why?

[lina]

my boyfriend and i have been dating for almost 10 months now. we love each other very much, but we argue alot. more than half of the time it's my fault, i get upset over the littlest things. i also have a hard time trusting him, he's never lied to me or made me believe he's cheating. It upsets him and it upsets me when ever i get thinking i think of all the bad things that could happen and i can't help it most of the time i feel i can't trust him especially whenever he dosn't act romantic with me. i realize that this is killing our relationship and i want to trust him, why can't i, i would really like to hear your advice

 

thanks:)

[Thiamine]

my boyfriend and i have been dating for almost 10 months now. we love each other very much, but we argue alot. more than half of the time it's my fault, i get upset over the littlest things. i also have a hard time trusting him, he's never lied to me or made me believe he's cheating. It upsets him and it upsets me when ever i get thinking i think of all the bad things that could happen and i can't help it most of the time i feel i can't trust him especially whenever he dosn't act romantic with me. i realize that this is killing our relationship and i want to trust him, why can't i, i would really like to hear your advice

 

thanks:)

You *have* to trust your boyfriend. If he's never done anything to make you think he's cheating, look at yourself and try to figure why you can't trust him. I think it's a self esteem thing, aka getting upset over little things, not trusting, etc. I hope this has helped

 

Love,

 

Thiamine

[Steve]

It sounds like you definitely have feelings for this guy. But you want to know why you are upset at him or maybe "clinging" to him. The scenario you described-- not being able to trust a boyfriend...is not uncommon. It is in part because of self-esteem. But another part is just plain old TV. Often times while we grow up, we see certain models about love and life-- both in our parents and in society (TV, friends etc) Unfortunately, not all things out there are helpful for building a loving relationship.

 

Let me ask you a few questions: Do you two have circles of friends that you guys used to hang out with but no longer do? Do you two feel like you are no longer independent from the "couple" package? Do you feel like you love him more than he loves you? Do you feel unsure how sincere he is? Do you feel like you hafta be with him all the time-- and that he should feel the same?

 

If you have said yes to a lot of these questions, you might be "dependent" on his feelings to make you happy. This can be really burdensome for him. I mean it's hard enough being responsible for your own happiness-- being responsible for someone else's is a huge, tiring task. You probably didn't even mean to give it to him-- to make him responsible for the way you feel; or for your happiness. Don't worry, a big part of this comes from childhood fairy tales. So a lot of people go through this-- you are definitely not alone. Fairy tales and television shows (disney etc.) makes it seem like we should always be with Prince Charming "forever and ever" and that he would always be there to make us happy. This is true in part. The best sort of love is acceptance of the other person. In this type of love, there isn't any need to control the person or to have the other person feel a certain way for us. Quite the contrary, I think that in a healthy loving relationship-- the two people are able to just accept what the other person is doing as an individual. E.g. I don't need to know what he/she is doing because I know whatever he/she is doing is good for her and therefore good for me. In this type of relationship, Prince Charming does make you happy; just by being himself.

 

There is a tendency to expect certain things from our lover. But unfortunately, expectations are like rocks-- they can really weigh down a relationship...or a person. The alternative is to love the person for who they are-- and accept whatever they have to give as a gift. In this way, neither you nor that person needs to do anything to make each other happy. It saves a lot of work!!!

 

I don't know if you're religious; but love can be likened to religion-- it requires faith, trust, and communication. Most importantly, it requires acceptance; both of who you are, and of the person you are with. Hope that helps some...

[Fran]

I have had the same problem with an ex-boyfriend. The best advice I can give you is to trust your instinct. If you feel hes not loyal and faithful to you, then their is a reason. Also, if you can't handle not trusting him, then maybe you should not be with this man. You are only going to drive yourself and him crazy, it might be better off to be alone, at least you will have lost that anxious feeling you have all the time. Is this man worth all this stress and anxiety? I don't think any man is.

You *have* to trust your boyfriend. If he's never done anything to make you think he's cheating, look at yourself and try to figure why you can't trust him. I think it's a self esteem thing, aka getting upset over little things, not trusting, etc. I hope this has helped Love, Thiamine

[Kevin Robb]

my boyfriend and i have been dating for almost 10 months now. we love each other very much, but we argue alot. more than half of the time it's my fault, i get upset over the littlest things. i also have a hard time trusting him, he's never lied to me or made me believe he's cheating. It upsets him and it upsets me when ever i get thinking i think of all the bad things that could happen and i can't help it most of the time i feel i can't trust him especially whenever he dosn't act romantic with me. i realize that this is killing our relationship and i want to trust him, why can't i, i would really like to hear your advice

 

thanks:)

This is your issue and you need to deal with it fast

 

Usually jealousy comes from low self asteem, a feeling that you are not worthy. I bet you are.

 

A good relationship should be easy not hard.

 

Have a look at the home page listed here. It may be helpful.