Would you let ow know that ex is cheating on her?

[vera345]

I posted my story here previously in the summer of 2013. The titles was something like "husband refused to sign a post up" but I can't find it how.

The short story- married for 10 years, husband told me that he fell in love with a woman he met on Internet dating site. Ea was going on for 18 months she he confessed. Tried to reconcile just to find out that he was still in contact with her.

In a middle of this I found out that I am pregnant with our second child. He told me that he can't handle that and demanded abortion. I refused, he left.

Tried to come back one more time when I found out he was still in contact with ow. I told him it was over, he left to meet her and affair became physical.

We are going through separation process, and pretty much no contact with him other than his visitation of your first child. He didn't ask a single question about my pregnancy or baby who will be born in couple weeks.

I am recovering, we are mitigating divorce, and it may take time.

He can't bring this woman here until he divorces me legally.

He is being rude and angry towards me, telling me he wasted 10 years on me, ow is his soul mate and the feelings are such that I cannot imagine bc I lack capacity.

Couple months ago I found out that he has been calling escort services. The phone calls are really short like someone is setting an appointment. I am keeping these records bc I want to use them to gain advantage in divorce proceeding and to make sure nothing crazy is going on when my child visits him.

Part of me wants to share this information with ow bc when all of this started she wrote me how they love each other and he never loved me and I didn't really know him. Well, I guess she doesn't either.

But she may not believe me or he will find some way to explain this.

As a BS would you do this?

[vera345]

Sorry for all typos I am trying to do it from my phone and autocorrect is killing me

[vera345]

He is claiming in divorce that he is broke, yet has money to call escort twice a month. I have no idea how much it costs but not cheap I am sure.

The phone calls are made at strange times from 6 am to 1 pm and last 1-2 minutes each.

I have no doubt these are escort services I found their ad on Internet

[Zimber]

Tried to come back one more time when I found out he was still in contact with ow. I told him it was over, he left to meet her and affair became physical.

 

He can't bring this woman here until he divorces me legally.

 

Huh? Say what?

He needed to leave somewhere to make this affair ... physical?

He has to wait for divorce before he can ... bring her here?

 

Ha, did this numbskull fall for an overseas internet huntress?

 

If this is the case, I wouldn't worry much about the ow and he living happily ever after. This guy is going to get dumped and likely come to you looking for support.

 

Z

[vera345]

Yes but she is a real person and in love with him.

He lied to her for 6 months telling her that he was single until

Admitted that he was in fact married with a toddler. She still stayed with him.

She got completely different story of our marriage than I

Was living in. However it's very common with the affairs.

He and she intend to be together after divorce and live happily ever after

[aussietigerwolf]

the ow is his soulmate and yet he's calling escorts???

[BrokenPrincess]

Oh boy. I remember your story....she's in Russia or something and your poor hubby fell head over heels right ? I would definitely not care one iota about telling her about the escorts. She might not even care since she's finally found her ticket to America.

 

Just focus on you, getting your baby delivered safely, and finalizing your divorce.

[excusememister]

I agree...he is her ticket to America. I wouldn't tell her; she wouldn't care; she has a greater concern than him using an escort service.

 

When he comes crawling back to you, I hope you'll tell him to go take a hike.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this. Going through a pregnancy is challenging enough even when you have the love and support of a partner. I hope you have a sister, mom, friend or someone to provide you with support. Keep your head up. You sound like a strong women.

 

What an idiot he is!

[Bootsie]

I posted my story here previously in the summer of 2013. The titles was something like "husband refused to sign a post up" but I can't find it how.

The short story- married for 10 years, husband told me that he fell in love with a woman he met on Internet dating site. Ea was going on for 18 months she he confessed. Tried to reconcile just to find out that he was still in contact with her.

In a middle of this I found out that I am pregnant with our second child. He told me that he can't handle that and demanded abortion. I refused, he left.

Tried to come back one more time when I found out he was still in contact with ow. I told him it was over, he left to meet her and affair became physical.

We are going through separation process, and pretty much no contact with him other than his visitation of your first child. He didn't ask a single question about my pregnancy or baby who will be born in couple weeks.

I am recovering, we are mitigating divorce, and it may take time.

He can't bring this woman here until he divorces me legally.

He is being rude and angry towards me, telling me he wasted 10 years on me, ow is his soul mate and the feelings are such that I cannot imagine bc I lack capacity.

Couple months ago I found out that he has been calling escort services. The phone calls are really short like someone is setting an appointment. I am keeping these records bc I want to use them to gain advantage in divorce proceeding and to make sure nothing crazy is going on when my child visits him.

Part of me wants to share this information with ow bc when all of this started she wrote me how they love each other and he never loved me and I didn't really know him. Well, I guess she doesn't either.

But she may not believe me or he will find some way to explain this.

As a BS would you do this?

 

 

As a BW yes I'd just give her the facts and allow her to work out everything else for herself including whether or not she believes you or him.

[carhill]

For interested readers, here's the backstory:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/416285-cheating-husband-won-t-sign-postnup

 

I remembered the thread and posted a couple of responses in it and, in light of current events, and respecting the OP apparently fought infertility for a decade and is now near birth, my advice would be to collect what data comes your way and table this until after the birth and see how you feel about it. If you decide to 'let OW know', I'd suggest evidence, translated as appropriate depending on OW's knowledge of written English, generally in line with how you operate in your legal profession.

 

Best wishes for a healthy baby

[beach]

No, I wouldn't bother with the time or energy.

 

Spend the energy getting him out of your life.

[vera345]

Thank you for all your responses. I am moving on with my life and have very limited contact with ex. The reason why I keep this information is that hopefully it will make me some advantage in divorce and I want to be sure he isn't calling these services when my child is around. I don't think he does but after what happened I am not sure about anything.

I live by myself and have several good friends who help me. I also have a job. Other than it, I Am on my own. I moved to the city where we live bc of my ex and have no family here. My mom is coming to help me when a new baby is born and she will stay with me for a while.

I think I will just collect all this information now and decide what to do when we actually go through divorce.

He tried to crawl back after he returned from his trip even tried to tell me that there was no sex between him and ow. I laughed and he later admitted that he stayed with her and had sexual relationship with her.

The worse part for me was that when he left I was diagnosed with trisomy 18 and didn't even know if the baby will survive. He left me to have fun on a 20 hr notice and I had to deal with diagnosis, tests, and taking care of toddler by myself. This is something I won't ever be able to get over.

Posting here about my story really helped me.

[kalika]

Have you considered just moving back to where your mom is living ? It may be worth it in the end to have the support that you will need. Has a lawyer told you that you can't move???

 

I would just try to get far away from him and his nonsense. He sounds like a train wreck.

[vera345]

I can't move back.

I spent 10 years here, established a new carrier, I can support myself here. I am staying at the house that we purchased during our marriage and I can support myself.

Also if I move he won't be able to see

His children and even though he was a ****ty husband, part of me believes that he can be a valuable parent and that my daughter and future baby will benefit. I just don't feel right to deprive my children out of that. Not at this

Point yet.

Right now ow is not here and he is spending a lot if time with our kid. She loves him.

Also being pregnant and having a small child

I have a lot of freedom at my job that I have now. I can leave early if I need. But I worked for 6 years up have it. If i move and start over I will be expected to work long hours, establish my reputation again.

I will have to go through the court too and it will

Be up to the court to allow me to move. I won't have many arguments since all these judges know me and know that I can find a job locally if I need to.

So I am staying here now. I figured out that I don't need more stress that I have now and moving and getting a new life is more stress than I need.

[violet1]

I wouldn't say anything to her about the escorts. He already lied to her about being married in the first place and she chose to continue with him. She'll find out on her own soon enough. I hate to sound b*tchy, but she didn't give a damn about you when she found out that he was married. It's funny doesn't she think that at one time you and your H thought you were soul mates too?

[peaksandvalleys]

I posted my story here previously in the summer of 2013. The titles was something like "husband refused to sign a post up" but I can't find it how.

The short story- married for 10 years, husband told me that he fell in love with a woman he met on Internet dating site. Ea was going on for 18 months she he confessed. Tried to reconcile just to find out that he was still in contact with her.

In a middle of this I found out that I am pregnant with our second child. He told me that he can't handle that and demanded abortion. I refused, he left.

Tried to come back one more time when I found out he was still in contact with ow. I told him it was over, he left to meet her and affair became physical.

We are going through separation process, and pretty much no contact with him other than his visitation of your first child. He didn't ask a single question about my pregnancy or baby who will be born in couple weeks.

I am recovering, we are mitigating divorce, and it may take time.

He can't bring this woman here until he divorces me legally.

He is being rude and angry towards me, telling me he wasted 10 years on me, ow is his soul mate and the feelings are such that I cannot imagine bc I lack capacity.

Couple months ago I found out that he has been calling escort services. The phone calls are really short like someone is setting an appointment. I am keeping these records bc I want to use them to gain advantage in divorce proceeding and to make sure nothing crazy is going on when my child visits him.

Part of me wants to share this information with ow bc when all of this started she wrote me how they love each other and he never loved me and I didn't really know him. Well, I guess she doesn't either.

But she may not believe me or he will find some way to explain this.

As a BS would you do this?

 

 

Nope she earned his brand of love. Let her have it.

[vera345]

Ok, I checked his cell phone record today and found out that he called that number while my child was with him. This really pisses me off.

I had to travel for one night because of work and left her with him. I see phone call at 6:30 am. He called this escort lady while he was driving my child to the daycare.

The only reason why he would call was probably to set up an appointment? I can't imagine why else anyone would call these girls so early for 2 mins. Yet, he didn't know if I will return on that day and he has no sitter. What was he planning to do? Have this girl over when my baby is asleep or go there before he gets her from the daycare?

 

Does anyone have any idea how these services work? I am going to watch it for a month or two and take him back to court. I will ask for a supervised visitation bc this is crazy. He lost his mind I have no other explanation. My daughter isn't talking yet and I have no idea whats going on there when he has her.

 

The interesting thing he kept telling me when we were still trying to work on the marriage that he had no choice but to cheat on me because he wasn't sexually attracted to me ever and that ow looks like a woman he always imagined himself with. He told me that I was just not his type. OW is tall blond and kind looks like Jane Lynch. I am small, petite, have brown hair, and completely different type. Well, this escort girl has a website with her description, she has brown hair, 5.5 ft tall, and weight 120 pounds. This doesn't make any sense. He is just a lier, lies about everything.

[Spark1111]

And what does she cost?????? call her to find out. Women contract for services too, so you do not have to tip your hand.

 

That is half your money and money that should be going to the support of his children!!!!!

 

if he was so un attracted to you, how did you have two babies by him?????

 

As for his OW, she gets a ticket to America by marrying him. It's the oldest opportunity in the world.

 

Let them have each other. She may move on once her citizenship is established.

 

What a fool.

 

Stay strong for your children. There very well could be a good, stable man in your future.

[cocahouts]

I hate to say you're tied to this guy for life, at least if he's trying to be somewhat of a Dad. If he turns into more of a dead beat and runs off you might be in luck, but taking away his kids will take some serious charges. If you can afford it I would talk with a lawyer and explain everything that's going on. Be careful about going though "HIS" phone records, privacy complaints and all when it comes down to a divorce, just watch your back.

 

It sounds like your children are babies still.....they are going to be in this other woman's life. It sucks but you should meet this person if she's going to be around your kids, especially if they're still young.

 

I would have a lawyer call the escort service and find out about it, if your accounts are still joint or even your old accounts gather all the records for this. I am ashamed to say I paid for this once and it was expensive, it took me over a year of slowly saving money under the radar so it wouldn't be noticed. It wasn't my initial reason for stashing money, emergency money for rainy day fund type thing. If he's always going it will show up in the finances.

 

Get as much as you can legally documented. Try and get him away from the kids as much as possible, I don't think this is fair but he doesn't sound stable from what I read.

[vera345]

I talked to my lawyer. We are going to subpoena his phone records and they will show that calls were made during his official visitation time. Then we will go from there~ at this time I think we will just threaten him and say that if he doesn't stop this we will move to change visitation schedule.

I asked a friend to call that phone number. She said a guy picked it up and first acted like he doesn't know what she was talking about. She then told him that she was referred to him by other customer. He then told her that "she" meaning the escort girl is away right now but they require 2 hr notice and that she doesn't do couples. I guess the guy was a little suspicious because it was a woman who called.

After I get these records through subpoena and sort out my issues with him I am going to mail them to ow strictly for information purposes. She can look at them and make her own conclusions. They show times when they talk so I don't know how he is going to lie out of it too. I am not going to comment on them I will simply provide this as info. If she comes here I will have to deal with her being around my kids so she better know who he is before she leaves everything in her country and brings her child here and trust my ex with her life, just like I did. I doubt she will believe me but I don't really worry about it it's up to her what to do with this information.