Cliche ... "love you, but not in love" with a twist ...

[johnnyapples]

Hi,

 

I'm sure you've seen these posts a lot, but I want to know what you think of my situation (most of it is cliche, but there is a slight twist which makes me wonder if I should act on it or not).

 

I met her a few months ago online, we talked/email/IM/text each other for at least a month and we clicked on everything. (here's the cliche ...). We decided to meet at the very end of November and from there, a whirlwind happened. Since we lived about a 2 1/2 hour flight away from each other, every 2 weeks we saw each other. At first, it was for 5 days at a time, then a few days at a time. But we talked for hours on the phone every day, etc. etc. etc. In about 7-8 weeks, we were already together for nearly 3 weeks. Just Last weekend, we had one of the best times together and then a conversation about love came up. She said, (again, the cliche), "I love you, but I'm not in love with you". I pulled back, a little pissed and hurt as I am usually the one giving the line. This time, something about this woman has made me feel much more than any other woman. Not just who she is, but all the subtle things she does attract me completely. I know she enjoys my company by the way she hugs and kisses all the time. And the sex is amazing. So I gave her the silent treatment, but tried to be accommodating as I left for the airport on Monday morning. We passionately made out in the airport and she begged me to stay an extra day -- I was determined to leave as I was hurt, but secretly wanted to stay so badly. We spoke when we landed and she text me that she loved me. After a busy Tuesday and not talking that day ... we spoke on Wednesday morning -- which she said she wanted to break up. According to her, its been building up and she felt a relief to say it. She feels that I am 90% of the perfect guy for her. She says that she could see herself falling in love with me, and be truly happy for the rest of her life, but someone out there (she feels) is more perfect for her. yet, she doesn't want to lose me. And she doesn't want to hurt me. But she feels (again the same number), 90% sure its the righit thing to do. ARGH!!!

 

Here's the dilemma -- we've both been holding back a little, as we are both mature in relationships (she's 28, i'm 26, but we've both had bad relationships and we both were the ones breaking up. And we've been around the block a few times. And we've both haven't seriously dated for a while (me 2 years, her 3 years). Normally, my advice to others (and for myself) is to let things go, give some time to cool off, etc. etc. She wants to stay friends as I have gotten so close to her she feels that I'm like her best friend (again, cliche). The thing is -- she has become a close friend and confidante to me too. We feel comfortable telling each other everything. We love making love to each other -- it feels so good. I want to stay close to her, but this hurts!

 

LASTLY -- this past weekend get-together, I was sick and wasn't 100% -- and there were so many things I wanted to do out of passion and I didn't. I am currently living in the "What If's" land. I want her back -- yet I know it may not be possible and I'm losing out on the most wonderful person I've ever met. So many undescribable things she does are exactly what makes me happy and I could see a future with her that I couldn't see with anyone else. I definitely know I do the same for her, but her "gut feeling" about finding the 'exact perfect man' is killing me.

 

WHAT TO DO? Should I follow my own advice (as hard as it is to swallow) and not answer her calls/IM/text's or do I wait a few weeks and fly back to see her in person and see what happens? Should I pull out the strong, romantic card and tell her that I am the love of her life and that her gut feeling is wrong and do the whole passionate kiss at the airport thing? or what?

 

Thanks so much for your patience in reading all of that rubbish above -- I hope you understand the pain and I am in need of good insightful advice. (I'm usually dishing it out myself), but how it abruptly ended is kililng me and I need to know if this is salvageable or did it all go wrong and can never be fixed?

 

Thanks again!

[whichwayisup]

Don't ignore her IM's and/or calls. If you love her and want her THEN FIGHT FOR HER. Don't play games, don't hold in your thoughts/feelings/fears...Get it all out to her. Really talk it out. You right now have NOTHING to lose because she more or else is confused and not sure what she wants.

 

When she is ready to talk, that is when you guys talk about it all. Be a friend to her, but let her know you are not giving up hope...MAKE SURE she knows this - and tell her that if she does not feel there is any hope for a relationship she MUST be upfront about it and not string you along. If you are being honest with her and sharing your deepest feelings she has to respect that and give you the same back.

 

BUT, on the flipside (just playing devils advocate now...) if she doesn't feel as deeply as you do, then you have to move on.

 

She said, (again, the cliche), "I love you, but I'm not in love with you". I pulled back, a little pissed and hurt as I am usually the one giving the line. This time, something about this woman has made me feel much more than any other woman.

 

This made me stop and think. As I'm sure it did for you too. Maybe TELL her how it made you feel when she said that to you.

 

Kind of interesting as you say, you're the one who usually has felt this way and told the other woman. Has those other women been INLOVE with you? And when you said that, did you feel maybe in time you could go back and make it work with them? Just a little thought for you to think about. No harshness or meant to be taken in a rude way...Just opening your eyes abit here...Because if she has said that she is not sure you are the one for her, then she does need time to figure out if you are or not...Being apart will push her to make that choice...But don't disappear from her - LET her know you're still there and wanting her.

 

Now I know others will probably give you the opposite advice I just gave you...lol...Good luck and keep posting!

 

I hope it works out for you.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Originally posted by johnnyapples

WHAT TO DO? Should I follow my own advice (as hard as it is to swallow) and not answer her calls/IM/text's or do I wait a few weeks and fly back to see her in person and see what happens?

 

Should I pull out the strong, romantic card and tell her that I am the love of her life and that her gut feeling is wrong and do the whole passionate kiss at the airport thing? or what?

 

1. Yes, but make it clear to her that you can't be her "90% man" because its just too painful - NC is great, but not if the other person has no idea why you are doing it. Hopefully she already knows why you are doing it. Make it clear that you can't keep flying out to see her if she can't ever see you as more than the "90% guy". Maybe with a little of this, you can persuade her to tell you what it is that she considers that missing "10%" to be - and why it is she can't find it in you.

 

2. You could give her a romantic card and kiss, buy her a Mercedes, a mansion with a pool, a private jet - and could tell her that you are the love of her life until you are blue in the face, and that still will not make a bit of difference. She's only going to see you as the "100% guy" when SHE wants to.

Right now, you are in "friend" category - and once someone is dumped into that category, it can be hard to pull out of it. She was attracted to you, and you two had great hot sex - but after all is said and done, in her mind you are still the "90% guy". I'm not sure what more you could do that you haven't already done - but here's the clincher. There's nothing you can do to make her see you as the "100% guy". She has to do that on her own.

 

Right now, what you had works for her - she gets a certain set of needs met with you, and although she told you that you are found lacking - you manage to stay there for her when she needs you as the "backup plan". What is her motivation for changing? She's got just what she wants from you. If you are satisfied with her having all of her needs met, but few of yours - then continue on as usual. You'll have to swallow up your pain and try to just ride it out until one day you find that your motivation for being with her is out of genuine friendship and not just hanging around hoping it will become more. Do you really want to be friends with her though?

 

Imagine your relationship devoid of sex, romance, romantic possibility, desire and romantic hopes: without all those things, its just 'friends' - do you really have a genuine interest in being her friend if NONE of those things will ever, ever be a possibility? Is it her you want to be with, or are you holding on to what you wish you could have with her and accepting that self-deception and calling it "friends"?

 

If you want to see if there is a possibility that she will reconsider and make the necessary compromises to see that you are the guy who can meet her needs, then continue on with the NC. You have to be ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that you want to take this step. One of the horrible realities about situations like this is that - by going for what you want and standing your ground: you run the risk of losing what precious little you already have.

[johnnyapples]

Thanks for the advice -- I thought long and hard about it. When we broke up on that fateful Wednesday morning -- we talked for nearly 4 hours. About our feelings and everything. The more we talked, the more she sounded she was sure that it was going to work out. She said that she felt that if later on she thought she made a mistake, she might call me and see how I'm doing and where I am at with my life. If it can work out then, she will try. She really believes in the whole, "if it was meant to be" situation. I respect and love her for trying to follow her heart and try to do the right thing by not stringing me along -- but I think the saddest thing is that its been a short time and there is so much more to be said, shared and more.

 

I told her that I would rock her world and really be the best lover/boyfriend/caretaker/etc. She agrees that I would -- but she was hesitant to respond to anything after that. It was as if she was trying to spare my feelings.

 

We are both direct and open in our conversations -- but its like I want to take your advice and tell her EVEN MORE. But is it too late? I want her back so badly -- but I don't want to push her if she doesn't want it. What do I do to guage that?

 

As for my past relationships -- all my g/fs were in love with me. I was always the perfect gentleman and I did everything for them that was expected of me. I just didn't feel I had the love for them. I broke it to them gently, made sure I was available to discuss it if necessary, but always had the rule that we should cool off for a while before we spoke again. One ex told me she cried for nearly 3 months before she could finally start coping with the fact that we were going to get together again. Now we're good friends. But we dated for over 2+ years. Why is someone that I dated for 2 months making ME feel this way?!?!?!

[johnnyapples]

Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia

If you want to see if there is a possibility that she will reconsider and make the necessary compromises to see that you are the guy who can meet her needs, then continue on with the NC. You have to be ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that you want to take this step. One of the horrible realities about situations like this is that - by going for what you want and standing your ground: you run the risk of losing what precious little you already have.

 

Thanks Lucrezia -- I've always loved your posts -- they are insightful. And I did think of what you said. I'm afraid of that NC step. It took me 2 days to really get through that emotional (and almost physical) pain thinking of her, and changing the radio (from those damn sappy songs), and trying to focus myself on work.

 

The greatest thing about this woman is that she is all about feeling -- she doesn't care about diamond rings or fancy cars. A good home cooked meal, bottle of wine and a bath is all that really rocks her world. I don't know if the word, naive, is what I could use to describe her, but she is definitely idealistic. She is picky about who she gets in a relationship with and so am I. When we got into it, we were both very straightforward about it, but after the 2nd day of being together (nearly 48 hours together), things were in a blaze. We ended flying back to my home, spend another 5 days together, just spending every moment with each other. It was amazing.

 

I read all those tips of trying to find things I hate about her, etc. Annoying things to think about her so I can move on... but the only thing that annoys me is that one last thing she did -- the annoying 90% B.S.

 

Since I know her very well at this point -- I think she feels strongly about her decision and will stand by it. She has great integrity and I think that is the saddest thing about it. I think it will be very difficult for her to change her mind. I drew a picture of her and showed it to her on our last visit -- I inadvertantly left with it. Should I mail it to her? Should I mail her a bunch of mixed music CD's she wanted from me? Should I stay in touch afar or should I do the complete NC and see where it goes?

 

Our last few conversations via IM and text in the last day or so have been slightly more curt. And I think I'm already losing the battle. Is it time to give up or should I make a stand?

 

HELP?!

[LucreziaBorgia]

Originally posted by johnnyapples

Is it time to give up or should I make a stand?

 

Nothing wrong with taking that last stand - if you are going to go into NC mode she'll need to have a crystal clear reason why. You can just lay it out for her - tell her exactly how you feel, what you want from your relationship, and that your heart just can't handle being the "90%" guy. As much as you love her, you have to protect your own heart as well. Put the ball firmly, definitively and decisively in her court and see where she goes with it.

 

I wouldn't go much more on the contact than that - I can tell that her withdrawal from you is painful and it seems to get worse with every contact. She may feel that you are pushing her and she is backing away. Give it that one last shot and see what she does with it. Just remember that you can't make someone play: She may take up the ball and consider it, or she may already be walking off the court as you throw it toward her departing back...

 

If you take that last shot though, you can at least say with 100% confidence that you tried: you weren't pushy, begging, or needy - if she drops the ball or refuses to see it coming, then that will be her loss indeed.

[johnnyapples]

Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia

If you take that last shot though, you can at least say with 100% confidence that you tried: you weren't pushy, begging, or needy - if she drops the ball or refuses to see it coming, then that will be her loss indeed.

 

How do you think I should do it? Phone or in person? I prefer the in-person route. Which means i must wait until Valentine's weekend before I have a free moment to fly down there for a few days. Any suggestions or ideas on how to proceed at this point, especially with the potential time gap between now and the visit, letting her know about the visit and what to do then?

 

I have some ideas -- romantic dreams, of course -- such as meeting her at the airport, not saying a word, but dropping my bags and looking right in her eyes. Without breaking my stride, I put my hand behind her head, gently stroke the back of her neck and her hair and put my face close to her. Not kissing her, but almost touching her face with my lips. Then I would caress her cheek with mine and take a deep breath and smell her sweet perfume and made a subtle, "mmm", before I whisper in her ear, "Let's get out of here". I dream that it would send a little chill in her spine and we would spark a sexual tension and a emotional longing as we head back to her place or to whereever. But it could also backfire -- where she might pull back and say, "no ... we can't ..." or resort to just a friendly hug and then gets in her car. *sigh*.

 

Thank you for your advice thus far -- its helping me clear my head and helping me cope with this ...

[ReluctantRomeo]

Whew Johnny, I feel for you. Especially since your story has a lot in common with mine.

 

Lucrecia's advice is spot-on - don't be this girl's backup or 90% man.

 

A point from my experience, I don't know whether it helps you: I regretted the big romantic gesture. I would have been far better off with something lowkey then straight into NC. I arrived just as she was confused, thinking of going one way or the other, but my push made her pull away. Your girl sounds as strongwilled as mine - this may apply to you too...

 

Please keep us posted with how the story develops. I'm really curious. And rooting for ya, in a big way.

[johnnyapples]

Love is a fickle thing . . . You are right, Reluctant Romeo -- I don't want to. I think all of us want to be able to convince that she is not seeing the 10%. That she is missing the point and that love is like a bottle of good red wine: you need to open it, let it breathe and envelope the oxygen in the air, and then savor it. It gets better as the night progresses. Using that analogy, I want her to know that the bottle was JUST opened. We didn't get a chance to let it breathe.

 

 

Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo

A point from my experience, I don't know whether it helps you: I regretted the big romantic gesture. I would have been far better off with something lowkey then straight into NC. I arrived just as she was confused, thinking of going one way or the other, but my push made her pull away. Your girl sounds as strongwilled as mine - this may apply to you too...

 

Please keep us posted with how the story develops. I'm really curious. And rooting for ya, in a big way.

I think I am going to be very lowkey and let her think about it for 2 weeks before I do my romantic gesture. I think it might be worth to see what will happen. I believe it will result in the same thing -- just a confirmation of the breakup. But hey, at least I can leave for the airport knowing that I did my thing and I didn't hold back. Oh, man ... I know its going to hurt ... :-(

 

Any other advice would greatly be appreciated.

 

=============

 

ANother point to add to this : (more for my future reference, than this relationship), when I pulled away from her when she told me "She loved, but was not in love", and I left the airport while she begged me to say. Was that a sign for her trying to work things out? Or was it inevitable that the breakup was coming, and that she just wanted to have an extra selffish moment to be with me physically for a little while longer? Yet, I still think that if I stayed the extra day, it might not have turned into the breakup 2 days afterwards. Any ideas??

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by johnnyapples

love is like a bottle of good red wine: you need to open it, let it breathe and envelope the oxygen in the air, and then savor it. It gets better as the night progresses. Using that analogy, I want her to know that the bottle was JUST opened. We didn't get a chance to let it breathe.

 

I like your style! Mind if I borrow this metaphor for my own use? It's great.

 

Oh, man ... I know its going to hurt ... :-(

 

I really feel for you... my own painful memory is still fresh. Still think of the alternative options - a short phone call, or just going straight to No Contact.

 

Any other advice would greatly be appreciated.

 

Only encouragement right now. You sound like a great guy, you're handling this in a wise and mature way, you and Lucrecia have reasoned this out well.

 

You know, most dumpers regret their decision at some point when the suitor is gone. No Contact means she has to face up to this.

 

One of my 3 best friends was in this position. He thought his girl was 90% and gave commitment accordingly. She was brave enough to refuse to accept this. I still remember the night 1.5 years ago when she rang me in tears to say she had gone NC on him and please to look after him. It certainly focussed his mind! Over the next couple of weeks he went thru all the stages from "wtf have I done?" to "I must have her back". After 2 weeks he was back and they're getting married this summer.

 

I left the airport while she begged me to say. Was that a sign for her trying to work things out? Or was it inevitable that the breakup was coming, and that she just wanted to have an extra selffish moment to be with me physically for a little while longer? Yet, I still think that if I stayed the extra day, it might not have turned into the breakup 2 days afterwards. Any ideas??

 

No. She is gagging for you, but if she won't commit, deprivation is the best strategy. Focusses the mind!

[davecity]

hey johnny,

 

im going to give you my opinion on your situation and forgive me if i sound a little harsh towards your ex. i feel that the line of "you're 90% of what i want" is total BS. Even if you were 99.9% the guy she wanted then she would have doubts. If anything, you have to be 110% in the woman's eyes or else she will go looker for better. I have no doubts that you are a gentleman and a genuine good guy therefore you shouldn't let her drag you down like this. Honestly, the 90% of what i want" might as well be 1% of what she wants because once the doubt comes into the picture, the girl has to do something about it.

 

The only thing that you can do is to possibly make her doubt her decision. If she genuinely believes that you are 90% of what she wants in a guy, then you need to take back that "90%" of the gentleman that you were to her and show her exactly what she lost. I don't think you should do any romantic gesture towards her. I'm sure from the 4 hour conversation when you broke up that you told her over and over that you love her and are willing to wait for her or some rendition of that. The romantic gesture is not going to make or break the deal. If anything it will just make her feel uncomfortable and you come off as more desperate. Possibly some of the 10% that she thinks she is missing out on is the fact that everything was too easy with you and that now that she has what she wants, she desires even more. Let her go, move on, and if she does get in contact with you in the future (which she most likely will if the relationship between you two was a happy one) and most of all, let her doubt her decision but dropping out of her life completely.

 

Furthermore, perhaps now that you see the opposite side (being the dumpee) you'll have better perspective on future relationships and how to go at it successfully.

 

Hang in there buddy,

 

dave

[johnnyapples]

Originally posted by davecity

The only thing that you can do is to possibly make her doubt her decision. If she genuinely believes that you are 90% of what she wants in a guy, then you need to take back that "90%" of the gentleman that you were to her and show her exactly what she lost.

 

Thanks -- That's what I want to do ... but the thing is -- that 4 hour conversation that we had when we broke up -- I told her that I understood what she wanted and I made the mistake that I told her that I would miss our conversations together. I think it may have led her to believe that friendship was possible. Since that Wed -- we've spoken several times, but increasingly shorter. I can't help responding to her text messages -- but I have gotten better at making them shorter and not responding at all.

 

Because of the strong relationship we had together -- its hard to stop talking to her and vice versa. How do I be nice about it and tell her what I think without killing all chances? That's the hard part.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Johnny, I think Dave has a really good point. There's a Mark Twain quote along the lines of "no word rightly spoken is as good as a well-timed pause". I so wish I hadn't rushed to do the romantic last gesture to win back my girl. Just going NC or even just replying to only half of her messages and finding ways to make yourself un-IM-able will go a long way to making her face the consequences of her decision.

 

This 90% thing sucks. I told my friend so when he came out with it. If you ever get 90% in this life, you go with it, because we live in an imperfect world and should think ourselves lucky to even get a 90. She needs time and space to see this. Be strong, bro.

[johnnyapples]

Thanks Romeo -- I will be strong. And thanks Dave -- I am going to hold out and just be very, very lowkey. I am rethinking my romantic gesture on Valentine's weekend and I am going to hold off for as long as possible. All your help and your words help so much -- thank you!! I'll keep you posted ...

[clynn]

Ummmmmm.

Hmmmm.

 

 

I think that no love is perfect. And it takes time. I don't believe in 100% love at first sight, you're the answer to all my problems, make my dreams come true.

I believe in attraction and suitability. And then it takes work and commitment.

 

So I think she is behaving like a FLAKE! And also everything has probably been quite intense and quick for you guys, not giving time for her to fall into a position of missing you and feeling like she needs.

 

I'd start NC without further delay. At least for a week or so.

 

And skip the whole Valentine's day thing. That will definitely not encourage her to like you more. Don't do anything. If she contacts you, respond with a polite, Happ V-Day! Have a great day! It is only a day after all and romantic gestures can happen at any time, any occasion. And love itself only takes time, time time and energy.

 

Maybe this has potential and then again, maybe not?

 

But the decision really is hers to make.

 

And you can't control her by doing antying. Best to do very very little adn work on your own life and interests.

[johnnyapples]

Originally posted by clynn

But the decision really is hers to make.

 

And you can't control her by doing antying. Best to do very very little adn work on your own life and interests.

 

You are quite right!! The conversation we had when she broke up -- I said the exact same thing. I told her that I am not going to chase after her (even though I wanted to). The person breaking up always has to be the one making the decision to get back together for there to be a strong chance of survival. I really hope things will be different as she is wonderful, I made her feel wonderful and she definitely made me feel special. But c'est la vie, no?

 

I am going to hold off the valentine's thing -- I think that is best. I am going to be strong

Funny thing -- I am usually the one helping others cope through some miserable times (such as some of my best friends when they were breaking up). one of my good friends took me out last night and had me drive his new car around, we went to see a movie and just hung out. Tried to keep busy. This is my other source -- please -- please keep the advice coming. Its helping me stay strong and not to waiver. Any advice on what to do now or some good lines to say when she contacts me would be appreciated. Esp if on IM or text message ...

[Mary3]

Well here are some fun things for you to say to her in text messages:

 

Hi , its your 90% x bf just saying Hey ! "

 

Hey friend, I am just getting ready to go out on a real date "

 

Hey, I left my self respect back at your place but have since found it again and just wanted to thank you for opening my eyes to the fact that I will take care of Me now,...since you could not "

 

Hope those help

[davecity]

johnny,

 

NC means no text, no im, no nothing. Texting and Iming are just non-confrontation ways of her to keep control of you and the situation at hand. Honestly, I would block her from your IM buddylist because seeing her online will only frustrate you.

 

You can however answer her calls if SHE calls. Not to say that if she calls you she wants to get back together with you but, it is a much bigger deal if she calls than simply writes a one liner conversation starter "what's up". If and when she calls, I would choose NOT to pick up the phone and see if she leaves a message. If she does, and she tells you to call her back, give her a couple of days to sit on it and then call her back with a whole list of things why you are busy in the past week, blah blah. Make sure that this conversation stays positive and you never bring the conversation about your relationship. If she chooses to bring up this topic then so be it. But you must act like you are TOTALLY fine with the situation. These next two weeks will be especially hard because of Valentine's day and no doubt she will be thinking of you but you must not give in and call her.

 

basically to reiterate. don't communicate with her unless she calls you.

 

keep busy buddy,

 

dave

[johnnyapples]

Dreams are a b*tch. I had a bad one yesterday.

 

Since things were left a little unclosed and the breakup was over the phone because of this whole LDR... I want to finalize it or at least give one last good stand with no hint of getting back together to plant a seed in her mind forever. *sigh* -- don't we all want to do that?

 

I want to go there and have a very physical and passionful (is that a word?) last date. A last weekend where very little is said and all that we wanted to do with each other -- we just do it. And then I leave -- no discussion of how to get back together or about our feelings. She thinks she might be missing something like ... perhaps some strong passion that makes her obsess over her b/f, and that would just give it to her. But it will not be a play to get her back -- just me sending her a signal that this is something she lost.

 

Is that just spiteful or romantic or a creepy combination of the two? What do you guys think?!?! Or am I just nuts for continuing to torture myself. ARGH!! GUYS, HELP ME BE STRONG...

[ReluctantRomeo]

The dreams can be bad... I woke up crying this morning

 

I understand your need to leave on a high note.... trust me, it didn't work like that for me. Give her a little time - she'll start to remember all the good things about the relationship.

 

Yes, you are being a little spiteful, but hey, I'm there too. If I can't be back with her, it is some comfort to think of her having regrets about me...

[johnnyapples]

*sigh*

I'm sorry, Romeo. Stay strong. I found myself rolling out of bed and pushing to get things done --- this site has helped me a bit to move on.

 

You're right . . . I am going to hold out -- I'll do my best.

 

I would like to have some more female perspectives to help me out too ...

 

Any women out there think the same thing?

[johnnyapples]

Originally posted by Mary3

Well here are some fun things for you to say to her in text messages:

 

Hi , its your 90% x bf just saying Hey ! "

 

Hey friend, I am just getting ready to go out on a real date "

 

Hey, I left my self respect back at your place but have since found it again and just wanted to thank you for opening my eyes to the fact that I will take care of Me now,...since you could not "

LOL. Those are good.

 

But they are soooo mean -- I don't know if I could do that (even though I want to!). Thanks, that made me feel better.

[johnnyapples]

HELP ME!!

 

She called me because she had a 'quick question'. There was a CD that I had and she wanted it back. And we spoke for 30 minutes on the phone. She said she felt sad becuase it felt awkward and she wanted to continue talking to me as a friend. THIS HURTS SO MUCH!!! Her body language said one thing when I was with her and now this really means she is okay with her decision to move on and its hurting me. I shouldn't have picked up the phone and just sent her the CD.

 

I am going to move on -- but I just needed a way to vent. I really want her back but it hurts to know I cannot. SHOOT ME NOW.

 

ANyway -- I am going to send her back her CD that she left in my laptop. But I also have a drawing of her that I made, I don't know if I should send that to her as well.

 

And should I tell her that we shouldn't talk for a while?

I know she is a strong person and she will abide by it, any thoughts to make it easier for me?

[clynn]

Wow.

 

If I was her I think I would be inclined to just buy another cd. Geez. People sure find reasons to drag things on don't they?

 

I have a tupperware container that belonged to my ex?

 

I've been waiting for the right time to phone him up to return it? When shoudl I do that? I'm kidding. I do have the tupperware container and really if either of us were to make issue with its return I would think we were severely nuts.

 

Cd's aren't that expensive. She still likes talking to you and is going in the transition from bf/gf to friendship. Still likes the regular contact and support. Because as girls what we like above all practically are the phone calls and someone to listen to our stories and hash things out with.

[VirginiaBob]

haha, this reminds me of the time that an ex from a long term relationship came up to me right after she was done kissing the guy she cheated on me and left me for in the hallway at college, and said that I left a sock over at her place, and could come over later on to get it. And the last one called to give back my spare key to my house even though I already told her that I changed the locks.