he acted like i was a slut

[Lisa100small]

I'm a pretty conservative dresser( nice slacks, nice shirts...for my job, and scrubs)......and today i was going to the office where my ex works because i had to run errands....i wore a snug fiting red turtleneck that accentuated my breasts with a pleated black skirt that showed off my figure, about 2-3 inches above the knee and some black pantyhose and some black boots, they reach just below the knee.....i wore a cute necklace too. I thought I ooked sexy but still profesional.....i normally dont wear skirts this length or boots but i decided to try something differen.....so i run into my ex and he says "why are you dressed like that? i thought you didnt like to dress like that, you changed your image........and he was lauging and he walked off with his friend who was also laughing,i felt SO stupid I thought i looked good.....my girlfriends complimented on my outfit....i got some looks from some guys.....but after my ex said that, i felt insecure and felt like i had to explain myself.i hate my ex.....should i email him and tell him to not speak to me and leave me alone? he really hurt my feelings. It was all over my face too......i hate that he gets to me like this. Please help me. I cant stand his ass.....he implied that i looked slutty....i didnt. he made me feel really bad.

[tanbark813]

He was just mad that you looked hot and he wasn't able to bang you. Don't sweat it.

[Sharmaine]

What the heck has it got to do with him what you choose to wear and why sweat over what he thinks? He's an ex!!

 

No I wouldn't mail him. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing that he'd bothered you. Best thing you can do, is just act like he aint even there, that will then piss him off.

 

I agree with the above poster anyhow, he was likely to be more pissed off by the fact you were looking good than anything else.

Prob wondering why you never made that kind of effort for him (if u didn't), jealous other guys would be looking at you. Hard to say becos I don't know why he's an ex, who broke up with who, etc...

[Barby]

Originally posted by tanbark813

He was just mad that you looked hot and he wasn't able to bang you. Don't sweat it.

Yeah what he said!

 

 

He was probably excited by seeing you and afraid someone would notice so to cover it up he acted like a jacka$s!!!!

 

 

 

Don't worry, I'm sure you looked nice, an ex is an ex for a reason, don't bother with what he thinks, exude your self confidence and move on!

[Stylin22]

Even if you are a slut (which I know you aren't) you still outclass him if he does crap like that. He's an ex as in NOT IMPORTANT ANYMORE. Tan hit the nail, you were hot and he had to save face for letting you go....

[Lisa100small]

Well, I saw "John" in class on Tuesday. I was so nervous....he was being loud and obnoxious in class, as usual. When class ended, I practically ran out because I didnt want to talk to him, well, just my luck as I walked past him I dropped my pen and he said "Miss Jones, you dropped your pen" with a smile......I said thanks and picked up up and kept on walking......I felt like an idiot....I think he was trying to flirt with me but I didnt care. My main concern is we will have this class together every week and I cant be nervous like this. Its werid..we were once close, if you want to call it that and now we arent.......how can I sop feeling nervous around John.....I worry about what I wear and how I act around him.....it is driving me nuts! I need to stay focused on the positive things in my life but he keeps popping into my mind, i dont want him.........I just feel nervous around him, I want him to regret what he did to me.......I am not that same girl he messed with 6.5 months ago.......but I feel very......not confident around him. Please helpI was good friends with a guy for ten months because I thought that he liked me and that if I was his doormat, he would fall for me. Right? Wrong. I was taking care of him, paying hs bills, doing his HW 9we go to the same college), being his shoulder to cry on, being supportive of his goals and all that other stuff. Well, he went to NY for the summer and I didnt hear from him for 2 weeks.said he was busy looking for a job. Then he calls me because he needs money, like a fool, I give it to him...this goes on for a while. Then he comes back, still summer, and ignores me and treats me like crap and dicthes me for his friends until I demand an explanation. He drops the bomb: he has a gf now, whom he met in new york but he has known her as a friend for a yera already. whata bastard. I cried of course and he didnt care, he told me he liked me only as a friend. I dropped his *ss like a bomb. He said that he would call me, I told him not to bother.........and he didnt unti about 2 montsh later, to see how I was doing. I told him I was doing fine and stuff....then yesterday, which is 4 months after he called me, he emails me and I bump into him and he's all "I missed you and how are you". I told him i was fine. The old me, desperate for his affection I would be all over him and trying to get him to focus on me but this time I didnt. I talked to him while looking for a book I needed (at the school's bookstore), and he was asking me all these questions, I was polite and stuff and then I tod him bye and left. The ol me would have followed him around like a puppy. i think he was kinda shocked that I didnt follow him around or beg him to stay or anything or offer to do anything for him. So when I got home I checked my email and basically he said that he was worried about me and he thought I was dead and he missed me and he hoped to hear from me soon. I havent emailed him back, I received this email on Wednesday too, the same day I bumped into him at the bookstore. Now, i found out that we take a class together, he missed the first class and I was sick so I missed the 2nd class meeting.....but this time we wil both be there. So bow here are my questions:

 

Should I email him back and if so what should I say?

How should I behave around him in class?

Should I remain civil to him or just be a bitch?

Do you think he realizes that he lost a good thing and wants me back not that I would take him back.....

Does anyone have a similar experience and what did you do?

I'm not sure if he is stil with his gf who lives in NY, we live in Louisiana so I'm not sure.

 

He hurt me so much, I let him use me and treat me bad......I needed to love myself more and now I do......since then I have tried to grow from this bad experience. No longer do I cry over him or wonder what he's doing every minute. I think I have made progress......I'm doing well in school and stuff.....but I would like some advice on this. I dont want this guy back.....just want some answers. Thanks for reading.....

[Beth]

If you are still concerned about what he thinks of you, or acting a certain way around him, then you are not over him. Tell yourself that he doesn't matter and focus on you. He is part of your past. If you think of him at all stop yourself immediately and think of something else. You wouldn't worry about sock you lost - even if you really like them. You look for the lost sock and when you can't find it, you just go on find new socks that you like better. Think of him like an old sock!

 

You allow yourself to feel bad and you give him power over you when react negatively to him. Take that power back and really work to keep your focus on you! Do that by not contacting him. Don't dwell on wanting him to regret losing you or making him feel bad -- that just feeds into the power you allow him to have over you.

[Lisa100small]

Originally posted by Beth

If you are still concerned about what he thinks of you, or acting a certain way around him, then you are not over him. Tell yourself that he doesn't matter and focus on you. He is part of your past. If you think of him at all stop yourself immediately and think of something else. You wouldn't worry about sock you lost - even if you really like them. You look for the lost sock and when you can't find it, you just go on find new socks that you like better. Think of him like an old sock!

 

You allow yourself to feel bad and you give him power over you when react negatively to him. Take that power back and really work to keep your focus on you! Do that by not contacting him. Don't dwell on wanting him to regret losing you or making him feel bad -- that just feeds into the power you allow him to have over you.

 

 

you are so right! I need to do this.....

[reservoirdog1]

Understandably, you can't help but care what he thinks about you. But, keep two things in mind:

 

1) There's a difference between caring about that inwardly and not letting on to him that you care.

 

2) I agree with what Tanbark said... he suddenly remembered that you were hot property and felt like an ass for losing you. Only way he can deal with that is to try to make YOU feel bad too. It's a typical reaction from an ex.

 

Sounds like a pretty hot outfit to me, BTW.

 

Where do you live?

[Lisa100small]

Originally posted by reservoirdog1

Understandably, you can't help but care what he thinks about you. But, keep two things in mind:

 

1) There's a difference between caring about that inwardly and not letting on to him that you care.

 

2) I agree with what Tanbark said... he suddenly remembered that you were hot property and felt like an ass for losing you. Only way he can deal with that is to try to make YOU feel bad too. It's a typical reaction from an ex.

 

Sounds like a pretty hot outfit to me, BTW.

 

Where do you live?

 

I live in CT.........I have a really tough time not lettung my ex know that he still gets to me. I think he plays on that too.

[reservoirdog1]

My TBXW does that too, usually by picking fights over stupid pointless sh*t.

 

I can't say that I NEVER let her get to me anymore, but it gets easier to avoid with time. Not responding to stupid emails is one way. Acting like you don't really have the time of day for them works well too... makes them realize that they no longer hold a terribly relevant place in your life anymore. Nothing drives them nuts like that.

 

Sounds like CT is lucky to have you, my dear...

[Weird]

wow, what a classless thing for him to do and I am with others...he prolly thought you looked sexy and thought saying this **** was his coverup for his true feelings. You had on the "***** me" boots eh? Nice.

 

As for this other guy (is it an oter guy later mentioned or the same guy) I say you dn't worry about him and tell him to leave you alone if you don't want to talk to him. Dont worry if you possibly come off as a bitch towards him. WTF cares what he thinks now anyway.

 

And send me the pic of you in the little outift. hehe

[reservoirdog1]

Wow Lisa, you've certainly attracted the attention of us Canadians. Must be the red in the turtleneck.

[Universe]

Should I email him back and if so what should I say?

Definitely do not make ANY attempt to contact him in any way. This will only make you feel worse and show him that he still has control over you.

How should I behave around him in class?

Behave like you don't give two sh*ts that he is there. You can dress casually (frumped) if that's how you feel. It doesn't matter. You're not trying to attract him. If you feel like dressing up all hot, then do it, but don't do it for him. And definitely do not let anything he says about it affect you.

Should I remain civil to him or just be a bitch?

This is your choice. But civil is usually best. Being a bitch will show him and and others that you still have feelings for him and can be fuel for him to ridicule you publicly again. Don't give him any thing to work with. You are who you are and you don't care if he exists or not. That's what you must tell yourself.

Do you think he realizes that he lost a good thing and wants me back not that I would take him back.....

I'm sure he realizes that he lost a good thing. He probably wants you back, but only as your submissive self-loathing old self. You CANNOT take him back. This guy is scum and guys like this deserve to rot in hell forever (this is coming from a guy).

I'm not sure if he is stil with his gf who lives in NY, we live in Louisiana so I'm not sure.

Louisiana? I thought you were in CT? And you shouldn't care about whether or not he has a girlfriend. If the NY girl has any sense, she's dropped him by now. If she hasn't, then that's her own stupid fault and she can have him.

 

You didn't respect yourself in this relationship. It sounds like you are slowly learning to do so now. But Keep working on it. Don't let some silly impulses set you back. You know in your heart that you're too good for this guy. So don't let some irrational insecurities keep you down. Find a man who will respect you for who you are and not take you for granted. But YOU have to set those limits. This guy treated you like crap because you let him. You have only yourself to blame for that. You determine how people treat you. If you don't disrespect yourself, people can't help but join in and disrespect you more. It's a basic innate response. When someone beats themself up, it hard to not join in with the beating. When someone respects themself and loves themself, it is almost impossible not to admire and respect them. You are in control. If your confidence alientates some people, it is because of their insecurities, not yours.

Don't give this guy another thought. In class just pretend like he doesn't exist. If he tries to flirt with you, let him. But don't flirt back. Just take it, but be too busy to have a care in the world what he thinks, says, or does.

 

Good luck.

[savethedrama4allama]

Didn't read everyone's replies, but you can be 100% sure that he's jealous that you started dressing "cuter" post-breakup. You're looking fine and he can't get in on that. Thats all it is.