Why do I do it.

[drrosse]

I've been with my girlfriends over 3 years now. I check her phone, her e-mails, her facebook, everything. Always weary. Not once have I ever seen anything to worry about, not even the slighetisht hint she would even think about cheating. But I still do it! Is it an addiction?

 

My ex-girlfriend was an emotional bully. I lived with her in her house. Her world. She was obsessed by money a possessions. She earned a lot of money but worked very long hours. But she seemed to have no ideas about the finer things in life. She used to call me lazy and tell me I don;'t work hard enough. Even though I work 40 hours a week and make ok money.

 

She also used to say that jealousy is the most unattractive feature in a man. I used to get jealous about a certain guy in her office when I snooped and saw an e-mail saying she wants to "shag" a guy at her work. When I confronted I was told its just office "banter" before she turned on me and made me look like I was some kind of evil jealous monster. Anyway, lone behold after months of feeling down and depressed I found the truth, she was sleeping with this guy (and 1 other apparently)

 

Enough about her, she's dead to me. But why do I continue to suspect my new girlfriend . Punish her as if shes my last. I logically know that she is a totally different person, and would never treat me in such a way. Will I ever learn to fully trust ? Its like I need to constantly reassure myself.

 

When will it end

[ThatMan]

I don't think it will end. Experiences make us who we are as a person. There will always be places, events, or situations that become a trigger for those painful memories. But there are many ways to go about life without constantly reliving past experiences, while learning how to react to whatever triggers a sense of insecurity or fear. This sounds like the skills a person would learn from therapy to me.

[drrosse]

Funny thing is my insecurities only relate to work. She has lots of male friends in life from school and other places, and i have zero feelings of insecurities about any of her male friends. Its just work. Whenever I hear about cheating, know people who have done it, know people who have been cheated on, every signle time its with someone at work.

 

I'm very much a person who like to keep my work and home life compleatly separate.

[Thicke2013]

Funny thing is my insecurities only relate to work. She has lots of male friends in life from school and other places, and i have zero feelings of insecurities about any of her male friends. Its just work. Whenever I hear about cheating, know people who have done it, know people who have been cheated on, every signle time its with someone at work.

 

I'm very much a person who like to keep my work and home life compleatly separate.

 

 

Your insecurities are about work because that is where the infidelity occurred in your previous relationship. I think the first thing you need to do is be completely honest with your GF about what you are feeling. There is a certain freedom about getting things out in the open where they can be worked through together. You will ruin a great relationship with your current GF by bringing these old wounds into your new relationship. I have personally dealt with this lately as well. If you can afford it go to therapy. It doesn't mean you are weak, actually it means you are strong to admit that your past has hurt you. Your new GF will be so appreciative that you have offered to go get help in figuring out why you do these things. She will love and trust you more. You can't keep punishing your current GF for what your crazy ex did to you. Good luck. You can learn to trust again. I did, but it will take you being honest with you GF.

[lolablue17]

You had a trauma with your EX, you were very hurt and that the result.

But after 3 years it realy looks a little too much.

 

I think your problem can be solved in treatment or IC.

[realfriends]

maybe watching this video on trust will help