Letting People Be Wrong

[M30USA]

I am beginning a new approach in my personal development. I'm calling it "Letting People Be Wrong". If someone says something that I am 100% certain is wrong, unless it significantly affects them or me in a negative way, I will not say anything and let them go on. This is normally very, very difficult for me because I have this assumption that it's my responsibility to correct all misinformation in the world regarding things I am educated it. But it's a very FREEING feeling to not do this. It's not natural and I'm sure I will still correct people but it's very freeing to just let people be wrong. Anyone else have any idea what I'm talking about?

[melell]

"letting them"? The very concept of what you are saying is almost as f***ed up as correcting them.

 

I am fairly well educated, have a masters degree, plenty of opportunity to correct people- I never ever do, I discuss things, but that is it.

 

Philosophically speaking most things are debatable. Even 'laws of nature' only exist in the confines of limited knowledge. Anyone who has been educated in scientific method will not throw facts around- they will come to conclusions based on deductive, inductive etc reasoning, and acknowledge the limits of their arguments. There are a lot of people unaware of how fallacious their conclusions are. Even the most commonly held knowledge can be fallacy.

 

If it is something really obvious to you, or defies your logic even then I personally think it is good to let people have their own conclusions and perceptions even if they are way off.

 

I think that knowledge leads to correcting people, and it is a slippery slope to arrogance and ego. People should be careful to keep that in check, if you know something that someone does not that doesn't make you a better person, not by a long shot.

 

Sorry if I took your post wrong, it might just be the terminology, it sounded a little arrogant to me.

[pureinheart]

I am beginning a new approach in my personal development. I'm calling it "Letting People Be Wrong". If someone says something that I am 100% certain is wrong, unless it significantly affects them or me in a negative way, I will not say anything and let them go on. This is normally very, very difficult for me because I have this assumption that it's my responsibility to correct all misinformation in the world regarding things I am educated it. But it's a very FREEING feeling to not do this. It's not natural and I'm sure I will still correct people but it's very freeing to just let people be wrong. Anyone else have any idea what I'm talking about?

 

Awesome post. Yes, I know exactly what you're talking about. Your level of understanding leads me to believe that this might have been a major challenge for you, so this is great! When you couple this with caring about others, well more power to you:)

 

It is beyond freeing and peaceful, and for me, it feels like a lot of weights have been lifted. Life seems so much easier…and there is less sensitivity when people are purposefully mean or rude, less of a need to react- that is very freeing! In this area I just consider the source and where the battle usually lies- within the individual that is mean/rude.

 

Does it feel like your life and the way you view almost everything is different now? It feels like I don't have to "fix" everything or everybody- "not my job":laugh: There's still the soapbox, but that may never change.

[pureinheart]

"letting them"? The very concept of what you are saying is almost as f***ed up as correcting them.

 

I am fairly well educated, have a masters degree, plenty of opportunity to correct people- I never ever do, I discuss things, but that is it.

 

Philosophically speaking most things are debatable. Even 'laws of nature' only exist in the confines of limited knowledge. Anyone who has been educated in scientific method will not throw facts around- they will come to conclusions based on deductive, inductive etc reasoning, and acknowledge the limits of their arguments. There are a lot of people unaware of how fallacious their conclusions are. Even the most commonly held knowledge can be fallacy.

 

If it is something really obvious to you, or defies your logic even then I personally think it is good to let people have their own conclusions and perceptions even if they are way off.

 

I think that knowledge leads to correcting people, and it is a slippery slope to arrogance and ego. People should be careful to keep that in check, if you know something that someone does not that doesn't make you a better person, not by a long shot.

 

Sorry if I took your post wrong, it might just be the terminology, it sounded a little arrogant to me.

 

I took the OP to say that instead of arguing or becoming upset because OP does care about people and truth (even if it is considered "his truth"), that it is better to let them go on their way (a figure of speech) and to let "it" go for both them and himself.

 

Please correct me if my filter is off on this M30:)

[melell]

I took the OP to say that instead of arguing or becoming upset because OP does care about people and truth (even if it is considered "his truth"), that it is better to let them go on their way (a figure of speech) and to let "it" go for both them and himself.

 

Please correct me if my filter is off on this M30:)

 

To me it sounds like op is walking away thinking 'I am right, they are wrong, I'll let them believe it, but they are still wrong, stupid people' type thing.

 

I can completely agree that letting it go is much nicer than confrontation-I don't think many people enjoy confrontation, and if it has been a common theme then it is not surprising that it is freeing to not go there.

 

It is more the mindset behind it that I am thinking about- walking away thinking that everybody has their own opinions is much better than walking away thinking 'I let them be wrong' imo.

[mercuryshadow]

Similarly, letting someone have "the last word" or "offering up the victory" is also a very freeing feeling, once you learn to do it.

[SpiralOut]

Yes I know what you mean OP. I sometimes find it hard to stay quiet when someone goes on about something that I know is wrong, for example, confusing the term mammal with animal. That drives me insane. Sometimes I will say something, depending on the person and the situation. Sometimes it is better to let something go than to embarrass someone unnecessarily. It feels good to not need to be right all the time.

[GorillaTheater]

To me it sounds like op is walking away thinking 'I am right, they are wrong, I'll let them believe it, but they are still wrong, stupid people' type thing.

 

Hell, I do that fairly often.

 

Good for you, M30. There aren't too many things worth an uptick in your blood pressure.

[carhill]

If someone says something that I am 100% certain is wrong, unless it significantly affects them or me in a negative way, I will not say anything and let them go on.

 

Yeah, unless it's something like 'those electrical circuits are off' and I know they're energized and the person will get electrocuted, I just leave them to their learning curve. Thought of that this morning since I've been working 'hot' on 220 in the shop. Safety first!

 

Like you said, it's 'freeing' and I find far less distraction from my own stuff. I figure everyone has their stuff so they'll figure it out.

[xxoo]

Sure, and applicable on a relationship site, it is something I consciously do in my marriage. I bite my tongue and resist the impulse to correct my partner, and my kids for that matter, if I think I'm right and they're wrong about something unimportant.

 

And I acknowledge and appreciate that he probably often does the same for me!

[johan]

It's a good thing to do. You can't expect everyone to be at the same stage in their development as you or ready to catch up all in the course of one conversation. Not to mention it's better not to assume the "truth" as you know it is complete or totally accurate. Your learning may not be as complete as you'd like to think.

[crederer]

Yeah man I have that too. I find that I feel I can engage in conversation where people have different opinions on things but I find most of the time when my opinion is different than theirs it turns into a big thing.

 

I like doing it for the purposes of meaningful conversation but have come to the conclusion that most people don't want to hear a different opinion. I'm always respectful of other's opinions, and I've seen your posts before and feel you're the same (even though I disagree with some of them, you present them constructively and with respect).

 

I'm trying to back away from it now.

Edited March 27, 2014 by crederer

[pureinheart]

Yeah, unless it's something like 'those electrical circuits are off' and I know they're energized and the person will get electrocuted, I just leave them to their learning curve. Thought of that this morning since I've been working 'hot' on 220 in the shop. Safety first!

Like you said, it's 'freeing' and I find far less distraction from my own stuff. I figure everyone has their stuff so they'll figure it out.

 

Yeah man I have that too. I find that I feel I can engage in conversation where people have different opinions on things but I find most of the time when my opinion is different than theirs it turns into a big thing.

 

I like doing it for the purposes of meaningful conversation but have come to the conclusion that most people don't want to hear a different opinion. I'm always respectful of other's opinions, and I've seen your posts before and feel you're the same (even though I disagree with some of them, you present them constructively and with respect).

 

I'm trying to back away from it now.

 

These posts are cute! Just to make clear, I'm not being uncool.

[maturityassets]

Wrong about what? Like numerical things? The size of a building or the facts on a certain subject? Actual it would be helpful to correct people with that in a polite way because they would be better informed.

 

But if you are talking about worldviews or particular perspective on things like politics, religion, how one should live one's life then saying they are "wrong" is closing your mind off. The subjective items in life which can't be measured by a common relative point, shouldn't necessarily be seen as wrong. If anything hear out what other people have to say and it might help you become more consistent or self honest on your own views, maybe even change them. I'll end with a quote:

 

 

“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” ~ Freidrich Nietzsche

[gaius]

I was waiting for a movie to start the other day and there were these 3 over educated knuckleheads sitting behind me yacking about what a hero Bradley Manning is. Took every fiber of my being to keep looking straight ahead and not say anything.

 

I dont think I've quite gotten to that point yet. This world has an illness and I'm the cure.

[M30USA]

I guess I'm mostly referring to factual, verifiable stuff. And only those things about which I am well-learned. People who know me realize that I keep my mouth shut about stuff I don't know anything about and in these cases I have often been known to annoy people with a million questions as I pick their brain.

 

The specific reason why I was prompted to write this post was because someone on LS said something regarding U.S. history which I knew to be incorrect. I was about to reply and correct him/her, but I stopped and thought, "You know what? Who cares?"

 

Ever wonder why elderly people don't seem to talk a lot? I suspect it's because they know so much from experience and, at the same time, know how foolish young people are and won't listen anyway--so they just keep quiet and have that seasoned, wise look.

[Phoe]

I am beginning a new approach in my personal development. I'm calling it "Letting People Be Wrong". If someone says something that I am 100% certain is wrong, unless it significantly affects them or me in a negative way, I will not say anything and let them go on. This is normally very, very difficult for me because I have this assumption that it's my responsibility to correct all misinformation in the world regarding things I am educated it. But it's a very FREEING feeling to not do this. It's not natural and I'm sure I will still correct people but it's very freeing to just let people be wrong. Anyone else have any idea what I'm talking about?

 

I'm in the process of trying to do this as well.

 

 

I slipped up last night and am really upset with myself.

[Phoe]

"letting them"? The very concept of what you are saying is almost as f***ed up as correcting them.

 

See the problem with people like me and likely the OP, is that we have been told off often about correcting people. We get called "know it alls", we get told we are infuriating and arrogant.

 

 

In our minds, we KNOW we don't know everything. We know what we know, and are very aware of the things we don't know. When we don't know something, we are the first to admit "I don't know!" We truly think we are being helpful when we correct someone when they get a factual bit of information incorrect. Then we get told off for doing so and feel bad for having good intentions.

 

 

So then we make a conscious effort to just stop correcting people. To change our behavior to be more considerate of those around us. And then we STILL get misinterpreted (example, your response to the OP) as being arrogant.

 

 

Can't win

[M30USA]

See the problem with people like me and likely the OP, is that we have been told off often about correcting people. We get called "know it alls", we get told we are infuriating and arrogant.

 

 

In our minds, we KNOW we don't know everything. We know what we know, and are very aware of the things we don't know. When we don't know something, we are the first to admit "I don't know!" We truly think we are being helpful when we correct someone when they get a factual bit of information incorrect. Then we get told off for doing so and feel bad for having good intentions.

 

 

So then we make a conscious effort to just stop correcting people. To change our behavior to be more considerate of those around us. And then we STILL get misinterpreted (example, your response to the OP) as being arrogant.

 

 

Can't win

 

Exactly. See? Someone says something better than I can.

[pureinheart]

I was waiting for a movie to start the other day and there were these 3 over educated knuckleheads sitting behind me yacking about what a hero Bradley Manning is. Took every fiber of my being to keep looking straight ahead and not say anything.

 

I dont think I've quite gotten to that point yet. This world has an illness and I'm the cure.

 

This is good! You always make me smile or laugh!:lmao:

[pureinheart]

See the problem with people like me and likely the OP, is that we have been told off often about correcting people. We get called "know it alls", we get told we are infuriating and arrogant.

 

 

In our minds, we KNOW we don't know everything. We know what we know, and are very aware of the things we don't know. When we don't know something, we are the first to admit "I don't know!" We truly think we are being helpful when we correct someone when they get a factual bit of information incorrect. Then we get told off for doing so and feel bad for having good intentions.

 

 

So then we make a conscious effort to just stop correcting people. To change our behavior to be more considerate of those around us. And then we STILL get misinterpreted (example, your response to the OP) as being arrogant.

 

 

Can't win

 

Wow, this is REALLY good!

[pureinheart]

Exactly. See? Someone says something better than I can.

 

You have really good communication skills as well:D…Phoe, I absolutely love your post!

[M30USA]

You have really good communication skills as well:D…Phoe, I absolutely love your post!

 

 

 

Believe me, I'm a lot more stupid in real life...when I don't have time to think about what I say.

[contact1]

I think by saying the phrase "letting them" it comes off as if you are doing them a favor in being wrong, that you know better and it comes off as if they are beneath you. Melell hit it on point that many things can be debated, and what may seem 100% true to one person, may not be the case to someone else in the way they interpret it.

 

It would have come off differently it instead it was said "Instead of trying to constantly feel the need to correct people for what they say, even though I may strongly feel they are incorrect, I would rather keep things peaceful unless it is something negative" see the difference?

 

In all honestly, I am against having to bite my own tongue or feel I shouldn't say something because of X, Y, and Z. If someone does say something I don't agree with, I'll debate it with them, but that's the type of person I am, I like to debate and discuss things openly, you learn more that way and see different sides to thing, instead of keeping silent.

[tbf]

If confrontation upsets you, then it's not worth the confrontation to correct trivial matters.

 

But even in history, there can be conflicting "truths" since history is quite often written by the victors or can be written from multiple perspectives by multiple writers.

 

Consider a robbery where there are three witnesses. The first witness states that the perp wore blue dress pants and a grey shirt. The second witness recalls the perp in a black hoodie and a baseball cap. The third witness describes the perp's running shoes. So which witness(es) is telling the "truth"?