starrynightz45 Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 I've known this guy for year, and we've been dating for a month. We see each other 1x a week, and text/talk daily. Though we haven't had an explicit conversation about it, I know 100% that neither of us is seeing anyone else. He initiates conversation often, plans dates many days in advance, etc. He's verbally flirty from time to time, but not much. I think that's mostly just his personality, but I could be wrong. We haven't been intimate yet and I wouldn't consider it until things are official, but there's been some physical contact. I know he has very little experience with relationships. The problem is that I'm not sure if I should be worried, or if I'm just overreacting and it's too soon. At times during conversation he'll talk about how stressed he is with work/family issues, but he'll say "I'm glad at least I have a great girl." Then other times, when I'm joking around with him, he'll say things like "Haha well if you did that, I wouldn't be your friend." I know it's a little early, but "friend"...really? Should I be bothered? Just today he texted me asking about my gym routine: Me: Well I do enough to maintain my weight. I don't want to be a skeleton! Him: Haha good because if you were, I wouldn't be your friend. 1. Should I be bothered that he refers to me as a friend? I'm not expecting "girlfriend" just yet but "friend" seems so stupid at this point. Isn't it better to just not say anything at all? 2. How should I respond? I'm not sure if I should bring it up, or just let it slide. Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom888 Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 I don't think he sees you as his girlfriend yet. There is no clarity in this relationship. Maybe he needs time? Or maybe he's just using the word "friend" as a universal "buddy" term. I mean, it would be nice if a girlfriend is also a friend. My fiancee is my BEST friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author starrynightz45 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Share Posted March 27, 2014 I don't think he sees you as his girlfriend yet. There is no clarity in this relationship. Maybe he needs time? Or maybe he's just using the word "friend" as a universal "buddy" term. I mean, it would be nice if a girlfriend is also a friend. My fiancee is my BEST friend. I'm ok with not being referred to as his girlfriend just yet, that makes sense. But I am a little paranoid that referring to me as a "friend" might not be a great sign... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 It's better when you are both GF & friend. Don't get hung up on labels yet. Men don't put as much stock in every word choice as most women do. Relax 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetnothing Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 Maybe not a good sign, but not the worst. He makes you a priority and doesn't leave you wondering how he feels at least! Do other people know you're dating? How does he introduce you? It can be hard having an undefined relationship, but bringing it up can be uncomfortable too. Maybe it's time to figure out what you want and go from there. Sure you don't mind not being his girlfriend yet if things are going well, but do you want them to progress? Do you want to be serious or casual? Do you want titles with the exclusivity or is the exclusive dating good enough? You gotta be clear on what you want. There's nothing wrong with admitting you want to be his girlfriend! And if you do, then work on that. If you just want to make sure he's not seeing anyone else, that's ok too. I can see how just being a "friend" makes you uneasy so think where you'd like your relationship to go and give it a reasonable time frame. Link to post Share on other sites
Stay Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 You've only been hanging out for a month, I don't know how else he is suppose to acknowledge what you are to him. It's either girlfriend or friend and he doesn't see it as a girlfriend relationship yet because it's a bit early. Don't take small words like this with much emphasis, most guys don't really think about every little details like that. If he's still calling you a friend months down the line then it's an issue but for now just enjoy your time. I know you say that don't say "friend" at all but everyone has their own style of talking, maybe that's his. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author starrynightz45 Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 Gah, I'm trying to not get caught up with "labels" but I can't help but worry about this. The thing is, I dated this guy for a few weeks a year ago. At that time, he told me he "wasn't ready for a relationship" and didn't want to "lead me on" and we stopped speaking. We recently reconnected and he explained certain things that were going on at the time, and he asked for another chance. So it's now been about 6 weeks. We see each other every weekend and things are going well, but he constantly refers to me as his "friend." Is this really nothing to worry about? Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Dont worry just refer to him as your friend too... its just part of 'building up' x if nothing has changed in a few weeks then u can worry x Link to post Share on other sites
semco Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Gah, I'm trying to not get caught up with "labels" but I can't help but worry about this. The thing is, I dated this guy for a few weeks a year ago. At that time, he told me he "wasn't ready for a relationship" and didn't want to "lead me on" and we stopped speaking. We recently reconnected and he explained certain things that were going on at the time, and he asked for another chance. So it's now been about 6 weeks. We see each other every weekend and things are going well, but he constantly refers to me as his "friend." Is this really nothing to worry about? You are worrying to much. Is it possible that maybe he is just taking his time, making sure its right? I would think you would appreciate that over worrying about it so much. Women are always saying men are pigs, maybe you found one who isnt? I mean if we are talking that you havent kissed him or anything in 6 weeks, there might be a reason for concern. Is it so bad that he wants to be your friend? You seem to enjoy his company and he yours, appreciate that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author starrynightz45 Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 You are worrying to much. Is it possible that maybe he is just taking his time, making sure its right? I would think you would appreciate that over worrying about it so much. Women are always saying men are pigs, maybe you found one who isnt? I mean if we are talking that you havent kissed him or anything in 6 weeks, there might be a reason for concern. Is it so bad that he wants to be your friend? You seem to enjoy his company and he yours, appreciate that. I like this, thanks for your response, you're right. I guess maybe he is just taking his time. He's definitely not a pig. We've kissed, he's always holding my hand/saying nice things. He's consistent about setting up dates and he's taken things very slowly physically, which is definitely what I want. I guess the past "not ready for a relationship" thing is still bugging me, because I always fear that him continuing to call me a "friend" is going to turn into "I'm not ready for a relationship" again. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 You'r at that awkward no man's land phase. I don't think it's necessarily a cause for concern that he calls you his friend, but what seems to be the larger problem is that you don't seem to know if and when things will progress to being concrete and "official". No need to rush but certainly you should occasionally check in about what you're both hoping for and should see progress toward that end. That's what's important. Link to post Share on other sites
Author starrynightz45 Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 You'r at that awkward no man's land phase. I don't think it's necessarily a cause for concern that he calls you his friend, but what seems to be the larger problem is that you don't seem to know if and when things will progress to being concrete and "official". No need to rush but certainly you should occasionally check in about what you're both hoping for and should see progress toward that end. That's what's important. Well I'm not sure how to do that without scaring him off/freaking him out. Guys rarely react well when this topic is brought up. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts