Simon Phoenix Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 Thanks for the post guys, I really appreciate it a lot. I think the worst part is that you guys are most likely all correct, buy I think there's a part of me that just want to ignorant, and live out the 'ignorance is bliss' part of me. Hopefully I can call her out on her bull****. She was raped as a child, and has been sexually assaulted by previous boyfriends, so I just hope I don't go wrong saying that she lied about being 'raped' by him, seeing its a sensitive subject with her. I'm going out with a friend after I'm meeting up with her today so if it doesn't turn out well I should have some comfort tonight. Why the hell are you meeting her? I mean, you've been through a breakup before, you know that No Contact is the way, so why the hell are you continuing to talk to this woman? Do you not have any self-respect or pride? Stop trying to "call her out" and start trying to work on yourself. I mean, this isn't your first rodeo -- why are you intent on doing everything the wrong way? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
white_bass87 Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 I have no idea why you want to look at her, talk to her, or even acknowledge her existence at this point! Let her do her thing because it probably was not meant to be. I am going through something very similiar right now bud. I am not sure it's not a blessing in disguise! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 Block her and run. There's nothing left to talk about. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 Thanks for the post guys, I really appreciate it a lot. I think the worst part is that you guys are most likely all correct, buy I think there's a part of me that just want to ignorant, and live out the 'ignorance is bliss' part of me. Hopefully I can call her out on her bull****. She was raped as a child, and has been sexually assaulted by previous boyfriends, so I just hope I don't go wrong saying that she lied about being 'raped' by him, seeing its a sensitive subject with her. I'm going out with a friend after I'm meeting up with her today so if it doesn't turn out well I should have some comfort tonight. You are 18 and even if you were 80, fixing those problems is impossible because the person in question has to want it [prisons are full of 'innocent' ppl, how does the whole forced reeducation thing goes ?]. I might get some flak for this, but who the hell cares if she was raped as a child ? Who cares if she was sexually assaulted by former boyfriends ? There are ppl on this forum that survived for decades with a BPD spouse and will never be the same. There's a guy who's wife tried to arrange his murder with a very good plot, another who got beaten by her with a 2by4 in the yard, and then claimed she was the victim. Read the abuse section. BPD's are broken, broken mirrors and they will never be right. Most of them [99%] will refuse to admit they have it ... and if she does have it, she might be using it as a defense mechanism to get pity from others. You do not trust anything that comes out from the mouth of a BPD because they can turn into reality the most fantastic fabulations. BPD's cannot survive in that ideal place in a relationship, that sweetspot between being engulfed and being too distant from their partner. You are either too close to them, in which case they push you away, or you are too far from them in which case their abandonment issues flare up. Which is what is happening to her right now. Everything that comes out of her mouth has 1 purpose, and that is to get you back. Their fear of abandonment is comparable to your fear of death when you get a gun pointed at your head. To her it is that type of situation, so she will lie like you won't believe it. And as long as you are replying to her, she will continue to believe there is a chance of getting back with you. In closing, i'd like you to remember a few things : - she cheated on you with a schizo [look them up] - you spent more time in your relationship with horns on than you spent without - she bragged about cheating on you in public [does this bring back memories] - she hinted at self-harm to get you back after confronting and you left [banged her head] - her own family warned you against being with her This girl is such a disaster that you should have run from day 1 [of the relationship], but you chose to stay. Doing what you said you wanted to do [use her for sex] is something only a very strong character with solid boundaries can do, and even those would not try it with this girl. You have absolutely no chance in hell of controlling this situation to that desired outcome, mostly because of her issues, but also because ... you lack experience. You have a healthy dose of self-esteem, but there's quite some wishfull thinking in your head. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 Well, it's been a few days since the "meet up" and no word from Mink. Dollars to donuts, she talked him back into the relationship. TELL ME I'M WRONG!!!!! I would LOVE to be wrong on this! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 Pretty certain he's back with her. Another similar poster, Dante311 who was posting yesterday about being subjected to emotional abuse has gone quiet after abuser apologized. When they don't return it's a sign they're back in the fog. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheMink Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 (edited) Hey guys, sorry for not posting, been busy with Uni work. Well we met up and talked about things. She explained to me what her side of what happened. At this stage we are trying to see if we can work things out (I'm sure none of you wanted to hear that, and I'm sorry for disappointing you all). She told me that she was pass out drunk, and that he supposedly 'raped' her, and when she woke up she had no idea what had happened. She went to get tested for STD's etc. a week later (At around this time I remember her telling me she was getting some tests done, but had only told me she was just getting a pap smear). Also around this time I remember we didn't have sex for almost two weeks, because she didn't want me to catch anything incase something was wrong. So as well as some other details and events, her story seems to match up with some of the happenings over the last few months. Although in the long term the being with her may lead to a degradation of my mental health, because I know the issues that dating someone with BPD will lead to. I know I'll never be able to 'fix' her, and it's not my job. My job is to be happy, and without this issue (albeit a big one), I have been. And she has helped me in regards to pushing me to find out information about my mum who passed away when I was young, and my biological father. Most of all she's loving and makes me generally happy at all time. I'm not trying to defend her actions, I'm just letting you guys know why I'm even considering trying to make the relationship work. Don't get me wrong, she's disrespected me, lied, and has hurt me immensely, and it's going to take a whole lot to earn my trust if at all possible. But, that's the update, and that's where we're at. We'll be seeing each other tomorrow again to talk about further issues. I'm also seeing a counselor next week at my Uni as I've been really stressed out recently with family, sick family members, school and my relationship dilemma's recently so hopefully that will make things a lot better too. P.S To Radu: Thank you for the detailed post. Regarding the self-harm thing. She ran after me when I left her house and slipped on wet tiles and banged her head. From the bruise and cut on her head, and witness accounts I know that's what happened. Her family only asked me not to contact her for her own wellbeing because they didn't know the full details. And regarding the wanting to fix it part; she does take medication for her BPD, and she attends counselling sessions as well. Edited March 28, 2014 by TheMink Link to post Share on other sites
thedj10show Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 She told me that she was pass out drunk, and that he supposedly 'raped' her, and when she woke up she had no idea what had happened. She went to get tested for STD's etc. a week later (At around this time I remember her telling me she was getting some tests done, but had only told me she was just getting a pap smear). Also around this time I remember we didn't have sex for almost two weeks, because she didn't want me to catch anything incase something was wrong. So as well as some other details and events, her story seems to match up with some of the happenings over the last few months. Did you ever reconcile with her why she was saying that she was banging this guy more than you? What was her response to that? Be careful, because if she seems to have the "answer" for everything, she's just stringing you along. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 Hey guys, sorry for not posting, been busy with Uni work. Well we met up and talked about things. She explained to me what her side of what happened. At this stage we are trying to see if we can work things out (I'm sure none of you wanted to hear that, and I'm sorry for disappointing you all). She told me that she was pass out drunk, and that he supposedly 'raped' her, and when she woke up she had no idea what had happened. She went to get tested for STD's etc. a week later (At around this time I remember her telling me she was getting some tests done, but had only told me she was just getting a pap smear). Also around this time I remember we didn't have sex for almost two weeks, because she didn't want me to catch anything incase something was wrong. So as well as some other details and events, her story seems to match up with some of the happenings over the last few months. Although in the long term the being with her may lead to a degradation of my mental health, because I know the issues that dating someone with BPD will lead to. I know I'll never be able to 'fix' her, and it's not my job. My job is to be happy, and without this issue (albeit a big one), I have been. And she has helped me in regards to pushing me to find out information about my mum who passed away when I was young, and my biological father. Most of all she's loving and makes me generally happy at all time. I'm not trying to defend her actions, I'm just letting you guys know why I'm even considering trying to make the relationship work. Don't get me wrong, she's disrespected me, lied, and has hurt me immensely, and it's going to take a whole lot to earn my trust if at all possible. But, that's the update, and that's where we're at. We'll be seeing each other tomorrow again to talk about further issues. I'm also seeing a counselor next week at my Uni as I've been really stressed out recently with family, sick family members, school and my relationship dilemma's recently so hopefully that will make things a lot better too. P.S To Radu: Thank you for the detailed post. Regarding the self-harm thing. She ran after me when I left her house and slipped on wet tiles and banged her head. From the bruise and cut on her head, and witness accounts I know that's what happened. Her family only asked me not to contact her for her own wellbeing because they didn't know the full details. And regarding the wanting to fix it part; she does take medication for her BPD, and she attends counselling sessions as well. Completely predictable, but completely disappointing. Oh well, it's hard to want to help someone who doesn't have the strength to help themselves. Really can't believe you were gullible enough to be sucked back into this, but best of luck. You're going to need it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 (edited) I think you should do what you feel like, and not what we all say here. We only hear a part of the story and eventually it's your life. But I just dont know how she explains this: So the other day I snooped on her FB messages, I needed to clear my conscious. So I looked at her messages with her friend, and searched and found her talking about how she missed him (he was in a ward for his schizophrenia), that they were having sex more frequently than we were, and gave some details. Reading this literally ripped my heart from my chest. If someone takes advantage of you while you're passed out, forces unprotected sex on you, and selfishly jeopardize your relationship with your loved boyfriend just to fulfill his sexual desires - You usualy dont "miss" him. also you suppose to try to maintain silence about it - certainly not brag to other people and lie to them about the "enormous amount of sex" you had with him. This story doesn't fit. sorry. Edited March 28, 2014 by lolablue17 Link to post Share on other sites
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