BF of six years involved in online EA's

[Lvsdogs]

Hope I'm in the right place.

 

My bf of almost 6 years had been involved in some online emotional affairs. While it may not be the same as a physical affair, I am having a difficult time dealing with it. I have become obsessed in searching through alll his personal things to the point he had to change all his passwords and passcode his phone. I should add that he left most of this open for me to look, but I started finding things that were nothing and making a huge deal or misunderstanding things and he finally told me he couldn't live life like this.

 

We eventually broke up but got back together a couple months later. I had to move out of his house and back to my hometown, and we are now three hours apart. We started out long distance, but it's even harder now. I'm convinced he's talking to someone or texting someone and i question everything. He said I either have to decide if I can forgive him and live with trying to trust him without constantly invadiing his personal stuff or I need to move on.

 

I keep re-living things I read from him to other women and seeing gifts he bought for a porn star he was obsessed with (expensive gifts like diamond earrings), and I honestly don't know how to get through this. I am so hurt that the man I thought was the most respectable man turned out to be so deceiving. How do I get over this? Or through this? How do I trust again?

 

I'd appreciate any advice. I'm so lost.

Edited March 25, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[whichwayisup]

. He said I either have to decide if I can forgive him and live with trying to trust him without constantly invadiing his personal stuff or I need to move on.

 

Sorry to say this, but move on. You love him but he feels entitled to gain attention from women online. Either it's ego related or some insecurity he has, or a habit of being online and loving to connect and do whatever online with these women. How can you trust him if he isn't willing to be an open book and show you he is worthy of a chance? His answer to you really shows that he is going to do what he pleases and you just have to leave him be and trust him at his word. Not sure if you want to spend your life wondering every time he's on the computer he's scouting out women and flirting with them etc.

 

If you want to try to make it work, do so, but I am suggesting couples counseling and he has to prove to you he is worthy of another chance, not put it all on you and just 'trust' him because he says you should.

[Spark1111]

I lost my mind when I discovered my fWS had an 18 month EA/PA with a co-worker....and was chatting up old GFs ( his OW had no clue) and was generally trying to live a single bachelor's life while many years married to me.

 

I lost my mind and went into super sleuth mode. Completely normal.

 

he accused me of snooping his cell phone while begging to return to normal.Can you imagine?

 

I threw him out.....many times.

 

If your man does not understand how he made you so crazy with his betrayal....SHOW HIM THE DOOR. he does NOT respect you.

 

He should be handing over his cell phone, not deleting any texts or phone calls, all his passwords and begging you to believe in him and that he is trustworthy.

 

if he is not doing that, then he values his privacy to dally more than he values you. He does NOT get it and maybe never will.

 

So many believe if they are not physical with the person that they are devoting all their time, affection, conversation and TIME to, they are not doing anything WRONG.

 

Well, that is just WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.

 

That is time, attention, affection and time they are NOT putting into their primary relationship WITH YOU.

 

Cut him loose! You too deserve a man who cannot get enough of YOU. tell him that....and show him the door..... TODAY.