Patrice Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Part of me, how I ever got myself in the predicament to begin with. Vulnerable women getting a divorce, and he swept in before I left the marriage. I'm not sorry I left the marriage .. it was the right choice for me. He remains stuck in what he claims is an unhappy marriage, and does nothing about it. He claimed he would be my protector, be there for me - he just lied. I haven't seen him in 3 years, he stills tries to get his foot back in the door- says now he is divorcing but the details are mucky. I finally said 3 weeks ago, enough - let me move on with my life. What I have noticed, they are always testing the waters. I was big enough to leave my comfort zone, buy a house on my own, and I see now, how vulnerable I was and how he preyed on that. Be strong women, these guys are not what they claim to be, nor anything worth spending your time agonizing over. They have some deep issues, they are not honest for starters, have severe self-esteem issues and CHEAT ... why would you be looking for that as you realize the best of what you are? xo 13 Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Have you made sure he cannot re-enter your life again? You know you deserve so much more than he could ever offer, right? Stop letting him take head space and definitely don't let him have any heart space. You can do it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patrice Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 Yep! OFF FB, e-mail changed, phone changed. The only avenue he has to get at me is a political forum I have always enjoyed, and that has gone too. If I even show my nose on there, he is waiting. Even with the events of the past 3 weeks, he still is looking around for me. He isn't worth my time anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patrice Posted June 10, 2014 Author Share Posted June 10, 2014 I had a wonderful opportunity to take the blinders off, yet again. He called me at work, and again started the same dialogue about if, I would go see him and give my ALL to him (meaning kinky sex) - he would leave the marriage and move up to be with me. Presumptuous on his part .... I told him I wanted nothing to do with him, until he left the marriage. He got EXTREMELY angry and started copying and pasting e-mails from other women, he was getting. I was able to ask him, if he had ever been faithful to any woman, he did not respond. I think he is a product of a father who was married thrice, and he thinks he is entitled to take whatever he wants from women. Narcissistic Personality Disorder? I believe so, spared a lifetime of HIM and others like him, with the wakeup call. Why they always come back, is a mystery. Evidently, there are women out there that CHOOSE this, I am not one of them. Peace to all, keep strong and get your head in a good place. They will come back, because they haven't addressed the real issue, which is THEM. Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I had a wonderful opportunity to take the blinders off, yet again. He called me at work, and again started the same dialogue about if, I would go see him and give my ALL to him (meaning kinky sex) - he would leave the marriage and move up to be with me. Presumptuous on his part .... I told him I wanted nothing to do with him, until he left the marriage. He got EXTREMELY angry and started copying and pasting e-mails from other women, he was getting. I was able to ask him, if he had ever been faithful to any woman, he did not respond. I think he is a product of a father who was married thrice, and he thinks he is entitled to take whatever he wants from women. Narcissistic Personality Disorder? I believe so, spared a lifetime of HIM and others like him, with the wakeup call. Why they always come back, is a mystery. Evidently, there are women out there that CHOOSE this, I am not one of them. Peace to all, keep strong and get your head in a good place. They will come back, because they haven't addressed the real issue, which is THEM. He sounds like a complete slimeball. What did you see in him for 3 years? Gross... Not all MM are like that. Yes I agree with your general point though. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I had a wonderful opportunity to take the blinders off, yet again. He called me at work, and again started the same dialogue about if, I would go see him and give my ALL to him (meaning kinky sex) - he would leave the marriage and move up to be with me. Presumptuous on his part .... I told him I wanted nothing to do with him, until he left the marriage. He got EXTREMELY angry and started copying and pasting e-mails from other women, he was getting. I was able to ask him, if he had ever been faithful to any woman, he did not respond. I think he is a product of a father who was married thrice, and he thinks he is entitled to take whatever he wants from women. Narcissistic Personality Disorder? I believe so, spared a lifetime of HIM and others like him, with the wakeup call. Why they always come back, is a mystery. Evidently, there are women out there that CHOOSE this, I am not one of them. Peace to all, keep strong and get your head in a good place. They will come back, because they haven't addressed the real issue, which is THEM. Stop taking his calls! As soon as you realize it's him, hang up! You've changed your email, FB etc., take it a step further now ignore him. He's a complete loser idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
learning_slowly Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 and CHEAT Surely you are both cheating if you knew about his wife? Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Not all MM are like that. I would say that all MM that string the OW along (with whatever excuse) are some variation of "like that" Good for you OP finding your strength, your voice and yourself- Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 Not all MM are like that. I would say that all MM that string the OW along (with whatever excuse) are some variation of "like that" Good for you OP finding your strength, your voice and yourself- Cheers! All MM string the OW along, except in rare situations where there is an agreement a priori that it will be just no-strings sex only. But not all MM want nothing but kinky sex and when told no, start copying and pasting e-mails from other women from whom he's getting it. Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 (edited) All MM string the OW along, except in rare situations where there is an agreement a priori that it will be just no-strings sex only. But not all MM want nothing but kinky sex and when told no, start copying and pasting e-mails from other women from whom he's getting it. Actually I disagree. Not all MM are like this regardless, whether sex only or not. My guy did not string me along ever. OP hang in there and do what is best for you. Hang in there. Edited June 11, 2014 by goodyblue Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 Even IF he divorced - I can't understand why you'd want him. It may be time to tell him that you will notify his wife if he ever communicates with you again. Then follow through on your word. His W deserves to know what a jerk she's married to. When you take action - he will stop. Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 Actually I disagree. Not all MM are like this regardless, whether sex only or not. My guy did not string me along ever. Depends on how you define it. Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 Depends on how you define it. This is very true. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patrice Posted June 28, 2014 Author Share Posted June 28, 2014 Keep an eye out for sociopathic behavior and serial cheating ... these guys were poorly parented for starters. And are looking for retribution for that ... they have no remorse or sense of guilt. I'm getting it now, as he contacted me through another venue, and sent me pictures of a new woman he would be hooking up with. Whether that was to coerce me back? Won't happen ...Sociopaths are screwed up people, have been, will be. Watch for little concern about your feelings about this, and stay away. There is no treatment for that. And, they get vindictive ... NC, watch your internet dealing and block them from all of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patrice Posted June 28, 2014 Author Share Posted June 28, 2014 Why in the world would you want this kind of person in your life, around your kids? Serial Adultery: Is It Chance or Character? | Psychology Today Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patrice Posted June 28, 2014 Author Share Posted June 28, 2014 When it ended, I asked him how many times he had cheated in his 30 years marriage .. he told me 6 times. I suspect he is a lying about that as well ... he is 700 miles away, and the pics he sent me were from Craiglist ... use google image search, and you will expose the lies. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patrice Posted June 28, 2014 Author Share Posted June 28, 2014 He has tried to contact me twice this week ... no is no ... blocked number, so he is trying something else now. Might be time for a restraining order. Link to post Share on other sites
chelsea2011 Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 Wow, very scary stuff. Do you think he tried to set you up to feel scared and insecure? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patrice Posted July 6, 2014 Author Share Posted July 6, 2014 I'm no longer insecure, and I'm smart enough to uncover the lies. He is a serial cheater, with mental health issues. I don't want that in my life, and that has been clearly stated. He is now on a vendetta .... to make me jealous? That won't happen, as I know who I am now, and he has no right or invitation into my life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
OWAmy Posted July 7, 2014 Share Posted July 7, 2014 Hi Patrice, sounds like you have turned a corner. Must make it a whole lot easier getting over the fantasy image of him and seeing his true colours. I have worked with men who have kinks and fetishes. It is so deeply ingrained in them that I can imagine it will be more difficult for you to shake him off. Wishing you all the best at moving on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patrice Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 Doing fine, no contact .. just a visceral disgust for this person now. I'm glad the mask came off, I suspected as much - which is why I held firm to not seeing him. I haven't seen him in 3 years .. it's fairly obvious at this point - why his marriage "is so awful". I can only imagine what kind of self esteem you would have at the end of a wrecking ball man, like that. Definitely, Narcissistic Personality Disorder. We met on an online political forum, and I've stayed off there too .. he keeps creating new usernames to try and hurt me. I simply don't care anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patrice Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 If anyone gets involved with a person like this, their worst fear is being exposed. Which generally provokes the enraged reaction I got. If you read up on NPD, you will see it generally arises from a traumatic childhood. In any case, be strong and smart. If I can do anything to help anyone, let me know xo. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patrice Posted October 9, 2014 Author Share Posted October 9, 2014 Month 4 .... keep at it, everyone. Time heals .... stay away from the toxic people who want to hurt you. You are all better than that! Hugs, and healing and moving forward with life. Got a promotion at work, in a great relationship with a single man. No looking back, forgive yourself - keep exercising and improving YOU. xo. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
HBIC Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 Amen, sister!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patrice Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 Year One, NC ... all is well, healthy and fit and happy. Wakeup calls, are a good thing - while upsetting at the time .. listen to your head, people. Work good, kids good, life all good. He can no longer enter my life. I do believe, he strung me along, for YEARS - and is not the person he claimed he was. Classic NPD stuff .. keep strong. Vulnerability invites these people in, getting stronger kicks them out. xo. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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