Mestizomad Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 (edited) Hi there, I have been going out with my girlfriend for 5 years now, my only regret is that I have not had a whole lot of other experiences with women outside of my girlfriend, and I worry that I'm gonna get old and regret not having enough fun in life, as I do miss the frill of the chase etc. Anyhow, the main reason why I'm here. I REALLY fancy my girlfriends very attractive and pretty best friend, and I THINK that she might fancy me also. - she always finds what I say to be funny and always agrees with me, even when GF does not, - we have tonnes and tonnes in common, - she always wants to talk with me and seems to put a lot of effort into making fun conversation, - she has commented to my GF that she like my hair, body and thinks I am handsome on separate occasions, Me and my girlfriend has discussed having an open relationship before, and we would both like to have a bit more fun whilst we are in our 20s, and I have to admit that her friend would be at he top of my list, but I would not leave my girlfriend for her or be unfaithful. What do you guys think? Thanks Edited October 8, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edited to remove personally identifiable information Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Well it sounds like the two of you are ready to get it on. The problem is your girlfriend is the third wheel. Look dude. If you have a good thing with your girlfriend and by the sounds of it she trusts, respects, and cares for you, then by all means do something stupid and it wont take long for you to figure out that this hottie is all she cracked up to be. Just remember if she's so ready to flaunt her goods in front of you, then she'll have no problem flaunting it in front of other guys too and then you'll start to understand that you had a good thing and lost it because you were thinking with your little head and not your big head. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 It is highly unlikely that your GF's friend will think you are anything but a lowlife snake if you try to put the moves on her fresh off your relationship with her friend. All those positives were more likely the friend giving your GF props. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 If you and your girlfriend are both honestly up for an open relationship, in this case, that's a good thing. You both seem to appreciate your relationship but accept that you are maybe too inexperienced to commit fully to one another for life. An open relationship is not easy, though. Rules have to be established and brutal honesty plays a part. If your GF has turned this girl down for a threesome, there's a reason for it. Your GF has become suspicious about you two already, which indicates that she doesn't like your interaction with her. This other girl sounds like the world's sh*ttiest friend, so I don't blame her. The other girl clearly is up for it but if you wish to reciprocate, you have to tell your GF that. I don't think she'll be pleased. If you're both really happy to make your relationship open, you should start discussing what that means, in reality, for the two of you. What are the rules? How much do you share about your experiences? How much interaction outside if sex is there with other partners? Etc. Also, be fully prepared for this to wreck your relationship with your GF. Despite what you agree to, and imagine will be okay with, there is no guarantee of how you will feel when it comes down to it. If you learn that your GF would really prefer you two to remain faithful to each other, the best thing for you to do might be to leave her. It sounds, from your post, that you are not ready to offer her that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 I didnt even read whole post I think you should look up GIG's And if a girls best friend is willing to be with her friends guy, well why would you want to be with someone like that? Think its never gonna happen to you back? Sounds like her morals are low, maybe yours are too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Train wreck, incoming... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 I agree with maybe you shouldn't be in a committed relationship ither your post screams excitement and wonder for this new girl, I went back and read over the post twice no where in there do you worry about how your gf might take it or feel. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 I agree with maybe you shouldn't be in a committed relationship ither your post screams excitement and wonder for this new girl, I went back and read over the post twice no where in there do you worry about how your gf might take it or feel. All of this. You need to be single for a while, OP. I very much doubt that your girlfriend's idea of an open relationship means you having sex with her best friend. Come on, now. Your girlfriend has already rejected the idea of a threesome - what does that tell you? I think you understand that you're young and might want other experiences. If that's the case, let your gf go so you can explore these desires without being unfaithful. Or, re-visit the idea of an open relationship but don't fool yourself into thinking she'll be ok with you carrying on with her best friend in the process. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mestizomad Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 (edited) Hi there, Thanks for all of your replies. Just to make it clear, i am not considering being unfaithful and i also wouldn't leave my girlfriend for her friend. I do realise that i have a good thing, and personality wise my girlfriend is perfect. I do fancy her friend, however i know that my girlfriend has fancied other guys before, and i also don't think i fancy her friend quite as much as i used to, so it's already settling down so to speak. HOWEVER, it was my girlfriend that brought up having an open relationship the previous time. And although this is risky i agree, maybe it is something worth considering. You are right in that i am inexperienced, and that if i feel this way, maybe i should consider breaking up with her just so that i don't end up fooling her around or being unfaithful. I do consider my GF in this situation very much, if i didn't i would have most definately have done something by now, As there have been MANY occasions such as when her friend was Staying with us for several weeks, and we were alone together, were stuff could have easily have happened. I do also agree, that she would most likely be upset about the idea of having sex with her friend. However one point is that i believe when she turned down her friend for a threesome, her primary reason was simply that it would make there relationship weird as friends, and it wasn't that she was concerned about me and her friend. I believe she did say something along the lines of that she would probably enjoy it for that one time, inc having sex with her own best friend, as they are both bisexual, but it would probably make their friendship weird afterwards. My girlfriend is very confident and chatty and can be v sexual etc, and if we had an open relationship, i reckon that she would probably get a lot more experiences/attention then me, with both men and women. However you are right, at this moment i thin she does actually want to be more faithful and the idea of an open relationship i think would upset her. So from what you guys have said, i think her friend is most definately up for it, which is bad as you say, as she is not being a good friend. However, i am not going to act on anything. This forum has just helped me to ask that question that is all. I shall mull things over more, maybe i shall leave my girlfriend in order to not mess her about, or maybe i shall stay, however even if i did leave her i do understand that i could not just immediately jump in her friends pants the next day. Thanks for all of your help, Edited October 8, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
ffsear Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 sounds to me like you've hit the jackpot! Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 Personally I think you don't really have a clue what an open relationship is. It doesn't mean you can then just sleep around with whomever you want. AFAIK succesful open relationships are rare. They generally operate under rather strict conditions and equal playing ground between the two partners (think of long-term married couples attending swingers parties). There's definitely a lot wrong with your idea of an open relationship: - She is your girlfriends best friend. Mixing friends and sex is already a risky business to a certain extent and mixing it with your (now) monogamous relationship is just asking for problems. - You have deep feelings for her. Most open relationships avoid these things at all costs as being in an open relationship does not mean that deep romantic feelings can destroy the primary relationship. - She has feelings for you (see above). I'm pretty sure that open relationships cannot survive recipocated romantic feelings. - You are also driven because you lack experience - ergo not happy with the cards you've been dealt. - You're still young and not that long in a LTR (same as me and I'd be sure third parties would KILL my relationship) - You are already engaging in some stuff I consider over the line. - You are considering in this thread whether to dump your girlfriend over his chick. All in all I think open relationship is going to be a disaster for you. I'd say you just have to choose between this relationship or starting over and sow your wild oats. Also consider your girlfriend if you dump her and start with her best friend. It would be a really bad thing to do to her. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 (edited) Can you just stop thinking about yourself for a minute? The worst thing you can do to someone is screw their best friend because this means they lose both you AND their best friend at the same time and have to recover alone. Are you really this big of an ass that you think you love your girlfriend but would even consider destroying her soul this way?????? That isn't love. That is self-serving narcissism. I can understand if you need to play the field before you settle down -- totally. But you can't do it with anyone she knows and you have to break up with your girlfriend before dating other women or you are not someone any decent woman would want to take back once you've sewn your wild oats. This is how fools keep themselves from having happiness -- following their urges despite how many people it hurts. What if you throw it all away, cause your ex to now not have a friend anymore and feel alone and used, and then a month into it, you discover her friend is a conniving little manipulating cheater who you'd never want to marry? Because if she would do this to her best friend, that is EXACTLY the kind of woman she is. You'd trade a nice loyal woman for a disloyal untrustworthy one? Break up, go play the field, get it over with. Call it a separation if you want, because it sounds like she may be up for dating herself. But stay away from her friends and family! Edited March 27, 2014 by preraph Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mestizomad Posted March 27, 2014 Author Share Posted March 27, 2014 WOW there are some really over the top responses on here, it was only a simple question, and i already had the answers from the previous posts, don't understand why people are still replying, C U Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 rofl, ok. Bang your girlfriends best friend and see what happens. There's a breakup section may you need it in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 WOW there are some really over the top responses on here, it was only a simple question, and i already had the answers from the previous posts, don't understand why people are still replying, C U if you think some of us were over the top, imagine what your girlfriend's response will be. In all seriousness OP, what type of reaction were you anticipating here? Link to post Share on other sites
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