Young single women, who want to date, don't exist

[ASG]

I am most certainly not hard to deal with. My ex had no complaints about me, and I don't think she actually knew I had depression. The only sign of my depression that my ex ever saw, was that I didn't want to do my math homework, or my dishes. And I don't believe she ever thought that I didn't want to do those things because I was lacking motivation, because of depression.

 

That's basically how my depression works. It severely limits my motivation in doing things that I don't enjoy. On the surface it just looks like laziness.

 

I'm also sad and generally down when I'm alone. Though since my ex never saw me when I was by myself, she never knew that side of me. I was energized by her presence, so I was never down. Even when she was lying on the couch playing Candy Crush. I was just happy she was near me.

 

I still don't get it. All I can say is that I know how not to be needy. There is only one time in my entire relationship that my ex said I was smothering her, and it was because I was specifically teasing her about something. Once I made my point I left her alone.

 

I bet that if you asked her about me, she would not say that I was needy. Even if you directly asked her about me being needy.

So it's just a general vibe then? Yeah I know what you are talking about. There are a few guys in my dance class that give off that vibe and people avoid them. The girls spend a lot more time coming up to and talking to me. Yesterday while in class a girl ran all the way across the room to give me a hug and say high. That was a bit embarrassing.

 

I guess she really likes my creepy vibe

 

 

Where do they congregate? They certainly aren't at the gaming club on my school. It's nothing but a bunch of super nerdy guys

 

BTW, you're link goes to youtube.

 

Here is it, once more, with feeling

 

Everyone's depression works differently. It is still noticeable. And, at the end of the day, taxing on other people.

The link to the blog now works. Read it. But you know how Wil's depression manifested? By him getting angry at things. Like road rage, or getting angry at the computer when it didn't do something he wanted. It was still an issue.

 

the fact that you don't even seem to understand that your depression has a negative impact on not just you, obviously, but other people as well is, quite frankly, exasperating.

 

Your depression manifests as lack of motivation to do things you don't really like. How do you think that plays to someone else in a relationship with you? Your ex might not have known you are depressed, but I can guarantee you she knew something wasn't right.

 

There are different kinds of vibes that people give off. Some are straight out "CREEP! STAY AWAY" others are less so. But they're still there. Doesn't mean people won't be friendly. but it tends to mean they won't want a deep relationship (friendship or otherwise).

 

Well, I met most of my geek female friends at sci fi conventions.

I go to a lot of them. You'll find a lot of girls at those type of things. Or anime/cosplay events. And there will also be girls at gaming events. Specially with internet sensations like Felicia Day majorly geeking out about gaming.

[somedude81]

I see and hear this type of response a lot so decided to respond. It's almost worth it's own thread actually. Are you familiar with Maslow's hierarchy of needs? Google it. Sexual intimacy and love are in the MIDDLE. Right after basic psychological needs and security comes friendship, family, love, and sex. It is THAT important. Sex and relationships are hardwired into almost all of us. Telling someone to live without it simply doesn't make sense. A lack of love, intimacy and sex can itself lead directly to depression.

I'm going to get to Keenly's post later, but I want to address this right now.

 

I'm in a business class called Organizational Behavior and Maslow's hierarchy was actually covered in regards to motivation.

 

Take a look at the chart.

 

Sex is is actually mentioned twice.

 

It's a core physiological need, and it's mentioned again in the love/belonging tier.

 

No, people will not die if they don't have sex. But the desire to have sex is so strong, that going without it for too long can affect ones mental health. The need to have sex is the reason why prostitutes even exist. Basically almost everybody male or female needs sex to be happy. Somehow your body also knows whether you are having sex instead of just masturbating.

 

The need to be in a relationship and have sexual intimacy is completely different from the bodily need to have sex.

 

I am most definitely stuck on the Love/Belonging tier. Nothing else matters to me. That's why I'm not really motivated to go make friends or do my homework.

Edited March 29, 2014 by somedude81

[Noproblem]

I really have no issues with dating women 20 to 35.

 

But when I start talking about older women, they absolutely must not have any kids.

 

Having kids is a dealbreaker that I will not negotiate with at this time.

 

I understand that, well ...So what is the problem?

Do you speak in a weird way?

Do you dress in a weird way?

Do you look really really bad...

 

Be sure if you looked really bad, but have a good personality you will attract some women as well..

 

So tell me in your own eyes ..What is your problem?

 

I mean if you ask me what is my problem? I'd tell you a list of the things that I think making me less attractive

 

because everybody has a list ..

 

So what is your list?

[Keenly]

Well... I used to cry myself to sleep a few nights a week because I felt so alone.

 

Now I Feel completely different. But nothing changed externally. I haven't had sex in a long time, and have acknowledged that I'm probably going to go on a 3 to 5 year period of nothing at all, and I'm okay with it.

 

You can follow the path I took and at least try it, or you can tell me I'm wrong and do absolutely nothing. No skin off of my nose, and I can feel good knowing I at least TRIED to help some one with the best of intentions.

 

I can show you the water, but I can't make you drink.

[ascendotum]

What kind of question is this? It's irrelevant. First of all...it's impossible that every girl in your college has a bf. Impossible. Maybe it's your bad luck you're meeting the ones that do, but I don't think you're meeting all that many women to begin with so your sample size is miniscule.

 

The question you need to ask yourself is that, when you DO meet a girl that is single, what can you offer, as a 32 year old male who is still in college, that will attract said girl?

 

Given his target market I would have thought that he would have much better chance of finding single women than women his own age. When I was at uni, 90% of the girls in my course seemed to be in a relationship however. At times they were not but I never heard until I discovered she had a new bf, or if they were cute & easy going they were single for about 1 week. Still spending time on campus is a great opportunity to meet so many women and get involved in fun activities to socialize. I met a gf at uni. I also think he needs to go out to bars/club/live music venues more to increase his chances of meeting singles.

 

As for the last paragraph. I think he is going to be more harshly judged by women in their 30s on that than younger carefree just want to have fun & find a sweet bf, women in their 20s. I remember seeing some posts from people saying a bunch of negatives on SD going for younger women and I thought you could say the same x 2 for many single women in their 30s. There is an element of him wanting to experience what he missed on when young too and that is totally understandable. He should not limit himself to young 20s by any means but I think he will relate to them better than say a number of women in their 30s like ones here on LS for instance who admit to being more judgmental/discerning/picky than they used to be + also looking now to settle down or have kids already (which does not interest him).

 

If he is finding it tough to find single younger women then expanding his age range is only going to help increase his chances of finding someone. He has to balance what is going to make him the most happy in terms of settling or holding out.

[InnocentMan]

The best way to get a woman in a university setting, is get a woman; any woman. Once the others see that you are desired, your stock will by rise immediately. They're must be some less desired women there you could snag. Latch on to one, and watch how the others treat you differently.

 

It may seem like you are using people to get someone better, but you didn't make the rules. That's the advice I would give to someone who didn't admit he was depressed. That needs sorting out as a priority before you even think about dating. All the other advice about joining clubs etc is moot until you get proper help for it.

[Phoe]

I know that they exist. They are just super rare, and more valuable than gold.

 

Why do you think Phoe is so popular on this forum? All the guys ♥ Phoe.

 

Ack noooooo lol. There's more than a fair share of people who can't stand me.

 

 

I'm an odd bird, and for some that's a good thing, for others it's not preferred.

 

 

I'm not a unicorn. Don't think of a geeky girl with boobs as the white unicorn of the universe. I'm just another everyday person with plenty of faults. I drive my boyfriend bonkers half the time. I'm a right little sh*thead some days.

 

 

I really think if you broaden your criteria you'll find that your white unicorn ideal girl really isn't all that terribly different from most people, when it comes down to their core. The differences are subtle, just small little quirks.

[Iguanna]

In the dating world, an obese person of either gender is regarded as a low quality choice, and last resort. My quality as a person doesn't change that.

 

Ok you can sleep well at night now.

 

@Somedude: you sound like the injured person who is in the hospital and his main goal is to walk and doesn't listen to the doctor saying that he has to do some physiotherapy first or take some medicine. He just gets up and walks and he falls again and again and again, and he blames his bad luck. This is how you sound. You want your main problem fixed right now but you don't see there are other problems that exist and should be your priority to achieve your goal. You also get angry with people who tell you you have to fix the first problem first in order to fix the last. This is now a way to keep a girl, even if you do manage to find her.

[Eclypse]

There are young, single girls looking to date. I met my ex at a wedding and added her on Facebook after and we began talking and I asked her out.

 

I met my current gf through my best friend. She was his (now ex) girlfriends (also ex) best friend, some years ago. We always had this amazing connection and never lost contact. When we began dating she was single for about a year, although I don't know if she was actually looking for a relationship in that time.

 

Both of them are quite thin and attractive. My now gf especially. She gets hit on every day by men. So there are young, single beautiful girls. Like you I tried dating fellow college girls but it never worked out. Come to think of it, very few of my friends met their partners at university. A lot met at parties. That's how my best mate met his gf, they just started talking and hit it off. Do you have any friends who throw parties? That would be a great place to score. Way better than stuff like cafés. Honestly I doubt most people go to those to find a partner.

[Iguanna]

this is not* a way, I meant

[veggirl]

Could you post some links to what you think every day, average, cute but not obese girls look like?

 

Cause when you say things to girls like about how all you want is her to be 110 lbs and a 32F..............I'm thinking you have no idea what an average girl looks like.

 

It's also funny how you insist a girl be petite/slim but have larger than average boobs. By definition, that is NOT an average girl.

 

Your standards are not average. Period.

[irc333]

If I were at a university, I wouldn't put much stock into the "I have a boyfriend' excuse, and pursue them anyhow.

 

Show them who is the BETTER man

 

College is a transitional area in peoples' lives where they discovering who they are and being in a "serious" relationship is quite optional. Basically saying, I feel women should be exploring their options than latching onto one guy during these 4 years.

 

 

 

 

 

Given his target market I would have thought that he would have much better chance of finding single women than women his own age. When I was at uni, 90% of the girls in my course seemed to be in a relationship however. At times they were not but I never heard until I discovered she had a new bf, or if they were cute & easy going they were single for about 1 week. Still spending time on campus is a great opportunity to meet so many women and get involved in fun activities to socialize. I met a gf at uni. I also think he needs to go out to bars/club/live music venues more to increase his chances of meeting singles.

 

As for the last paragraph. I think he is going to be more harshly judged by women in their 30s on that than younger carefree just want to have fun & find a sweet bf, women in their 20s. I remember seeing some posts from people saying a bunch of negatives on SD going for younger women and I thought you could say the same x 2 for many single women in their 30s. There is an element of him wanting to experience what he missed on when young too and that is totally understandable. He should not limit himself to young 20s by any means but I think he will relate to them better than say a number of women in their 30s like ones here on LS for instance who admit to being more judgmental/discerning/picky than they used to be + also looking now to settle down or have kids already (which does not interest him).

 

If he is finding it tough to find single younger women then expanding his age range is only going to help increase his chances of finding someone. He has to balance what is going to make him the most happy in terms of settling or holding out.

[Iguanna]

Following also what veggirl said, have you ever watched the tv series "girls"? The main character Hannah and her friend Shoshanna are the normal average looking every day girls that you normally see. The girls like Marnie and Jessa are put in this series to attract boys to watch it. But Hannah and Shoshanna are the normal girl you will meet. As someone said in a previous post, tv and internet and magazines have made us have the wrong impression that the women we see there are the real life girls that we can meet everyday. Model-y girls or close to that won't even look at you - well you are not even in their cycles at all, they hang out in jets and expensive restaurants, travelling and drinking coctails in islands we don't even know they exist. Make up and photoshop transform the average looking girls into pretty good looking girls, but this is not really realistic in real life.

[veggirl]

Following also what veggirl said, have you ever watched the tv series "girls"? The main character Hannah and her friend Shoshanna are the normal average looking every day girls that you normally see. The girls like Marnie and Jessa are put in this series to attract boys to watch it. But Hannah and Shoshanna are the normal girl you will meet. As someone said in a previous post, tv and internet and magazines have made us have the wrong impression that the women we see there are the real life girls that we can meet everyday. Model-y girls or close to that won't even look at you - well you are not even in their cycles at all, they hang out in jets and expensive restaurants, travelling and drinking coctails in islands we don't even know they exist. Make up and photoshop transform the average looking girls into pretty good looking girls, but this is not really realistic in real life.

 

No way in hell would SD admit the Hannah/shoshanna type are average. Fairly certain he thinks the Marnie type is average/what he deserves. I don't think beautiful girls are hanging out in jets necessarily lol, I see attractive girls often but I see the Hannah type even more.

[somedude81]

Could you post some links to what you think every day, average, cute but not obese girls look like?

 

Cause when you say things to girls like about how all you want is her to be 110 lbs and a 32F..............I'm thinking you have no idea what an average girl looks like.

 

It's also funny how you insist a girl be petite/slim but have larger than average boobs. By definition, that is NOT an average girl.

 

Your standards are not average. Period.

Hah, you've been looking at my posts in other threads eh?

 

Did I ever use the word average in that thread?

 

No, I didn't. I used, "perfect," "amazing," and "heavenly."

 

Those aren't exactly words one would use to describe something he or she thought was average, right?

[veggirl]

Hah, you've been looking at my posts in other threads eh?

 

Did I ever use the word average in that thread?

 

No, I didn't. I used, "perfect," "amazing," and "heavenly."

 

Those aren't exactly words one would use to describe something he or she thought was average, right?

 

What do you think of the girls mentioned in the previous post?

 

and yes, I ran across your posts when reading another thread SD. lol. It happens. you said you'd want the chick to weigh 110 and then mentioned 32 Fs which wasn't EVEN the topic cause that OP wasn't even that large! lol come on. you are obsessed with ONE look.

[somedude81]

 

and yes, I ran across your posts when reading another thread SD. lol. It happens. you said you'd want the chick to weigh 110 and then mentioned 32 Fs which wasn't EVEN the topic cause that OP wasn't even that large! lol come on. you are obsessed with ONE look.

Really? Every guy seems to like small nipples and big boobs. I think because it makes the breasts look much bigger. I have big ones but nipples don't grow with size they are what they are really. It's actually why gaining weight was beneficial to me.

 

I was almost a 32F(DDD) at 108. Never been heavier than that. But I got the worst type of attention then. Every one thought I lost my virginity simply because my boobs were that big. And I felt like a fat cow. Could run as fast and the like as I used to. I think that it might have to do with my proportions though.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/physical-fitness-health-weight-management/469167-ideal-breasts-size-petite-women#post5609965

 

What do you think of the girls mentioned in the previous post?

I've never watched the show Girls, so I had to do some research.

 

If this is Hannah, no, I don't believe she is average. In some pictures I found she's almost there.

 

Shoshanna is slightly above average. There are some pics of her out there where she looks really good.

 

I would be completely fine with a girl who looks like her. Though I'd prefer her to be a little more busty of course. Got to stay true to my morals

[somedude81]

Ack noooooo lol. There's more than a fair share of people who can't stand me.

 

 

I'm an odd bird, and for some that's a good thing, for others it's not preferred.

 

 

I'm not a unicorn. Don't think of a geeky girl with boobs as the white unicorn of the universe. I'm just another everyday person with plenty of faults. I drive my boyfriend bonkers half the time. I'm a right little sh*thead some days.

 

 

I really think if you broaden your criteria you'll find that your white unicorn ideal girl really isn't all that terribly different from most people, when it comes down to their core. The differences are subtle, just small little quirks.

Phoe, you're a two horned unicorn. I think those are called bikehorns

 

BTW, my perfect girl, is a sporty, but geeky white girl with big boobs. That's exactly what my ex was.

 

Yeah I know you have faults, but they're easily dealt with because your heart is in the right place. Everybody has faults.

 

I really don't think my criteria is that narrow, just that I'm not looking in the right place.

 

Also it's hard to tell what girls are taken, and it requires a few conversations to find out what a girls relationship status is. Unfortunately it's not really OK to ask a girl if she has a boyfriend the first time I talk to her. Even if she didn't, she would be put off by the question.

[somedude81]

OP, I disagree with everyone here. I think that you absolutely CAN get girls in your desired age range.

 

You just have to push yourself more and start approaching. You need to go to parties and start developing social circles.

 

Don't lie about your age, but you don't have to be totally upfront either. I've concealed my age for a long time, while hooking up with girls much younger than me. I've begun telling more people now, but many have been my friends for over a year. So they don't really care.

 

It can be done, for sure.

 

Also, you are in college. You will find single attractive girls by going out and approaching. They're everywhere.

It's probably not at all surprising to hear this, I've only been to one party in college. And that party was actually put on by the Japan club of all things. Well it was actually at some guys house and was not official a Japan club party, but all members were invited. There was underage drinking and stuff like that, so it was a legit party. As far as I know, they never had a second one.

 

Aside from that I've never been to a party. I've never heard of them. It's probably because I never talk to guys when I'm at school. I've also never been friends with girls who were the party type, so that never bothered me. A girl who goes to a party and gets drunk every week isn't exactly my type and I'm not looking for hookups.

 

I am starting to become more curious about doing cold approaches. There are lots and lots of cute girls walking around on campus, but I don't know how to go up to them and get something to work. Have you been successful at those?

[veggirl]

I saw you post on the topic about evolution, apparently you're a Christian so how about joining a church to get to know people? Don't they have mens groups and singles groups and whatnot at large churches? Would probably filter out party type girls too and maybe you'd meet more people with a similar experience level to yours.

[shet]

Hello

 

Hooray something I can contribute to here

 

I'm 30 and attending college for a degree. I had hoped, going into it, that it would be a highly sociable experience but it has not proven so, because of the isolation of my particular course in relation to others (mine is a land based study and all of my cohorts are bearded men) and that I commute in for 40 minutes rather than live on campus or nearby.

 

However what I have found is that "approaching" women there is a matter of both confidence AND circumstance. There is a spectrum from waltzing up to a lady in the corridors (not going to work) through past, say, striking up conversation at lunch or over shared frustration with misbehaving library computers (might work if you're really cool and they're lonely, which isn't often), up to sharing module classes and having many opportunities to interact (in lectures themselves, sharing projects, lunch invites, or just outright social invitations like revision sessions at someones house) (good chance of working). By working I just mean positive outcome like getting numbers or arranging to meet.

 

People have walls up normally, it's just part of being a human in a big society of strangers rather than a closeknit tribal village (I've talked to some anthropology folks). There are stages of lowering those walls, levels of comfort, that come with feeling safer. That can be through interaction, or through a kind of social proof (you never met but people they know like you so you're OK) or through chemical manipulation of the whole process (drink, drugs), or ultimately through mental distress like extreme loneliness or social disorders. How we feel basically controls what we do.

 

I have examples I could give you of how this goes if you like, would make this post long. But basically you can hit on women at college and find decent success provided you get the right chances (manufacture the chances if you must). Obviously failure and knockbacks are the majority but that's life. Without the right circumstances you'll just get rejected. At college you're surrounded by smart, optimistic, sociable women, at a far higher density than you'll have the privilege of living within any time in the rest of your life. You will never have the same level of opportunity to meet brilliant ladies.

[topaMAXX]

What do you think of the girls mentioned in the previous post?

 

and yes, I ran across your posts when reading another thread SD. lol. It happens. you said you'd want the chick to weigh 110 and then mentioned 32 Fs which wasn't EVEN the topic cause that OP wasn't even that large! lol come on. you are obsessed with ONE look.

 

To be fair, we all have a certain look that we're most attracted to.

 

Personally, I prefer petite Asians and Latinas with pretty faces. Though, that type is far easier to find than a skinny girl with enormous breasts lol.

[somedude81]

I saw you post on the topic about evolution, apparently you're a Christian so how about joining a church to get to know people? Don't they have mens groups and singles groups and whatnot at large churches? Would probably filter out party type girls too and maybe you'd meet more people with a similar experience level to yours.

I've been raised Christian, and I have that belief, but I'm completely done with church. I have way too many issues with God to go again.

 

BTW, once I did go to a singles groups at a large church, I was the only person there under 40.

[contact1]

Hello

 

Hooray something I can contribute to here

 

I'm 30 and attending college for a degree. I had hoped, going into it, that it would be a highly sociable experience but it has not proven so, because of the isolation of my particular course in relation to others (mine is a land based study and all of my cohorts are bearded men) and that I commute in for 40 minutes rather than live on campus or nearby.

 

However what I have found is that "approaching" women there is a matter of both confidence AND circumstance. There is a spectrum from waltzing up to a lady in the corridors (not going to work) through past, say, striking up conversation at lunch or over shared frustration with misbehaving library computers (might work if you're really cool and they're lonely, which isn't often), up to sharing module classes and having many opportunities to interact (in lectures themselves, sharing projects, lunch invites, or just outright social invitations like revision sessions at someones house) (good chance of working). By working I just mean positive outcome like getting numbers or arranging to meet.

 

People have walls up normally, it's just part of being a human in a big society of strangers rather than a closeknit tribal village (I've talked to some anthropology folks). There are stages of lowering those walls, levels of comfort, that come with feeling safer. That can be through interaction, or through a kind of social proof (you never met but people they know like you so you're OK) or through chemical manipulation of the whole process (drink, drugs), or ultimately through mental distress like extreme loneliness or social disorders. How we feel basically controls what we do.

 

I have examples I could give you of how this goes if you like, would make this post long. But basically you can hit on women at college and find decent success provided you get the right chances (manufacture the chances if you must). Obviously failure and knockbacks are the majority but that's life. Without the right circumstances you'll just get rejected. At college you're surrounded by smart, optimistic, sociable women, at a far higher density than you'll have the privilege of living within any time in the rest of your life. You will never have the same level of opportunity to meet brilliant ladies.

 

I agree with the majority of the post, except for the very last part. And this applies to both males and females, yes there are some very intelligent people in college, but there are also a ton of not so smart people, to put it nicely

[topaMAXX]

Hello

 

Hooray something I can contribute to here

 

I'm 30 and attending college for a degree. I had hoped, going into it, that it would be a highly sociable experience but it has not proven so, because of the isolation of my particular course in relation to others (mine is a land based study and all of my cohorts are bearded men) and that I commute in for 40 minutes rather than live on campus or nearby.

 

However what I have found is that "approaching" women there is a matter of both confidence AND circumstance. There is a spectrum from waltzing up to a lady in the corridors (not going to work) through past, say, striking up conversation at lunch or over shared frustration with misbehaving library computers (might work if you're really cool and they're lonely, which isn't often), up to sharing module classes and having many opportunities to interact (in lectures themselves, sharing projects, lunch invites, or just outright social invitations like revision sessions at someones house) (good chance of working). By working I just mean positive outcome like getting numbers or arranging to meet.

 

People have walls up normally, it's just part of being a human in a big society of strangers rather than a closeknit tribal village (I've talked to some anthropology folks). There are stages of lowering those walls, levels of comfort, that come with feeling safer. That can be through interaction, or through a kind of social proof (you never met but people they know like you so you're OK) or through chemical manipulation of the whole process (drink, drugs), or ultimately through mental distress like extreme loneliness or social disorders. How we feel basically controls what we do.

 

I have examples I could give you of how this goes if you like, would make this post long. But basically you can hit on women at college and find decent success provided you get the right chances (manufacture the chances if you must). Obviously failure and knockbacks are the majority but that's life. Without the right circumstances you'll just get rejected. At college you're surrounded by smart, optimistic, sociable women, at a far higher density than you'll have the privilege of living within any time in the rest of your life. You will never have the same level of opportunity to meet brilliant ladies.

 

Agreed, especially with the bolded.

 

I was recently thinking why I was so successful in college and have done okay after, but nowhere near as well as college.

 

I came to the conclusion that this is due to 2 things:

 

1) There were just more girls around so it was easier to pick and choose.

2) When I did meet an awesome girl, I had an abundance mentality, because there were many to choose from. So I didn't stress about it. Now, meeting an awesome girl is so rare that when I do, I tend to be a bit too eager. Again, this is due to meeting so few of these women. I've probably met the same amount of these women in the 4 years since I graduated college that I met in the span of a few weeks at college.

 

Of course, going back to a huge college to hang out and party helps, for sure.