Should I go to after work happy hour or go home?

[Mapper71]

It seems almost every time I have something going on after work with co workers that that's the day my husband has a bad day. Whether it be at work or his ex calls and tells him his daughter can't come up to visit for the weekend, or his daughter is having issues with him, etc. I look forward to going out with my coworkers because quite honestly all I ever do is sit at home or go out with my husband. I don't really have any girlfriends around me to go out with and it's fun to spend a couple of hours having drinks and apps and comraderie with people you work with.

 

Well this happy hour has been planned for a week now. Our manager is renting out a restaurant for 90 people for 2 1/2 hours and providing free drinks and apps. Sure enough, my husband just called me and told me he had a bad day at work. He got into an argument with his supervisor. Well there's goes my fun for the evening! He tells me to go have fun and he'll be over it when I get home, but now all I can think about is that he had a crappy day and he'll be in a crappy mood so all I'm going to be thinking about if I go out is how bummed out he's going to be when I get home or else he will be all sarcastic with me saying "Did YOU have a good time without me?" or "I thought you'd be home earlier".

 

I hate this! Should I go home and be with him even though he'll probably be mad that I skipped out on the party to be with him when he told me he'd be fine or go for an hour or so and then go home? I didn't go to the last after work function because my husband seemed upset that I stayed for so long at the one before that so I made up excuses to my coworkers why I bowed out of that one. Why can't I just have a good time and not always be worrying about what my husband is going to say or how he's going to feel?

[MidwestUSA]

Go. Have fun. Don't let him guilt trip you later.

 

I have to wonder if he strategically manages to have these bad days when you have something planned. He's not having fun, so why should you? Do you feel he's doing this deliberately?

 

 

You're entitled to your own life outside of your marriage. I think your issues run deeper than one happy hour. Good luck, have one for me.

[stillafool]

Go home.

[Mapper71]

And the thing that gets me is that damn near anytime there's a significant thing going on in my life he happens to get bad news.

 

-My birthday in 2009: He gets a letter from social services saying that his ex just filed for child support after years of not asking him for it. He goes ballistic and is nothing but sarcastic and rude to me all day.

 

Our wedding in 2010: The best man is supposed to fly out with my husband 2 days before our wedding. The night they fly out it turns out he can't go so I get a very upsetting call at midnight telling me as much.

 

Our honeymoon in 2011: We went to Costa Rica a year after we got married and he got into a huge fight with his daughter a few days beforehand and did nothing but sulk rather than be happy.

 

My first day of work at a new job in 2010: I come home all excited to tell him about it but he's pissed off because his motorcycle isn't starting and he can't get to work and just snaps at me. Never did ask how my day went.

 

My last day at that same job in 2011: I come home all happy to be done with it only to find him yelling at his ex on the phone about their daughter. This upsets him very much and I am flying out to visit family the next day so have to deal with knowing he's really upset the entire week I'm gone.

 

Motorcycle trip in 2012: His daughter is apparently going to come live with us after we get back from this trip and he is very happy about that. The last day of our trip he gets an email from his ex saying that they are moving 1000 miles away and she will not be living with him. He gets livid and will not do anything but jump down my throat for the next 18 hours before telling me what is going on.

 

Job interview in 2013: A job I am very excited about getting and the day of the interview he is very angry about something before going to work and slams crap and doesn't kiss me goodbye as he always does. I go to the interview only thinking about how angry he is.

 

Now every time I go to after work functions he seems to have some issue going on too that ruins that.

[anne1707]

Go home.

 

Have a look at her other threads. Go out and have some fun OP, you deserve it.

[whichwayisup]

It seems almost every time I have something going on after work with co workers that that's the day my husband has a bad day. Whether it be at work or his ex calls and tells him his daughter can't come up to visit for the weekend, or his daughter is having issues with him, etc. I look forward to going out with my coworkers because quite honestly all I ever do is sit at home or go out with my husband. I don't really have any girlfriends around me to go out with and it's fun to spend a couple of hours having drinks and apps and comraderie with people you work with.

 

Well this happy hour has been planned for a week now. Our manager is renting out a restaurant for 90 people for 2 1/2 hours and providing free drinks and apps. Sure enough, my husband just called me and told me he had a bad day at work. He got into an argument with his supervisor. Well there's goes my fun for the evening! He tells me to go have fun and he'll be over it when I get home, but now all I can think about is that he had a crappy day and he'll be in a crappy mood so all I'm going to be thinking about if I go out is how bummed out he's going to be when I get home or else he will be all sarcastic with me saying "Did YOU have a good time without me?" or "I thought you'd be home earlier".

 

I hate this! Should I go home and be with him even though he'll probably be mad that I skipped out on the party to be with him when he told me he'd be fine or go for an hour or so and then go home? I didn't go to the last after work function because my husband seemed upset that I stayed for so long at the one before that so I made up excuses to my coworkers why I bowed out of that one. Why can't I just have a good time and not always be worrying about what my husband is going to say or how he's going to feel?

 

GO out. Your H is a grown man and doesn't need you to hold his hand because he had a crappy day and is in a bad mood. Don't feel bad or guilty, especially since he told you to go and have fun.

 

You're doing this to yourself, and if your H is having issues with you going out once in a while, that's his problem and he has to allow you to enjoy life with friends and allow you to do things on your own sometimes.

 

My god, I'd go nuts if my H made me feel bad or guilty for going out with my women friends for dinner or seeing a movie. It's healthy for couples to do things apart at times.

[stillafool]

Have a look at her other threads. Go out and have some fun OP, you deserve it.

 

Okay I saw them. Go out and don't come home until you're ready. My goodness!

[KatZee]

Go out. I stopped reading pretty much at the first paragraph. Your husband is a grown ass man who needs to learn how to handle life on his own.

 

Boo hoo I had a bad day, come coddle me at home and make me feel better. Grow up.

 

It's also pretty coincidental that EVERY. TIME. you plan something that does not involve him he suddenly has a "bad day."

 

Got into a fight with his supervisor? Do your job and shut your mouth. He needs to learn to take responsibility for his own life.

 

Him having a crappy day is NOT your problem. Should you support him and ask if he's OK? Yes. But should you sit home and rearrange your life based on your husbands mood swings? No. If he has a problem with his ex wife, they can handle it. A problem at work? He needs to handle it there.

 

I really don't think he has all the "crappy" days he says he's having. He sounds like a manipulator, and extremely insecure. It's not that he's having a bad day. It's that he doesn't want YOU going anywhere WITHOUT HIM.

 

Go have fun, go have drinks, mingle, have a blast, eat apps, and if he's sarcastic, be happy go lucky back. "YES! Had a GREAT time. I'm going to do this more often!" And then go take a shower or something. This guy needs to grow up.

 

Also, it's not OK that you're your husbands emotional punching bag whenever s.hit goes wrong. He has NO RIGHT doing any of the things he's doing to you, taking it out on you, treating YOU like s.hit because there is some third party conspiring against him and "ruining his life." Honestly, I have no idea how you even put up with this.

 

Oh, AND he's cheating on you. Cool. You married a real prize. I'm actually not quite sure why you married this prick to begin with. My take is that he's broken you down so much that you actually believe you're worthless.

Edited March 28, 2014 by KatZee

[d0nnivain]

This isn't a casual after work happy hour. this is planned team building exercise by management. Skip it at the risk of your career.

 

 

think your husband is having a bad day now? How sucky will both your lives be when you never get another raise or get passed over for the promotion or worse get laid off because your employer doesn't think you fit in?

 

 

Go to your official work function. Stay for an hour. Make sure everyone important see you. Then go home.

[EverLastluv]

Do whatever makes you happy. Regarding the ex trust me I delt with all the bull s*** when it comes to his daughter. At this point his ex calls his mom house phone if she has something to say about his daughter. I change his cell phone no. cause all she does is call and complain and make him unhappy. When his daughter visit, his sister would pick her up and drop her off I have nothing to do with that. So sorry you going through all of the upsetting times with your husband. I had some of those times already, trying my best to stay calm and keep him happy with me as Im happy with him too.

Good luck!

[Mapper71]

This isn't a casual after work happy hour. this is planned team building exercise by management. Skip it at the risk of your career.

 

 

think your husband is having a bad day now? How sucky will both your lives be when you never get another raise or get passed over for the promotion or worse get laid off because your employer doesn't think you fit in?

 

 

Go to your official work function. Stay for an hour. Make sure everyone important see you. Then go home.

 

Whoa whoa whoa! I don't know where you got the idea that this was a planned team building exercise. This really was simply a happy hour after work to celebrate the company hitting a milestone. There was no team building involved. A few apps and a few drinks and come if you want.

[Mapper71]

I went to the happy hour last night. It started at 4:30 and I was out of there by 6PM and home by 6:45. I could have stayed much longer as I was having a good time and it was going until at least 7PM, but I went home like a good little wife. Husband was happy to see me and no sarcasm or rude comments. He was over his pissyness about work and tells me that it really wasn't a big deal. Really?? Because you were all pissed off about it when you called me and threatened to move to 2nd shift over it and now you tell me I was concerned over nothing??

[d0nnivain]

Whoa whoa whoa! I don't know where you got the idea that this was a planned team building exercise. This really was simply a happy hour after work to celebrate the company hitting a milestone. There was no team building involved. A few apps and a few drinks and come if you want.

 

 

 

 

Your BOSS rented a location to celebrate this milestone with all of you. You said:

 

Our manager is renting out a restaurant for 90 people for 2 1/2 hours and providing free drinks and apps.

Whether you think it's a mandatory team building exercise or not, as a manager believe me it is. You will be subtly judged for skipping it. This is way more than somebody looking at their watch saying hey it's 4:30 on Friday lets knock off early. This was a planned company event that you skip at your own risk. it is in no way as causal as you think it is.

 

 

I'm glad you went & that you went home to check on hubby. The fact that he didn't appreciate that gesture is a problem.

[Mapper71]

Your BOSS rented a location to celebrate this milestone with all of you. You said:

 

Our manager is renting out a restaurant for 90 people for 2 1/2 hours and providing free drinks and apps.

Whether you think it's a mandatory team building exercise or not, as a manager believe me it is. You will be subtly judged for skipping it. This is way more than somebody looking at their watch saying hey it's 4:30 on Friday lets knock off early. This was a planned company event that you skip at your own risk. it is in no way as causal as you think it is.

 

 

I'm glad you went & that you went home to check on hubby. The fact that he didn't appreciate that gesture is a problem.

Yeah he does this ALL THE TIME. It's NOT mandatory. It's a HAPPY HOUR! We had an all day meeting last month (mandatory) and a happy hour afterwards (not mandatory). We work in an extremely casual workplace and the guy is a millionaire and has money to burn...and he likes to burn it on happy hours!!

[acrosstheuniverse]

If a partner of mine had had a bad day for whatever reason, of course I'd skip happy hour to be with them. If this happened so frequently that I began to feel as though they were unable to manage their own lives and emotions without me holding their hand that'd be a massive turn off. If I realised that they were planning these 'bad days' to try and stop me from seeing my friends I would reconsider the relationship.

 

Friendships are important, having fun apart is important. I will never give up my friendships or allow a partner to dictate whether I go out and have fun or not. And I am a very committed, supportive, understanding and loyal girlfriend when I'm in a relationship.

 

Your husband sounds like he's manipulating you, from your own words. Seriously, the only way he'll learn not to keep doing this is if you ignore it, go do your thing, when you come home and he asks sarcastically if you enjoyed it, you say 'yeah it was great to see everybody, I had a great time!' and get on with your evening. He's continuing to do it because he keeps getting the desired result... controlling you.