Young single women, who want to date, don't exist

[shet]

To be fair, we all have a certain look that we're most attracted to.

 

Actually, while you may think that, we don't. I've read a study proving what I personally already thought, which I can link if you like, PLOS ONE: Visual Diet versus Associative Learning as Mechanisms of Change in Body Size Preferences. Which is that what we find physically attractive is not hardwired or unchangeable, but is malleable according to a range of factors. One of them is simply exposure. If you are exposed to different bodies, you will broaden what you find attractive.

 

Our society is sick, and our men (and increasingly our women) are going through childhood, into adolescence, and into adulthood, exposed to a sick, uniform standard of physical perfection through mass media, culture and porn. People are reaching adulthood and shaping their desires around an extremely limited exposure to actual human bodies and intimacy and an overexposure to the bull**** bodies pushed on them by our culture - by the time you hit college age, how many bodies had you actually seen, how much physical and emotional warmth had you actually experienced from real women or men, versus how much porn you watched, films, TV, even the dull stuff like the news presenters, and how much masturbating you'd done?

 

You can change your mind about who you find attractive. Just open your mind. Think about how much more awesome it would be to find something hot and desirable about almost every woman. Because in truth, there is, just as there is about nearly all men, and about yourself.

[somedude81]

Hello

 

Hooray something I can contribute to here

 

I'm 30 and attending college for a degree. I had hoped, going into it, that it would be a highly sociable experience but it has not proven so, because of the isolation of my particular course in relation to others (mine is a land based study and all of my cohorts are bearded men) and that I commute in for 40 minutes rather than live on campus or nearby.

 

However what I have found is that "approaching" women there is a matter of both confidence AND circumstance. There is a spectrum from waltzing up to a lady in the corridors (not going to work) through past, say, striking up conversation at lunch or over shared frustration with misbehaving library computers (might work if you're really cool and they're lonely, which isn't often), up to sharing module classes and having many opportunities to interact (in lectures themselves, sharing projects, lunch invites, or just outright social invitations like revision sessions at someones house) (good chance of working). By working I just mean positive outcome like getting numbers or arranging to meet.

Yeah, I know that just going up to girls walking around campus is not going to work. I'm neither good looking nor quick witted enough to have any success doing that. Though I'd be doing it if I could.

 

Nobody is in more than one of my classes. So my only chance to talk to a girl is in the one class we share together. If it's a lecture class, we may have 5 minutes to talk before class and that's it. There is a girl I'm interested in, in my business class, but the opportunities to talk to her are very few, and the class ends at 3pm.

 

That's why I prefer to meet women in dance classes, because I have ample time to talk before and during class. I've been making the rounds, finding out what girls are single (none of them so far.) Eventually I should find somebody who is single, and then focus on her.

 

Or I could try to snatch a girl from her BF, that is really only my last resort.

 

People have walls up normally, it's just part of being a human in a big society of strangers rather than a closeknit tribal village (I've talked to some anthropology folks). There are stages of lowering those walls, levels of comfort, that come with feeling safer. That can be through interaction, or through a kind of social proof (you never met but people they know like you so you're OK) or through chemical manipulation of the whole process (drink, drugs), or ultimately through mental distress like extreme loneliness or social disorders. How we feel basically controls what we do.

 

I have examples I could give you of how this goes if you like, would make this post long. But basically you can hit on women at college and find decent success provided you get the right chances (manufacture the chances if you must). Obviously failure and knockbacks are the majority but that's life. Without the right circumstances you'll just get rejected. At college you're surrounded by smart, optimistic, sociable women, at a far higher density than you'll have the privilege of living within any time in the rest of your life. You will never have the same level of opportunity to meet brilliant ladies.

What are the right circumstances? When are women more open to being hit on?

[topaMAXX]

Actually, while you may think that, we don't. I've read a study proving what I personally already thought, which I can link if you like, PLOS ONE: Visual Diet versus Associative Learning as Mechanisms of Change in Body Size Preferences. Which is that what we find physically attractive is not hardwired or unchangeable, but is malleable according to a range of factors. One of them is simply exposure. If you are exposed to different bodies, you will broaden what you find attractive.

 

Our society is sick, and our men (and increasingly our women) are going through childhood, into adolescence, and into adulthood, exposed to a sick, uniform standard of physical perfection through mass media, culture and porn. People are reaching adulthood and shaping their desires around an extremely limited exposure to actual human bodies and intimacy and an overexposure to the bull**** bodies pushed on them by our culture - by the time you hit college age, how many bodies had you actually seen, how much physical and emotional warmth had you actually experienced from real women or men, versus how much porn you watched, films, TV, even the dull stuff like the news presenters, and how much masturbating you'd done?

 

You can change your mind about who you find attractive. Just open your mind. Think about how much more awesome it would be to find something hot and desirable about almost every woman. Because in truth, there is, just as there is about nearly all men, and about yourself.

 

I agree, which is one of the reasons for my personal attraction.

 

I've lived in various Asian and Latin American countries. That's most likely the reason why I'm almost exclusively attracted to those types of women and, generally, am not attracted to white women.

 

For a white woman, she would have to be exceptionally pretty, feminine, and have a host of other qualities not normally found in that demographic for me to even consider dating her.

[somedude81]

Guys, please don't just talk to each other.

[xxoo]

Somedude, think about this for a moment.

 

How many guys with girlfriends got a girlfriend because they made dating the #1 priority in their life? I'd say that's pretty rare. Most guys have school, sports, and career as high priorities, and still meet girls and get dates/girlfriends along the way.

 

On the other hand, you've had "get a girlfriend" as your #1 priority for well over a decade, to the point that it has set you back in school, career, and developing other interests. Has that worked out for you? Obviously not, so why wouldn't you reconsider the wisdom of that approach?

 

If you shifted your priorities, and developed the other parts of your life, you would have an easier time meeting women and attracting a girlfriend. You are creating your dating difficulties through your dating obsession. It's a shame.

[pickflicker]

Somedude, think about this for a moment.

 

How many guys with girlfriends got a girlfriend because they made dating the #1 priority in their life? I'd say that's pretty rare. Most guys have school, sports, and career as high priorities, and still meet girls and get dates/girlfriends along the way.

 

On the other hand, you've had "get a girlfriend" as your #1 priority for well over a decade, to the point that it has set you back in school, career, and developing other interests. Has that worked out for you? Obviously not, so why wouldn't you reconsider the wisdom of that approach?

 

If you shifted your priorities, and developed the other parts of your life, you would have an easier time meeting women and attracting a girlfriend. You are creating your dating difficulties through your dating obsession. It's a shame.

 

Yep. It's a vicious cycle.

 

I just can't see why waiting until the end of the year, when that pesky calculus problem out of the way, is a bad thing - and it's one less thing to do.

 

There's something to be said for getting one job done, and then focusing on the next. I'll use myself as an example. First, I needed to get my work situation sorted - I had a bullying boss who needed to be put in his place. Done - work is 100% better. Next, I had to get enrolled in my new degree. Done - now I have purpose and direction for a new career. Then, I had some personal/living situations that needed fixing - that's all sorted now. And now, I'm in the perfect place to nurture a budding relationship that has come along, because I can give the best of myself.

Edited March 29, 2014 by pickflicker

[Imajerk17]

Somedude, think about this for a moment.

 

How many guys with girlfriends got a girlfriend because they made dating the #1 priority in their life? I'd say that's pretty rare. Most guys have school, sports, and career as high priorities, and still meet girls and get dates/girlfriends along the way.

 

On the other hand, you've had "get a girlfriend" as your #1 priority for well over a decade, to the point that it has set you back in school, career, and developing other interests. Has that worked out for you? Obviously not, so why wouldn't you reconsider the wisdom of that approach?

 

If you shifted your priorities, and developed the other parts of your life, you would have an easier time meeting women and attracting a girlfriend. You are creating your dating difficulties through your dating obsession. It's a shame.

 

Agreed. And it's why you (SD) keep getting the advice you hate: focus on school, pass that calculus class, develop other interests.

 

Being this desperate for a girlfriend is unattractive for a 22-year old, but it's even more so for a 32-year-old (to answer your question as somedude91 earlier).

 

Even the pimps who have seemingly nothing going for them who are getting laid, don't give a shiat. They aren't coming on LS writing thread after thread asking how they can get dates/a girlfriend.

[somedude81]

Somedude, think about this for a moment.

 

How many guys with girlfriends got a girlfriend because they made dating the #1 priority in their life? I'd say that's pretty rare. Most guys have school, sports, and career as high priorities, and still meet girls and get dates/girlfriends along the way.

 

On the other hand, you've had "get a girlfriend" as your #1 priority for well over a decade, to the point that it has set you back in school, career, and developing other interests. Has that worked out for you? Obviously not, so why wouldn't you reconsider the wisdom of that approach?

 

If you shifted your priorities, and developed the other parts of your life, you would have an easier time meeting women and attracting a girlfriend. You are creating your dating difficulties through your dating obsession. It's a shame.

Getting a GF has not always been my #1 priority in life.

 

How has it worked out for me? I had an amazing GF for six months. And with her in my life, I was able to pass a very difficult class that I would not have been able to if I was single. She encouraged, and kinda pushed me to keep studying even when I failed the first test and wanted to give up. Nothing is more motivating than, "No sex if you don't do your homework."

 

Right now I need a GF in my life to be happy. That is not going to change no matter how much I want it to. I have no control over what my needs and desires are.

 

There is simply no way I can give up on a GF until I'm done with school in December. I've been miserable for too long already.

Edited March 29, 2014 by somedude81

[Imajerk17]

Getting a GF has not always been my #1 priority in life.

 

How has it worked out for me? I had an amazing GF for six months. And with her in my life, I was able to pass a very difficult class that I would not have been able to if I was single. She encouraged, and kinda pushed me to keep studying even when I failed the first test and wanted to give up. 1. Nothing is more motivating than, "No sex if you don't do your homework."

 

2. Right now I need a GF in my life to be happy. That is not going to change no matter how much I want it to. I have no control over what my needs and desires are.

 

There is simply no way I can give up on a GF until I'm done with school in December. I've been miserable for too long already.

 

RE 1: If this was truly the dynamic in your relationship then it sounds more like she was your mother than your lover. Do you think she liked playing that role with you, her boyfriend? Especially that you are 10 years older than she is?

 

RE 2: Then you are going to have a tough time getting a woman to stick around then. I don't really know what else to tell you.

Edited March 29, 2014 by Imajerk17

[MidwestUSA]

Getting a GF has not always been my #1 priority in life.

 

How has it worked out for me? I had an amazing GF for six months. And with her in my life, I was able to pass a very difficult class that I would not have been able to if I was single. She encouraged, and kinda pushed me to keep studying even when I failed the first test and wanted to give up. Nothing is more motivating than, "No sex if you don't do your homework."

 

Right now I need a GF in my life to be happy. That is not going to change no matter how much I want it to. I have no control over what my needs and desires are.

 

There is simply no way I can give up on a GF until I'm done with school in December. I've been miserable for too long already.

 

 

 

Sex is not used as a bargaining tool, reward, or punishment in a healthy relationship. I have really nothing else to say in reply to this.

[somedude81]

RE 1: If this was truly the dynamic in your relationship then it sounds more like she was your mother than your lover. Do you think she liked playing that role with you, her boyfriend? Especially that you are 10 years older than she is?

 

RE 2: Then you are going to have a tough time getting a woman to stick around then. I don't really know what else to tell you.

#1 only happened once, and yes I think she enjoyed it. There were also a couple of times where she made me take my notes and laptop to her house to do my homework before we went on our date. School was very important to her.

 

#2, I don't even know how that is related to anything. How the heck is that at all connected with a wanting to stick around? She just magically knows what my needs are or something? How many times have we gone over this?

[somedude81]

Sex is not used as a bargaining tool, reward, or punishment in a healthy relationship. I have really nothing else to say in reply to this.

We were most likely going to have sex anyways, but it can be a very effective motivator. She pushed me to do well in school in plenty other ways.

[pickflicker]

We were most likely going to have sex anyways, but it can be a very effective motivator. She pushed me to do well in school in plenty other ways.

 

Part of being an adult is motivating yourself. Chances are, once you finish your degree and get a job in your chosen field, you will do tasks you don't like or have very little motivation for. You'll be expected to just do them. You won't be encouraged. You won't be supported. You'll be told "Do it."

 

Same with school. It's nice to have people encouraging you, but life rarely hands out rewards just because we do a task. Motivation had to come from within.

[somedude81]

All I'm saying is that it was nice to have a GF that motivated me.

 

Correct me if I'm wrong, it's not uncommon for somebody to provide motivation and support for their partner.

[xxoo]

Hasn't worked out because you've had ONE girlfriend in umpteen years. That's luck, not a good strategy.

 

And you're right back where you started, hence the thread. There is no reason that someone struggling to meet single women should isolate himself from a normal social life, including friends and social contacts of all sorts. If you are having trouble meeting women, branch out! It is not possible to selectively meet thin, young, single women outside dating sites or meetup. So you'll need to simply be friendly with people on general, whether you want to or not.

[pickflicker]

All I'm saying is that it was nice to have a GF that motivated me.

 

Correct me if I'm wrong, it's not uncommon for somebody to provide motivation and support for their partner.

 

Yes, of course. But what about the times you don't have one? Where does the motivation come from?

[somedude81]

Hasn't worked out because you've had ONE girlfriend in umpteen years. That's luck, not a good strategy.

 

And you're right back where you started, hence the thread. There is no reason that someone struggling to meet single women should isolate himself from a normal social life, including friends and social contacts of all sorts. If you are having trouble meeting women, branch out! It is not possible to selectively meet thin, young, single women outside dating sites or meetup. So you'll need to simply be friendly with people on general, whether you want to or not.

Then when it happens again, that will also be luck? What about the third time and so on?

 

Yes I will try to branch out.

Yes, of course.

Thanks. That's all I needed to hear

[pickflicker]

Thanks. That's all I needed to hear

 

 

 

Whilst ignoring the rest. That's why you're doomed.

[pharmmage]

Hey SD,

 

 

You live in SoCal right? Where exactly are you located? I have a couple of female friends who won't mind going on group dates with you to help improve your social skills.

[Imajerk17]

#1 only happened once, and yes I think she enjoyed it. There were also a couple of times where she made me take my notes and laptop to her house to do my homework before we went on our date. School was very important to her.

 

#2, I don't even know how that is related to anything. How the heck is that at all connected with a wanting to stick around? She just magically knows what my needs are or something? How many times have we gone over this?

 

We've gone over this a lot, and it's not going to go away just because you don't see the point or that you wish we'd stop going over it.

 

Here's the thing: You have a list of reasons in your head why it didn't work out with your ex. We have a list of reasons why we think it didn't work out with your ex that's somewhat different from your list. (That's not to say that the two of you were meant to be together.)

 

You don't think it bothered your girlfriend that your life centered so much around her? Or that you needed her so much to provide motivation to do your studies. Or that you didn't have something else going on when she went out with her friends. The thing is, the rest of us just aren't so sure about that. No matter that your girlfriend didn't tell you this.

Edited March 29, 2014 by Imajerk17

[Febreze]

If they do, they must live in some mystical holy land, because I'm not meeting any young women under 30 who are single and want to date.

 

The vast majority of young women I've ever been interested in (at least cute, not obese) have been in relationships when I knew them. These are girls who brought up a boyfriend in conversation and not as a way to turn me down. I have zero reason to believe that a girl is lying about a boyfriend when she talked about something they did together over the weekend etc.

 

The only girlfriend I've ever had, was in a relationship when I met her. Eventually she broke up with him, and started dating me a month later.

 

I have met and been friends with girls who were single, yet they had no interest in dating at the time because they wanted to focus on school or for whatever reason. They shot me down, and who knows how many other guys.

 

It's almost as if that when a girl no longer wishes to be single, she will instantly find a boyfriend.

 

Right now, it seems that the only way to get a girl who wants to be in a relationship, is to steal her from her boyfriend. That's basically how I got my first GF, is that what I'm going to have to do to get my second?

 

 

What's wrong with a girl a little over 30? I think u should open up more.

 

 

I'm very attractive for my age and have been told I look 10 years younger than most

[somedude81]

We've gone over this a lot, and it's not going to go away just because you don't see the point or that you wish we'd stop going over it.

 

Here's the thing: You have a list of reasons in your head why it didn't work out with your ex. We have a list of reasons why we think it didn't work out with your ex that's somewhat different. (That's not to say that the two of you were meant to be together.)

 

You don't think it bothered your girlfriend that your life centered so much around her? Or that you needed her so much to provide motivation to do your studies. Or that you didn't have something else going on when she went out with her friends. The thing is, the rest of us just aren't so sure about that. No matter that your girlfriend didn't tell you this.

I know exactly why things didn't work with my ex. It had very little, if anything to do with me.

[somedude81]

What's wrong with a girl a little over 30? I think u should open up more.

 

 

I'm very attractive for my age and have been told I look 10 years younger than most

Nothing. I just don't run into them in my daily life.

 

Right now I spend most of my time on campus and everybody around me is early 20's. So that's who I pursue.

 

Once I start work if there are cute women who are a little over 30 and don't have kids, I'll pursue them.

[pickflicker]

I know exactly why things didn't work with my ex. It had very little, if anything to do with me.

 

You can't be sure though. You're not in her head. Breakups and lying go hand hand.

[InnocentMan]

I know exactly why things didn't work with my ex. It had very little, if anything to do with me.

 

Unless she was kidnapped by aliens, then I don't think that's true man. Having read this thread, and your many others, I would say it had a great deal to do with you. Living in denial won't do you any favours. You may get another woman, but you will end up back in the same boat, asking the same questions, over and over.