Question for people 35+ who have never been married

[RedRobin]

Having been in the dating world for awhile, I'm coming across more and more men who are 35+ who have never been married. Most have had LTR's... some of them longer than any of my relationships (!!).... yet never married.

 

 

Here's my dilemma. Most of my family and friends are married. It is something I value a great deal and something I enjoyed too. I'm in no rush to get married again... and if I never did, I guess I'd be ok with it. That said, I do see myself married again at some point because I really value and enjoy that level of commitment. So when I meet someone, it is with that 'lens'... the lens of looking for a committed life partner. Whatever you want to call it.

 

 

I'm just having a hard time, hate to say it, TRUSTING the intentions of someone who has never been married before to be truly committed once in a relationship. When a guy says to me he's just not into marriage, all I think of is that he's just not into marriage with ME... but if say... some 20 something super model came along... damned straight he'd marry her. I get the feeling they are just holding out for a BBD and he is just treading water with me or keeping me in a comfort relationship while he scopes out the terrain for his 'dream' woman. Yes, I know this can happen to married people too.

 

 

So, I guess my question is... If you are 35+ and never married, then why not? Do you see yourself ever being married, or are you just philosophically against it? What would make you want to marry someone?

[ponchsox]

I'm 37 and have never been married. Longest relationship was 1.5 years. For me, I wish to get married, but I simply have not met the right person yet.

[Els]

I admit I'm not within that demographic, but I don't honestly see why 'never married' is any worse than 'divorced'. There are a huge range of possibilities for both of the above outcomes. The 'never married' person could be a commitmentphobe, or could have focused on his career exclusively in his 20s and 30s, or none of his LTRs reached that point, or he was just a ****ty partner, or... On the other hand, the 'divorced' person could have had the marriage dissolve through no fault of his own, or he could have actually contributed to the demise through being a terrible partner, or he could have married after a whirlwind romance and hadn't really thought things through, or he didn't take marriage seriously... The list goes on.

 

Rather than speculate on all of the above possibilities, perhaps better to get to know the person himself first?

[RedRobin]

I admit I'm not within that demographic, but I don't honestly see why 'never married' is any worse than 'divorced'. There are a huge range of possibilities for both of the above outcomes. The 'never married' person could be a commitmentphobe, or could have focused on his career exclusively in his 20s and 30s, or none of his LTRs reached that point, or he was just a ****ty partner, or... On the other hand, the 'divorced' person could have had the marriage dissolve through no fault of his own, or he could have actually contributed to the demise through being a terrible partner, or he could have married after a whirlwind romance and hadn't really thought things through, or he didn't take marriage seriously... The list goes on.

 

Rather than speculate on all of the above possibilities, perhaps better to get to know the person himself first?

 

 

Logically, I know all of that. I know that the divorced people won't automatically make better partners just because they've been married before. Lord knows I already know they won't necessarily want to be committed either... or be capable of it.

 

 

I dunno. It's just so outside of my range of experience... having been raised in this culture of marriage. A culture where, crazily enough, most of them are quite happy despite all of the ups and downs. I can't imagine getting to this age without having attempted it... then again, I imagine if they had a difference experience or observation of marriage... that might color their perception at a young age.

 

 

It's similar to how I feel about casual sex/FWB. Part of it is so fundamentally outside of my experience or understanding, that I wonder if it is best if I just avoid those who haven't been married before at this stage. Just like I avoid those who have had lots of casual sex/FWB.

 

 

I'd hate to feel that way about never married people in my dating age range... That's why I'm talking and thinking about it.

 

 

Came across a little video that was interesting...

 

 

What's It Like Being An Unmarried Woman Over 30? Looks Pretty Cool To Me.

[iris219]

I admit I'm not within that demographic, but I don't honestly see why 'never married' is any worse than 'divorced'.

 

Because the divorced men are typically commitment minded and want to get married again.

 

Based on my own experiences, I am very skeptical when it comes to never married men over 35. I've never met one who didn't have some sort of issue that made him an unsuitable partner. (Keep in mind, I live in a smallish town where people marry early.) I wish this wasn't the case because I'd prefer someone never married.

 

If a man wants to get married, he will probably do so before 35, especially if he wants to have a family.

 

There are exceptions, so if I were you I'd make it clear that marriage was something I desired in the future. Watch his behavior. You can usually tell when a men desires commitment.

[Els]

Logically, I know all of that. I know that the divorced people won't automatically make better partners just because they've been married before. Lord knows I already know they won't necessarily want to be committed either... or be capable of it.

 

 

I dunno. It's just so outside of my range of experience... having been raised in this culture of marriage. A culture where, crazily enough, most of them are quite happy despite all of the ups and downs. I can't imagine getting to this age without having attempted it... then again, I imagine if they had a difference experience or observation of marriage... that might color their perception at a young age.

 

 

It's similar to how I feel about casual sex/FWB. Part of it is so fundamentally outside of my experience or understanding, that I wonder if it is best if I just avoid those who haven't been married before at this stage. Just like I avoid those who have had lots of casual sex/FWB.

 

 

I'd hate to feel that way about never married people in my dating age range... That's why I'm talking and thinking about it.

 

 

Came across a little video that was interesting...

 

 

What's It Like Being An Unmarried Woman Over 30? Looks Pretty Cool To Me.

 

Ah, okay, that makes sense. I know this sounds a little out of the blue, but have you traveled much? I've found traveling to be instrumental in breaking out of the culture I was raised in, in realizing that there's so much more out there than just what we were raised to believe. Maybe that might help, if you're looking to try and broaden horizons a bit.

 

That aside, hopefully the other responses here will help you.

[Els]

Because the divorced men are typically commitment minded and want to get married again.

 

Commitment-minded is a sketchy term, IMO. To some, it might mean just signing the paper, but to others it might mean the willingness to put effort into a relationship. If all RR wanted was to get married, then perhaps your point would be valid. But if, as I think she does, she wants to get married to someone who takes marriage seriously and is willing to put effort into it... then knowing the reasons for the divorce is essential. Which puts us back at square one, getting to know the person.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Because the divorced men are typically commitment minded and want to get married again.

 

I laughed out loud the first time I remember hearing a woman saying that, and I thought to myself as a man that is thinking along the lines of what I know about these divorced men and I immediately thought to myself

 

"Why in the world would this guy want to do it over again, if he just got out one after learning what a mistake marriage was after all?"

 

It really made absolutely no sense in that kind of thinking, other than there are definitely some men who are dependent on women and relationships, in those cases I definitely see men relationship/marriage hop. I don't personally feel that men who are married have some kind of extra fiber in their bodies that allows them to be better men or more committed, I just see some men more dependent than others and I knew a whole lot of men who were just pressured into it in the first place, by children, family, culture, etc..

 

At any rate, I don't want to argue that point or marriage itself here.

 

Not fitting in the demographic myself either, from my personal experience and point of view I've always been more skeptical about those who were divorced than never married...because to me it's a possible indication in a lack of maturity and value of marriage itself, after all marriage is and should be a big deal, right? but realistically, chances are they got married for the wrong reasons and without a whole lot of knowledge or experience, and since once married, most people like to duke it out until the skies on fire and they can't breathe from all the smoke, therefore I'd rather not deal with that kind of emotional baggage in which they are likely to be affected by from their prior relationship.

 

Now of course that doesn't cover all relationships, there are circumstances and situations where it was out of their control, and also a handful of relationships that amicably separate...however, 90 percent of the time or more what men and women have said about their past marriages and the reasons they ended them and how those relationships functioned (very unhealthy/dysfunctional) or how they came to an end and what occurred inside of them through that experience, is typically very saddening and you could only image the emotional scars endured from that experience.

 

So I don't give people kudos or brownie points for having been married, it doesn't really take much effort to get married and it doesn't mean they're either smart, mature or better off for it and show signs of future commitment.

 

There are definitely reasons to be skeptical about a man who hasn't been married after some time, after all chances are he's had the opportunity, but depending on his reason I'd make a decision off that, just like I'd hear the situation or relationship experience with someone who is married, after all I would be with someone who is divorced but honestly I approach that with more caution and skepticism rather than "Oh goody, this person has great values!" not by any means do I believe that personally.

 

I think what's more important is the length of relationships that people have had, because that will tell you about their level of commitment and experience, and then understanding the toxicity or healthiness of those relationships, that history will reveal more than whether they were married or not prior.

 

Personally, my faith has extinguished in the sanctity of marriage period...It's not something I see working very often at all, I don't see relationships I'd like to have or emulate myself, I don't see very happy and fulfilled people, I don't see them as better people or people with stronger values just because they are traditional...I believe in society today nothing is taken all that seriously and people make serious decisions without much thought or knowledge, and that is more important to me than any "value", so from my point of view, marriage stands for nothing more and you therefore inherit nothing more from it, it's just one of those things you have the options of doing these days and of course it still comes with it's benefits due to societies traditional values overall regardless of quality and level of satisfaction marriages provide, you can after all marry indefinitely without consequence.

[carhill]

If you are 35+ and never married, then why not? Do you see yourself ever being married, or are you just philosophically against it? What would make you want to marry someone?

 

That was about twenty years ago but I was 35 and unmarried and, generally, it was due to simply not meeting any unmarried women. Once I slipped my criteria from demonstrably single and alone to apparently not married, along with ranging out from the local demographic to one a good commute away, I did better. My first true LTR was with a single mom of two who hadn't been married and was also 35 at that time. That started a trend of 'distance dating' which resulted in getting married about six years later to a lady who had been married twice.

 

If I had to pin down one reservation they had, and I think it was a valid one, it would be that I didn't 'know the drill', meaning how a man was expected to behave, and I admit my behavior was probably outlier to that of contemporaries based on statements made directly as well as observations. 'Fish out of water' would probably be apt.

 

A recent thread by a young lady brought to mind another, perhaps odd, memory of that period, where she mentioned that she didn't really find a guy who was 'into her' and ostensibly commitment-minded to be as attractive as what she was used to in her men. In that vein, I think, while maybe contrary to conventional wisdom, my desire to be married and have a family took some of the 'challenge' away, resulting in reduced attraction, perhaps akin to the generality of a woman who is too 'easy' sexually being less attractive for a long-term partner for a man.

 

When I read your postings OP, even though yours are from the perspective of a previously married lady, the phrase 'fish out of water' often springs to mind, in that, apparently, you're experiencing a lack of synergy in your demographic and/or social circle, with regards to potential marital partners and, also, it seems that attempts to force a square peg into a round hole have affected your perspective on the whole process (I remember this well!). It got to me so bad that I left the entire country, which was a crazy(!) thing to do at the time for someone with my personality.

 

So, to sum up, my answer would be, to 'why not?', a combination of lack of potential partners and inexperience and outlier behavior by myself. I did see myself being married, having had a positive example of a life marriage from my parents. Back then what it took was an apparently single lady with whom I got on well and appeared to be on the same page as to life goals and, importantly, was not addicted to drama. I married that kind of person.

[iris219]

It really made absolutely no sense in that kind of thinking, other than there are definitely some men who are dependent on women and relationships, in those cases I definitely see men relationship/marriage hop. I don't personally feel that men who are married have some kind of extra fiber in their bodies that allows them to be better men or more committed, I just see some men more dependent than others and I knew a whole lot of men who were just pressured into it in the first place, by children, family, culture, etc..

 

This is true.

 

I see men get separated and end up in a new "serious" relationship as soon as they move out of the house.

 

Maybe these men are just easier to get commitment from.

 

I wanted to set up a friend with a man I work with who got separated, but he's always dating someone. He's on his 3rd gf since getting separated and they just moved in together. (He may be divorced by now; I'm not sure.)

 

I still say if a man wants to be married and have children, he will most likely do it before he's 35, which is why it's so hard to find never married men over 35 who want marriage.

[xxoo]

If a man reaches 35 and has never married, I'd conclude he probably doesn't want to marry (for whatever reason....and there are many). I wouldn't assume that he'd be more amenable to marriage to a younger woman.

[thefooloftheyear]

A lot of men who have been married and gotten their brains beat in from a ridiculously one sided divorce settlement might be kinda reluctant to just want to jump back into those shark infested waters...just a hunch..

 

Or some might be believing the "Dont buy the cow when you are getting the milk for nothing" story....I dunno..??.*shrug*

 

 

Statistically the odds are less than a coin flip of it actually working out, so you can understand the failure rate. When it works as intended its a great thing for all...I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that (at least in this locale), you can't really buy a house, settle down, kids, dog, etc..unless you have at least 150/200K+++ coming into the bank and no big debt..So that is going to rule out a lot of the younger generation of people "settling" down...Id be willing to bet that in places like the Southern US, this isnt as much of an issue and a lot of younger folks do get married..

 

I deal a lot with younger guys as part of my business...If the subject comes up, most dont want any part of marriage and are too involved in living their lives the way they want to...Many of these guys just see it as a woman wanting to tie them down...Dont blame the messenger, I am just relaying what I am hearing...Ive not lived my own life that way..

 

But I dont think its a knock either way...If its right, it works ....If it isnt it doesnt...Having experience only enhances ones ability to look at it pragmatically..At the end of the day, its all back to the odds of the coin flip..

 

TFY

[RedRobin]

Ah, okay, that makes sense. I know this sounds a little out of the blue, but have you traveled much? I've found traveling to be instrumental in breaking out of the culture I was raised in, in realizing that there's so much more out there than just what we were raised to believe. Maybe that might help, if you're looking to try and broaden horizons a bit.

 

That aside, hopefully the other responses here will help you.

 

 

I have travelled a fair amount... have lived in lots of different places... and have close friends from widely differing cultures. Most still have a strong tradition of marriage.

 

 

Although... my Scandinavian heritage... they are often more liberal. They were among the first countries to legally recognize non-marital co-habitation. Both same sex or opposite sex.

 

 

I guess I have an easier time understanding it when there is already an established tradition there. Here... it's a little different story.

 

 

I also realize that there is a teensy weensy bit of hypocrisy on my part. Lots of people have wondered why I'm not happily remarried by now after my fiancée died. I've been single for awhile since then. It would be just as easy, perhaps, to draw the same conclusion about me, that I'm a commitment phobe since his death... and part of me agrees, I'm afraid.

 

 

It is something I'm working on in therapy. We talked about the issue of PTSD here on LS... and how I feel that trauma has made it very scary for me to really commit and open up since then. It's hard to describe. There is another young lady here who seemed to understand. The one who visited the escort.

[Els]

I have travelled a fair amount... have lived in lots of different places... and have close friends from widely differing cultures. Most still have a strong tradition of marriage.

 

 

Although... my Scandinavian heritage... they are often more liberal. They were among the first countries to legally recognize non-marital co-habitation. Both same sex or opposite sex.

 

 

I guess I have an easier time understanding it when there is already an established tradition there. Here... it's a little different story.

 

Ah, yes, that is true. The laws where you live definitely affect social practices heaps. I had no idea the cohabitation/de facto laws that we have here stemmed from the Scandinavian countries; I owe them heaps.

 

I also realize that there is a teensy weensy bit of hypocrisy on my part. Lots of people have wondered why I'm not happily remarried by now after my fiancée died. I've been single for awhile since then. It would be just as easy, perhaps, to draw the same conclusion about me, that I'm a commitment phobe since his death... and part of me agrees, I'm afraid.

 

So sorry to hear that, I hadn't known. I think most decent folks would understand your hesitance.

 

It is something I'm working on in therapy. We talked about the issue of PTSD here on LS... and how I feel that trauma has made it very scary for me to really commit and open up since then. It's hard to describe. There is another young lady here who seemed to understand. The one who visited the escort.

 

I can only imagine. (hugs)

 

Hope things improve for you!

[RedRobin]

I'm not sure people realize that I never felt pressured to be married by my family. Just the opposite. My dad's father was a complete a-hole and an alcoholic. His mother did most of the heavy lifting... both with the kids and the breadwinning.

 

 

I was raised to be self-sufficient, and, as my dad would often say, to need a man like a fish needs an outboard motor. He got his wish, lol. In spite of that, my parents appear to be head over heels for each other... and if you ask me, have enjoyed all of the benefits of a stable, life long relationship... which are many.

 

Yes, I truly believe my parents are better people for having worked through their issues together. They've always been honest. Always had the hots for each other too. Maybe they are the exception. But my mom's parent's were the same way. Acted like goofy teenagers right up until death. I personally don't have a problem with the interdependency that marriage brings. Although, getting to that level of trust seems like an insurmountable goal these days. Seems like one of those things you do when you are young... and once that innocence of a life with one person is shattered... it never returns for most people. If it were ever there to begin with. Maybe that is what I'm afraid of. I'm sad I'll never have what my parents have. And what a lot of my friends seem to have.

 

 

I tend to look at the duration of people's relationships too...and also don't put a lot of stock in whatever stories someone tells about their marriage or why it failed. I always go on how they are in the here and now that way.

 

 

So, we'll see, I guess... when it comes to the never married folks.

Edited March 23, 2014 by RedRobin

[Radu]

31 and never been married, in a society where getting married young is even more wanted.

In fact, some of the kids i grew up with now have teenagers. o.0

 

Then there are some guys i know, who got divorced all at once [4 of them in the same yr, their wives left], either because she wanted someone else, or because there was cheating, or because mommy told her ... they really don't want to get married again.

In fact 2 are a bit shellshocked, in the sense that they don't have a sex drive anymore.

 

As for me, it's not going to happen before 40 or so most likely.

I messed up my mid and late 20's, and now i want to concentrate on a career.

I need mobility, hopefully for international purposes ... the last thing i need is a wife and kids.

And if it won't happen, if i won't meet someone ... then it won't be that big of a deal either.

Robert z pretty much showed me i should not be ashamed for choosing that route.

[RedRobin]

Edited: Here is something else funny... I never saw marriage or commitment is tying anyone down. People make free choices all of the time. I see commitment as inherently liberating in the big scheme of things. My parents and others who are married have the energy, time, and yes finances... to do all kinds of things they wouldn't be able to do solo. Of course, they are also with someone who loves and supports them. People who view marriage/commitment negatively, well, I just don't understand them.

 

 

I DO understand not wanting to end up with someone who isn't equally committed... or someone who is a liar, a cheat, dishonest, etc. I suppose for those people... the risks simply outweigh the rewards. Especially if they have no example of what the rewards look and feel like.

[joystickd]

These types of question end up being generalized. Its best to ask that individual because everyone has different reasons.

[xxoo]

I, too, struggle to see marriage as tying me down. It lifts me up. I feel happier, stronger, and more at peace when sharing the ups and downs of life with a loving partner.

 

It maybe simply be personality. Some people are fiercely independent, and struggle with the concept of sharing a life with another. That's what I mean as being "built for" (or not) marriage. If it's a struggle, don't do it! And in the case of never-married men over the age of 35, I'd conclude they are in that category. And there isn't anything at all wrong with that, but that's not a good match for someone who is more attuned to a life where interdependence is enjoyed.

 

It may be analogous to introversion and extroversion. Introverts get worn out by too much time with people, and need time alone to recharge. Extroverts get worn out by alone time, and need time with people to recharge. Neither is "right", just how we are "built" differently. Not that introversion or extroversion determine if someone is built for marriage. I'm in introvert, but time with my partner doesn't wear me out. Just the rest of the world

[Copelandsanity]

It seems logical that there would be more and more unmarried men 35+. It's the same reason why there are more women who marry or have kids at an older age. People are "growing up" later because they are too busy going to college, going to grad/law/medical school, establishing their careers, working 8-10 hour days, and paying down student loan debt. Theoretically, marriage is supposed to be economical, but in actuality, it's very, very expensive. It's easy for a guy to continually push it off because finances, being too busy working/playing hard, and also finding a woman to marry. For most men, marriage equals kids, so when is there any correct time to marry and start a family if both the man and woman are so career-minded and focused on themselves? Marriage requires a self-sacrifice that most people - through their prime years - aren't ready to give nowadays.

[GoreSP]

I think marriage is an important commitment that should never be broken so easily.

So unless the divorce was because of abuse/infidelity/etc, I would be more 'iffy" about marrying someone who is divorced…

 

But that's just me.

[Copelandsanity]

I, too, struggle to see marriage as tying me down. It lifts me up. I feel happier, stronger, and more at peace when sharing the ups and downs of life with a loving partner.

 

It maybe simply be personality. Some people are fiercely independent, and struggle with the concept of sharing a life with another. That's what I mean as being "built for" (or not) marriage. If it's a struggle, don't do it! And in the case of never-married men over the age of 35, I'd conclude they are in that category. And there isn't anything at all wrong with that, but that's not a good match for someone who is more attuned to a life where interdependence is enjoyed.

 

It may be analogous to introversion and extroversion. Introverts get worn out by too much time with people, and need time alone to recharge. Extroverts get worn out by alone time, and need time with people to recharge. Neither is "right", just how we are "built" differently. Not that introversion or extroversion determine if someone is built for marriage. I'm in introvert, but time with my partner doesn't wear me out. Just the rest of the world

 

I agree. I personally think there's only a small percentage of people (15-20%) that are genuinely built for marriage. Marriage requires a lot of effort, sacrifice, discipline and mental toughness...these are qualities that most people don't have in their daily lives, so how can we expect them to suddenly show up just because of marriage?

 

My parents were married for over 30 years, right up until my dad passed of cancer. My mom valiantly battled the cancer with him until the end. Did they have the perfect marriage? Not by any stretch of the imagination. But whatever issues they had, they remained committed and fought for each other every step of the way. It's something you rarely see nowadays because the path of least resistance is to give up on someone, especially for someone else. The things I read about on these forums and observe with my own eyes - although they are considered commonplace - feel unnatural to me, especially in the context of having witnessed my parents' marriage.

[RedRobin]

I, too, struggle to see marriage as tying me down. It lifts me up. I feel happier, stronger, and more at peace when sharing the ups and downs of life with a loving partner.

 

It maybe simply be personality. Some people are fiercely independent, and struggle with the concept of sharing a life with another. That's what I mean as being "built for" (or not) marriage. If it's a struggle, don't do it! And in the case of never-married men over the age of 35, I'd conclude they are in that category. And there isn't anything at all wrong with that, but that's not a good match for someone who is more attuned to a life where interdependence is enjoyed.

 

It may be analogous to introversion and extroversion. Introverts get worn out by too much time with people, and need time alone to recharge. Extroverts get worn out by alone time, and need time with people to recharge. Neither is "right", just how we are "built" differently. Not that introversion or extroversion determine if someone is built for marriage. I'm in introvert, but time with my partner doesn't wear me out. Just the rest of the world

 

 

That's a really good analogy... and maybe what I'm getting to with the possibility that, fundamentally, I may be incompatible with someone who views commitment or a life shared with someone as a chore or a burden... or who views interdependency is somehow weak. I agree that the possibility of that viewpoint is likely higher among those who have reached a certain age and never married. That viewpoint is also very common among people who have been burned in a divorce though. It certainly is an attitude I screen against.

 

 

My upbringing dictated that I come to the table from a position of strength, in the spirit of mutual sharing. Of course, I'm not a martyr. I want to give AND to receive, both...

 

 

OTOH, I might also need to acknowledge that there are a lot of people who, for whatever reason, may not have been socially equipped or FEEL able to be an equal partner when the time to find that partner was ideal.

 

 

That is how I feel now... Lots of people simply don't realize how much more difficult it is to find relationship oriented or commitment oriented people when they are older... Perhaps they viewed relationships/marriage as taking away from their career growth, life goals, etc... then, by the time they are finally ready... the ship has sailed on finding someone who is interested in that.

 

 

As much as I'd like to find a partner now, there are simply things that are out of my hands. Those times I get mad at the world... me marrying the wrong person or maybe doing some things wrong when I was married... my fiancée dying when he did... That's what I get mad about. Being stuck at this age with most of the people who are best suited for marriage and most compatible with me already taken. Round peg, square hole indeed.

 

 

Anyway, I'll pop out of this mood soon enough. I do feel I ought to make a decision on the never married though... so I don't waste anyone's time. I suppose it wouldn't kill me to try and get to know them though... find out first hand rather than jump to conclusions.

[Under The Radar]

That's a really good analogy... and maybe what I'm getting to with the possibility that, fundamentally, I may be incompatible with someone who views commitment or a life shared with someone as a chore or a burden... or who views interdependency is somehow weak. I agree that the possibility of that viewpoint is likely higher among those who have reached a certain age and never married. That viewpoint is also very common among people who have been burned in a divorce though. It certainly is an attitude I screen against.

 

 

My upbringing dictated that I come to the table from a position of strength, in the spirit of mutual sharing. Of course, I'm not a martyr. I want to give AND to receive, both...

 

 

OTOH, I might also need to acknowledge that there are a lot of people who, for whatever reason, may not have been socially equipped or FEEL able to be an equal partner when the time to find that partner was ideal.

 

 

That is how I feel now... Lots of people simply don't realize how much more difficult it is to find relationship oriented or commitment oriented people when they are older... Perhaps they viewed relationships/marriage as taking away from their career growth, life goals, etc... then, by the time they are finally ready... the ship has sailed on finding someone who is interested in that.

 

 

As much as I'd like to find a partner now, there are simply things that are out of my hands. Those times I get mad at the world... me marrying the wrong person or maybe doing some things wrong when I was married... my fiancée dying when he did... That's what I get mad about. Being stuck at this age with most of the people who are best suited for marriage and most compatible with me already taken. Round peg, square hole indeed.

 

 

Anyway, I'll pop out of this mood soon enough. I do feel I ought to make a decision on the never married though... so I don't waste anyone's time. I suppose it wouldn't kill me to try and get to know them though... find out first hand rather than jump to conclusions.

 

 

 

 

 

The last sentence in this post says it all; you never know who could be an amazing match for you.

[Robert Z]

And if it won't happen, if i won't meet someone ... then it won't be that big of a deal either.

Robert z pretty much showed me i should not be ashamed for choosing that route.

 

 

 

I did? How did I do that?