45 and down in the basement...literally

[bohica]

Hi

 

Ok. I'll try to make this quick, easy and honest.

 

I am a 45 yr old man. I am a smart, good looking, fit, guy with a good personality. I also love my job. I have very nice apartment.

 

Here's my problem.

 

I love my job but I am not successful at it. I changed careers 7yrs ago to pursue my dream but I barely make any money. I live week to week and have to watch every dime I make. I no longer have any investments or savings. No financial future.

 

My apartment is a rental in the basement of a house.

 

I can be a happy guy but I am always so conscious and have discontent with the things I have or don't have. I'm not really motivated or have drive. I find it very hard to meet women. I am always so conscious of being judged. I just can't be happy for some reason. Telling a women I love my job but have no money and I live in a rented basement apartment just seems wrong. I feel fifteen yrs behind the eight ball at times.

 

Some people tell me I should be happy because I have not only so much more then some people but I don't have some of the problems some people may have too.

 

When I meet someone male or female I don't like talking about myself. I used to love to travel and always wanted to be outside the box. I always felt different then others.

I find it hard to create the person I always wanted to be. Now I feel conscious of my age, the number. I see my friends kids going to college. They will be better off then I am in a few short yrs.

Discontent can be a good thing if it motivated you and gives you drive but it doesn't. I mean it does but it doesn't...I just think about it.

Edited March 26, 2014 by bohica

[GorillaTheater]

You got me curious, so I took a quick look at your back story. I take it that you no longer live with your mom, so actually I think you've recently improved your "dateability" quite a bit. It sounds like one of your biggest problems remains money, and there doesn't seem to be any way around that other than to change careers or get a second gig. Is either one doable?

 

The other option is to be content where your at. If that isn't in the cards, you need to take some kind of action.

[bohica]

You got me curious, so I took a quick look at your back story. I take it that you no longer live with your mom, so actually I think you've recently improved your "dateability" quite a bit. It sounds like one of your biggest problems remains money, and there doesn't seem to be any way around that other than to change careers or get a second gig. Is either one doable?

 

The other option is to be content where your at. If that isn't in the cards, you need to take some kind of action.

 

Yes, there has been improvement. Living with my Mother was a temporary thing. It was meant to be a month or two until I moved into my new place but was delayed tremendously by Hurricane Sandy. It was impossible to find a place to live and I lost some personal belongings.

 

That's one thing I find it hard to talk about. I find I use the storm as an excuse for my living and financial situation. It's a tremendous exaggeration of the truth.

 

In some ways I should be so happy with the place I'm in. At the very least I shouldnt be ashamed or so conscious to tell someone or bring someone here. Right? I mean I should be more confident and happy.

[d0nnivain]

Get some career counseling. If you own the business go to the local SBA office or SBDC to figure out why you aren't making money.

 

If you work for somebody else, start asking how you can improve. Go to industry networking events to see what others are doing.

 

If neither of those is possible, consider a PT job or making this dream your PT gig while getting a better paying situation.

[GorillaTheater]

In some ways I should be so happy with the place I'm in. At the very least I shouldnt be ashamed or so conscious to tell someone or bring someone here. Right? I mean I should be more confident and happy.

 

This is true. Shame isn't very constructive, and it can actually be pretty crippling without concurrently working for change. If it's a fear of the perception of others, get over THAT sh*t ASAP. If it's personal dissatisfaction, that's entirely different but requires action on your part.

 

Other than eliminating shame, what can you work on, either short-term or long-term?

[Mr. Nibbles]

If you have love in your heart and want to share it with another person then that's all it takes. Less successful people than you have managed to find love. You might need a (life/business) partner to make your business thrive.

 

Look at the chick who was dating Mick Jagger. She had a REALLY unsuccessful business, but managed to date.

[bohica]

If you have love in your heart and want to share it with another person then that's all it takes. Less successful people than you have managed to find love. You might need a (life/business) partner to make your business thrive.

 

Look at the chick who was dating Mick Jagger. She had a REALLY unsuccessful business, but managed to date.

 

 

Mr. Nibbles....

 

I don't understand your Mick Jagger reference. Are you comparing me to L'Wren.? She wasn't some broke girl living in a shoe box Manhattan basement at 50yrs old. In addition, Mick Jagger is a Multi Millionaire with enough money and in coming residual royalty payments to support his alimony and his family for the next three generations.

[crederer]

You're a bachelor. I can't see how the appropriate woman for you would think less of you by living in a basement apartment. It's all you need. Anything more would be ridiculous, really.

 

If someone judges you on that, they're not the woman for you. Not everything you do should be based on attracting mates. That in itself is an attractive feature for many females.

 

It's like when some women think that they need to be a size 2 to attract men. That's simply not true, they're just buying into the media's perception of what they should be.

 

If you're happy and content with what you are then that's the main thing. If you're not try something else. The opposite gender should have no factor in that decision making process.