Am I being crazy, or are my concerns about this situation legitimate

[rachelssecret5]

I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for about 8 months now, and we’re both 23 years old. We get along fairly well, and are also very compatible. I do, however, have some concerns. Prior to getting with my boyfriend, I told him I was still on good terms with my ex-boyfriend, and he was fine with it. About 2-3 months into our relationship, I found out about a girl who my boyfriend was very close to. In December, he got very busy with work (he works with this girl as well) and always seemed to be “stressed”. We barely met in the two weeks during the holiday break because he was working so often, and he also began to neglect me during this time – barely talking to me, being rude, and less affectionate. I chalked his behaviour up as stress from work though, and let it go. Shortly thereafter, I found out he was also hanging out with this girl (going to the mall, eating out etc). He told me that they used to like each other before, but nothing happened of it, and nothing could happen due to their religious differences. I was annoyed that he didn’t tell me about her earlier as I made my relationship with my ex very clear from the get go to prevent conflict. Nevertheless, I let it go again, as he said he would tell me when he was hanging out with her, and assured me she was aware of our relationship. Fast forward to February, my boyfriend went on vacation for a month. During this time, this girl became overly active on his facebook – and all my friends were telling me how obvious it was how desperate she was for my boyfriend. It annoyed me as well, but I didn’t let it get to me. Recently, my boyfriend has been telling me how she’s pissed at him often, and is obviously very envious of my relationship with him. Despite all this, they both talk frequently as they still work together, but he has considerably cut down how much he hangs out with her.

 

 

 

Yesterday, my boyfriend went into his “weird, rude, less affectionate” mode claiming he was stressed about work AGAIN. Instantly this reminded me of his behaviour in December. I feel like every time he goes into his weird mode, it has something to do with THAT girl. He also tweeted about how he hasn’t hung out at a certain place since December (he only went to the place with that girl) so I instantly felt like his weird mode had to do something with her again. I’ve talked to him about his December phase, and he reassured me that she means nothing to her. He’s a great guy otherwise, and gives me a lot of time and attention, and I really trust him (although I don't trust that girl). However, when he gets “weird” I KNOW it has something to do with her. I’ve seen him under stress otherwise, and he definitely doesn’t take it out on me. Am I being crazy, or are my concerns legitimate?

[oz-missy]

Legitimate, legitimate, legitimate.

 

I had this inkling as well with a girl that was hanging around. He would be all normal, but when she was in the picture he would go "weird". One day the three of us (yes him, the crazy b!+ch and me) were at the pub but I had to go meet some friends. Later I got a message from him saying he was sick and was going to go to sleep. I had this sixth sense that something was up and still came over to his house. Let myself in and what do I find? Oh yes the two of them naked in bed.

 

If you have a gut instinct, follow it. It just knows what our brains are trying to trick us to not pick up.

[PegNosePete]

I really trust him (although I don't trust that girl).

See, this makes no sense. If you trust him then you trust him not to do anything bad, no matter what she does or says. You don't trust her... what do you think she's going to do, lead him astray? If you think that's possible then you don't trust him to say "no".

 

But - definitely legitimate concerns. It sounds as though their relationship is not very appropriate at all. That is not to say he is definitely cheating, but he is not telling her strongly enough that he is not interested, he is accepting her bad behaviour and continued affections.

[Arieswoman]

rachelsecret5,

Please, please, listen to your gut instinct.

 

My exH started this sort of behaviour when he started to get emotionally involved with his AP. I put it down to "stress at work" and tried to be extra nice to him to support him. It didn't work. All he did was get more distant and more nasty.

 

There is definitely something going on. I don't know how far this has gone but you need to have a think about whether or not you want to continue like this.

 

Good Luck.

Edited March 25, 2014 by Arieswoman
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[theediblewoman]

Like others have said, beware. This relationship with the other girl definitely seems a little off. When my ex boyfriend started hanging out with a girl and it seemed like they liked each other he eventually started using the "stressed at work excuse" and took it out on me. I think he was just feeling guilty because he had been cheating with her for a few months until I finally figured it out. Listen to your intuition and remember no one has your best interest in mind as much as much as you do. If something doesn't feel right, it often means one of your boundaries is being crossed and you should pay attention to that even if he isn't cheating,something isn't sitting right with you.