Young single women, who want to date, don't exist

[TouchedByViolet]

Most women in their 20s are in some form of a romantic relationship. Still, there are definitely attractive single women out there but most have no interest in me other than friends. That's the reality I see.

[contact1]

I'm not sure if anyone has asked this (too many posts to read through them all) but OP what qualities do you have that are immediately present when you meet a girl? By that I mean your looks, appearance, and to a lesser extent your approach (I say it in this manner as people tend to overstate this than what it really is). Are you physically fit? Have a little extra weight, or very skinny? How do you normally dress? Do you just wear a t-shirt and some jeans all the time or have different styles of attire? Is your hair done / cut regularly or do you sometimes go with bed hair or wearing a hat a lot?

 

A lot of these things play a factor when getting to know females, because just like you how want a cute girl, girl's are looking at how well you keep yourself. You can say you have the best personally and that you would girls the world if given the chance, but that won't mean anything if you can't get that chance, which is where the above applies. Also kind of curious, what do you consider to be obese?

[organizedchaos]

But That only applies to hot girls. I'm sure there are many average or above average women who are single where you live

 

Exactly. We still don't know what his standards are...who is he going after. If he's shooting out of his league, they are either telling him they have boyfriends to let him down easy, or really do have boyfriends.

 

I live in the same area as him, further north, and there are NO shortage of single women regardless of what some map says. if he were to expand his horizons, make friends and do other activities without the sole objective of meeting single women, and make a proper assessment of the type of women he can reasonably attract, his chances will improve. But he won't listen and he's been told this countless times - yet his way doesn't appear to be working.

 

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. - Albert Einstein

[KathyM]

They do exist, but you have to expand your ways of meeting them. It's good that you are taking dance classes, but you should try to get involved in other activities where you will meet women. Meetup groups, as others have suggested, interest groups, and activities in general. My nephew married a woman he met at the State Fair. My other nephew married a woman he met through an interest group. So did my son. Expand your ways of meeting women, and you will have more opportunities to meet them. They are there, you just have to put yourself out there to meet them. While it's true that many/most are already in relationships, many are not and are between relationships. Trying to poach someone from their current relationship is not a good plan, and is not likely to work for the long term. First off, you would normally have to have more to offer than the existing man in that relationship, or she will just use you as a rebound/crutch to get out of a relationship and move on when she is recovered from it.

[Noproblem]

No, girls have issues regardless of their age

 

all I'm saying ..He should expand the age range from 25 to 35

 

He'll find some amazing women at the places and age ranked he least expects it ...

 

But again with his very conservative views, I doubt that!

[somedude81]

Thanks clia

 

I don't know why I'm even bothering responding, since I know there is about a 1% chance you will even try any of these suggestions.

 

 

 

I don't live in your city, so I have no idea what Meetup groups exist there, but there are likely thousands of groups. Go the web site, like everyone else does, browse around, and sign up for any groups that seem interesting.

 

I will say this: look for groups with higher membership numbers (a couple hundred at least) that are active (doing activities at least once a month). Every group will have its own vibe, depending on the organizer, the events, and the people who show up to each event. You will likely need to explore multiple groups and attend multiple events in order to find a group that feels like a good fit. Don't give up if you have one so-so experience, because every group is different.

 

 

And stop looking at it as only a way to meet women. You can get a lot of out these events that may be useful to you in other facets of your life.

The reason that I asked about women is that not many meetup groups interest me.

 

If I'm going to go out of my way to go to group meetings, I want to make sure that there will be a lot of young women there.

 

I know you're telling me stop looking it only as a way to meet women, but meeting women is my number one priority. It will continue to be until I get that need taken care of. Once I have a girlfriend, then I can focus on making friends. I'm sure that seems backwards to everybody reading this, but that is how my hierarchy of needs is structured.

 

And I'll caution you this -- don't lie. There is a lot of cross-pollination among the groups, and word gets around. Don't lie about your age to join a 20s group unless the rules seem loose. You could get yourself kicked out. Some organizers don't mess around with that kind of thing.

Thank you for the warning.

 

 

 

 

 

Get some good pictures of yourself. Seriously...this isn't rocket science. You know full well how important photos are when doing online dating. It is completely self-sabotaging, not to mention a total waste of time, to put yourself out there with less than stellar pictures.

 

Have your mom or grandma take some pictures of you, or go to some touristy areas (or the beach) and ask some tourists to take your picture. Do this in a few different locations on a few different days so you can post five or six pictures and it doesn't look obviously staged.

Yeah, I can ask my mom to take some photos of me. Sucks that my camera fell on the sand and died when I tried to take some self-pictures using an improvised tripod.

 

Some shots on Laguna Beach should be nice.

 

 

The truth? Don't lie. You don't need to fill in your income level. State in your profile that you are working on your Bachelor's and will be graduating in December (or whenever).

And do you really think any woman 25+ would be interested in a guy who is 5'6, 32 years old does not have a job yet is almost done with school?

 

Once I graduate I'll start focusing more on OLD. I still don't know how to write a profile.

[normal person]

I forgot who posted the gender demographics map. I found the full site.

 

http://jonathansoma.com/singles/# (Set the slider to 25-35)

 

Right now I live in the middle of a big blue dot. When I graduate, there's a big chance I'll move back home to the Bay Area, which is an even bigger blue dot.

 

I really should get out of California.

 

Anybody know what Savannah, Georgia is like? Apparently there is 7.25% more females than males.

 

Hmm, maybe Dubuque, Iowa. 8.28% more females than males.

 

The map I posted was from 2006, this new one you posted is a lot more informative. It gives the stats across ages which the other doesn't. The gist is that there are way more single men in their 20s and 30s everywhere but there are way more single women over 40 everywhere. If you play with the slider, everywhere starts blue, but the east coasts gets redder quicker as you go up in age. But you're right, the Bay doesn't get red until the women are in their 40's. So I guess the 2006 map I posted was pointless, sorry.

 

Although personally speaking, I've lived in LA and getting girls in NYC is infinitely easier here. I couldn't tell you why. Population size and density, maybe? I can't walk a block without seeing a beautiful girl.

 

Still, you need to tilt the odds in your favor. What we know now is the older a woman, the more likely it is that she's single. So branch out and start looking at girls who are at least your own age. College girls probably won't give you the time of day.

[Anela]

If they are single, they usually have issues. There's a reason why a woman tha old couldn't get a mate.

 

Ooh, I get to use my "ignore" function again.

[somedude81]

But That only applies to hot girls. I'm sure there are many average or above average women who are single where you live

 

Exactly. We still don't know what his standards are...who is he going after.

Taken from the very first post in this thread, and the second sentence no less

 

(at least cute, not obese)

 

That's it.

 

Girls who are at least cute, and not obese, that would make them a 5 out of 10.

 

As for shooting out of my league, my ex ranged from a 6 to an 8, depending on how much effort she put in. I would say that she was around a 6 when I saw her in class.

 

If he's shooting out of his league, they are either telling him they have boyfriends to let him down easy, or really do have boyfriends.

As I said earlier, they are not telling me they have boyfriends when they are shooting me down.

 

When a girl I know comes up to me and randomly says, "Hey I figured out why my boyfriend and I are going to be for Halloween" I don't think she's lying about having a boyfriend. When a girl mentions that she only sees her boyfriend on Wednesday after class, I also don't believe that she is lying.

 

Basically, if a girl mentions a BF in casual conversation, I have no reason to believe that a BF does not actually exist.

 

I live in the same area as him, further north, and there are NO shortage of single women regardless of what some map says.

Where are you meeting single women at? How do you know that they are single?

[somedude81]

No, girls have issues regardless of their age

 

all I'm saying ..He should expand the age range from 25 to 35

 

He'll find some amazing women at the places and age ranked he least expects it ...

 

But again with his very conservative views, I doubt that!

I really have no issues with dating women 20 to 35.

 

But when I start talking about older women, they absolutely must not have any kids.

 

Having kids is a dealbreaker that I will not negotiate with at this time.

[somedude81]

One issue that does seem to make things harder, is that I'm primarily attracted women that are the same race as me, which is white. Unfortunately there not that many white girls in the areas I live in. The city I live in is only 46% white. The student body of the school I go to is only 25% white.

 

I have no issue dating women of color, but the attraction isn't as strong.

 

I wonder if I should move to Idaho or somewhere like that once I graduate.

Edited March 28, 2014 by somedude81

[MidwestUSA]

 

And do you really think any woman 25+ would be interested in a guy who is 5'6, 32 years old does not have a job yet is almost done with school?

 

 

Not sure why you think those under 25 would be more interested? You're basing your preference on the fact that they're in close proximity due to the fact that you're still in school.

 

 

They may be immature enough to date you now, but anyone who's on track with life is going to come to the realization that she's far ahead of you. She's going to want someone who is at least her equal. If she's shallow, she'll want someone who can provide the 'extra goodies' when you don't have the basics. And if she wants kids, she'll realize that's she's going to have to be the main provider for quite a few years. Women start thinking this stuff very early in a relationship, you have to realize that.

 

 

There are plenty of women who are waiting to have kids, and a lot who are opting not to at all. You'd discover this if you started looking at older women.

[somedude81]

Not sure why you think those under 25 would be more interested? You're basing your preference on the fact that they're in close proximity due to the fact that you're still in school.

 

 

They may be immature enough to date you now, but anyone who's on track with life is going to come to the realization that she's far ahead of you. She's going to want someone who is at least her equal. If she's shallow, she'll want someone who can provide the 'extra goodies' when you don't have the basics. And if she wants kids, she'll realize that's she's going to have to be the main provider for quite a few years. Women start thinking this stuff very early in a relationship, you have to realize that.

 

 

There are plenty of women who are waiting to have kids, and a lot who are opting not to at all. You'd discover this if you started looking at older women.

Huh?

 

The women under 25, that I'm meeting on campus, are in the same exact life stage as me. They are not ahead of me.

 

Why the heck are you saying that if a woman wants kids she'll have to be the main provider for a few years.

 

Maybe you're just misinformed. I'm graduating in December with a business degree.

 

The women who are ahead of me, are the ones who have already graduated college.

 

Who do you think will be more OK with dating me.

 

A woman who is still in college. Or a woman who has graduated, and is in her career?

[clia]

Thanks clia

The reason that I asked about women is that not many meetup groups interest me.

 

If I'm going to go out of my way to go to group meetings, I want to make sure that there will be a lot of young women there.

 

Not that many meetup groups interest you?

 

Seriously?

 

Where I live in Chicago, there are meetup groups for at least the following things:

 

Singles

Happy hour

Dinner

Brunch

Wine lovers

Beer lovers

Food lovers

Sports teams (watching) -- pro and college

Specific sports (watching) -- pro and college

Sports (activity) -- all sports

Poker

Other card games

Book clubs

Movie clubs

Concerts

Bands

Outdoor festivals

Gamers

Comics

Dive bars

Professionals

Running

Walking

City explorers (they do walking tours)

Travel

Cultures (i.e., French, Italian, etc.)

Art

Television shows

Snow skiing

Ballroom dancing and other types of dancing

Political groups

Professions

 

That's off the top of my head. There are numerous groups for all of the above areas of interest, sometimes segregated by neighborhood, age, men/women, etc.

 

You aren't interested in any of those things? At all?

 

Do you really consider it going "out of your way" to get out of the house and have a good time with a group of people, maybe going to a place you've never been to before or doing something you've never done before? I'm not saying you have to do it every day, but how about once or twice a week?

 

Do you even understand how Meetup groups work? One of my favorite groups is my neighborhood group for people in their 30s and 40s. We go out to dinner, go out for drinks, have brunch, go to outdoor festivals, go see Broadway shows. Every time I go to an event I meet new people -- cool, fun people -- who are around my age and live in my neighborhood. Nearly every activity is near my house. I've gone to a ton of great restaurants and places in the city I've never been to before, all because I am part of that group. Would you really not have any fun doing something like that?

 

I'm just trying to understand, because you seem to blame a lot of things -- where you live, a lack of women, women being shallow, etc...when I think you really just need to put yourself out there, and for whatever reason you seem completely resistant to doing that. For the past five years many people on this site have been advising you to get out there and telling you how to do it, and you cling stubbornly to your way of doing things. Forming an opinion about your entire local area based upon 60 people in two dance classes at your university is...absurd.

 

Your way has gotten you one girlfriend in the past fourteen years. People get struck by lightning, too. Formulating any future approach based on how things happened with your ex is foolish. It's not the norm. Why do you think you get the same advice from so many people here? Don't you think maybe they might be on to something? IMO, if you keep doing what you are doing you are going to be in exactly the same position one year from now.

 

And do you really think any woman 25+ would be interested in a guy who is 5'6, 32 years old does not have a job yet is almost done with school?

 

Did it ever occur to you that you might find a woman who is 25-35 who is in the same boat as you -- getting a degree later in life? I think you would have far better luck with that woman than with a woman who is 21 years old. If a young woman is open to dating a man 10+ years older (which many will not be), it is typically because the older man has qualities or things that younger guys don't have -- maturity, nice car, expensive dates, job, stability, trips, etc. No offense, but you have none of that going for you right now. That's why I think you have a tough road ahead of you if you focus solely on the 21 year olds. Can it happen? Sure. People get struck by lightning sometimes. Does it increase your odds of finding a girlfriend? IMO, no.

Edited March 28, 2014 by clia

[MidwestUSA]

Huh?

 

The women under 25, that I'm meeting on campus, are in the same exact life stage as me. They are not ahead of me.

 

 

 

 

You're right. They're not ahead, they're on track. Sorry.

[preraph]

To most 20-something girls anyone over 30 is an ancient old man. There's a huge cultural divide between college girls and people with jobs and responsibilities.

[KathyM]

I agree with the posters who are saying that you are likely wasting your time on chasing girls in their early 20s. For most girls that age, a man over 30 would seem too old to them. A few might consider it if the man had a lot to offer (interesting/exciting lifestyle, impressive job or looks), but you are more likely to have better luck with pursuing women closer to your own age who are also not set in their careers yet. There are older women (25+) who have delayed college for one reason or another, or started college and went back at a later time to finish their undergraduate degree. I think you would have more luck with them. They would be your matches, and more likely to be interested in a relationship with you. Just sayin, your efforts are more likely to be successful if you focus them on people who are a good match in age and stage of life. There are likely other clubs on campus you could join, or co-ed sports groups, or other activities on campus you could get involved with. Maybe some volunteer opportunities on campus.

[somedude81]

Once again, this thread is about how hard it is to find single young women. My age doesn't matter if I'm only meeting girls who have boyfriends.

 

I have been a member of a few clubs on campus. Mainly, the Japanese culture, video game, anime and salsa club.

 

I've also been on a co-ed softball team, though there was like only two girls on the team and they both had a boyfriend on the team.

 

What clubs and activities will have a high number of girls, and be something that I man would be welcome at?

[MidwestUSA]

Have you taken any cooking classes? Start with Japanese, since you like the culture. You'll also get a marketable skill out of it.

[organizedchaos]

Once again, this thread is about how hard it is to find single young women. My age doesn't matter if I'm only meeting girls who have boyfriends.

 

Your age DOES matter because it directly impacts the girls you are meeting. You're going after the prime market in your environment - women who are likely already involved with someone or don't want a guy your age. Get this through your skull. Go after women closer to or older than you and your results just might change. Doing what you're doing isn't changing things for you.

[organizedchaos]

Taken from the very first post in this thread, and the second sentence no less

 

(at least cute, not obese)

 

That's it.

 

Girls who are at least cute, and not obese, that would make them a 5 out of 10.

 

Define "cute". What does cute mean to you? Where would you put yourself on the scale?

 

 

As I said earlier, they are not telling me they have boyfriends when they are shooting me down.

 

When a girl I know comes up to me and randomly says, "Hey I figured out why my boyfriend and I are going to be for Halloween" I don't think she's lying about having a boyfriend. When a girl mentions that she only sees her boyfriend on Wednesday after class, I also don't believe that she is lying.

 

Basically, if a girl mentions a BF in casual conversation, I have no reason to believe that a BF does not actually exist.

 

 

Where are you meeting single women at? How do you know that they are single?

 

 

Then, as everyone in this thread and for the past few years have been telling you, expand your horizons to meet more women!

 

Where do I meet single women? Through friends. Why don't you try making some, WITHOUT the sole purpose for them to introduce you to single women. You go out with friends, you come across women - at an art gallery, a bar, work. Also, just being out and about you come across women. I use OLD too with great success and based on the number of women using Tinder alone, there are plenty and plenty of single women out there - if you'd just look for women in your age group instead of college girls I assure you, they're out there.

[somedude81]

Have you taken any cooking classes? Start with Japanese, since you like the culture. You'll also get a marketable skill out of it.

That's a very interesting idea.

 

I'll have to see if there are any in my area. I really do need to learn how to cook.

[MidwestUSA]

That's a very interesting idea.

 

I'll have to see if there are any in my area. I really do need to learn how to cook.

 

A community college should offer them. I took Mexican cooking quite a while back. I think it was sponsored by El Paso tho.

 

 

Also check into Adult Education offerings within your school district.

[KungFuJoe]

Once again, this thread is about how hard it is to find single young women. My age doesn't matter if I'm only meeting girls who have boyfriends.

 

I have been a member of a few clubs on campus. Mainly, the Japanese culture, video game, anime and salsa club.

 

I've also been on a co-ed softball team, though there was like only two girls on the team and they both had a boyfriend on the team.

 

What clubs and activities will have a high number of girls, and be something that I man would be welcome at?

 

Dude...you're 32 years old and still not out of college, nor have you been building a career all these years. Soon, you're going to be 35...then 40. Then what?

 

You're going to end up wasting your entire life chasing down a gf. You're not a young kid anymore. 32 years old. Let that sink in real deep.

 

Not to be mean, but let's be honest here. A 32 year old man in your situation is going to find it hard to find a gf. Plain and simple. Young girls typically like to be with older guys because they think guys their own age are "immature". They like the fact that the older guy is more seasoned, more experienced, more "worldly". You're not going to fit that bill so young girls are out.

 

Girls your own age probably already have jobs/careers of their own...and are going to want someone of equal "value" as a partner. Someone who can COMPLIMENT them. So there goes girls in your own age group.

 

What are you left with? Pretty much nothing, right?

 

So why are you ignoring the obvious? You're having a hard time find a gf because where you are in life, right now, is just not attractive to the vast majority of women. It's not your demographics. It's not where you live. It's the fact that, at 32, you haven't done the same amount of "growing up" that most men your age have done.

 

That puts you at a disadvantage to pretty much any guy in your age group. The fact that you go to college doesn't mean squat. You're still 32 years old.

 

Graduate college, get a good job, better your life. Get some confidence and self esteem. If you do that, you won't even have to worry about getting a gf...it will just happen.

[KathyM]

Once again, this thread is about how hard it is to find single young women. My age doesn't matter if I'm only meeting girls who have boyfriends.

 

I have been a member of a few clubs on campus. Mainly, the Japanese culture, video game, anime and salsa club.

 

I've also been on a co-ed softball team, though there was like only two girls on the team and they both had a boyfriend on the team.

 

What clubs and activities will have a high number of girls, and be something that I man would be welcome at?

On campus yoga classes, co-ed volleyball groups, co-ed soccer, hiking groups, etc., etc. There are many clubs or interest groups that colleges offer. I remember so many were advertising when I took my kids to their college orientation. Volunteer opportunities on campus. I'm sure there are many opportunities for you to get involved in activities on campus. I would suggest staying away from the ones that are predominantly attracting men, such as video game groups, anime, and the like.

 

 

And also, I know you said you were attracted mainly to white women, but Southern Cal has so many ethnicities living here. You are really limiting yourself if you rule out other ethnicities. Many latinas here in the L.A. area. Many Asians, and other cultures. You shouldn't limit yourself or just focus on one ethnic group.