Mondmellonw Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 (edited) He said he was sorry about the things he did, and that he didn't wanted to be insulting when I broke up with him, but that he was very mad at the time. He said he realized how awful he was to me at the time and that he felt bad for not being patient enough to at least be respectful and end things on a better way. He said he always knew I was the one, and that he never felt anything like it with any other person. He said he still feels that way for me, and explained to me that he is bitter and drinks too much, and that he feels like I deserve much better than what he can give me now... We argued about it, and make some other points clear (or at least, it seemed like it...) He then asked if we could get back together. Issues during relationship: He unblocked his ex from facebook. I confronted him about this and he said he did it to make peace with her (she multiple cheated on him). I said it was not necessary at all, because we were together and he didn't told me. He said I was right. He would get mad at nothing and make the silent treatment. He will prefer to hang out for a drink rather than to hang out with me. Some other things are not even that important... After BU: He hooked up with a person I knew after one month. And he is now in a new relationship.... For two days... He gave me this bomb when I agreed on talking to him after all he said about how special I was to him, etc. Man, how can I trust him if he says this things to me while having a girlfriend? Could it be that he really loves me? He said it wasn't anything serious, and that it already started badly because he was telling this to me and feeling confused about if I can love him and forgive him or not... He says he feels like I won't forgive him for the hooking up with this person I knew, and that he feels (very) judged by me. That if we get back together I should forget about the whole thing. But when I ask him details (is this wrong? I feel like we should be able to talk about everything and to be 100% honest) he gets defensive and says: "but you broke up with me! you sent me to hell! It was your choice." .... He also said he will really leave that new relationship if he was sure I love him, but he doesn't feels like I do, he feels I am too exigent. I would forgive him, but I don't know if I should. Maybe I am just being stupid. Really stupid. Any advice... Please... and thanks. Edited March 26, 2014 by Mondmellonw Link to post Share on other sites
Weallwalkthelongroad Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 You dumped for your own reasons, which is fine. If he wants to hook up with other girls, he is free to do so without you getting upset about it. It's entirely up to you to "forgive" him if you want. As far as being with other girls, he hasn't done anything wrong to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Mond my friend No. YOU should stick to your guns and not be dragged back into this. Too many negatives. Move forward. X He said he was sorry about the things he did, and that he didn't wanted to be insulting when I broke up with him, but that he was very mad at the time. He said he realized how awful he was to me at the time and that he felt bad for not being patient enough to at least be respectful and end things on a better way. He said he always knew I was the one, and that he never felt anything like it with any other person. He said he still feels that way for me, and explained to me that he is bitter and drinks too much, and that he feels like I deserve much better than what he can give me now... We argued about it, and make some other points clear (or at least, it seemed like it...) He then asked if we could get back together. Issues during relationship: He unblocked his ex from facebook. I confronted him about this and he said he did it to make peace with her (she multiple cheated on him). I said it was not necessary at all, because we were together and he didn't told me. He said I was right. He would get mad at nothing and make the silent treatment. He will prefer to hang out for a drink rather than to hang out with me. Some other things are not even that important... After BU: He hooked up with a person I knew after one month. And he is now in a new relationship.... For two days... He gave me this bomb when I agreed on talking to him after all he said about how special I was to him, etc. Man, how can I trust him if he says this things to me while having a girlfriend? Could it be that he really loves me? He said it wasn't anything serious, and that it already started badly because he was telling this to me and feeling confused about if I can love him and forgive him or not... He says he feels like I won't forgive him for the hooking up with this person I knew, and that he feels (very) judged by me. That if we get back together I should forget about the whole thing. But when I ask him details (is this wrong? I feel like we should be able to talk about everything and to be 100% honest) he gets defensive and says: "but you broke up with me! you sent me to hell! It was your choice." .... He also said he will really leave that new relationship if he was sure I love him, but he doesn't feels like I do, he feels I am too exigent. I would forgive him, but I don't know if I should. Maybe I am just being stupid. Really stupid. Any advice... Please... and thanks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mondmellonw Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 You dumped for your own reasons, which is fine. If he wants to hook up with other girls, he is free to do so without you getting upset about it. It's entirely up to you to "forgive" him if you want. As far as being with other girls, he hasn't done anything wrong to you. Weall, I want to know something. Do boys do this only for sexual reasons?.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mondmellonw Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 Mond my friend No. YOU should stick to your guns and not be dragged back into this. Too many negatives. Move forward. X Haydn, I really want to, I feel confused. I have never felt like this in my entire life. I don't want to be toyed with... i don't know how can I trust him, and if I did, he will still have his drinking on the first place, and not me... I have also told him about this... But he always feels like I am too exigent. He doesn't acts arrogant, I don't know how to describe it, it's like he fears my rejection, but since he is with another person, it doesn't makes sense, I don't want to disrespect her in any way. This sucks Link to post Share on other sites
Weallwalkthelongroad Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Weall, I want to know something. Do boys do this only for sexual reasons?.... Sometimes, yes. Maybe he is trying to fill a void in his life since your BU. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BradJacobs Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Weall, I want to know something. Do boys do this only for sexual reasons?.... You two were broken up. So what does it matter his reasons for doing so? You weren't together! Link to post Share on other sites
legion113 Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 No, we do this because we want to feel cherished, we want to feel loved, we want to feel like that ugly duckling that everyone overlooks knowing deep in our souls that we are swans inside, but most of all...sometimes..just sometimes..what we really need is a HUG. Ok all kidding aside.. Hell yeah we do it for sexual reasons!!!!! As do women by the way. Weall, I want to know something. Do boys do this only for sexual reasons?.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mondmellonw Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 Sometimes, yes. Maybe he is trying to fill a void in his life since your BU. We never had sex. I am a virgin. So.... Still... I really think it was his right, I want to understand that point of view. It could be seen as the thing you just described, or as: he never loved me like I loved him. And since he treated me so badly on the break up I have the thought of him not trying anything to clear things and just go wild with random people while I was devastated. He didn't do it (talked) on 4 months. He just did it out of the sudden two days ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mondmellonw Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 You two were broken up. So what does it matter his reasons for doing so? You weren't together! I really want to understand this reasoning and don't judge him. But... I dunno. Link to post Share on other sites
Weallwalkthelongroad Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 We never had sex. I am a virgin. So.... Still... I really think it was his right, I want to understand that point of view. It could be seen as the thing you just described, or as: he never loved me like I loved him. And since he treated me so badly on the break up I have the thought of him not trying anything to clear things and just go wild with random people while I was devastated. He didn't do it (talked) on 4 months. He just did it out of the sudden two days ago. But was he a virgin as well? If he was sexually active before you got together, he may be looking to remain active. It really doesn't have much to do with you unless he is flaunting it in your face. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
legion113 Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Both men and women can have sex with no feelings involved. Sometimes out of loneliness, for pleasure, or just to feel close to someone for a bit. Doesn't mean he didn't love you, or that he wasn't wishing it was you with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mondmellonw Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 But was he a virgin as well? If he was sexually active before you got together, he may be looking to remain active. It really doesn't have much to do with you unless he is flaunting it in your face. He is not. He actually doesn't wants to talk about it. He said that what we had was the purest thing he ever experienced, and still, the best thing he ever had. Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Mond, if drinking comes first with him. Then this will be a mess. Yes you are confused and lost at the moment, but you had very good reasons for dumping and i wish i was as brave as you and dumped my ex. You had the right reasons and you were strong enough to see it was going no where. And it still won`t from everything you have said. Keep going. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Weallwalkthelongroad Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 He is not. He actually doesn't wants to talk about it. He said that what we had was the purest thing he ever experienced, and still, the best thing he ever had. But you broke up with him for your own reasons... So it ended up not being as pure as he thought. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mondmellonw Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 Mond, if drinking comes first with him. Then this will be a mess. Yes you are confused and lost at the moment, but you had very good reasons for dumping and i wish i was as brave as you and dumped my ex. You had the right reasons and you were strong enough to see it was going no where. And it still won`t from everything you have said. Keep going. Haydn... it was the hardest thing on my life til now. I felt emotionally dead/numb right after it happened and I am still that way some days, I also feel very hurt. He was the first person I really had strong emotions for. I am just 20. I don't know. But thank you. You have been a great help since I got here Link to post Share on other sites
mantlefan Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Haydn, I really want to, I feel confused. I have never felt like this in my entire life. I don't want to be toyed with... i don't know how can I trust him, and if I did, he will still have his drinking on the first place, and not me... I have also told him about this... But he always feels like I am too exigent. He doesn't acts arrogant, I don't know how to describe it, it's like he fears my rejection, but since he is with another person, it doesn't makes sense, I don't want to disrespect her in any way. This sucks I get the feeling that his attitude toward this girl he is "with" right now is telling you a lot. What exactly it is telling you, I am not sure, but it is a lot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mondmellonw Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 "He can't be trusted".... That is... Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 What changes has he made since you broke up with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mondmellonw Posted March 27, 2014 Author Share Posted March 27, 2014 Oh, well.... He started drinking a lot. He slept with his ex. Hooked up with some "friend of mine". Etc Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 Hmm..those don't sound like positive changes... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 Oh honey I was the one to Of course that did not stop him from cheating lying cheating lying and cheating lying and God knows what else. He cried begged called daily promised talked marriage kids house moving heaven and earth you see I was the one !!!! Then he did it all over it again I fell for it twice and third time kicked him and kept kicking him out of my life until his ass was blue and balls God I hope completely shriveled. Those guys are damaged in head soul or else it matters not Nothing will change or at least not for long EVER. Please trust me U are smart beautiful and freaking 20 years old USE THAT for all its worth Link to post Share on other sites
redbaron005 Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 Sounds like you made the right decision to dump him the first time. Link to post Share on other sites
mantlefan Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 Hmm..those don't sound like positive changes... Mond, I hope you laughed at this. It's funny because it is true. It may hurt to laugh, but I hope you can see a little humor in this beautiful understatement. Kali, your coyness here made my day. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mondmellonw Posted March 27, 2014 Author Share Posted March 27, 2014 Thanks.... For all. It was the most hardest thing in my life, it still is. I think some part of him wants to be saved, but he doesn't knows how to help himself and I can't change that, even if I love him. I did laughed at what Kali said, but inside. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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