I'm scared.

[mangetout]

He does care about you. It's impossible for him not to when he shared five years of his life together with you.

 

What he is doing is putting his needs first (as usual). You have to be strong girl.

 

My ex did the same. He wanted a break. Then he wanted more so I ended it like you did. He changed his mind two months later and wanted to work on it but he cancelled out on me on the last minute.

 

This BU has been an emotional nightmare for me and I now I am soooo tired of the way he makes me feel. I have had enough.

 

You will get to the point where you no longer care if he is missing you.

The day you swipe him off that pedestal is the day you really start to heal because YOU will become more important. This is where I am now. I still cry every day but it doesn't take over. I let the tears. Out, the self pity for a few minutes a day and refocus my attention back to me.

 

Just remember your self worth. You have a lot to offer the right person. It's him with the issues.

[mangetout]

Pls don't behave the way I did for the first three months of my BU. I begged, pleaded, cried, sent angry text messages...

 

I am so ashamed of myself. This is not me. Remember who you are. Keep your pride.

[Kilty]

Pls don't behave the way I did for the first three months of my BU. I begged, pleaded, cried, sent angry text messages...

 

I am so ashamed of myself. This is not me. Remember who you are. Keep your pride.

 

Dont worry about that. Most of us have done that once including me and for longer than 3 months

 

Not constantly however - just every so often breaking NC in the hope she would relent.

 

Eventually it gets acrimonious and it ends a bad break up - but thats just our emotions leading us all the way down that path

 

We also pretend to ourselves that by doing this we make getting back together impossible and wish we hadnt but the reality is there was never any going back.

 

At the time we realise that emotions are getting the better of us and we no longer want to feel the way we do so this is why we end up saying things we regret as our minds make us think when there is no way back we will feel better - which we dont.

 

Treat it as a learning experience so we know how to react next time

[lioness84]

Pls don't behave the way I did for the first three months of my BU. I begged, pleaded, cried, sent angry text messages...

 

I am so ashamed of myself. This is not me. Remember who you are. Keep your pride.

 

Yes, I can soooo relate to what you're saying! Really, thank you your words bring me back to the reality! I'd like to skype with you if you ever have the time to do so! sbrunette1984 Thanks again girl!

[mangetout]

Lioness I need to download skype first... Wil try to do so this weekend. I counted my NC days and you are a day ahead of me.

 

This is so damn hard but it has to be done. You need to show him that you can live life without him. You need to remind him of who he fell in love with...a strong, independent woman who doesn't take nonsense from people.

 

Disappear from his life...let him begin to wonder why YOU are not contacting him. No matter if he is the dumper, he has an ego. By you not contacting him will affect his ego. Let him really feel what it's like to not have you in his life.

[mangetout]

All I did was feed my exes blasted ego with my constant begging,pleading and anger. The more I did it , the more he gloated. Must have been a nice feeling for him to think he could have me as plan B.

 

No more. I am sure he is expecting me to crumble because I have managed no more than ten days NC in the past.

 

This time he will get a shock of his life lol. Cause I won't be contacting him and if that means forever then so be it. Why chase something that is not worthy of your love anyway.

 

Life is too short and there is love out there to be found when you are ready

[lioness84]

All I did was feed my exes blasted ego with my constant begging,pleading and anger. The more I did it , the more he gloated. Must have been a nice feeling for him to think he could have me as plan B.

 

No more. I am sure he is expecting me to crumble because I have managed no more than ten days NC in the past.

 

This time he will get a shock of his life lol. Cause I won't be contacting him and if that means forever then so be it. Why chase something that is not worthy of your love anyway.

 

Life is too short and there is love out there to be found when you are ready

 

Definitely!!! Just like my bf/ex I'm always to one to ''cave in'' and made the first steps when we fought, I can't honestly think of a time where he did. Kinda depressing after 5 years isn't it? Today was actually the first time I woke up ''okay'' since the break. I can't explain it and I do miss him but it wasn't as hard as the first days of NC. I dunno, maybe once the two weeks wear off I'll be back to feeling like sh*t .... hopefully tomorrow and this weekend go by smoothly. Last weekend was brutal! Yes you should get skype it would be so great to be able to chat now and then and support each other virtually hahahaha! Be strong, you can do it! I know the humiliating feeling of ''begging'' I've been there girl, not recently ...that was more in the early stages of our relationship but I went through that as well Big hugs to you for keeping NC we can do this!

[lioness84]

By the way, I found the article that I was reading right now on the passive-aggressive man and I recognized my relationship in it so much. I don't know about your ex but I thought I'd share this with you! It's a good read and makes you think! The title says divorce but its really on relationship and marriage with that kind of person.

 

Passive Aggressive Man - What Kind of Woman Marries The Passive Aggressive Man

[Sasukie]

I wonder if age played a role in this..? How old is he?

 

Personally I don't believe in this 2 week business. Ex gf did that to me too, asked for 2 weeks of NC. Said that it wasn't for the purpose of forgetting me. 2 weeks later we had our final talk, tone completely changed from the sad her to a ice cold girl. "U wanna talk? lets get this over with. no point of dragging this out" when i saw that while I was at work I already knew that reconciliation was over.

 

I'm proud of you that you were able to make that decision to let him go like that, its a tough one. But I see it as either you're with me or you aren't. If you can even ask for a break, then no point anymore. Love or you don't.

 

Gambate~

[mangetout]

By the way, I found the article that I was reading right now on the passive-aggressive man and I recognized my relationship in it so much. I don't know about your ex but I thought I'd share this with you! It's a good read and makes you think! The title says divorce but its really on relationship and marriage with that kind of person.

 

Passive Aggressive Man - What Kind of Woman Marries The Passive Aggressive Man

 

OMG! I am that woman!! Makes me vomit lol.

 

No more old me. A new woman is going to evolve from this BU and my future choices in men will be so much more healthier for me.

[Arieswoman]

You're doing good lioness, stay with it.

 

It hurts like stink.

 

Many of us have been there and it's not a good place to be, and I feel for you.

 

Now you need to work on yourself and your self-esteem, put yourself first.

 

Good Luck. x

[mangetout]

Definitely!!! Just like my bf/ex I'm always to one to ''cave in'' and made the first steps when we fought, I can't honestly think of a time where he did. Kinda depressing after 5 years isn't it? Today was actually the first time I woke up ''okay'' since the break. I can't explain it and I do miss him but it wasn't as hard as the first days of NC. I dunno, maybe once the two weeks wear off I'll be back to feeling like sh*t .... hopefully tomorrow and this weekend go by smoothly. Last weekend was brutal! Yes you should get skype it would be so great to be able to chat now and then and support each other virtually hahahaha! Be strong, you can do it! I know the humiliating feeling of ''begging'' I've been there girl, not recently ...that was more in the early stages of our relationship but I went through that as well Big hugs to you for keeping NC we can do this!

 

Yes we can! I cried myself to sleep last night but I have woken up determined to have a good day. Day 10NC. Today is when I usually fall apart and bombard him with messages all day till he literally shouts at me to leave him alone. Does this sound like you too?

 

Do you really want this?How can you stop loving me. Did the years mean nothing to you. Are you seeing someone already. How come you don't miss me. Why don't you love me anymore. I don't understand. What?? You are telling me it's still over god you are the biggest selfish pr@@ck I have ever met. All I did was love you and this is what I get back off you. Are you ignoring me?? Can't believe you are treating me like this? Pls I love you let's make this work. Pls I am sorry for being angry. I am just hurting. Pls stop my pain. Pls

 

Cringe.

Talk about instilling pain onto myself. You see once you stop thinking he is important, the pain goes :-)

Edited April 4, 2014 by mangetout

[Arieswoman]

mangetout,

 

You see once you stop thinking he is important, the pain goes :-)

 

^^^^^^^^^^^

 

You nailed it here, this is the place to aim for.

[mangetout]

I wonder if age played a role in this..? How old is he?

 

Personally I don't believe in this 2 week business. Ex gf did that to me too, asked for 2 weeks of NC. Said that it wasn't for the purpose of forgetting me. 2 weeks later we had our final talk, tone completely changed from the sad her to a ice cold girl. "U wanna talk? lets get this over with. no point of dragging this out" when i saw that while I was at work I already knew that reconciliation was over.

 

I'm proud of you that you were able to make that decision to let him go like that, its a tough one. But I see it as either you're with me or you aren't. If you can even ask for a break, then no point anymore. Love or you don't.

 

Gambate~

 

Totally agree. When someone asks for space it usually means they want to get far away from you. The relationship is over. It takes guts for the dumpee to let them go instantly.

 

You are doing so much better than me Lioness

[Arieswoman]

lioness84,

Thank you so much for your post#33

 

I have now studied the article you linked to about the passive/agressive man, and broke out into a cold sweat;

 

Passive Aggressive Man - What Kind of Woman Marries The Passive Aggressive Man

 

Never in my life have I read anything that described my exH so accurately. I have heard about this personality type, but have never seen it described so clearly.

 

Never once did I question his lack of relationship with his family. Or the fact that he didn’t have any long-standing friendships.

 

He made excuses not to go to his sister's wedding, "because he coudn't get time off work".

When we got married he hadn't got any friends to invite to the wedding only family. The friends that came were my friends.

 

I made his faults my fault. I convinced myself I was not doing enough to keep him happy. The funny thing is, the harder I worked on the relationship the more he withdrew.

 

The passive aggressive husband won’t return his wife’s anger. He will ,get back at her in covert ways though. He will withhold affection, forget important dates…if it is something she needs, he will make sure she doesn’t get it.

 

Oh boy. Enough red flags to stop an express train and I didn't see them.

 

Even 15+ year post divorce I am still able to learn and understand things better.

 

Thank you again lioness84.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

"Once the frustration/anger passes, I'm gonna feel like rock bottom." yea u are but its great that u know this is what will happen and u can atleast try and mentally prepare... I fell into the trap of thinking the anger would last (I can move on better when angry) but no it never did ! x

[mangetout]

"Once the frustration/anger passes, I'm gonna feel like rock bottom." yea u are but its great that u know this is what will happen and u can atleast try and mentally prepare... I fell into the trap of thinking the anger would last (I can move on better when angry) but no it never did ! x

 

 

 

I felt anger made it easier to let go but its still a painful emotion and you are still not letting go in the end. I was still placing too much importance on my ex being angry.

 

 

The aim eventually is indifference. How peaceful is that!

 

 

I think the way forward is to accept that its over and accept you will be very emotional for a while. Just feel them but don't react to them. Like I did with the silly pleading.

All you can do is treat yourself as best as possible during this difficult period.

 

 

Time will make these feelings less intense.

[lioness84]

lioness84,

Thank you so much for your post#33

 

I have now studied the article you linked to about the passive/agressive man, and broke out into a cold sweat;

 

Passive Aggressive Man - What Kind of Woman Marries The Passive Aggressive Man

 

Never in my life have I read anything that described my exH so accurately. I have heard about this personality type, but have never seen it described so clearly.

 

 

 

He made excuses not to go to his sister's wedding, "because he coudn't get time off work".

When we got married he hadn't got any friends to invite to the wedding only family. The friends that came were my friends.

 

 

 

 

 

Oh boy. Enough red flags to stop an express train and I didn't see them.

 

Even 15+ year post divorce I am still able to learn and understand things better.

 

Thank you again lioness84.

 

My pleasure! I know I felt the same when I first read the article, it describes him very well and makes me wonder why I wanna be with someone like that? What does that say about me? Ugh.

 

Day 11 of NC and its not an easy one, mainly because the weekend is here :'( .... ugh. This is the moment I feel the weakest and I wonder why he hasnt reached out, I know isnt it sad I'm still thinking he wil? I deserve better - I deserve better - I deserve better ....repeating this like a mantra.

 

Thanks guys for the encouragement <3

[mangetout]

Hang in there. I know the feeling.

[lioness84]

Day 13 of NC ... yesterday saturday was so hard. I tried going out and keep busy but then got into some major down and I just wanted to stay alone and not do anything. No word from him still. Today I'm hanging out with some friends and then I have to go to bed early because I know monday is gonna suck big time. I think its worst day of the week for me. Tuesday-Wednesday ( depends on how we each decided ) will make the 2 week mark he had asked me for the break will he reach out? I don't know, if he doesn't I can be sure we're done.

 

This week is either gonna be really hard or not and I'm preparing myself for the final heartbreak but it's hard.

 

I've been reading more on passive aggressive men / relationships and it's been helping. I'll keep you updated!