xxoo Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 So then are you saying I should give up on meeting women, and just try to make friends? You need to shift your mindset. Live a full life, and women will be part of that. It isn't giving up on meeting women because women will be among the people you meet. Some of them will be women you don't want to date, and that's ok, too. You can still enrich each other's lives. Maybe that obese woman you get to know will be the person who introduces you to your future girlfriend, or recommends a good mechanic, or puts in a good word for you with a job opening. And maybe you do similar things for her. Just get to know people, and see what value they add to your life (and you to theirs). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 You need to shift your mindset. Live a full life, and women will be part of that. It isn't giving up on meeting women because women will be among the people you meet. Some of them will be women you don't want to date, and that's ok, too. You can still enrich each other's lives. Maybe that obese woman you get to know will be the person who introduces you to your future girlfriend, or recommends a good mechanic, or puts in a good word for you with a job opening. And maybe you do similar things for her. Just get to know people, and see what value they add to your life (and you to theirs). How can I get a female friend to introduce me to single people that she may know? I'm actually friendly with an obese girl who I've known for a while. How do I tell her I'm looking for girls to date, who aren't fat? Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 How can I get a female friend to introduce me to single people that she may know? I'm actually friendly with an obese girl who I've known for a while. How do I tell her I'm looking for girls to date, who aren't fat? OMG. I'm literally shaking my head. You don't tell her that you are looking to date girls who aren't fat. If you are really close friends, she'll already know that. But you're just social buddies, so that sort of bluntness is inappropriate. She's not a match maker, just a social contact. If she's on campus, for example, and she has friends, you could meet those people through her. Maybe she'll have a single friend who you are interested in, and maybe not. But you'll have a few more people you know and are friendly with, and the web grows. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Copelandsanity Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 How can I get a female friend to introduce me to single people that she may know? I'm actually friendly with an obese girl who I've known for a while. How do I tell her I'm looking for girls to date, who aren't fat? Listen to xxoo; you have to shift your mindset. Live and love life, meet all sorts of different people, and perform self-improvement every step of the way. Your mind is too one-track...too singularly focused on getting the girlfriend. Forget about that objective for the moment and focus on being an awesome person yourself. What you'll find is women will be attracted to you because you're awesome. Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 How can I get a female friend to introduce me to single people that she may know? You don't "get" anyone to do anything. You live a life full of social interaction and things happen. Most people aren't obsessed with dating the way you are. They go to work, they run errands, and they hang out with their friends because they genuinely like these people, and they enjoy life without constantly thinking about finding a date. You don't seem like you want friends because you want these people in your life; you want what you think they can do for you. People see through this and this is probably why you have a hard time making friends. I'm actually friendly with an obese girl who I've known for a while. How do I tell her I'm looking for girls to date, who aren't fat? Just try it. Maybe she'll tell you she has lots of cute single friends, but they don't date short guys. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
topaMAXX Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 SD, I hang out at the local college too. I've dated some girls there up to 8 years younger than me (more than that would be illegal in this state lol). At almost 27, I'm too old to be doing it too, but I'm successful. Here's how. I made friends with a lot of guys. That was my goal. When I first got there and was walking around alone, I talked to both guys and girls, but mostly focused on making friends (I also hooked up a bit in the process). Now, I have 2 really good guy friends and a bunch of other guy friends that I can call. I meet a lot of girls through them. I do agree though that outside of college, it's slim pickings. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 SD, everyone is telling you that friends are important to meeting women. Surely they can't all be wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
Copelandsanity Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 Just a couple of positives to throw in there: 1) You have openings in your life for new people. You're not the only person out there in the world who is lonely, needs friends, or longs for a partner. 25% of the general population don't even have one person in their life to confide personal details in. This should be an exciting time for you to go out, have adventures, and meet all sorts of different and new people. If you decided right now that your #1 priority in life was to meet new people, and you went out every single night of the week and the weekend with the intent on doing so, your social life will improve drastically for the better. 2) The fact that you can dance and partner dance with proficiency gives you an enormous advantage that many other guys don't have. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 Looks are #1 for both men and women. If one is not attracted to another person, it doesn't matter if they have 1,000 amazing qualities. I'm simply not attracted to obese women. They don't meet my bare minimum standards. That still doesn't answer what quality IS for you. I get that you don't like obese women...okay...next, besides that dislike, what actual qualities do you look for besides "not obese" which is not a quality. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
topaMAXX Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 That still doesn't answer what quality IS for you. I get that you don't like obese women...okay...next, besides that dislike, what actual qualities do you look for besides "not obese" which is not a quality. I disagree. Obese is a quality. In most cases, it suggests laziness, overindulgence, and a lack of self discipline. To be fair though, I doubt that's the reason SD doesn't like fat chicks lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 SD, I hang out at the local college too. I've dated some girls there up to 8 years younger than me (more than that would be illegal in this state lol). At almost 27, I'm too old to be doing it too, but I'm successful. Here's how. I made friends with a lot of guys. That was my goal. When I first got there and was walking around alone, I talked to both guys and girls, but mostly focused on making friends (I also hooked up a bit in the process). Now, I have 2 really good guy friends and a bunch of other guy friends that I can call. I meet a lot of girls through them. I do agree though that outside of college, it's slim pickings. How do you meet guys that know girls? Is there a certain type of guy you make friends with? How do you become friends with those guys? Link to post Share on other sites
El Brujo Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 If they do, they must live in some mystical holy land, because I'm not meeting any young women under 30 who are single and want to date. Dude, most of them are in college. They're thinking about careers, not dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 Dude, most of them are in college. They're thinking about careers, not dating. If that's the case, then why do they all have boyfriends? Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 How do you meet guys that know girls? Is there a certain type of guy you make friends with? How do you become friends with those guys? They're called pimps. Seriously though dude, this can't be a serious question? I go back to my past question in this thread because it matters. How do you get to be 31 and lack the understand of these basic social skills - not only with women, but people in general? How do you meet guys that know girls? Every guy knows girls, what kind of question is that? How do you not see the value in forming friendships? The only relationship that seems to matter to you is a gf and nothing else. And it's been told time and time again to you, no woman will want to stick around with a guy who relies solely on her for companionship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 They're called pimps. Seriously though dude, this can't be a serious question? I go back to my past question in this thread because it matters. How do you get to be 31 and lack the understand of these basic social skills - not only with women, but people in general? How do you meet guys that know girls? Every guy knows girls, what kind of question is that? Sh*t happens. How do you not see the value in forming friendships? The only relationship that seems to matter to you is a gf and nothing else. And it's been told time and time again to you, no woman will want to stick around with a guy who relies solely on her for companionship. I'll find out. BTW, relies isn't the best word to use. As an introvert, I really don't need a lot of companionship to feel fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 no woman will want to stick around with a guy who relies solely on her for companionship. Adding to my previous post. My ex stuck with me for six months, and she only left because she had her own issues she was dealing with that had nothing to do with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 I have NEVER seen a guy who says that "women have all the power", who is good with women. Show me a guy who says that "women have all the power" and I will show you someone who doesn't do well with women. Yeah, for real. Anyone who says that there are sooooooo many 'quality' (insert their own gender) and sooooo few 'quality' (insert opposite gender) are either: 1) Overestimating their own 'quality' 2) Has hangups about the opposite sex that results in a botched view of what 'quality' actually means 3) Both of the above 10 Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 If you live in SoCal (or most places west of the Mississippi), the numbers are stacked against you. There are way more men than women there. Useful graphic: disparity in the number of single men and women by city ? Pure Pedantry I remember living in LA and I could go to a bar and I'd rarely ever see just a group of girls hanging out, which is a ubiquitous thing here in the Northeast. If you're really that serious, consider a move when you graduate. It's like night and day. I know I've said this before, but it doesn't seem like it's sunken in: you're unlikely to get anywhere with girls until you have something they want. Then you're in the driver's seat and they'll be chasing you. Also, you can't be something that's actively unappealing to them. I think you sticking around looking at college girls isn't going to be very conducive to your success. College girls are just predisposed to dislike older, not-yet-successful guys. It's going to give you a very skewed view of male-female interactions and perhaps your own skill set. Here's the thing: you might actually be a nice, charming guy, it's just that college girls have already disqualified you because of your age and undergrad status. If you tried your luck with women your own age (once you have a job), you might find the process to be a lot easier and more enjoyable. Graduate and try your luck with women your own age. Head east if you want the best shot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 If you live in SoCal (or most places west of the Mississippi), the numbers are stacked against you. There are way more men than women there. Useful graphic: disparity in the number of single men and women by city ? Pure Pedantry I remember living in LA and I could go to a bar and I'd rarely ever see just a group of girls hanging out, which is a ubiquitous thing here in the Northeast. If you're really that serious, consider a move when you graduate. It's like night and day. Graduate and try your luck with women your own age. Head east if you want the best shot. Ah, I've seen that map before. Yeah I guess that's just how it is, there are too many men in California. I don't have a clue how it happened. Frankly it doesn't make any sense that there are more men than women here. Looking at that map, it's probably a bad idea to go back home to the Bay Area once I graduate. I wonder what part of the country has the most number of single women, and has a climate similar to California. Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 LOL are you guys seriously talking about what place has the most men or women? Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 LOL are you guys seriously talking about what place has the most men or women? Why not? The whole point of this thread is that I'm not meeting single women. If that's because there are simply more men than women, then I need to go somewhere else. Link to post Share on other sites
topaMAXX Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 How do you meet guys that know girls? Is there a certain type of guy you make friends with? How do you become friends with those guys? I just walked around and met people. Generally, only the friendliest guys are open to meeting other guys like that. And friendly guys tend to have a lot of female friends (like I do now). I have NEVER seen a guy who says that "women have all the power", who is good with women. Show me a guy who says that "women have all the power" and I will show you someone who doesn't do well with women. Very untrue. As a guy that has traveled and lived around the world in many different places (and by "live", I mean that I spent most of my time with locals), yes, women have most of the power here. Most guys don't realize that though (I know I didn't). Knowing that doesn't mean I don't get girls. It just means that I'm worldly. Yeah, for real. Anyone who says that there are sooooooo many 'quality' (insert their own gender) and sooooo few 'quality' (insert opposite gender) are either: 1) Overestimating their own 'quality' 2) Has hangups about the opposite sex that results in a botched view of what 'quality' actually means 3) Both of the above I don't believe that I overestimate my own qualities. I'm pretty average overall, I'd say. Also, your definition of "hangups" is your opinion. Just because I don't have the same views on male-female interactions and females in general doesn't mean it's a hangup. We have different experiences and different expectations. My views contradict much of what is considered "normal" these days. Doesn't make me wrong. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
topaMAXX Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 If you live in SoCal (or most places west of the Mississippi), the numbers are stacked against you. There are way more men than women there. Useful graphic: disparity in the number of single men and women by city ? Pure Pedantry I remember living in LA and I could go to a bar and I'd rarely ever see just a group of girls hanging out, which is a ubiquitous thing here in the Northeast. If you're really that serious, consider a move when you graduate. It's like night and day. I know I've said this before, but it doesn't seem like it's sunken in: you're unlikely to get anywhere with girls until you have something they want. Then you're in the driver's seat and they'll be chasing you. Also, you can't be something that's actively unappealing to them. I think you sticking around looking at college girls isn't going to be very conducive to your success. College girls are just predisposed to dislike older, not-yet-successful guys. It's going to give you a very skewed view of male-female interactions and perhaps your own skill set. Here's the thing: you might actually be a nice, charming guy, it's just that college girls have already disqualified you because of your age and undergrad status. If you tried your luck with women your own age (once you have a job), you might find the process to be a lot easier and more enjoyable. Graduate and try your luck with women your own age. Head east if you want the best shot. I live in Central California. Slim pickings here, for sure. That's why I spend a good deal of time at the local university. I'm a native New Yorker though. So, yeah, I hear ya! Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 Why not? The whole point of this thread is that I'm not meeting single women. If that's because there are simply more men than women, then I need to go somewhere else. You seriously think that you aren't meeting women because there aren't enough? In Southern California? SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA? Wow. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 You seriously think that you aren't meeting women because there aren't enough? In Southern California? SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA? Wow. Did you look at the map? How come the vast majority of decent looking girls in my dance class are in relationships? How come when ever I go to the salsa club, there are three times as many men as women? Link to post Share on other sites
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