Young single women, who want to date, don't exist

[KungFuJoe]

Did you look at the map?

 

How come the vast majority of decent looking girls in my dance class are in relationships?

 

How come when ever I go to the salsa club, there are three times as many men as women?

 

Dude...this is southern california. There are tons of women here and lots of them are cool as hell.

 

If you're struggling here, I guarantee it won't get better anywhere else.

 

You live in OC, right? It doesn't get any better. Believe me...I been here most of my life.

 

It doesn't get any better.

[somedude81]

I just walked around and met people. Generally, only the friendliest guys are open to meeting other guys like that.

 

And friendly guys tend to have a lot of female friends (like I do now).

 

I don't really understand what you're doing.

 

I'm introverted and not the most social person in the world. Just meeting people, don't make any sense to me.

 

I've been a member of a few clubs on campus and even a flag football and soft-ball teams. I met people and only saw them during the event. I never made any friends.

[KungFuJoe]

You need more friends...you need a bigger social circle. You need to learn to make relationships with PEOPLE...not just focus on women.

 

Get out of your shell and start meeting PEOPLE. Don't focus on women. They will come when you learn to develop actual relationships.

[KungFuJoe]

I don't really understand what you're doing.

 

I'm introverted and not the most social person in the world. Just meeting people, don't make any sense to me.

 

I've been a member of a few clubs on campus and even a flag football and soft-ball teams. I met people and only saw them during the event. I never made any friends.

 

Being introverted is not an excuse. I know plenty of introverted people...back from my high school...they were the smart, really quiet guys. They're ALL married now...with kids.

 

Introversion is not your problem. Your inability to stop focusing on women is.

[somedude81]

Dude...this is southern california. There are tons of women here and lots of them are cool as hell.

 

If you're struggling here, I guarantee it won't get better anywhere else.

 

You live in OC, right? It doesn't get any better. Believe me...I been here most of my life.

 

It doesn't get any better.

Yeah I live in that area and go to a college around public university around there.

 

Yes there are tons of women. That's why it's so frustrating that I'm not meeting any single women, who are available. They're either all taken, or simply want to focus on school.

 

I don't know what to do.

[topaMAXX]

I don't really understand what you're doing.

 

I'm introverted and not the most social person in the world. Just meeting people, don't make any sense to me.

 

I've been a member of a few clubs on campus and even a flag football and soft-ball teams. I met people and only saw them during the event. I never made any friends.

 

I took a personality test when I was joining the military. It said that I'm 60/40 extroverted, which isn't that much. I'm about half. I still have to push myself to meet people at times.

 

But, honestly, some people I meet just want to be friends with me and invite me out. This didn't happen at the college, but my neighbor, for example, took a liking to me and literally throws women at me. I'm just not into any of them enough to make an effort.

[Phoe]

You've only been back in the dating saddle for, what, a week maybe?

 

You can't reasonably start making blanket statements about how cute young women just plain aren't single, after trying for a week and talking to .0001% of the cute young women out there.

 

 

Your statement isn't true. It just plain isn't. I know quite a few single young women. I used to be one of them.

[Scales]

I could go on forever about how dating girls in college is different from just about anywhere else and any other time period, but I won't. From my experience, SD is right. Most girls after the first two weeks of the semester are with someone or have a lineup of strong prospects. If you didn't make the moves in that time period, you're basically boned. The scraps that nobody chose are whats left and yeah its not what you want.

 

Girls either stay in a relationship or they move to a better choice. The girls I knew in college never stayed single for more than 2 months max (most of them 2 weeks). Its not as bad as you think though, but timing is everything. The more friends you have the more options you make. However, the comment about having friends = meeting girls is not actually true. Yes you get invited to more events and things which is strong, but those guys are often in the same boat. They either don't want to share their future back ups or don't want to share their future prospects. Not everyone is like that, but typically if they have a girl who is a friend that isn't newly single, chances are things are dicey.

 

How you look is as important as how you talk. Basically if you want a girlfriend all you have to do is increase your social circle to include enough single people. One of them will go with you. If you want a good looking up beat girl in college, you either have to steal her or be the guy who catches her hot off a break up. Just my experience with college dating. If you aren't into hookups you're at a disadvantage also.

[topaMAXX]

I could go on forever about how dating girls in college is different from just about anywhere else and any other time period, but I won't. From my experience, SD is right. Most girls after the first two weeks of the semester are with someone or have a lineup of strong prospects. If you didn't make the moves in that time period, you're basically boned. The scraps that nobody chose are whats left and yeah its not what you want.

 

Depends on what college you're at. I hang out at one of the biggest party schools in the country. So, while there are a TON of single girls throughout the entire semester, they really only want sex.

 

 

Girls either stay in a relationship or they move to a better choice. The girls I knew in college never stayed single for more than 2 months max (most of them 2 weeks). Its not as bad as you think though, but timing is everything. The more friends you have the more options you make. However, the comment about having friends = meeting girls is not actually true. Yes you get invited to more events and things which is strong, but those guys are often in the same boat. They either don't want to share their future back ups or don't want to share their future prospects. Not everyone is like that, but typically if they have a girl who is a friend that isn't newly single, chances are things are dicey.

 

How you look is as important as how you talk. Basically if you want a girlfriend all you have to do is increase your social circle to include enough single people. One of them will go with you. If you want a good looking up beat girl in college, you either have to steal her or be the guy who catches her hot off a break up. Just my experience with college dating. If you aren't into hookups you're at a disadvantage also.

 

I agree with the rest of this though.

[Scales]

Depends on what college you're at. I hang out at one of the biggest party schools in the country. So, while there are a TON of single girls throughout the entire semester, they really only want sex.

 

 

 

I agree with you on this too

[somedude81]

I took a personality test when I was joining the military. It said that I'm 60/40 extroverted, which isn't that much. I'm about half. I still have to push myself to meet people at times.

 

But, honestly, some people I meet just want to be friends with me and invite me out. This didn't happen at the college, but my neighbor, for example, took a liking to me and literally throws women at me. I'm just not into any of them enough to make an effort.

I've never been invited out by guys. That covers both work (retail) and school.

 

I've just talked to guys there and that was it.

 

I don't even know what I would do if I invited a guy to do something with me. That's why I don't really know how guys make friends.

[somedude81]

I could go on forever about how dating girls in college is different from just about anywhere else and any other time period, but I won't. From my experience, SD is right. Most girls after the first two weeks of the semester are with someone or have a lineup of strong prospects. If you didn't make the moves in that time period, you're basically boned. The scraps that nobody chose are whats left and yeah its not what you want.

 

Girls either stay in a relationship or they move to a better choice. The girls I knew in college never stayed single for more than 2 months max (most of them 2 weeks). Its not as bad as you think though, but timing is everything. The more friends you have the more options you make. However, the comment about having friends = meeting girls is not actually true. Yes you get invited to more events and things which is strong, but those guys are often in the same boat. They either don't want to share their future back ups or don't want to share their future prospects. Not everyone is like that, but typically if they have a girl who is a friend that isn't newly single, chances are things are dicey.

 

How you look is as important as how you talk. Basically if you want a girlfriend all you have to do is increase your social circle to include enough single people. One of them will go with you. If you want a good looking up beat girl in college, you either have to steal her or be the guy who catches her hot off a break up. Just my experience with college dating. If you aren't into hookups you're at a disadvantage also.

The bold is what happened to me. That's how I got my first GF! She was in a toxic relationship long past the point where she should have broken up with him. After talking and getting to know me over the semester, she started to like me. Then she broke up with her boyfriend. She dropped really obvious hints that she was into me. We had our first date about a month after she dumped him.

 

Should I be on the lookout for girls who are in relationships but unhappy? I can step up the flirting with a couple of girls that I'm interested in.

[Phoe]

Most girls after the first two weeks of the semester are with someone or have a lineup of strong prospects. If you didn't make the moves in that time period, you're basically boned. The scraps that nobody chose are whats left and yeah its not what you want.

 

Girls either stay in a relationship or they move to a better choice. The girls I knew in college never stayed single for more than 2 months max (most of them 2 weeks).

 

This is just not true at all!

 

 

I was single my entire 4 years of college. NOT by choice.

 

 

Nor do I label myself as the leftover scraps that nobody wanted.

 

 

Somedude, young single girls that would like to date exist. THEY DO. I know several.

[Els]

I've never been invited out by guys. That covers both work (retail) and school.

 

I've just talked to guys there and that was it.

 

I don't even know what I would do if I invited a guy to do something with me. That's why I don't really know how guys make friends.

 

Your favourite hobby is something that many guys do together, so that would be a start.

[Phoe]

Somedude, I would NOT recommend making a habit of trying to steal girls who are already in relationships.

 

There's definitely something to be said about the integrity of girls who regularly monkeybar from guy to guy, AND you know from personal experience that a girl usually is gonna need downtime between relationships.

 

 

If you steal another girl, don't be surprised if 6 months down the line it ends because she's just not emotionally available. Because she didn't deal with the ending of the previous relationship.

 

 

It's all around just bad news.

[Els]

Edit: Also, um, in case I wasn't clear, I didn't mean dancing.

[Phoe]

You were single but that doesn't imply others were.

 

I knew many young single girls. I knew quite a few single girls who were attractive, virgins, high quality, and never went on more than 1 or 2 dates in college.

 

 

To this day I STILL know good quality, single girls in my town, who very much so would love to date.

[somedude81]

You've only been back in the dating saddle for, what, a week maybe?

 

You can't reasonably start making blanket statements about how cute young women just plain aren't single, after trying for a week and talking to .0001% of the cute young women out there.

 

 

Your statement isn't true. It just plain isn't. I know quite a few single young women. I used to be one of them.

You don't understand Phoe, I've had these beliefs for a long time and they've been formed based on my life experiences.

 

The fact that my first and only GF was in a relationship when I met her, and that she left him to date me, has a huge impact on how I see the world.

This is just not true at all!

 

 

I was single my entire 4 years of college. NOT by choice.

 

 

Nor do I label myself as the leftover scraps that nobody wanted.

Frankly Phoe, I have no idea how you manged to be single for so long. I know you didn't go to college in your little one-stoplight town. Guys should have been swarming over you in college. Hell, if you and I were in the same class, I would have picked a seat next to you the second day of class. After talking to you a couple of times, I would have asked you out. I can't imagine that not happening to you in school. Unless guys thought you were just too pretty.

 

Somedude, young single girls that would like to date exist. THEY DO. I know several.

Can you mail one or two of them to me? UPS ground shouldn't be that expensive since you only live a few hours from me.

 

[somedude81]

Edit: Also, um, in case I wasn't clear, I didn't mean dancing.

Then you mean my uh, 4th favorite hobby.

 

Yeah I've been to a gaming club meeting on campus.

 

During the first meeting, the president actually gave a little talk about respecting girls and what is and wasn't appropriate. These guys were that bad.

 

The anime club wasn't much better.

[topaMAXX]

I've never been invited out by guys. That covers both work (retail) and school.

 

I've just talked to guys there and that was it.

 

I don't even know what I would do if I invited a guy to do something with me. That's why I don't really know how guys make friends.

 

I find it very easy to make friends with both guys and girls. I'll be honest. I don't know what I do exactly.

 

If we're talking just friends though, I prefer hanging out with guys. All of my close friends are guys. I generally don't believe that guys and girls can be just friends, as this has been my experience (but that's a topic for a different thread).

[pickflicker]

So then are you saying I should give up on meeting women, and just try to make friends?

 

BTW, I already made a friend thread.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/platonic/friendship/381111-how-do-you-actually-get-social-circle

 

I actually had more luck going on dates in college than making a guy friend.

 

I met my current friend group through a pub trivia event on Meetup.com. I love it, it's such a fantastic idea. It's worldwide, which means I can make friends wherever I go.

 

If it's not working for you, try harder. I see people from all walks of life making friends on there, so this should be dead easy.

[Phoe]

You don't understand Phoe, I've had these beliefs for a long time and they've been formed based on my life experiences.

 

The fact that my first and only GF was in a relationship when I met her, and that she left him to date me, has a huge impact on how I see the world.

 

Frankly Phoe, I have no idea how you manged to be single for so long. I know you didn't go to college in your little one-stoplight town. Guys should have been swarming over you in college. Hell, if you and I were in the same class, I would have picked a seat next to you the second day of class. After talking to you a couple of times, I would have asked you out. I can't imagine that not happening to you in school. Unless guys thought you were just too pretty.

 

 

Can you mail one or two of them to me? UPS ground shouldn't be that expensive since you only live a few hours from me.

 

 

 

 

Sure, I went on 2-3 dates in college, but I never got hounded, and I personally have never known a girl who legit got hounded by men. My roommate in college was smart and attractive, was a virgin, and NEVER got asked out on a date. She was dateless throughout college. My best friend, very cute and outgoing girl, struggled very hard to get attention from men. A few times while drunk she'd end up crying hysterically wondering why men did not like her. She regularly asked guys out and would get rejected. After 3 years of struggle, in her senior year she met a guy, started a relationship, and is still with him years later.

 

 

I think my experiences are actually reasonably normal with a little bad luck thrown in. I know women who've done better, and I know women who've done worse. I'm right about average.

 

 

I just want you to succeed. Truly. I just think your mindset about the existence of dateable women is a bit too extreme.

[somedude81]

Somedude, I would NOT recommend making a habit of trying to steal girls who are already in relationships.

 

There's definitely something to be said about the integrity of girls who regularly monkeybar from guy to guy, AND you know from personal experience that a girl usually is gonna need downtime between relationships.

 

 

If you steal another girl, don't be surprised if 6 months down the line it ends because she's just not emotionally available. Because she didn't deal with the ending of the previous relationship.

 

 

It's all around just bad news.

Thank you.

 

Out of all the posts in this thread, this one hits me the hardest.

 

It was not my intention to steal her away from her BF. I knew she was in a relationship and I respected that.

 

On the very last day of Salsa class last year, I said bye to her, thinking that I would never see her again. A few days later she found me on Facebook and maintained contact. This was probably a week after she broke up with her BF.

 

She kept dropping hints that she was interested, and of course I went for it. The rest was history.

 

I wasn't strong enough to tell her no, that she needed more time to be single and deal with what happened to her. I was on the verge of getting my very first GF.

 

I don't know what I should have done differently with her. Having her in my life was the best thing that ever happened to me, and the pain I'm going through now will never change the fact that I'm glad I pursued her.

 

Of course I wish it had turned out differently. I wish she had been single for a few more months before we got together. Maybe if she had dumped her BF in January, instead of May, when we had our first date in June, she would have been been ready to be fully emotionally available to me.

 

[Salvatore85]

Phoe is a perfect example that these females do exist. Now I realize Phoe is no longer single but she was for awhile and she seems like a kick ass chick so SD you've got to keep looking. It's not easy to find the right one for you because it's not supposed to be. Finding the right one should be a hard thing to do because if it wasn't you'd never realize it when you finally have it.

[somedude81]

Phoe is a perfect example that these females do exist. Now I realize Phoe is no longer single but she was for awhile and she seems like a kick ass chick so SD you've got to keep looking. It's not easy to find the right one for you because it's not supposed to be. Finding the right one should be a hard thing to do because if it wasn't you'd never realize it when you finally have it.

I had already found her.

 

I need to take a break from this thread. I think I just went though a panic attack after writing my last post.