worried my boyfriend wants to cheat on me

[Zahara]

I'm really sorry to hear that happened to you! You're probably right, I'm just finding it really hard to accept

 

Like you said, you would rather go through emotional abuse than be alone -- your inability to have any boundaries due to you having no self-worth makes it difficult for you to set any standards or expectations for yourself. So you just accept whatever, whichever, whenever -- finding it hard to accept what's smack dab in your face.

[TAV]

Ok I know that was a bit of a stupid thing to say, but isn't it still possible that what I said about him showing off is true? He might not want to cheat at all, I did hear him once say to a friend that he's never been unfaithful to me and nor would he want to, and that wasn't that long ago! And he's not a having two people kind of guy - if he really liked this girl and cheated on me with her, he'd probably then leave me for her - but then that leaves the question, why are we booking holidays for 4 or 5 months away? It doesn't make any sense

 

I agree, he sounds too lazy and self-absorbed to keep 2 women at the same time, which means you are gone as soon as some other goose falls for his ways.

[RosieDunne]

He's just messaged me this. I called him twice tonight because I hadn't heard from him for a while and he didn't pick up either times. I last phoned him 2 DAYS AGO.

 

"Why are you calling me everyday? It's really annoying.

I take back what I said about calling me whenever.

If you're seeking a similar relationship to what your friends have, calling their boyfriends everyday, you won't have that with me."

 

What the hell am I meant to respond to that?? I'm tempted to just say we need to talk and end it. But I'm not ready. And he's really hurt me.

He's also gone offline so I can't talk to him.

[Zahara]

He's just messaged me this. I called him twice tonight because I hadn't heard from him for a while and he didn't pick up either times. I last phoned him 2 DAYS AGO.

 

"Why are you calling me everyday? It's really annoying.

I take back what I said about calling me whenever.

If you're seeking a similar relationship to what your friends have, calling their boyfriends everyday, you won't have that with me."

 

What the hell am I meant to respond to that?? I'm tempted to just say we need to talk and end it. But I'm not ready. And he's really hurt me.

He's also gone offline so I can't talk to him.

 

OP, what to do with you? There you have it. From the horse's mouth. There is no love. He does not love you.

 

There is nothing to talk about.

[Zahara]

Rosie, I will tell you this. The way he spoke to you comes from a place where he doesn't have any respect for you. It's contemptous. When a woman presents herself as lacking dignity and self-respect, men find that very unattractive, but attractive enough to abuse and use. They don't view you as equal or potential partner. He sounds bored and he's just putting up with you -- why -- because you're easy, you don't pose as a challenge, and he knows you'll just exist for him. I hate to sound mean but it's apparent.

 

The way he just spoke to you, he cut you at the knees. He put you in your place. He made you aware of his terms and by no means are your needs of any importance to him.

 

There is nothing to talk about.

[ExpatInItaly]

He's just messaged me this. I called him twice tonight because I hadn't heard from him for a while and he didn't pick up either times. I last phoned him 2 DAYS AGO.

 

"Why are you calling me everyday? It's really annoying.

I take back what I said about calling me whenever.

If you're seeking a similar relationship to what your friends have, calling their boyfriends everyday, you won't have that with me."

 

What the hell am I meant to respond to that?? I'm tempted to just say we need to talk and end it. But I'm not ready. And he's really hurt me.

He's also gone offline so I can't talk to him.

 

You don't.

 

Rosie, he's just told you VERY clearly he won't give you what you want. You want a relationship, and he doesn't. He's an assh**e. You might not be ready to end it, but he obviously is. I wouldn't be surprised if he's already cheating on you, to be totally honest. He's keeping you away for a reason. Think about that. What the hell is he up to when he disappears? Don't moan about and wait to find out. Get the hell away from him.

 

He's more or less already pulled the plug on this. You're just not really taking the hint at this point. You can't make things work when the other person doesn't want to.

[RosieDunne]

I thought about just writing "No, I'm not. I rang because we need to talk." (aka break up) and get straight to the point. But I wasn't sure. I'm worried he won't care at all, after two years, he might just be like yeah fine. It would crush me. Part of me still wants this to work out, the other part wants to kick him in the balls and never think of him again. I'm going to his house tomorrow so I can't decide whether to send the message and let him think about it all day at work or if I should just wait to see him in person? I'm worried I won't be able to be firm in person if I don't send this. He'll just be cute again and win me over with affection. But then again if I do send it, he might not let me see him and it might just be over like that. I'm not sure if I'm ready to end it. He's still going along with it even if it is only when I'm there.

[Zahara]

I thought about just writing "No, I'm not. I rang because we need to talk." (aka break up) and get straight to the point. But I wasn't sure. I'm worried he won't care at all, after two years, he might just be like yeah fine. It would crush me. Part of me still wants this to work out, the other part wants to kick him in the balls and never think of him again. I'm going to his house tomorrow so I can't decide whether to send the message and let him think about it all day at work or if I should just wait to see him in person? I'm worried I won't be able to be firm in person if I don't send this. He'll just be cute again and win me over with affection. But then again if I do send it, he might not let me see him and it might just be over like that. I'm not sure if I'm ready to end it. He's still going along with it even if it is only when I'm there.

 

He's already showing you he doesn't care. There is no care and there is no love. Ending it with you only seals the deal and makes you face finality.

 

Part of you wants to work it out? How do you work it out and when only one person wants to work it out? It takes two people, involved and invested to work it out.

 

Please do not go to his house. I'm not sure what to say to you anymore. The way you're clinging and this sense of obliviousness and denial is concerning. You clearly have a severe issue with abandonment. Whether you confront him or not, HE IS TELLING you he cannot give you what you need.

[TAV]

I thought about just writing "No, I'm not. I rang because we need to talk." (aka break up) and get straight to the point. But I wasn't sure. I'm worried he won't care at all, after two years, he might just be like yeah fine. It would crush me. Part of me still wants this to work out, the other part wants to kick him in the balls and never think of him again. I'm going to his house tomorrow so I can't decide whether to send the message and let him think about it all day at work or if I should just wait to see him in person? I'm worried I won't be able to be firm in person if I don't send this. He'll just be cute again and win me over with affection. But then again if I do send it, he might not let me see him and it might just be over like that. I'm not sure if I'm ready to end it. He's still going along with it even if it is only when I'm there.

 

Rosie, somewhere deep inside you there is a strong woman. The woman you will be at one point in the distant future. The woman you will have to be because life is no bed of roses, as I'm sure you know already. Try to appeal to that woman inside of you and find the strength to stand up to him, tell him this is not ok and that you can do better than him. Also, you don't need his approval to step out of the relationship. Yes, you can have a conversation with him about it but it's your decision. Say no to him and yes to yourself.

I'm afraid you are intent on going on a road that will lead you to post many more threads here like this one and each time you won't listen to the general advice. And that's so very sad.

[RosieDunne]

I am listening, and I appreciate very much your advice. I'm closer than I've ever been to ending things. If I don't do it tonight, I will do it tomorrow. Or at least I will try. But it's not totally one sided. That message indicates he doesn't want to ring me every night, but I knew that about him anyway. He's very self contained, wants his free time in the week to himself. But that doesn't mean he doesn't still care when he does see me. He's been prone to getting angry in the week because he's so tired, but at the weekend he generally realises he's been wrong and apologises and gives me plenty of love. I don't know.

[justwhoiam]

Rosie, the amount of excuses you're coming up with to justify any behavior is incredible!

 

You rang him. He didn't accept the call. He REFUSED to get ANY call from you, because he didn't feel like talking to you.

 

You could have had some accident. What boyfriend wouldn't pick the call ON PURPOSE?? Unless he can't that very moment, but then he'd call back and say:

Hi honey, I was at the gym/in a meeting (younameit) when you called me. Are you alright?

 

Then if he can't be on the phone for too long, he will say: Ok. Now I really got to go. Do you mind if we talk later/at XXX pm tonight?

 

He's prompting you to break up. Don't miss the chance!!!

 

And do not go there this weekend. And if he contacts you asking why you didn't show up, you can wait a couple of days before answering and THEN say: Oh, hi. I realized I won't have anything with you, so why bother? Take care and good luck with your next girlfriend. I'm moving on. You should too.

 

After that, go no contact for good. Do not rise to the bait. Whatever he may tell you.

[Michelle ma Belle]

There have been some incredibly insightful responses here and you'd be a fool not to listen to them. I don't have much more to add since so much has already been covered over and over again but I will say this;sometimes we see what we want to believe. Otherwise known as willful ignorance. I think this is very much the case for you and this relationship. Making excuses for him isn't hurting anyone except you. Be careful.

[Zahara]

Rosie, as I said before I don't think LS is the place for you. You are so hardwired that nothing anyone provides you here will help you or will help you see. Advice will always be rebutted with an excuse, a justification, a reason, etc. It's futile having to repeat over and over again.

 

I hate to say this but someone like you will have to get beaten over the head over and over again until you're tired and defeated, and you cannot take it anymore, only then on our own free will, you will exit. Until then, we will all be spinning wheels.

[RosieDunne]

Ok, once again thank you all very much for your responses. I know it may seem like you're just repeating yourselves trying to drill the truth into me, but it is helping me.

So, despite perhaps not being the best idea, I did go to his house this weekend and I did go with intentions of breaking up with him. I thought it through all week and every night and every morning and every evening. I kept going over all your comments and convincing myself it was the right thing to do, despite feeling like it was the worst decision I could make. I told myself that I deserved better and that he can't really love me, and that I need to get out before I get even more hurt. I'd gone over everything I was going to say a million times in my head, I hadn't packed properly because I intended to leave that same night and I wanted to not give myself a choice. But then I got there, and I know you all said it was a silly idea because he'd win me over with affection, which he did, but I owed it to myself to do it person, because I needed to be sure.

 

What happened wasn't really what I was expecting at all. He was nice to me as always and considerate and I was angry with him for how he'd spoken to me during the week and he laughed, saying that it was meant jokily because he loves how I react when I'm angry. He likes me to be firm with him, so when I'm angry he gets me being firm with him, maybe that's why he does it in the first place..? anyway, he didn't in any way try to defend himself, he said he knew he was being horrible but sometimes he can't help himself, and that it's just his personality. Which it is. It's not meant maliciously, he just seems to find it entertaining to wind people (especially me) up. It's also not just me he's been speaking to like this, I found out he spoke the same to his mum and told her off for calling him a couple of times during the week as well, so it's not like he's just lashing out at me. Anyway, all this sort of got sorted and we were having a nice evening, but it was still in the back of my mind that tomorrow I should break up with him.

Then we went to bed, and after watching some programmes we started talking, quite a deep talk. We spoke about our relationship and I know with absolute certainty everything said in this conversation was the absolute truth, whether you believe it or not. We were talking about us in general and when I asked him to be truthful he said he didn't want to say what he was thinking because he didn't want to hurt me. I got really worried, thinking he was going to confess about liking someone else or something. He would not tell me at all and I had to convince him for ages that I wouldn't be upset before he did. He said he doesn't think it's fair on me how we don't have sex and he doesn't understand why it doesn't work. He explained to me that the boobs issue was a lot stronger than I thought - that he needs incredibly (stupidly large actually) breasts for sex to work for him. He said that it didn't work with his ex either and a lot of the girls he used to take home when he was at university it also didn't work with simply because they didn't have massive breasts. He assured me he finds me incredibly attractive, which he must because we do other sexual things very successfully - but he just can't have sex and he can't understand that, but it's always been like that with everyone. I was quite surprised to hear him bring this topic up actually, I thought it didn't bug him at all, that it was only me who always thinks about it, but it felt like he was confiding in me the main problem with our relationship which I felt was really good because it showed the main problem wasn't him wanting to cheat, he obviously was just thinking about the topic of sex, I don't know. Anyway, he seems to relate the problem to large breasts and the fact I (like loads of other girls he fancied in the past) don't have them. But the fact that it hasn't worked SO many times in the past makes me think he has some kind of underlying psychological problem. He's drilled it into his head that he can't have sex unless he's staring at big boobs, therefore he can't because he believes he can't. But this obsession is just ridiculous. He says even my friend (who has size double D/E breasts and is always who I refer to if talking about big boobs) has boobs that are too small. I find it kind of stupid, because they're clearly not small, but he literally wants someone with bloody size F's or something, which my C/D cup can't measure up to. But this is the reason it doesn't work and we both acknowledged that fundamentally, it's kind of strange to have a relationship where you don't have sex. He says he feels emasculated by it, INCREDIBLY, and it's why he won't let me bring it up or even try to have sex, and I suspect it's why he's admiring other women as well - because he wants to make himself feel like he can be sexual. But the truth is he just can't do it. I don't know why that is. As soon as he puts the condom on he just loses it and I've suggested perhaps he has some kind of erectile dysfunction related thing but he insists it because he doesn't have the large breasts to look at. He won't go to the doctors like I once suggested. Personally I think this is just what he wants to believe, but who knows. We've tried watching porn in the past with girls who had massive breasts and it STILL didn't work so his theory doesn't really check our because surely it should have worked then? He has absolutely no problem when it comes to me getting him off in other ways, he just can't perform with a condom. But then it still doesn't make sense because his ex had the injection which means you don't need condoms and he said it didn't work with her either. Anyway, he says he finds me very attractive but just feels really guilty that he can't have sex with me. He also said that he loves me very much, because I told him that I wasn't sure he did anymore seeing as he's always so distant during the week. I know it's easy for him to lie and say he loves me, but he really wasn't lying. He meant it, and I'm not just being delusional. He told me how much he would miss me if I wasn't there anymore and he says he knows he can be crappy sometimes but to please keep loving him. He said if we were to break up, he'd want me to do - for it to be on my terms, my break up so that I could feel like I made the right decision and he could be the one that hurt. He said he definitely won't be leaving me anytime soon but sometimes he's scared I'm going to leave him (which is ironic because that was the plan, even though he didn't know that) and he would want me to have better because I deserve better. He said he would miss me incredibly and he doesn't know what he would do without me - that it would make him very sad to look at his empty bed on weekends and not be able to spend them with me anymore. He admitted that he would cry for a long time and be very upset for a very long time if I were to leave. He also added "please don't leave me" and also said that incidentally, now would be the worst possible time I could leave him because of how much he depends on me for happiness at the moment what with being so stressed at work..(surely he wouldn't say that if he really had his eye on someone else - which I'm more and more sure isn't true) he said he would be even more lonely now without me and he said how much he's been looking forward to doing all these lovely things and holidays etc with me now he can finally have money. We spoke for a very long time and it was the middle of the night, he'd been falling asleep but woke up for the conversation to input how serious he was about everything. It's complicated, I know you probably won't believe me and say I'm making excuses for him again. But he really does love me, and I still love him too. I don't quite understand his problem with sex, but maybe if we could fix it things would be ok? I was sort of dancing around the subject of this girl from work - asking him doesn't he miss sex? And he admitted that he never really liked it that much, that he prefers doing other things (aka with hands) but that he does miss it. He does actually WANT to have sex with me which I don't understand at all. He said it was the same with his ex but he also didn't really like her so added to that it's why they broke up. But he told me personality wise, he's never met a girl more perfect than me so he wants to make it work with me. We do literally have everything in common and we love all the same things and always want to do the same things. Everything seems to click and always works so well. And ok so maybe I could find a man who would want to have sex with me all the time - but I don't think he'd ever be as similar to me as my boyfriend is now. He said it's why he never wants to lose me - because he loves everything about me so much, that he's never found a girl who has all the same interests as him and matches him so well. (And he could easily get any girl he wanted because he's very handsome) I don't really understand what our relationship is. But it does work. If only we had sex I wouldn't have any problems, and I do mean that, I'm not just making myself believe I do. I know you're all going to point me back to this message about the girl from work - but like I say, there's no way it can be serious because he wouldn't even be able to have sex with her anyway. I said to him that surely he must admire other girls seeing as we don't have sex and must want to cheat on me (hinting about this girl) but he genuinely didn't seem interested in that at all, he stands firm by the fact that he'd never cheat on me and he has no desire to anyway. You say he's lying to me, but I know when he's lying and that wasn't a lie. He said he's very happy with me, assured me of it many times as I kept saying I didn't think he was. But he seemed so genuine, I don't know how to describe to you how truthful it was. But the gist of this whole conversation was, he loves me very much but the fact we don't have sex is a problem and he wants to try and fix it but I said (not him) if we can't we might end up just drifting apart. It was a mutual opinion, we both said how strange it is that we don't have sex, but also agreed how happy we are. It's really a very weird problem and I don't suppose anyone will really understand this, but I hope you do.

So the resolution of it all is, I'm not going to leave him just yet. I want to work on this together and see what we can do, if nothing works then yeah - maybe at some point our time together is over. But right now I do still really love him and I know he does too and going with the intention of breaking up with him was the hardest thing I've ever done. I didn't eat a single thing for 5 days last week because I was so upset over the idea of having to leave him. It's not right. It shouldn't make me feel that miserable. I'll know when it's right to break up with him, when we really don't love each other anymore. And now isn't that moment.

 

So basically, does anyone have any advice on what to do, or even on what to think of all of this? I'm sorry it's so long, I just can't get my head around how strange our situation is. Because we do literally think EXACTLY the same about everything. On the one hand, maybe we should end things, but on the other hand we still love each other too much so we don't want to which totally nullifies the first option. I did actually say to him maybe he just thinks he loves me but actually he only loves me as a friend? And he very firmly said no to that suggestion, he said he knows he mentioned once that maybe we're more like friends because we don't have sex but he said he realised how ridiculously wrong he was. He said he's never thought that again because he does see me as a girlfriend - he is very sexually attracted to me and he has strong romantic feelings for me, not just friendly ones. He says he wishes we can stay together and work things out, because he's never met someone he wants to be with more. What am I supposed to do with all that?

[Carenth]

If you listen to no one else, go read my story. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/long-distance-relationships/469385-when-all-goes He doesn't care about you or respect you. This is a toxic relationship. Have the courage to walk away from someone who is abusive to you like this. Have some self respect and dignity. You deserve better. This guy is utter scum, don't be my ex and settle for the bottom of the barrel. He doesn't love you. Someone who loves you wouldn't treat you like this. If you want to continue been miserable then continue to allow him to emotionally manipulate you. "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it".

 

Walk away. NOW.

Edited March 31, 2014 by Carenth

[Zahara]

He's a manipulative scumbag. This boob crap, even if it's a psychological issue with him, how can a person that is hardwired this way even understand the concept of healthy love. His love is skewed, it's shallow and it isn't genuine.

 

Just reading that made my skin crawl.

[Emilia]

Just reading that made my skin crawl.

Yes, me too.

[Zahara]

"I was angry with him for how he'd spoken to me during the week and he laughed, saying that it was meant jokily because he loves how I react when I'm angry. He likes me to be firm with him, so when I'm angry he gets me being firm with him, maybe that's why he does it in the first place..?"

 

And there is nothing healthy about a man that antagonizes a woman because he likes to see how she reacts when she is angry. It's called manipulation. It's called control. It's done to make you crazy so you're left feeling vulnerable and affected. Everytime he gets you in emotional turmoil, he sinks another hook in you. And when that happens, he gains a stronger hold on you. There is nothing cute or normal about a healthy partner saying things to upset the other because they like seeing them react. Again, he's a scumbag.

[RosieDunne]

Carenth - thank you for your response, I did read your story and I'm really sorry to hear this happened to you! I'm glad you've managed to pick yourself up from it though, hope you're happy now! I don't think we're in very similar situations though, my boyfriend doesn't have anyone like that, we spend all our free time with each other and he very much loves me. I know what we have is a weird situation, but the time we spend together makes me not really care because of how happy we are. It's just this sex problem really, but I've come to the decision that he's not going to cheat on me - emotionally or physically. He seems very committed to me, I am 98% sure of this (there's always going to be some doubt and there was that comment he made). He's so determined on making us work though and I can see how genuinely he cares for me.

 

Zahara & Emilia - I do appreciate your opinions, and I guess the whole concept is kind of perverted. But I suppose every man has their fantasy? His just happens to be boobs.. I know it seems shallow and horrible, but it's not like that because of the fact that he does love me and has put all this time and effort into the relationship despite me not having the boobs he perhaps wants. He's not so shallow that he can't love me just because of my body, and he does actually find my body very attractive - as I say, I have no problem in arousing him and satisfying him in other ways. It's literally just sex. The fact that he hasn't tried to cheat on me and see if it works with other girls shows that he's not shallow. I know it's a bit of a horrible concept, but I don't think it warrants leaving him over. I am very happy in this relationship, I'm not sure how to explain to you all how what we have is really good, but it really is. I couldn't be happier with him, and I've learnt to live with not having sex with him, as hard as that was. I just hope you believe me, because if we could just have sex I wouldn't dream about changing him for anyone. He even told me I was his soulmate even though he doesn't believe in that stuff. He says my personality is everything he's ever wanted, that doesn't make him shallow!

[letmoc]

This man is draining you. The best thing that could happen to you is for him to leave you for that girl at work, but he won't. Not because he loves you, but because he won't leave until he has drained the life out of you. Trust me I was with a man just like this.

[RosieDunne]

"I was angry with him for how he'd spoken to me during the week and he laughed, saying that it was meant jokily because he loves how I react when I'm angry. He likes me to be firm with him, so when I'm angry he gets me being firm with him, maybe that's why he does it in the first place..?"

 

And there is nothing healthy about a man that antagonizes a woman because he likes to see how she reacts when she is angry. It's called manipulation. It's called control. It's done to make you crazy so you're left feeling vulnerable and affected. Everytime he gets you in emotional turmoil, he sinks another hook in you. And when that happens, he gains a stronger hold on you. There is nothing cute or normal about a healthy partner saying things to upset the other because they like seeing them react. Again, he's a scumbag.

 

Perhaps - he does says he manipulates me, that he's fully aware that he's antagonising me and I should put him in his place but I don't think it's that bad. It was when it hurt me, but those comments don't really bother me anymore, and he knows it. He's not getting a stronger hook on me because I've gotten to the point where I can just rise above his comments and not get upset by them. He's not really making me vulnerable anymore, perhaps I'm already vulnerable but his manipulation isn't really succeeding. I don't think he does it with serious intentions of hurting me, it's just sort of a playful thing. Maybe it is a bit scumbaggy - but it's just his personality and it took a while to understand him but I do get his character now. He's just like that, and he's like that with everyone - including his mum. I don't really know how I can change that? Maybe you're right that it's out of order, but I don't know what I'm meant to do about it without leaving him? I've fixed my mindset that I CAN leave him if I want to, but I still don't want to. I am happy, I am really really happy. He even convinced me to stay last night on a work night because he wanted to spend another night with me and I'd really wanted to stay.

[Zahara]

What are you looking for from LS? I say this again and again -- there is nothing anyone can provide you that is going to make you wake up and see.

 

We are all spinning wheels.

 

You WILL NOT get anyone here condoning or approving this relationship with him.

 

You are skewed. He is skewed. Both of you are two emotionally unhealthy people that cling to each other because you both enable each other's psychosis.

 

Please see a mental health professional. You've conditioned yourself to be emotionally and mentally abused. You said it yourself that you would rather that than be alone. Therefore, nothing anyone says here will help you undo that mindset that you have already conformed yourself to live by.

[RosieDunne]

This man is draining you. The best thing that could happen to you is for him to leave you for that girl at work, but he won't. Not because he loves you, but because he won't leave until he has drained the life out of you. Trust me I was with a man just like this.

 

Thanks for your input, sorry to hear this happened to you! I don't understand why he want to do this though? He's not really trying to inflict permanent damage on me, he plays around with my emotions a bit but he isn't trying to hurt me and he does love me. I wish I could record our time together and show it to you all because I can't explain it in a way that makes anyone understand me. But our relationship is GOOD, I really really do not want to leave - it's not because I can't, or because he's tricking me or lying to me, I'm just quite simply really happy with a man who quite evidently cares about me. And he can be a bit of a jerk sometimes but no man is perfect. I doubt anyone would ever treat me exactly how I wanted? They might not play with my emotions from time to time, but I'm sure they also wouldn't so something that my current boyfriend does do that I really like. I just think you can't have it all, and this happens to be his flaw. I really don't want to leave him, does noone have any faith in it at all? I'm really hoping for help, I don't want to be told to leave because I'm not going to. Maybe one day, but not while he makes me happy, it doesn't make any sense to me!

[RosieDunne]

What are you looking for from LS? I say this again and again -- there is nothing anyone can provide you that is going to make you wake up and see.

 

We are all spinning wheels.

 

You WILL NOT get anyone here condoning or approving this relationship with him.

 

You are skewed. He is skewed. Both of you are two emotionally unhealthy people that cling to each other because you both enable each other's psychosis.

 

Please see a mental health professional. You've conditioned yourself to be emotionally and mentally abused. You said it yourself that you would rather that than be alone. Therefore, nothing anyone says here will help you undo that mindset that you have already conformed yourself to live by.

 

I do appreciate this. I guess I just hoped someone might understand it from my point of view, I really want someone to see it from my shoes because it's so frustrating as we really are happy!! We don't have sex but that's the only problem, I know this thread is entitled that I'm worried about him cheating, but I'm honestly not really worried about that anymore. And I don't think it's anything to do with us as he's experienced it so many times before - I do think it's some kind of medical problem and I hoped maybe someone had experienced a similar thing? I appreciate your answers though, I keep rereading your messages, and perhaps you're right that I do need to see someone. I wouldn't have any idea of how to go about that though, I'd be way too scared. I don't think I could ever talk to a therapist. Perhaps if I could do it online so I wouldn't have to see them I would, but I just hate having to go in person about things that are embarrassing or upsetting.

[Carenth]

Our situation is the same in that you are in a abusive relationship. I'm sorry but this guy has erectile dysfunction and rather than been an adult and getting help. He blames you for not having am unrealistic physical fetish ( which is a load of **** by the way ). That is some ****ed up level 10 creeper stuff right there. Not to mention emotionally abusive. Forget the fact he talks about possibly cheating on you. That is not a joke or trying to be cool that is someone who doesn't care about you.

 

If you don't leave you are saying you are fine been treated like trash. You are not trash right? Then stand up for yourself and walk away. I know it's hard but you will never be happy in this toxic relationship.

Edited March 31, 2014 by Carenth