Young single women, who want to date, don't exist

[ctxinfl]

Once again, this thread is about how hard it is to find single young women. My age doesn't matter if I'm only meeting girls who have boyfriends.

 

Of course your age matters. Just because you are looking for a woman between the ages of X - Y doesn't mean they are looking for a man your age. Date closer to your age and you may have more success.

 

I expanded my age range a little over a month ago and found myself with a lot more options, one of which has worked out extremely well. She's a year older than I am and is probably about five years older than the maximum age I was initially looking for, though she is absolutely wonderful.

[Anela]

Huh?

 

The women under 25, that I'm meeting on campus, are in the same exact life stage as me.

 

 

No they, aren't.

 

Once again, this thread is about how hard it is to find single young women. My age doesn't matter if I'm only meeting girls who have boyfriends.

 

I have been a member of a few clubs on campus. Mainly, the Japanese culture, video game, anime and salsa club.

 

I've also been on a co-ed softball team, though there was like only two girls on the team and they both had a boyfriend on the team.

 

What clubs and activities will have a high number of girls, and be something that I man would be welcome at?

 

You're the one focused on age: their age, having to be under 25.

[somedude81]

Ok, so lets say my age matters.

 

Let me try again.

 

If I was 21 years old, and I was only meeting girls who had boyfriends. Then what would you guys be telling me?

[ctxinfl]

Ok, so lets say my age matters.

 

Let me try again.

 

If I was 21 years old, and I was only meeting girls who had boyfriends. Then what would you guys be telling me?

 

But you aren't in that situation. You aren't 21. You are 32 trying to chase down women in their early 20s. If you were 21 then some of these women with "boyfriends" might be more receptive. Change your age range. There is nothing wrong with women in their early 30s.

 

And to answer an earlier question, Savannah is fantastic.

[somedude81]

It's imagination time

-------------------------------------------

 

Hi, I'm somedude91

 

I'm 22 years old and every girl I meet in college has a boyfriend. When I'm talking to these girls they mention the boyfriend in conversation. I haven't asked them out yet or shown that I'm interested.

 

What should I do?

[Anela]

No, you're completely ignoring any sort of real, helpful advice that you don't want to hear. I know, I've done it at times, in the past. You've also gone from looking at anything that you could learn from, concerning mistakes on your own part, to blaming her for everything, which isn't a good thing, either. The one thing she should have done, was to speak up before dumping you, about anything that was bothering her, but she wanted to move on. It hurts like hell, I get it, but you're fighting anything that could help you.

[xxoo]

It's imagination time

-------------------------------------------

 

Hi, I'm somedude91

 

I'm 22 years old and every girl I meet in college has a boyfriend.

 

What should I do?

 

Be friendly and keep getting to know people. Don't view people as a means to a girlfriend, but rather as added value to your life. Try to add value to their lives. In time, you will meet single women. And when you do, you'll be viewed as a great catch.

[KathyM]

Ok, so lets say my age matters.

 

Let me try again.

 

If I was 21 years old, and I was only meeting girls who had boyfriends. Then what would you guys be telling me?

 

 

Same thing. Join more activities/interest groups where you will come in contact with more women. Be more proactive in striking up conversations with women when you are out and about. Find a wingman who can go places with you where it may be difficult to go on your own, where you will meet more women. Women are not going to come to you. You have to go to them, and the more you get yourself out there, the more women you will meet.

[normal person]

It's imagination time

-------------------------------------------

 

Hi, I'm somedude91

 

I'm 22 years old and every girl I meet in college has a boyfriend. When I'm talking to these girls they mention the boyfriend in conversation. I haven't asked them out yet or shown that I'm interested.

 

What should I do?

 

Go to the bar like everyone else your age.

 

Honestly, I'm trying to be sympathetic here but it's the same stuff over and over again. You missed the boat on college girls. They don't want a guy your age in your situation. You need to just accept it. Graduate, get a job, and girls your own age will come easier to you when you do. That's the only way I see this playing out.

[somedude81]

Be friendly and keep getting to know people. Don't view people as a means to a girlfriend, but rather as added value to your life. Try to add value to their lives. In time, you will meet single women. And when you do, you'll be viewed as a great catch.

Adding value to their lives. What does that mean?

 

I'm wondering if I should try to become friends with the girls who have boyfriends. Though if I become too close, I may fall for them.

 

 

Don't view people as a means to a girlfriend

That is so hard to do!

 

There is nothing in the world I want more than a girlfriend. Yet, I don't want to be that guy who uses people as a means to my goal. I don't want to be some user creep.

[KungFuJoe]

It's imagination time

-------------------------------------------

 

Hi, I'm somedude91

 

I'm 22 years old and every girl I meet in college has a boyfriend. When I'm talking to these girls they mention the boyfriend in conversation. I haven't asked them out yet or shown that I'm interested.

 

What should I do?

 

What kind of question is this? It's irrelevant. First of all...it's impossible that every girl in your college has a bf. Impossible. Maybe it's your bad luck you're meeting the ones that do, but I don't think you're meeting all that many women to begin with so your sample size is miniscule.

 

The question you need to ask yourself is that, when you DO meet a girl that is single, what can you offer, as a 32 year old male who is still in college, that will attract said girl?

[clia]

If you were 21, I would tell you to join a fraternity, take part in intramural sports, take part in other campus clubs and activities, go to the bars on campus, hang out at the student union, and hang out at the library. I would encourage you to participate in clubs and activities on campus.

 

But you aren't 21.

[Salvatore85]

You're desperate and that's your main problem. You blame things on your age, looks, height, income etc. but the truth is females can smell the desperation on you. All these things you claim are holding you back are things you can fix, with the exception of your height but that's an BS excuse as well.

 

It's time for you to realize you just aren't a catch at this point in your life. I don't say it to be mean but you have work to do. Finish school, get a job, your own place and a nice car. These are all things women will notice and then if you have a killer personality it sets all that stuff off.

[xxoo]

Adding value to their lives. What does that mean?

 

I'm wondering if I should try to become friends with the girls who have boyfriends. Though if I become too close, I may fall for them.

 

You may have a different idea of "friends" than I have. I'm an introvert (I suspect you are, too). I don't have, and never have had, a group of people that I go out socializing with. I have a few close friends that I can count on for big stuff: moving, watching my kids in a pinch, having a good cry when things are hard, etc.

 

Other than that, my social circle are people that I am friendly with at work, in the neighborhood, at my kids' schools, etc. We add value to each other's lives because we ask about each other's day, share a laugh, share sympathy and support if the test was unbelievably hard, or if the boss is a jerk, etc. If they mentioned something about a dr appt, I'll ask how it went. If they are on a sport team (or their kid is), I'll ask how the season is going. Basically, we are friendly. And in the course of that, if they mention a car problem, and I know a great mechanic, I'll share that number. Or if I need a tutor, maybe they know one. Stuff like that. Add value to each other's lives. Make their day brighter, and life a little easier for each other.

 

You can be friendly like that with a girl who has a boyfriend. Just have boundaries. Don't make her your best friend suddenly. She's just someone you are friendly with at school. That's all. If she mentions that she and some people are going to an event at the school, think about going to that event. Say "hi" to her. She'll introduce you to her friends!

 

 

That is so hard to do!

 

There is nothing in the world I want more than a girlfriend. Yet, I don't want to be that guy who uses people as a means to my goal. I don't want to be some user creep.

 

Separate the two out. You want a girlfriend. Ok. But in the meantime, you have to be a mature adult and function in the world.

[pickflicker]

You ask people for advice, you get stellar help from everyone here, and you doggedly refuse to take it.

 

Look, I get stubborn - I am a master at it. But even I bend. I cannot see why just waiting until you lick the problem of your degree and get it out of the way, and then focus on the rest, is such a big deal.

 

The Meetup advice you received! Amazing. And you're rejecting it, because you're "not interested".

 

That to me, would be a bigger red flag than the degree, job, lack of experience etc. A man who does not seem to be passionate about anything, except a warm body to fill a need.

 

I've got news for you - you don't want to be the creep user, but you already are. You see a relationship only in terms of what you can get, not what you can give. You just want it to fill some pathetic need, and any woman with half a brain will recognise that, and run for the hills. Just like your ex. She knew she was nothing except a way for you to feel better about yourself. She was used. And the next one will be, and the next. And I'm not sure you even know how to change that mindset. I'm not even sure how you would change that mindset. It's baffling.

[iris219]

SD, out of curiosity, would you turn down a 30 year old woman who you found attractive?

[contact1]

SD,

 

I am in the same situation as you as far as being in a university, at the age of 30. I also go to school in So Cal. However, when it comes to interacting with women, and most of them being young in their 20's, I am not encountering the "I have a boyfriend" wall you seem to be. There are a couple things you have to consider and what is happening

 

1) A girl will usually know when you have interest in her, without you even telling her. If you are looking for a girlfriend, it shows. Hence why you are getting "I have a boyfriend" thrown in there, even when you don't ask/inquire about it. They are already putting up that wall of "Don't even try" because they know that is what you are getting at.

 

2) Your social circle is very small. If you are just concentrated in that dance class, of course you are going to have limits placed on you. Also, because you are just in those dance classes, guess what, girls talk to girls about you. If one girl suspects you are there to just get a girlfriend, they all know it from that one girl.

 

Now I don't encounter this "I have a boyfriend" from the females I interact it, and it is very rare that it comes up in conversation. The reason being is, I'm not looking for a girlfriend in college, I'm there to do my studies and finish them, so having a girl is actually one of the last things in my mind. I interact with both males and females, talking about studies, real life events, and just joking around.

 

On top of this, since I am focused on my studies, I usually end up at the top of the class grade wise, and people usually figure it out (when exams come, everyone asks everyone how they did and sometimes scores are posted for the class if curved). So imagine a male, excelling in a class, and you see him being social to both guys and girls, joking and talking with one another. Now imagine a second guy, only in class just talking to girls, with eyes wondering at the girls and not really having anything else going that can be seen. Which one of the two do you think girls will find more attractive?

 

In my classes, I have had girls show interest in me because of the mentality that I bring into the classroom. I'm there to study but also socialize with people. I've had females ask to come help them study at their place, or to go get some food/coffee, on their own, and these are girls that are 10 years younger than me. Honestly I think what is killing it for you, is the social aspect, and you need to try to be able to interact with guys. A guy that can't make any male friends gives a bad vibe to girls. Join a club or some kind of sport, where you will be around just guys, or mostly guys, like a martial arts class or something. You will bond with them as you train, unless you are a turtle and just don't try to socialize with them.

[Iguanna]

Most have to settle for an obese or poor quality woman. .

 

I find comparing obese women with poor quality women and making them sound the same "low" choice very insulting and in fact I find it coming from a poor quality person.

[somedude81]

If you were 21, I would tell you to join a fraternity, take part in intramural sports, take part in other campus clubs and activities, go to the bars on campus, hang out at the student union, and hang out at the library. I would encourage you to participate in clubs and activities on campus.

My school doesn't have a big Greek life. It's definitely a commuter school. Though I do admit, that if I were in a frat, I would have a much easier time meeting girls.

 

Which campus clubs and activities are girls more likely to join? I also want a club that has a lot of time for socializing. I've been to a couple of business club meetings, and they were really nothing more than a lecture and everybody left afterwards.

[Iguanna]

I wish that the girls in the class took it with their boyfriends, so I can see which girls are single. That would make things much easier for me.

 

 

Ok so if I were single and I met you, this attitude would be a huge no-no to me. You sound like you want to meet as many women as possible, discard the ones that are not single and then choose one you like best. Where is the romance here? How do you show a girl you consider her special? I find this a common mistake single men who want to date make and then they whine cause they don't find a woman. Like it or not a woman, a serious woman at least, want to feel special, want to feel she is the one who was chosen from a man for a specific reason. If a man makes me feel that I'm the 45th woman he flirts with today (and he talks to me only cause the 44 previous girls rejected him), why would I bother talk to him at all and take him seriously?

[KathyM]

If you were 21, I would tell you to join a fraternity, take part in intramural sports, take part in other campus clubs and activities, go to the bars on campus, hang out at the student union, and hang out at the library. I would encourage you to participate in clubs and activities on campus.

 

But you aren't 21.

I have to say, though, that there are other students on campus that are not just the early 20s. There are people of all ages there. I spent my late teens in college as an undergraduate, and got the 2 year degree and certificates I needed to get the job I wanted, and then left. In my early 30s, I went back to college to get my 4 year degree. Granted, I was not single at that time, but there are people who do delay college or go back after a period of time, and are older. Some of my clients, both male and female, are working on their undergraduate degree while in their mid to upper 20s, and some are even in their early 30s. My son knew a guy who was 32 at his college who was studying as an undergraduate and had delayed college because he went into the military first. My nephew went into the military right after high school, and didn't finish his undergraduate degree until 26 or so because of that. My point being that, although most people in college are under 25, there are many who are older than that and still working on their undergraduate degree because they pursued other avenues in life right after high school, or they changed majors, or got multiple undergraduate degrees. The older crowd (25+) still can go to other activities on campus, such as dancing classes, or intermural sports, and often do, to mix with their felllow classmates. My sons' friend had an older sister going to the same college as him at the same time. There are older people in college. Somedude is not a fluke in that respect. And the older crowd engages in college life apart from classes as well.

[somedude81]

SD, out of curiosity, would you turn down a 30 year old woman who you found attractive?

If she didn't have kids, I would not turn her down.

 

I have no issue at all with women my own age. Frankly it might be nice to date somebody a little older. I got to experience the 21 year old girlfriend, and while that was amazing, there were some issues because of her immaturity. Her passiveness in bed was my main complaint.

 

So I would be fine dating a woman my age, who doesn't have kids, and doesn't want to have them right away.

[maiden of rohan]

As of now, SD, what do YOU have to offer a woman? What do you feel that you would bring to the relationship table?

 

The way everything is presented-you're 32, jobless, still waiting to graduate college after 10 years with limited social experience and prospects. I'm not trying to be Debby Downer here, but that doesn't present as someone very appealing, does it? I'd suggest getting to a point in your life where you've graduated and you've found a career, and have your own hobbies/interests, before even thinking about attempting a relationship.

 

Your age has a lot to do with it when you're attempting to pursue women in the early 20s category. I'm not saying 20-odd year old women do not date 30-odd year old men, they do. Usually, there's a trade-off somewhere. What he lacks in "youth", he makes up for in experience, etc.

 

Graduate college. Tackle the job market, and try and broaden your social circle. It's cliche, but when you're not looking for it, it may just happen.

 

If you absolutely must find a girl right now, I'd second the suggestions to try Meetup.com and OLD, speed dating etc. Making friends is important for its own sake, not so you can use that friend as a stepping stone to a girlfriend.

[somedude81]

Ok so if I were single and I met you, this attitude would be a huge no-no to me. You sound like you want to meet as many women as possible, discard the ones that are not single and then choose one you like best.

Yes that is exactly what I'm talking about. That's what all single men do.

Where is the romance here?

Why would I romance a woman I'm not dating? Who probably doesn't even like me in that way.

 

How do you show a girl you consider her special?

By giving her my time. By talking to her. Showing an interest in her life. Flirting with her, making her feel good. Getting to know who she is.

 

 

I find this a common mistake single men who want to date make and then they whine cause they don't find a woman. Like it or not a woman, a serious woman at least, want to feel special, want to feel she is the one who was chosen from a man for a specific reason. If a man makes me feel that I'm the 45th woman he flirts with today (and he talks to me only cause the 44 previous girls rejected him), why would I bother talk to him at all and take him seriously?

You don't understand at all what it is like to be a man.

 

Do you seriously expect a man to give up after he gets rejected by the first woman?

 

Humanity would go extinct!

 

Men deal with lots of rejection in their lives.

 

There is no point in having one chosen girl and focusing on her, because there's probably a 90% chance that she will turn him down.

 

I focused on one girl that I really liked for two years, and I never even got to kiss her. That was the biggest waste of time and energy in my entire life.

[organizedchaos]

My school doesn't have a big Greek life. It's definitely a commuter school. Though I do admit, that if I were in a frat, I would have a much easier time meeting girls.

 

Which campus clubs and activities are girls more likely to join? I also want a club that has a lot of time for socializing. I've been to a couple of business club meetings, and they were really nothing more than a lecture and everybody left afterwards.

 

Get out of this mindset! Please.

 

Just join clubs and do activities that interest you. We've been telling you this over and over again. And if girls are there, great. And if not, your meeting people and building a social circle - where you will likely meet other girls.

 

I've never seen someone so damn stubborn before. You will not succeed in your plan - which should be quite obvious to you