4 Months NC update

[realfriends]

Its around the 4 month NC and 5 month BU point. For those who don't know, I was with my ex for a little under 5 years. We both went to the same college and were recently planning on going to grad schools when I found out she cheated on me. It broke my heart and than some.

 

I was nearing the end of the semester, I couldn't study. I woke up every morning and cried. I no longer could go to the gym because I didn't have the mental strength. I lost a lot of weight because I lost all my appetite. My world was crumbling in front of me.

 

I went to a counselor for a while to try to help me clear my head. I somehow made it out of the semester without letting my grades slip. I went NC after sending a few letters and meeting up with her three times to talk about things.

 

Things were hard for the first month or two. I wrote everyday and somedays twice to clear my head. I finally started getting back into the swing of things after the second month. Got back to the gym on a regular basis. Started regaining my weight.

 

I think what has helped me has been change. Not only have I changed my appearance with a new hair cut, but I have done things this semester I have never done. I traveled with friends, picked up sports I've never played, gone out to clubs and bars for the first time and met new friends. Ive continued to focus on school and have realized what more can I do. Theres no going back anymore. I don't plan on hearing from her ever again. Her mind is made up and anyway I look at it, things probably would never be able to work out now.

 

Ive been through some nasty things in my life, seeing my alcoholic father destroy the family, watching my grandmother pass and can honestly say this tops all of them. But as with the other things Ive faced, these mental scars I have accumulated over the year, they slowly fade away. They will be with me until I'm placed in the grave, but they will fade.

 

In general, ive learned a lot but what I think I have learned the most is that ill never get over this completely. Ill just get used to this with time and eventually it'll just become something that makes me a stronger man.

 

To all of those hurting, I really do feel for you. Its hell. But when you are going through hell, keep going. Give yourself time to heal, as I am still doing but put yourself in a position that maximizes how you heal, and that is NC and getting out there. Thank you LS for all you have done for me. I know in the darkest of times, I came here looking for help. You guys have helped so much so once again thank you.