHAHAHAHA. Uhm, anyway, what I am suggesting is pretty tame actually. It is rude is about the worst that can be said about it.

[Zoot]

I'm not sure why you would want him back. He isn't showing you any love or respect. In the middle of some hazy moment he remembered your phone number and wanted to chat. That's not even a hint of him wanting a relationship with you. It's more like a second thought.

 

I wouldn't only hang up the phone on him - I would bang it on the wall a few times on the way down to the receiver.

[smile]

Today my dad was admitted to the hospital. He was having chest pains and trouble breathing. Four years ago my dad had a stroke and was diagnosed with lung cancer.. he has done radiation and chemo and pretty much killed the tumor. For those of you aware of my insecurites and previous insanity it was stemmed from PTSD .. I found my dad lying on the kitchen floor when he had his stroke.

 

Anyway so I was there all day long. Turns out his lung collapsed. Due to years of being a smoker.. I guess there are bubbles in your lungs and when they burst whamo there go your lungs. So I was having a real tough time but my family was around.

 

I had forgotten to turn off my cell while I was in the waiting room.. it started to ring and it was my ex. I answered and ran outside. He asked what I was doing and I said I was at the hospital. Part of me wanted to fall apart right then, the other part just wanted to blow him off. He asked what was wrong and I told him.

 

He kept saying how sorry he was. I said its ok and he said "no I mean it, I am so sorry for everything" I said ok and thanks. I dont know what that meant. Then he asked if there was anything he could do. What does that mean? How do you answer that.. I know its a "i feel helpless I want to comfort you" but I mean what could anyone possibly do right now? I get the thought and it means a lot but is there ever any way to answer that question.

 

He seems so apologetic for not being able to be what he thinks I need. He was that way the night of the talk. He wasnt ok enough to be good for me right now. Maybe thats why he gets mad and distant? I dont know.

 

He then went on to tell me that he would be here for me. He said that he would always be here. He said "I mean it , I will always be here for you. You can always count on me. I promise" God that messed me up. Here I am trying to give him the cold shoulder and he is doing everything he can to comfort me. He started saying my dad will be ok and I will be ok.

 

I know I am so hard to please. If he was cold I would be miserable, he was so warm and comforting and I am confused. Of course I want him to hug me and let me cry in his arms. Of course I want to fall asleep with him holding me. But right now thats not ok. I know that.

 

Why did he say that? Why not just be supportive? If he cares so much about me what is the problem? Aarrrhg I have been at the hospital for 8 hours. I am home to nap and shower and eat.. then back to the hospital to see my daddy.

[Intel]

Sorry to hear about your father. I hope that he is okay. I'm sure that this has totally just shell-shocked you with all that is going on.

 

I think that most of us who get into situations like the one you are in, tend to read into things more than we should. We read into things because we are looking for answers. The only problem is, when you read into things too much, you just end up with more unanswered questions.

 

Some people just have to do things at their own pace. You ex could be a perfect example of one of those people. If you really want to be with him, you'll wait. If you've waited awhile, and you decide that you can't wait any longer, then maybe you don't want to be with him.

 

When I was a kid, I wanted the toy "Optimous Prime" from "The Transformers". I remember saying my prayers before I went to bed: "If I only get one wish in my entire life, please let me get Optimous Prime". Well, I got what I wanted...and come to think of it, I haven't really ever got anything else I ever wanted. So, now that I look back, I never should have used my one wish on that stupid toy. Do you see what I'm getting at here?

[smile]

Dear Zoot, I just reread my thread and realized how you could feel the way you do. I assure you this is not just a case of "we broke up last week or whatever and he is just starting to contact me" It's not even close to that simple. There is no "in the haze he rememberd your phone number". This was a serious case of making sure I wasnt having any more fun than he was. Why .. who knows he is a boy.

 

Intel. I understand the at your own pace thing. But do you seriously believe that this is a test of how much I love him? That seems unfair to me. And its funny bc you arent the first guy on here to suggest if I cant hang and wait forever then maybe I dont love him. Thats all romantic and fine but seriously I think that is unfair to assume.

 

I love him truly and am so willing to work through ANYTHING with him. But when it becomes a case of me being this pathetic loser sitting at home while he does what he wants and throws me a bone when he is bored I say my taking leave of the situation is necessary. It does NEITHER of us any good for me to allow him to treat me like crap.

 

I dont believe he is doing it to be mean. I believe he is sorry. I do. I believe he isnt certain what he can give, I believe it because he has said it. I believe that he loves me , because he says it.

 

While I do know optomus prime I dont get what you were trying to say. I dont feel like I am wasting a wish here. Its not about that ... you cant wish for someone to love you.. Bruce Almighty and Aladin both told the world that. Or even be ready to admit what you mean to them.. or whatever. And if I could and it came true I do not believe it would be a wasted wish.

 

In every stage of our breakup we have been here for eachother. Through tough times that were sucky for me to be here for and hard for him to be here for. We will support eachother through everything. He wants to help me and I want to help him. It's this crazy desire/ need to make sure the other is ok.

 

I dont know.. I just wish it was as simple as reading too much into things.. but the truth is that is what I have learned because that is how he is.

 

I have a lot on my plate right now with my dad and godmother in the hospital. I need to shower. Thanks for your comments.

[Intel]

Smile:

 

You need to let go. You need to say to yourself right now, that this relationship may never be what you want it to be. It's okay to hold out a little hope that it will work out. But what would you do if it doesn't?

 

There is a chance that, although this guy does have feelings for you, that he'll never really love you the way that you want to and deserve to be loved. Right now, he doesn't know what he wants. You KNOW what YOU want...but like Mick Jagger says "you can't always get what you want".

 

You need to stop sitting around and "stewing" about this. Because if it doesn't work out for you....and I hope that it does....but if it doesn't, I'm afraid that you'll be left in the very same, dark place that I'm in....and you DON'T want to be here.

[smile]

I have tried to let go. You have no idea how many times I have tried. He keeps comming back to me.

 

I am trying to get on with my life. I know I cant make him love me. I know that. All I can know is what he says and what he does.

 

Since the breakup I have lived my life and met new ppl. While I am in love with him and ultimately want to spend the rest of my life with him I know that there is a huge possibility I can meet someone I will be very happy to spend my life with. Nobody is him and nobody is me. If we were meant to be and his wishy washyness screwed me out of him it screwed him out of me too.

 

In your first post you suggested if I didnt want to wait I didnt love him enough. In your second post you said I need to let go and move on. This situation is confusing and I often feel pulled in both those directions myself.

 

I see the truth in this situation, the reality of it. I dont stay home waiting for him to call. In fact if he doesnt leave me a msg I dont call him back. I dont call and invite him over for no reason. I am not chasing him and I am not placing my life of happiness on him.

 

Nobody can make me happy.. thats my job. If I got to choose the person I could share all of my happinesses with he would be my first choice hands down. We share a connection that is so sincere. If it scares him and I then it does. If it scares him away then it does.

 

I know how little power I have in this decision. I am not ready to date anyone else but that doesnt mean that I dont see the reality of it all. I dont want him as a bf right now because I know he cant give me anything. He hardly has anything for himself. He has been through the ringer emotionally and he is only just recontructing himself.

 

I have complete faith he wil get through it. There are times when I am so impatient I want him now. There are times when I get mixed up by his wanting to hang out and sleep with me. That is why that is stopping. No sleeping together and mininal contact in the last two weeks. Its just when I pull he comes back and I dont get it.

 

I am confused about his intentions. I want him back but I am not letting the outcome of that determine my happiness. Thanks for your concern

[Intel]

Smile

 

I'm going to send you a PM "Personal Message", so let me know if you don't get the message

[Intel]

Smile, also if you have AOL IM you, I'll give you my screen name if you want to IM me instead.

[smile]

I am so torn at this point. I want to talk to him, but I dont. I want him to call, but I dont. I just have no idea.

 

I feel at such a loss. Everything is irritating to me. This morning I woke up and felt "yeh I can do this." but then as the morning went on I just missed him so much. I want him to comfort me and be here for me.

 

Is it pushing him away by me not accepting his offer to be here? Were they just words? Does he really want to be here for me? Do I let him?

 

Here's the thing, he claims he doesnt have it in him to be the support I need right now... but then why go ahead and offer to be here emotionally? If I let him does that prove to him that he can take it? Does it make me seem more needy and remind him of the bad times? Does it make him feel like a man and remind him of the good stuff?

 

Is my not accepting his support cold and mean? Is that what I should do?

 

I am afraid and sad. I feel so distant from so much. This sucks so bad. Someone help.

[Intel]

Smile

 

I know exactly how you feel. You feel like you could give him space and not talk to him if you just knew exactly how long you had to go before you could then talk to him again.

 

If he really really missed you like you miss him, he wouldn't be able to take it...just like you can't take it right now. And don't think that the passage of time allows him to 'forget' about all the good things about you. Instead, consider each day you DON'T talk to him, as a day that you are using for him to miss you more.

 

It's the most difficult, and worst way to play it...but, it's really the ONLY way.

[Intel]

Smile

 

Is it "dylnn" (like U spelled it) or "dylan" (like he spells it)??

[imokurnot]

I had to get that off my chest. Pheeew i feel better now