Still wondering, did I make the right decision?

[borneric]

Short (I don't want you to have to read unnecessary text, I respect your time) explanation of my situation:

 

I have been married with my wife Nicole, lawyer, for six years...we met through the internet back in 2007...we have never had a great communication or sexual relationship. When I made love with her it just felt off and wrong..almost as if she was to beautiful to be intimate with.

 

We have argued a lot. She has a strong personality with a black and white attitude. I love her and would basically do anything for her. I can trust her 100%, she would never cheat on me. She always tells the truth even if it hurts. She is straight with me and wants me to be the best man possible. I don't work good with her family and she doesn't connect well with my father and wife.

 

1,5 years ago she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and we went through a very difficult time. I was totally devastated. She was admitted to an psychiatric hospital on our layover in New York. There was not much support from her family regarding this situation and she was not her self anymore...except a few instances. I was confused and depressed about the situation.

 

During this time I meet another wonderful woman, Verissa, economist, (in Brazil, she is brazilian), through my business partner and we start to fellowship first with other people over dinner and then by our selfs. It quickly becomes intimate with a lot of passion. We just connected on every level. She is smart, humorous and very loving and has a great responsibility for life.

Her family is fantastic and they really appreciate me after just a short time.

 

I go back to Europe (july 2013) and we decided that she, Verissa, will come 1,5 month later. During this time she has contact with her ex, she says nothing happened, but I have my doubts. She accidentally leaves her Skype on at one instance when we talked on the phone and I overheard them flirting on the phone...I started to feel that I couldn't trust her.

 

She later, this februari, after pressing her about that incident, admitted that she met him in september last year before she came to my country. She swears that nothing happend

...she said that she met him at a car shop when he was changing tires..she just wanted to show him that she was happy and had moved on..still have my doubts. But I just have to let it go.

 

She comes to my country(oct 2013) and I can't shake this feeling off. But everything is perfect, we connect extremely well and the intimacy and communication works like a charm. She makes me feel like man and we have a wonderful time...for the first time I can see myself having children with her and her too. I am crazy about her and she is crazy about me. She wants to spend the rest of her life with me.

 

I sent the divorce papers to my wife but she doesn't want to sign them. She calls me and says (back in oct 2013) and says she wants to fight for the marriage. I never really wanted to divorce (I didn't see any other option because of the strain and my unhappiness) my wife so this put me on the spot...now it was up to me again...I went through 2 months of constant anxiety...before I didn't even know what anxiety was.

 

Now its the end of march 2014 and I have not yet made up my mind about which one to move one with. My girlfriend has moved out (I asked her to so I could spend some time alone..we are officially broken up..but not in our hearts) and now lives in a near by country with good friends and my wife is waiting for my decision.

 

..I am terrified.

I don't want to loose them but I know I have to make up my mind. My girlfriend fits me perfectly but there is this trust issue..maybe its me projecting me not trusting myself?

 

With my wife its the bipolar, non-existent sex and not so good communication (it has gotten better though)

 

Both women are striking beautiful but totally different regarding personality and chemistry.

 

I would really appreciate your input...2 more weeks and I think I have lost them both.

I haven't talked to either of them for over a week.