My girlfriend has been cheating on me for the last 5 months

[elseaacych]

I know. I just hope something that my mum said doesn't play on my mind. "Love also includes two things, understanding and forgiveness"

 

Here's a quote that may resonate with you:"Forgiveness doesn't excuse their behavior; forgiveness prevents their behavior from destroying your heart."

 

Forgiveness and acceptance also helps you heal and deal with the loss. It helps you let go.

 

It's okay if you love her, just know that you love yourself more and deserve better.

[TheMink]

This morning she texted me saying that she wanted to meet up with me tonight, which I replied with 'there's nothing to talk about'. And then she said 'I would never willingly sleep with someone when I was with you...' and saying that there's a reason that she wanted to meet up with him last weekend (she asked if I would be ok with it, because at the time we were spending time together).

 

I just don't know what she wants or expects from me, she totally disrespected me and acted so selfishly, and still is.

[Simon Phoenix]

This morning she texted me saying that she wanted to meet up with me tonight, which I replied with 'there's nothing to talk about'. And then she said 'I would never willingly sleep with someone when I was with you...' and saying that there's a reason that she wanted to meet up with him last weekend (she asked if I would be ok with it, because at the time we were spending time together).

 

I just don't know what she wants or expects from me, she totally disrespected me and acted so selfishly, and still is.

 

Stop talking to her dude. She's lying to your face. After your last two relationships, I think you need to be single for a while and build yourself up as an independent, strong man. It's time for you to spend some time on you so you aren't as susceptible to falling for these type of women.

[TheMink]

Okay well I texted her this:

"Stop lying to me. Just stop, you're so selfish. I know the truth now *name*, you can just stop the charade. You have hurt me beyond belief, and I'm not going to let you do it anymore. You scare me"

 

Then she replied with:

"I'll drop off your stuff then soon I just need some time"

 

I don't know why but I just feel sad seeing this whole thing come to an end I guess. It's because this kind of cements everything, and now I'm going to have to face the pain. I'm dissappointed that I thought I had someone that genuinely loved and cared about me.

 

P.S I already took all my clothes and stuff from her house while she was at work yesterday, so there isn't much that I have to get. However, I do still have some of her clothes here and stuff.

[Zahara]

I don't know why but I just feel sad seeing this whole thing come to an end I guess. It's because this kind of cements everything, and now I'm going to have to face the pain. I'm dissappointed that I thought I had someone that genuinely loved and cared about me.\.

 

Better this sadness and pain, which is temporary because you will recover from this, than being in a relationship that will cause you indefinite confusion, hurt and insecurity.

 

If she decides to drop off your stuff, be gone when she does it.

[Simon Phoenix]

Okay well I texted her this:

"Stop lying to me. Just stop, you're so selfish. I know the truth now *name*, you can just stop the charade. You have hurt me beyond belief, and I'm not going to let you do it anymore. You scare me"

 

Then she replied with:

"I'll drop off your stuff then soon I just need some time"

 

I don't know why but I just feel sad seeing this whole thing come to an end I guess. It's because this kind of cements everything, and now I'm going to have to face the pain. I'm dissappointed that I thought I had someone that genuinely loved and cared about me.

 

P.S I already took all my clothes and stuff from her house while she was at work yesterday, so there isn't much that I have to get. However, I do still have some of her clothes here and stuff.

 

It sucks man, and I'm truly sorry that this has happened to you. That being said, please stop talking to her and texting her things. It's not going to help you out. Also, please use this time to start loving and caring about yourself. You need to learn how to happy in your own skin and stop relying on others to provide you that love.

 

As for her clothes, if she texts you back a time she's going to come by, bag up her crap and put it out on your porch. Or just bag it up and drop it by her place. Or mail it. Don't use her stuff as some sort of tool to have a conversation with her.

 

But yeah dude, you need to be single for a while.

[Chi townD]

I agree. Or have a trusted friend handle the exchange of items. You don't need to see her anymore.

 

 

And stop communicating with her.

[Jay77098]

I know. I just hope something that my mum said doesn't play on my mind. "Love also includes two things, understanding and forgiveness"

 

 

Your mum is absolutely right. Love does indeed include understanding and forgiveness. And those two righteous virtues both rest upon a foundation of two bigger and ABSOLUTELY IMPERATIVE relationship virtues: Trust and honesty. If you don't have trust and honesty in your relationship, it doesn't matter how much understanding and forgiveness you have.

 

Ask yourself this question: Is it better to (a) be alone (for a while, until you find someone new, someone better), or (b) be with this woman and ALWAYS be wondering where she is, what she's doing, who she's with??? That is no way to go through life. The anxiety and stress of that situation will drive you mad.

 

I feel for you; this is a tough situation. But I agree with the other posters completely. You need to break it off with this woman, go total NC, and give yourself enough time to heal so that you can get yourself back out there and find someone worthy of your love.

[Arieswoman]

The Mink,

I think you are lucky.

Why?

Because there are some really smart people on this thread giving you some really good advice. Please listen to them.

 

I wish I'd had the benefit of this type of imput years ago when I had relationship issues.

Stay strong.

 

Good Luck.

[TheMink]

She's been messaging me all day saying how sorry she is and that she wants another chance. She said that she was telling her friend (who she works with) that she was having ridiculous amounts of sex with 'steve' to make her jealous because she had been a bitch to her. The messages with this person is the evidence that I have about her cheating on me, and is what made me question her.

 

She said that she only had sex with him once when she was hanging out with him drinking with his friends, and that she passed out. Quote:

 

"I didn't think I would be drunk after only a few drinks Michael. I shouldn't of ever met him in the first place I know that now. I didn't think this would happen.

 

I was just all over the place and I'm so sorry I even went.

 

I made a mistake. I'm stupid and I don't ever think that people would want to take advantage of drunk me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry.

 

I went to see him to ask if it was true. That's why I cried when I saw you. I didn't talk to him for months after that. Months."

 

I don't know if I believe her, but the thing about her friend at least seems plausible. She has begged me all day to try and give her a chance, and I have just been really adamant about my stance about not being able to forgive her. I also held my stance that it was her choice to go and see him, and to drink, and also to remain friends with him even though I had been voicing concern about it ever since they met.

Edited March 26, 2014 by TheMink

[TheMink]

Not really sure what to believe or feel anymore

[Conners]

She's been messaging me all day saying how sorry she is and that she wants another chance. She said that she was telling her friend (who she works with) that she was having ridiculous amounts of sex with 'steve' to make her jealous because she had been a bitch to her. The messages with this person is the evidence that I have about her cheating on me, and is what made me question her.

 

She said that she only had sex with him once when she was hanging out with him drinking with his friends, and that she passed out. Quote:

 

"I didn't think I would be drunk after only a few drinks Michael. I shouldn't of ever met him in the first place I know that now. I didn't think this would happen.

 

I was just all over the place and I'm so sorry I even went.

 

 

 

I made a mistake. I'm stupid and I don't ever think that people would want to take advantage of drunk me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry.

 

I went to see him to ask if it was true. That's why I cried when I saw you. I didn't talk to him for months after that. Months."

 

I don't know if I believe her, but the thing about her friend at least seems plausible. She has begged me all day to try and give her a chance, and I have just been really adamant about my stance about not being able to forgive her. I also held my stance that it was her choice to go and see him, and to drink, and also to remain friends with him even though I had been voicing concern about it ever since they met.

 

She's lying. She's a liar.

The fact that she would tell her friend that just to make her jealous is messed up. (if it's even true)

Even having sex while drunk is unacceptable! It's not an excuse.

 

ALSO; why would she tell her friend that she was having ridiculous amounts of sex with STEVE to make her jealous. Why did she not just say she was having ridiculous amount of sex with YOU!

 

??

 

Cmon man, she's cheated on you before and now she's done it again and only admitted because you caught her out.

 

Please do not give her another chance. She's telling you anything you want to hear.

[David87]

Yeah well that's a bunch of cr***. Don't believe her and don't give her another chance. What kind of excuse is this?? She was drunk.....he took advantage of her... common. She just happened to fell on Steves d***.

 

Move on don't talk to her, she made this mess, let her clean it up. It's not your fault that she's a sl*t.

[crederer]

My own mother said that to me tonight when I told her what happened. But yeah, I know that I couldn't see her in the same light ever again. I also know that she definitely won't be the person that I will marry, or let have my children. I know I can't save her, or change her habits. I'm only 18, and she's my second ever girlfriend, so I just don't have a lot of experience with things like this so forgive me for seeming so naive (which I admit I am).

 

Dude, sounds like your mom's a cheater to say something like that or her partner is a cheater and she accepts it.

 

Don't contact her ever again for any reason and you can get out of this thing with some self respect. I was going to suggest to just stop talking to her completely before I saw that you broke up with her. She didn't even deserve the courtesy of an explaination.

[crederer]

She's been messaging me all day saying how sorry she is and that she wants another chance. She said that she was telling her friend (who she works with) that she was having ridiculous amounts of sex with 'steve' to make her jealous because she had been a bitch to her. The messages with this person is the evidence that I have about her cheating on me, and is what made me question her.

 

She said that she only had sex with him once when she was hanging out with him drinking with his friends, and that she passed out. Quote:

 

"I didn't think I would be drunk after only a few drinks Michael. I shouldn't of ever met him in the first place I know that now. I didn't think this would happen.

 

I was just all over the place and I'm so sorry I even went.

 

I made a mistake. I'm stupid and I don't ever think that people would want to take advantage of drunk me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry.

 

I went to see him to ask if it was true. That's why I cried when I saw you. I didn't talk to him for months after that. Months."

 

I don't know if I believe her, but the thing about her friend at least seems plausible. She has begged me all day to try and give her a chance, and I have just been really adamant about my stance about not being able to forgive her. I also held my stance that it was her choice to go and see him, and to drink, and also to remain friends with him even though I had been voicing concern about it ever since they met.

 

Mink, what are you doing Mink? MINK! STAHP!

 

She lied about every little thing when you confronted her about man. She only confessed the "truth" when you had her cornered and even then lied by saying it was one time. Give your head a shake and get outta there. Stop talking at all. If she has some of your stuff arrange with her mother for a time to get it when she's not around.

 

"taking advantage of the drunk me" is the most ridiculous excuse you can ever hear. Poor her, being a victim in all of this.

[Keenly]

I like how she thinks " I only had sex with him once " is some how less hurtful or shameful than " we did it twenty times " .

 

 

That's her logic I guess. She had no problem cheating on you when you didn't know what was going on.

[Chi townD]

Yeah dude. I'm not buying this stuff either.

 

 

Let's look at it with a little logic. She said it only happened once. Well, how does she know? Apparently, she was passed out drunk when it happened, right? How does she even know anything happened at all?

 

 

She said it happened only once. Yet she's bragging to her friend that she's been having a ridiculous amount of sex with this Steve guy just to make her jealous. Why? And out of all the things she could say to make her jealous, why brag about the guy that (apparently) raped her. Don't know of any girls that would brag about their rapists.

 

 

If she doesn't remember being with this guy, but it happened once; then, by definition, she was raped. Why weren't the cops involved?

 

 

She told you that it took months to talk to this guy again. MONTHS! What woman would ever want to rekindle a friendship with the person that raped them?

 

 

Nah dude. Too many holes in that story. And even if it happened once or twenty times. Still doesn't change the fact that she cheated on you.

[stillafool]

 

 

 

I made a mistake. I'm stupid and I don't ever think that people would want to take advantage of drunk me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry.

.

 

Is she saying she was raped? No, I didn't think so. Being drunk is not an excuse because people still know what they are doing when they are drunk. The "I was drunk" excuse is so lame, unless you are 9 or 10 it just doesn't fly.

[Zahara]

Not really sure what to believe or feel anymore

 

The woman has cheated in the past, before she met you. I'm not sure why you're surprised by this behavior. If you think that people stop being who they inherently are, because you're special and they'd never do that to you, you're being naive. Especially placing faith in a woman that has been diagnosed as mentally and emotionally unhealthy and has been untrustworthy to others in the past.

 

Cheaters will twist, turn, lie, justify their actions anyway they can to manipulate the other into accepting them back again. What she's doing is textbook. You've invested 7 months. Thank god it wasn't 7 years. You have to be strong and you have to get out of this. And trust me, someone like this, if you take them back -- the only thing you teach them is that you will tolerate cheating but worst of all, you will forever be looking over your shoulder because the trust is gone.

[Newtothis2014]

I'm not really asking if I should forgive her, what I'm confused about as to whether I should just use her for sex/affection for a while until my head is clear and I can deal with it properly (breaking up when I'm not completely shattered and heartbroken), or whether just to confront her now about it. Thanks for the advice so far

 

Terrible idea. Deal with it all at once - It'll be horrible but do you really want to give someone the time of day who has disrespected you and THEN have to deal with the pain again? It's going to feel awful but you owe yourself the respect to leave now. Don't let this scumbag make a mug of you.

[Simon Phoenix]

Dude, if you buy that story you are one of the biggest fools on the planet. That's why you need to STOP TALKING TO HER!

[lolablue17]

She's been messaging me all day saying how sorry she is and that she wants another chance. She said that she was telling her friend (who she works with) that she was having ridiculous amounts of sex with 'steve' to make her jealous because she had been a bitch to her. The messages with this person is the evidence that I have about her cheating on me, and is what made me question her.

 

She said that she only had sex with him once when she was hanging out with him drinking with his friends, and that she passed out.

 

WHAT???!!!

 

1. Yes, of course she "made a mistake". HAHAHA What a coincidence she admits only the facts that you already know. If someone wants a second chance she should prove some truth... She lied to you again and again.

 

So maybe its true and she slept with him only once, but maybe she slept only once with some other guys when you didnt catch her and didnt have any clue or evidence. That's the problem with a chronic liar, You never know the truth.

 

2. After he took advantage of her (i call it rape), Why did she talk to him at all??!! It took her months to be friends again with the rapist? And she thinks you should be impressed. UGHHHH

 

3. She had a cheating past before you.

 

Your honour - I rest my case!

 

If you take her back you are gonna suffer a lot in the future!

[TheMink]

Thanks for the post guys, I really appreciate it a lot. I think the worst part is that you guys are most likely all correct, buy I think there's a part of me that just want to ignorant, and live out the 'ignorance is bliss' part of me. Hopefully I can call her out on her bull****. She was raped as a child, and has been sexually assaulted by previous boyfriends, so I just hope I don't go wrong saying that she lied about being 'raped' by him, seeing its a sensitive subject with her. I'm going out with a friend after I'm meeting up with her today so if it doesn't turn out well I should have some comfort tonight.

[Chi townD]

Depends on your idea of what "turning out well" means. If it means that you'll drop her and move on? Then, I would say it would turn out quite well.

[crederer]

Thanks for the post guys, I really appreciate it a lot. I think the worst part is that you guys are most likely all correct, buy I think there's a part of me that just want to ignorant, and live out the 'ignorance is bliss' part of me. Hopefully I can call her out on her bull****. She was raped as a child, and has been sexually assaulted by previous boyfriends, so I just hope I don't go wrong saying that she lied about being 'raped' by him, seeing its a sensitive subject with her. I'm going out with a friend after I'm meeting up with her today so if it doesn't turn out well I should have some comfort tonight.

 

Well that was not smart. But I gotta ask, how'd it go?