Sex after the breakup as "friends"??

[Jaylene]

I was dating this guy for 5 months. After ups and downs,and just not getting along too well, he tols me that he wanted to be friends. We had a long talk and mutually decided that it was a good idea so that we would not end up hating eachother adn could at least reatin the freindship that we had. Mind you, we both agreed that we cared for eachother, but were just arguing too much.

 

It has been about two weeks, adn even though I am trying to move on adn forget about it, I miss him. Anyway, we spoke on the phone yesterday and did some heavy flirting and talked about how it would be for us to be freinds but still have sex. We both agreed it was not a good idea because our emotions woudl propbably get the better of us adn things are still too fresh between us. I was hinting that I missed him in a flirting, indirect way, but was scared to tell him that I want to try this relationship out again.

 

I am aware that it is probably more practical to just stay friends for now, but I am scared that if we wait too long, any feelings that are still left will die out. I know that he cares for me, but is scared about us making a mistake. I am so confused and frustrated. I want him back as my boyfriend, not a friend.

 

Thanks in advance for any advice ro opinions..

[Rachel]

Friends dont' have sex with eachother. I think this guy is still definitely interested in you.

 

Why don't you give him some space. Like a couple of weeks. I think he might come around.

[Tony T]

There had to be some sane and rational reason why the two of you broke up in the first place. Two people who are in a mutually satisfying and happy relationship usually do not split. They normally don't stay close friends for too long either because they move on in other romantic directions.

 

You have to think back and think hard about the reasons for the break up. You also have to understand that those dynamics probably haven't disappeared and if you got back before enough time had lapsed for one or both of you to grow, the relationship would fall right back into the same uncomfortable circumstances.

 

If after you have considered all the above you really and truly feel you can make this work, just ask him. It may be just the physical closeness and the sex you miss. There are a lot of people who do continue having sex after a friendly breakup but it's usually not a constructive thing to do. If you feel the two of you shared the basis for a really healthy, communicative, give and take relationship with all the right components, there's no reason you shouldn't give this another try.

 

But understand that if he goes along with your wish and tries again, both of you will have to change previous negative behaviors, argue less and compromise more, and just be nicer to each other. Some conflict, accompanied by healthy resolution, is excellent for a relationship but shouldn't be overdone.

 

As far as him losing feelings the longer you wait, that's life. There are actually guys out there you could have a terrific relationship with minus all the arguing you and your ex went through. It just takes patience and energy for one of them to come into your life.

 

Good luck.