M30USA Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 (edited) For those of you who are divorced, are there any of your actions which you can look back on and think, "Why the HELL did I do that? What the HELL is wrong with me?" I don't mean you regret getting divorced or want to reconcile, but maybe you have gained perspective and you see some of your stupid actions objectively? I'll share mine: When I was first dating my ex-wife, she wanted to make a photo album of us to keep memories. For some stupid reason, I was really opposed to this. I don't know why, lol. I guess I was a typical stupid guy who likes to keep things laid back and not all sentimental. But come on! A freaking photo album book! I should have been happy about it and even helped. Gosh, hopefully I won't do stupid crap like this the next time around. Edited March 27, 2014 by M30USA 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 Hell yeah!!! Why the heck did I hand our finances over to the Ex when I was off work whilst having the children SS x 4 Link to post Share on other sites
loaf-of-loathing Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 Why did I let myself get so dependent on her? It's like I gave up on the game altogether. I think it's where she lost respect for me and set the stage for infidelity. It's her fault that she behaved the way she did but it still stings to realize how disaster was born 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 M30USA, For those of you who are divorced, are there any of your actions which you can look back on and think, "Why the HELL did I do that? What the HELL is wrong with me?" I don't mean you regret getting divorced or want to reconcile, but maybe you have gained perspective and you see some of your stupid actions objectively? Absolutley. I had a feeling my exH was cheating before the affair came to light and told him about it. He basically told me I was overimaginative and unstable. I allowed him to trivialise my feelings by rubbishing my concerns. Now, I always listen to my gut feelings, no matter how odd they seem, and they've keep me out of a whole pile of trouble. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 For those of you who are divorced, are there any of your actions which you can look back on and think, "Why the HELL did I do that? What the HELL is wrong with me?" I don't mean you regret getting divorced or want to reconcile, but maybe you have gained perspective and you see some of your stupid actions objectively? Too many to count. One such example, my STBXW wanted to go shopping for some underwear. I reluctantly agreed to go along but was a real stick in the mud about it. No opinions, no assistance. Much later on I realized she wanted my opinion because she was wanting to purchase stuff for US. Sometimes when you don't look past the end of your nose, you miss out on what is really happening right infront of you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 My regret was marrying my first wife. The problem was, I didn't give it enough time and really watch, observe and listen. Six months after we got married, I was getting ready for work and while looking in the mirror, I looked back at myself and my reflection was telling me that you made a mistake. She was very immature and a serious grudge holder. When she got mad, she stayed mad for days and rather than keep to herself, she would needle the hell out of me with snide, rude comments then when her anger was over, she couldn't leave a sleeping dog lie. It had to be brought up and rehashed again. I should have walked. I came real close only to find out that she was pregnant so I stayed for another five years until the marriage finally fell apart and only to find out after the divorce that she was having an affair with a friend of mine. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MsOptimist Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 Way too many to count here too. This has been the hardest part of the divorce for me, forgiving myself for burying my head in the sand and ignoring giant red flags from even before I was married. Huge lesson learned the hard way. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 Should have hired the divorce lawyer rather than sending the birthday card. "Why the HELL did I do that? MC would reveal later that it was mainly fear. What the HELL is wrong with me?" Temporary insanity. In the long run, the lawyer might've been cheaper and more expedient but it is what it is. Every life lesson has a price. Some of us are fortunate to have the time to make the payments, even if having to reconcile the memories of what has passed. Others die. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Candy_Pants Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 Why didn't I see the signs? Or even better why did I ignore them? I put my trust in someone who didn't have my best interests at heart. I was a prize to be won, not an equal. Love isn't about possession, it's about respect and understanding. Somehow I forgot that hard learned lesson. Never again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JourneyLady Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 Why the hell did I get lost in mid-life crisis fantasy about living with an old fart I hadn't even met in person. Why did I lose my self-respect and in the process dis-respect my husband. I know I was desperate, I know I had complained for years that he didn't act like he found me as desirable as I wanted, that we didn't have sex as much as I wanted to... But why couldn't I have found contentment in being productive on my own instead of being involved with someone else leading me to that? Why did I allow myself to be so dependent for so long and then feel like I had to have xH's "permission" to develop any independence? I should have just stated plainly that he was to leave the car at home so I could get comfortable driving again, instead of ragging on him about it. And why didn't I just go out and make my own friends instead of not having any because he wouldn't bring people home for dinner? I don't know that person anymore. I don't understand her. I don't relate to her line of thinking. I've drawn a line in the sand and I now know that when push comes to shove, you will do what you have to do to survive... never mind being "comfortable" doing it. You can't get the snow shoveling done if you only take baby steps to it. She could have broken out of her self-made jail -- and just didn't until the walls had fallen down on their own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
confused-hesitant Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Yes - why the hell did I want to NOT hurt his precious feelings by separating but not filing for divorce when I knew that's what needed to happen for years. and why did I not leave 5 years ago when it would have been SO much easier to leave?? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 I'll share mine: When I was first dating my ex-wife, she wanted to make a photo album of us to keep memories. For some stupid reason, I was really opposed to this. I don't know why, lol. I guess I was a typical stupid guy who likes to keep things laid back and not all sentimental. But come on! A freaking photo album book! I should have been happy about it and even helped. Gosh, hopefully I won't do stupid crap like this the next time around. Some perspective from my first marriage...I did all those things and she got to keep the photo albums.. Mine seem to come from a selfish side... I gave up a lot of myself in my first marriage so I learned from that. As far as doing stupid stuff.. I don't think I really did too much... Some child raising things but who doesn't make errors while raising kids. I loaned her company too much money and that put stress in the marriage that didn't need to be there but my wife today is a SHAM and doesn't work so that took care of itself in a way. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 For decades, I declined to take any responsibility for the failure of my marriage. It has only been in the last couple of years, that I had a wake up moment. When we met, I was in my 30's and had partying down to a science. I started work at 6 in the morning, worked thru lunch and clocking out at 1:30. By 2 was in the pool, a sandwich for lunch, with a beer chaser, and catching up on my ZZ's and some rays. About the time that everybody else was getting home I was refreshed and ready to party. Some nights I went out, had several bars where I was a regular, so had lots of friends. If I stayed home I had several FWB's I could invite over, grilling, good booze, lots of good music, etc. Generally tried to be back in bed around midnight in order to get up at 5:30 to be back at work at 6. Meet ExW, she has just turned 19, has a knock out killer foldout body, with a face to match. Within 15 minutes of meeting she has followed me back to my place removed her top and offers to become one of my party girls. I tell her she is too young and a college drop out loser. To impress me she gets back into school and gets with the studies. We begin a relationship and 3 years later after she graduates, we marry. I sort of felt obligated as it was me who kept encouraging her to stay in school and it was she who wanted to marry me. Seeing this goddess walk down the aisle to marry me, and I changed, my partying days were over, I could be a daddy. She had pushed me to quit going to bars on the way home from work. So I thought I was doing the right thing and gave up on partying. But from her point of view, she was now 22, had done the hard work of getting her degree and starting a career and was ready to party. Partying is what attracted her to me, and I stopped. There were lots of issues, and this is only one of them. Another was money. When we moved across country, in my trade, you begin most new jobs working nights. I had several offers, but she wanted me home at night. (Newly married, in a new city) so I took a day job paying less than half of what I could be making working nights. And she then made more than I did, which was food for fodder for her co-worker OM's Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts