Young single women, who want to date, don't exist

[Phoe]

Thank you.

 

Out of all the posts in this thread, this one hits me the hardest.

 

It was not my intention to steal her away from her BF. I knew she was in a relationship and I respected that.

 

On the very last day of Salsa class last year, I said bye to her, thinking that I would never see her again. A few days later she found me on Facebook and maintained contact. This was probably a week after she broke up with her BF.

 

She kept dropping hints that she was interested, and of course I went for it. The rest was history.

 

I wasn't strong enough to tell her no, that she needed more time to be single and deal with what happened to her. I was on the verge of getting my very first GF.

 

I don't know what I should have done differently with her. Having her in my life was the best thing that ever happened to me, and the pain I'm going through now will never change the fact that I'm glad I pursued her.

 

Of course I wish it had turned out differently. I wish she had been single for a few more months before we got together. Maybe if she had dumped her BF in January, instead of May, when we had our first date in June, she would have been been ready to be fully emotionally available to me.

 

 

I knew it would hit you hard, but I also know you need that and that you do KNOW that it's true.

 

 

Let the pain from experiencing this be the lesson to make sure you never let a situation like that happen again. You should definitely never regret pursuing her, she's a milestone in your life and I know she taught you many good things in your time together... but the biggest lesson has to be about restraint, emotional health, and protecting yourself from a risky situation.

 

 

Your chances of having a truly successful relationship are so much higher when the girl is emotionally available. When the whirlwind of a new romance dies down, that's when the emotional baggage hits when the girl hasn't had downtime to process all that she went through.

 

 

I know they're harder to locate, but going for a girl who hasn't been in a relationship for a few months really is the healthiest option for you.

[Salvatore85]

I had already found her.

 

I need to take a break from this thread. I think I just went though a panic attack after writing my last post.

 

No SD, you hadn't. I'm sorry buddy but that's the case. You've got to realize it wasn't meant to work and their is someone else out there for you. It seems cliché but it's the truth.

 

You need to stop putting so much pressure on yourself to meet someone and just work on improving your own life. The dance class is a start but take up something else. Cooking, yoga, running a 5K etc. You're going to find the girl of your dreams dude but it's going to happen when you least expect it. It's stupid, I know but literally everyone i know that's in a relationship met their significant other in some completely accidental way. That's life bro.

[pickflicker]

No SD, you hadn't. I'm sorry buddy but that's the case. You've got to realize it wasn't meant to work and their is someone else out there for you. It seems cliché but it's the truth.

 

You need to stop putting so much pressure on yourself to meet someone and just work on improving your own life. The dance class is a start but take up something else. Cooking, yoga, running a 5K etc. You're going to find the girl of your dreams dude but it's going to happen when you least expect it. It's stupid, I know but literally everyone i know that's in a relationship met their significant other in some completely accidental way. That's life bro.

 

It's true. "Accident" is so true...

[Eternal Sunshine]

Somedude, no offense but as it is right now, you are not a great catch.

 

You are 32 and have been in college for like 5 years and are yet to graduate. You have only had retail jobs that 18 yo kids have. You have no friends.

 

If I were you, I would put things in prospective. Graduate, get a career job, get your own place and then worry about dating.

[lollipopspot]

On the very last day of Salsa class last year, I said bye to her, thinking that I would never see her again. A few days later she found me on Facebook and maintained contact. This was probably a week after she broke up with her BF.

 

SD, I feel strongly that if you relax and do the following you will get another girlfriend eventually:

 

Take as many partner/ballroom dance classes as you can. Get really good. Go to salsa nights - very easy to ask ladies to dance, and it doesn't matter if outside of that arena you would be a physical match. I am very confident that if you keep getting better and more confident with dancing and then go out and do it, you will either find a partner in a class or at a club. I used to do more dancing and guys who are good dancers and confident but gentle dance leaders are very much in demand. Something will grow from that. Maybe not at this moment, but it will happen. Your age in the dance class at school is probably working against you. Try a dance class at a studio or community center.

Edited March 28, 2014 by lollipopspot

[Koopa]

I stick by my claim that if you want a girl in dance class, then do the dirty dancing over the head lift with a girl and if she still does want you then she is just not into you.

[ltjg45]

Somedude, no offense but as it is right now, you are not a great catch.

 

You are 32 and have been in college for like 5 years and are yet to graduate. You have only had retail jobs that 18 yo kids have. You have no friends.

 

If I were you, I would put things in prospective. Graduate, get a career job, get your own place and then worry about dating.

 

That is basically how I feel with myself right now.

 

Only difference is that I am 27 and I still paying off of a default school loan that prevents me from going to college.

 

I would be a fool to try and date right now while expect to be successful at it in my condition. I have no idea how SD even think that he can do better. In my eyes, he's doing worse than me.

 

I am not a great catch to women right now. Why couldn't SD see that too?

[AD1980]

The get friends thing is a good idea for sd but it doesnt always lead to single women especially when you reach a certain age.

 

Im 33 going on 34 and all my friends are married as are their friends once you hit your 30's its hard to meet single people from your social circle..

[topaMAXX]

you are wrong. convicted convicts can get ladies. why not you?

 

He makes a good point, IT.

 

One of my high school friends is a recovered drug addict that just moved into my family home in exchange for fixing things around the house. He has a girlfriend (though, I never met her and don't know what she looks like).

[ltjg45]

you are wrong. convicted convicts can get ladies. why not you?

 

Because he typically has a lot more money, power, and resources than I do. Don't ask me how that is possible but they can do more than I can when they get out, even as a convict.

 

I don't. I am just a man working a retail job that is giving me 10-12k a year while paying off 2 credit cards, a default school loan, and the normal bills at the same time. I don't have a car, I am trying to find my own place but even roommates is asking for a security deposit which I can't afford for quite some time, and I am exhausted from doing this one job to the point where I sleep from 12-16 hours on my days off.

 

Which means I basically have no money for anything else.

 

What woman, in their mind, wants a man with no money?

 

I doubt SD is doing any better.

[Noproblem]

what's wrong with women in their 30's if they look good or are cute ...?

[topaMAXX]

what's wrong with women in their 30's if they look good or are cute ...?

 

If they are single, they usually have issues. There's a reason why a woman tha old couldn't get a mate.

[pickflicker]

Somedude, no offense but as it is right now, you are not a great catch.

 

You are 32 and have been in college for like 5 years and are yet to graduate. You have only had retail jobs that 18 yo kids have. You have no friends.

 

If I were you, I would put things in prospective. Graduate, get a career job, get your own place and then worry about dating.

 

No use saying that, however true it may be.

[organizedchaos]

you are wrong. convicted convicts can get ladies. why not you?

 

Sure, but chances are those girls aren't 22 year old girls in college.

 

It's all about targeting your "league". Once he realizes that, his success rate will change.

[Copelandsanity]

Somedude, no offense but as it is right now, you are not a great catch.

 

You are 32 and have been in college for like 5 years and are yet to graduate. You have only had retail jobs that 18 yo kids have. You have no friends.

 

If I were you, I would put things in prospective. Graduate, get a career job, get your own place and then worry about dating.

 

While I agree that somedude needs to prioritize other aspects of his life over dating, I don't necessarily think he should put it completely on the backburner. The reason why is because he needs the experience; learning how to attract, build rapport, be confident around woman. If he waits 2, 3, 5, 10 years down the line, all he'll be the same clueless guy, except then he'll 9-5 and an apartment. Then, he'll be back here with a thread about how he's so great on paper, but he still can't get any dates

 

It really shouldn't be that difficult. I went back to finish my bachelor's in my late 20s, and I was still able to attract girls, and I'm an introverted person. The difference is that when I need to be, I have the ability to be bold. And I feel that's the root of somedude's issues. He is too passive, risk-averse, and lacking in confidence when it comes to interacting not only with girls, but with life, in general. He wants things to happen for or to him, he doesn't want to be the one initiating or making things happen to create success.

[Teraskas]

Can you mail one or two of them to me? UPS ground shouldn't be that expensive since you only live a few hours from me.

 

In all honesty, here in Belgium it's more or less the same story.

Mind mailing another one over here ?

[Eggplant]

If they are single, they usually have issues. There's a reason why a woman tha old couldn't get a mate.

Probably not too far off from the single men in their 30's. Plus some people don't have a mate for a variety of reasons. For example, it takes a long time to move on from an ex.

[Teraskas]

With regards to the thread title...I agree to an extent.

Young single women who want to date are nearly impossible to find.

(My age being 22, although I'm not picky and will settle for those between 18 and 30.)

 

Don't get me wrong, I constantly run into no commitment women, women interested in random hookups and casual sex, only interested in being 'friends'.

Yet finding a girl who's still single and actually interested in a relationship ?

It seems like they've all been shipped off planet earth as part of a conspiracy theory.

 

Personally I've already graduated since this February, but those last 3 years in college didn't change much with regards to single available women.

In the first year I was there, I found a girl who was still single and interested in a relationship.

I met her through history class as my majors were English and History.

 

Either way, the English group stayed the same.

Lots of dropouts when transitioning to year 2, effectively half the class of year 1 was remaining.

This remainder consisted of about 16 people, and sadly there we no new additions.

The last year of English, there were about 8 people left.

However, there was one new addition and you guessed it, she did have a bf.

 

For the History group it was more or less identical.

Several single women in year 1, got a relationship out of that. At least 80 people, was always a class in an assembly.

In year 2 the group got considerably smaller, about 16 people.

5 women, out of which all were either in relationships or married.

Year 3 was the same group over again, except 7 people in total.

So, as you can see: there wasn't a great deal of options.

 

With regards to my personal situation: 4 out of 5 guys from my group of closest friends have gfs, while the last purposely stays at home because he's tired of women.

Sure, the last guy and myself sometimes meet up for a beer or something, but we've both arrived at the conclusion that to them, we're nothing more than a 3rd or 5th wheel on the wagon.

 

At this point I've graduated and have a temporary 6 month contract with a security company.

In all honesty, I find it impossible to come across single women (despite my outgoingness, and general character) who are looking for something which requires commitment rather than the stereotypical hookup scenario.

Edited March 28, 2014 by Teraskas

[Els]

 

Don't get me wrong, I constantly run into no commitment women, women interested in random hookups and casual sex, only interested in being 'friends'.

Yet finding a girl who's still single and actually interested in a relationship ?

It seems like they've all been shipped off planet earth as part of a conspiracy theory.

 

 

Well, to be fair, the number of commitment-minded guys who'd make good bfs in the 18-30 yo range isn't huge, either. At least in my social circles, there are equal numbers of guys and girls who have been single for a long time and desire a LTR - only a handful, for each.

 

I was very lucky to find my SO; he'd been in a R from 14-20 yo, and we got together at 21. Many women my age are not quite so lucky, and only find men who desire short-term Rs, or 'what's in it for me?' Rs, or bolt at the slightest sign of needing to put in any effort. Both sexes struggle to find a compatible partner for LTRs IMO.

 

Still, not saying a conspiracy doesn't exist.

[somedude81]

I knew it would hit you hard, but I also know you need that and that you do KNOW that it's true.

 

 

Let the pain from experiencing this be the lesson to make sure you never let a situation like that happen again. You should definitely never regret pursuing her, she's a milestone in your life and I know she taught you many good things in your time together... but the biggest lesson has to be about restraint, emotional health, and protecting yourself from a risky situation.

Thanks for hitting me where it hurts Phoe. I never knew you had it in you

 

Protecting myself. And yet she was the first person I had ever opened myself up to.

Your chances of having a truly successful relationship are so much higher when the girl is emotionally available. When the whirlwind of a new romance dies down, that's when the emotional baggage hits when the girl hasn't had downtime to process all that she went through.

 

 

I know they're harder to locate, but going for a girl who hasn't been in a relationship for a few months really is the healthiest option for you.

Ugh, I know you're right on both points.

 

She left when the honeymoon phase ended. Everybody I talked to said it was because she simply hadn't been single for long enough before she started dating me. She was with him for three years, when she dumped me in December, it also meant that she had only been broken up from him for seven months.

 

Even my mom said that my ex needed more time to be single.

 

I wonder if I should have spent more time just being a friend to her? But then would another guy have swopped in and I would have lost my chance forever?

 

It's so frustrating that I'm not meeting single girls. Virtually every cool girl I meet is taken. I know that it's a very bad idea to try to pursue somebody who just got out of a relationship, but I'm very worried that I only have a very small window of opportunity. Frankly I'd be shocked if my ex of four months is still single.

 

Should I try to pursue girls who are more quiet, and who may seem, cold? I've got a feeling that they are more likely to be single.

[clia]

I don't know why I'm even bothering responding, since I know there is about a 1% chance you will even try any of these suggestions.

 

Which meet up groups are going to the highest amount of single women under 25?

 

If you have any ideas, I'll start going.

 

I don't live in your city, so I have no idea what Meetup groups exist there, but there are likely thousands of groups. Go the web site, like everyone else does, browse around, and sign up for any groups that seem interesting.

 

I've given you a ton of advice in some of your other threads suggesting types of groups and activities that I thought would be good and easy ways for you to meet women, and I'm not going to waste my time repeating it all again. Other people have given you the same advice as well. You might spend some time browsing through some of your old threads -- there is a treasure trove of advice on this exact same topic.

 

I will say this: look for groups with higher membership numbers (a couple hundred at least) that are active (doing activities at least once a month). Every group will have its own vibe, depending on the organizer, the events, and the people who show up to each event. You will likely need to explore multiple groups and attend multiple events in order to find a group that feels like a good fit. Don't give up if you have one so-so experience, because every group is different.

 

And stop looking at it as only a way to meet women. You can get a lot of out these events that may be useful to you in other facets of your life. For example, maybe you discover a great restaurant because you attend a dinner there with a Meetup group, so later on when you are dating someone you remember that restaurant and can take her there. Or you can work on your mingling skills with men and women.

 

And I'll caution you this -- don't lie. There is a lot of cross-pollination among the groups, and word gets around. Don't lie about your age to join a 20s group unless the rules seem loose. You could get yourself kicked out. Some organizers don't mess around with that kind of thing.

 

I don't know what a social club is. How did you find out about it.

 

Google.

 

I tried Tinder for two weeks. I "liked" 99% of the girls in my area. Nobody ever liked me back.

 

I don't have any good pictures of myself..

 

Get some good pictures of yourself. Seriously...this isn't rocket science. You know full well how important photos are when doing online dating. It is completely self-sabotaging, not to mention a total waste of time, to put yourself out there with less than stellar pictures.

 

Have your mom or grandma take some pictures of you, or go to some touristy areas (or the beach) and ask some tourists to take your picture. Do this in a few different locations on a few different days so you can post five or six pictures and it doesn't look obviously staged.

 

My OLD profile isn't good, and I have no idea how to make it better. Even then, what do I put for my age, income level, height and occupation?

 

The truth? Don't lie. You don't need to fill in your income level. State in your profile that you are working on your Bachelor's and will be graduating in December (or whenever).

 

I've tried speed dating a couple of times. Zero matches.

 

Try again.

 

Go to a bar or club by myself? What kind of clubs should I go to?

 

What kind of clubs do you like? I have no idea. All I know is that there are a million clubs in southern Cal. Go to one, sit at the bar, and order a drink.

 

I've been to the local salsa club a couple of times, but there was always way too many guys.

 

Then go to a different club.

 

I need to work on my mingling skills.

 

You know what's great for this? Meetup events.

[Salvatore85]

If they are single, they usually have issues. There's a reason why a woman tha old couldn't get a mate.

 

This is absurd

[somedude81]

I forgot who posted the gender demographics map. I found the full site.

 

http://jonathansoma.com/singles/# (Set the slider to 25-35)

 

Right now I live in the middle of a big blue dot. When I graduate, there's a big chance I'll move back home to the Bay Area, which is an even bigger blue dot.

 

I really should get out of California.

 

Anybody know what Savannah, Georgia is like? Apparently there is 7.25% more females than males.

 

Hmm, maybe Dubuque, Iowa. 8.28% more females than males.

Edited March 28, 2014 by somedude81

[Teraskas]

 

Well, to be fair, the number of commitment-minded guys who'd make good bfs in the 18-30 yo range isn't huge, either. At least in my social circles, there are equal numbers of guys and girls who have been single for a long time and desire a LTR - only a handful, for each.

 

I was very lucky to find my SO; he'd been in a R from 14-20 yo, and we got together at 21. Many women my age are not quite so lucky, and only find men who desire short-term Rs, or 'what's in it for me?' Rs, or bolt at the slightest sign of needing to put in any effort. Both sexes struggle to find a compatible partner for LTRs IMO.

 

Still, not saying a conspiracy doesn't exist.

 

I know, it certainly does make a good story.

My friends have even expanded it to the point where I'm from another planet and was abandoned here. xD

(due to my utter lack of similarities to other dudes my age maturity wise, etc.)

 

I haven't had the chance for such a long relationship tbh.

Don't get me wrong, I would love the chance for something long term like that.

Thus far it has been 6 months and 4 months, and it both ended because of them.

 

It's ironic to be honest. I'm one of those guys who doesn't shy away from effort in relationships, yet I'm never given a chance by women.

Wouldn't mind if luck came my way for just once.

At any rate I've learned to laugh with my situation.

Hopefully (and in the near future sooner rather than later) this will change, but who knows.

I occasionally have visions in which I can see a glimpse of the future, yet most of the time I can't make sense of it.

Sidenote about this: I have had 2 cases in which I had seen my next girlfriend before I even met them in daily life. Spooked me out when I actually encountered them.

 

I was like...wait this can't be happening.

I remember my last ex said that when she saw me I clearly had a confused face, haha. ^^

Edited March 28, 2014 by Teraskas

[Revolver]

If they do, they must live in some mystical holy land, because I'm not meeting any young women under 30 who are single and want to date.

 

The vast majority of young women I've ever been interested in (at least cute, not obese) have been in relationships when I knew them. These are girls who brought up a boyfriend in conversation and not as a way to turn me down. I have zero reason to believe that a girl is lying about a boyfriend when she talked about something they did together over the weekend etc.

 

The only girlfriend I've ever had, was in a relationship when I met her. Eventually she broke up with him, and started dating me a month later.

 

I have met and been friends with girls who were single, yet they had no interest in dating at the time because they wanted to focus on school or for whatever reason. They shot me down, and who knows how many other guys.

 

It's almost as if that when a girl no longer wishes to be single, she will instantly find a boyfriend.

 

Right now, it seems that the only way to get a girl who wants to be in a relationship, is to steal her from her boyfriend. That's basically how I got my first GF, is that what I'm going to have to do to get my second?

 

 

But That only applies to hot girls. I'm sure there are many average or above average women who are single where you live