2little2late Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 My bf of 6 months, we've known each other much longer (3yrs). Recently decided to move in together. Life was perfect!! Rewind about 5 days ago, he told me he was going home to visit family. Understandable. Well I decided that i wanted to come visit him since he would be gone about 5 days. He told me I couldnt because he was going to go to the beach to visit his best friend. Well, the next day he sends me a pic of him at the airport and said, "guess where I'm going?" I was immediately hurt because I knew that this was not right. I had no knowledge of him going out of town, he kept it from me. I asked him where he was going, and the place he was going is where is ex lives. I confronted him about that over the phone and he said he was visiting family. This still did not sound right. He shouldnt have had to hide that. So I knew then I had to snoop(yea i know, but i got down to the bottom of it, because he had so many lies). I go through his computer and find the intinerary, the trip had been purchased a while back, by his ex. So he gets back home and we discuss it, yes he went to see his family, BUT he also went to see his ex. He's always told me, that they're just good friends, but he's made me insecure about their friendship in the past because of secrets like the one I just mentioned. Obviously I'm hurt, we're stuck in our lease, and I'm not speaking to him, he sleeps on the couch. I just wanted responses from ppl that would not judge me, because I've confided in ppl already that are "friends" and they made me feel worst about the situation. Thx Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Obviously I'm hurt, we're stuck in our lease, and I'm not speaking to him, he sleeps on the couch. I just wanted responses from ppl that would not judge me, because I've confided in ppl already that are "friends" and they made me feel worst about the situation. Thx I'm not sure why anyone would judge you. Snooping for no apparent reason is one thing but if there is reason for you to do it in that you believe that he is being underhanded, then no judgment here. It's a red flag that he left that little piece of information out or lied to justify his need to visit her. There was no reason to do that unless he felt that if he told you, you would forbid him. The fact that he has no ability to put your feelings ahead of his own, or his ex, is not in your favor. And if he's had a history of secrets, I am not sure how you can ever move forward feeling secure and safe in your relationship. Worst of all, when you said you want to visit, he denied you that and lied about the beach. And then had the audacity to send you a pic of him at the airport heading to her town. Not good. PS: What ex buys another ex who is dating someone else a ticket to go visit? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 2little2late, I am sorry you are in this tough situation. Is there no way either of you can get someone else to take over your share of the lease? Then one of you can leave and you can both move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 (edited) it is either her or you - no messing - you two have to both tell her to go, she might mean no harm which is worse in a way because some say (the ex and those in her camp prolly) that you are supposed to be nice back but others, me anyway, say that you two need to unite in asking her to stay away for good, tell her it is time to move on, which is no more than the truth, he might say yes to this test of his loyalty in uniting with you, see what kind of boyf he is, if he is truly sorry he hurt you, note she played her role too I can think of no other way you will have peace of mind Edited March 25, 2014 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
Joaquin Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Get yourself out of this situation and away from this guy. It's over. Don't hide behind a lease to justify staying. There's ALWAYS a way out, he goes, you go, you explain to the landlord that your boyfriend cheated, do whatever. Look after your emotional and mental health. This guy isn't for you. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I say - lying is lying is lying! It's not that you are 10 or 20 years together, then i would say he can have a second chance. If it happens in the first few years, it will get worse in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Get yourself out of this situation and away from this guy. It's over. Don't hide behind a lease to justify staying. There's ALWAYS a way out, he goes, you go, you explain to the landlord that your boyfriend cheated, do whatever. Look after your emotional and mental health. This guy isn't for you. I have to agree with the above. This is very bad, OP. This very serious breech of trust would be a dealbreaker for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2little2late Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 Indeed, we are not on speaking terms. The only time I really talk to him is in a fit of rage, which is why it's imperative we get out this lease, but I just checked and it's about $3000 to give our 30 day notice and pay our reletting fee. We're students, we don't have jobs so I don't see that happening, and getting another apt. We also see each other everyday considering we go to the same law school :-( but I need to find a way out, because this isn't healthy!! Link to post Share on other sites
SpringBaby Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I'm not sure why anyone would judge you. Snooping for no apparent reason is one thing but if there is reason for you to do it in that you believe that he is being underhanded, then no judgment here. It's a red flag that he left that little piece of information out or lied to justify his need to visit her. There was no reason to do that unless he felt that if he told you, you would forbid him. The fact that he has no ability to put your feelings ahead of his own, or his ex, is not in your favor. And if he's had a history of secrets, I am not sure how you can ever move forward feeling secure and safe in your relationship. Worst of all, when you said you want to visit, he denied you that and lied about the beach. And then had the audacity to send you a pic of him at the airport heading to her town. Not good. PS: What ex buys another ex who is dating someone else a ticket to go visit? You hit the nail on the head Zahara. Dr. Phil calls that lying by omission. You may be stuck in a lease but living with me would not be pleasant, he'd have to get out. Link to post Share on other sites
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