Sweetnothing Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 Online dating turned out to be a total wash for me. I didn't try any paid sites cos I figured it would probably have even fewer options than the free ones for people my age (I'm 23). I could be wrong, but at this point I want to meet someone in person. I don't really go to parties or clubs. Clubs are just too damn loud for me and don't seem to attract the kind of guy I'm looking for. My social circle is pretty small too. Most of my friends are girls and none of us throw parties. I have a small apartment in a quiet building and my landlord is very adamant about tenants being quiet. I just want to meet someone who's really smart. If I can't have intelligent conversations with him, there isn't much attraction. I also like tattoos, video games, and indie music which is another reason why I don't find a lot in common with people I meet at clubs and bars. I don't have a "type" necessarily that I go for, I'm open minded, I just don't know where to look! I go to local shows, but no one approaches me. It doesn't seem like the ideal place for meeting people. I'm going back to college in August which should help, but in the mean time what are some options?? Link to post Share on other sites
drg2365 Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 If you are attractive, literally anywhere. OLD shouldn't have been a wash as long as you chose somewhat correctly and sniffed out those trying to play and lay (sometimes hard to do) If you aren't, you mileage will vary, but still anywhere. You're a girl... If guys aren't approaching you, approach them or say hi, trust me 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 All kinds of people go to the bar. Im into all of the things you mentioned (and much more), but I enjoy dancing and drinking a few beers at the bar. Bars arent terrible, you just have to be more open minded and not try to stereotype everyone who goes there. Honestly, if you arent meeting people while you take part in your hobbies, and youre also adverse to using online dating, then I dont know what else to tell you. Sorry OP. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 Meetup groups Public Book Clubs (some bookstores host book club meetings, open mic night for people to read their poetry) Volunteer with an organization 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweetnothing Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 If you are attractive, literally anywhere. OLD shouldn't have been a wash as long as you chose somewhat correctly and sniffed out those trying to play and lay (sometimes hard to do) If you aren't, you mileage will vary, but still anywhere. You're a girl... If guys aren't approaching you, approach them or say hi, trust me Without sounding arrogant, yes I am attractive. I've never had a problem getting male attention, and when I go out with a group of girlfriends I get hit on the most and my friends are NOT ugly. I got plenty of messages with OLD, messaged almost everyone back, but never met anyone I was particularly attracted too. Maybe I was being too picky idk but I didn't "click" with anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweetnothing Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 All kinds of people go to the bar. Im into all of the things you mentioned (and much more), but I enjoy dancing and drinking a few beers at the bar. Bars arent terrible, you just have to be more open minded and not try to stereotype everyone who goes there. Honestly, if you arent meeting people while you take part in your hobbies, and youre also adverse to using online dating, then I dont know what else to tell you. Sorry OP. I don't mind hanging out at the bar I guess. I suppose I could try going out a bit more Link to post Share on other sites
drg2365 Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 Without sounding arrogant, yes I am attractive. I've never had a problem getting male attention, and when I go out with a group of girlfriends I get hit on the most and my friends are NOT ugly. I got plenty of messages with OLD, messaged almost everyone back, but never met anyone I was particularly attracted too. Maybe I was being too picky idk but I didn't "click" with anyone. You get male attraction and hit on? You do realize you have to play the game as well. Think of it from a guy's perspective, they have to 'hunt', flirt, and hope the girl reciprocates, plan and (usually pay for) dates, and hope it goes further. If you go out and get hit on, either stop rejecting those guys(don't sleep with someone you don't want to, ever, but you will get legit dates if you reciprocate reasonable interest) or adjust your standards. You're a girl.... Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 When you see a guy you like, smile at him. He's more likely to approach you. If you don't smile, you look like you don't want to be talked to. You can do bars like everyone is saying. But if your smiling and flirting you should meet guys at the grocery store, the gym, school, wherever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweetnothing Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 You get male attraction and hit on? You do realize you have to play the game as well. Think of it from a guy's perspective, they have to 'hunt', flirt, and hope the girl reciprocates, plan and (usually pay for) dates, and hope it goes further. If you go out and get hit on, either stop rejecting those guys(don't sleep with someone you don't want to, ever, but you will get legit dates if you reciprocate reasonable interest) or adjust your standards. You're a girl.... The problem is the physical attraction. My standards aren't impossibly high as far as looks, but I'm never the slightest bit physically attracted to the guys that hit on me. I know that once you get to know a person they can become more appealing, but it's hard to get past that initial stage when you're looking at a guy thinking "yikes!" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweetnothing Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 When you see a guy you like, smile at him. He's more likely to approach you. If you don't smile, you look like you don't want to be talked to. You can do bars like everyone is saying. But if your smiling and flirting you should meet guys at the grocery store, the gym, school, wherever. I'll try it! Link to post Share on other sites
drg2365 Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 The problem is the physical attraction. My standards aren't impossibly high as far as looks, but I'm never the slightest bit physically attracted to the guys that hit on me. I know that once you get to know a person they can become more appealing, but it's hard to get past that initial stage when you're looking at a guy thinking "yikes!" This is going to sound really mean but then you are what most guys call bad names. Standards and/or how you view men are in complete disarray. Attractive guys will hit on attractive women. If you are claiming that you are the most hit on in your attractive group of friends. And OLD didn't work. I have no idea what to tell you, other than be patient. You are most likely perfectly nice but looking for the wrong guys, in the wrong places, and rejecting most of the guys that show interest. Adjust. Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 The problem is the physical attraction. My standards aren't impossibly high as far as looks, but I'm never the slightest bit physically attracted to the guys that hit on me. I know that once you get to know a person they can become more appealing, but it's hard to get past that initial stage when you're looking at a guy thinking "yikes!" lol That's the problem a lot of people are having. It's a part of being human, Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 I've got a question for you. What region do live in and how many messages do you get on OLD? Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 There aren't a whole lot of smart, attractive guys. Lower your standards or just wait until one comes along that's into you. I dun consider maself at least wun of the two. lol In seriousness, to answer the question. I want to be specific. Here's what you should do. Find a hobby club for something you find interesting (I.e., painting). Go to said club, and you will find very naturally a lot of people you find attractive. If there is no clubs, you could take a class in a subject you find interesting, and meet them there. But if you aren't getting approached, then as someone said earlier, go up to them and say hi. I've had plenty of girls I wouldn't ever date come up to me and say hi with a smile, and I give them infinitely more credit than good looking ones who expect the guy to do all the work... I love knocking those ones off their pedastool. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweetnothing Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 I've got a question for you. What region do live in and how many messages do you get on OLD? I live in a fairly large city in the US and I got between 2-5 messages a day for around 3 months. I responded to most of them unless it was someone in another country or if they were too old (I got a lot of messages from men twice my age or more even though it said on my profile I was looking for no one older than 35 which I think is fair). Most of the conversations would just fizzle out. A lot of guys wanted to meet immediately and would stop responding if I requested to get to know them better. If it progressed to the point where I gave my phone number, few would even ask me on a date! I DID try. Online dating isn't a success for everyone so idk why people keep bringing it up like I did something wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweetnothing Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 Oh and before anyone asks, yes I initiated messages online. I don't just sit and wait for them to message me. Link to post Share on other sites
drg2365 Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 I live in a fairly large city in the US and I got between 2-5 messages a day for around 3 months. I responded to most of them unless it was someone in another country or if they were too old (I got a lot of messages from men twice my age or more even though it said on my profile I was looking for no one older than 35 which I think is fair). Most of the conversations would just fizzle out. A lot of guys wanted to meet immediately and would stop responding if I requested to get to know them better. If it progressed to the point where I gave my phone number, few would even ask me on a date! I DID try. Online dating isn't a success for everyone so idk why people keep bringing it up like I did something wrong. You do realize that equates to 100-150 messages in 3 months. That is a lot, and par for the course for a woman. You are being picky and rejecting to many men in regards to how bad you want a date and/or boyfriend. Adjust. You are playing into the stereotype of a decently pretty woman is looking for some 1 in a million dude who happens to sweep her off her feet. Its fair to want that, but you are dealing with humans. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweetnothing Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 Did you make good conversation? No guy wants to be a penpal. I didn't blabber on and on about bs. I kept messages brief, made a few jokes, and would want to know about their personality, hobbies, and job/education- simple sh*t. I would rather have the bulk of my conversations with a potential match be in person, but I'm not gonna be like "hey you're hot let's meet up tomorrow" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweetnothing Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 You do realize that equates to 100-150 messages in 3 months. That is a lot, and par for the course for a woman. You are being picky and rejecting to many men in regards to how bad you want a date and/or boyfriend. Adjust. You are playing into the stereotype of a decently pretty woman is looking for some 1 in a million dude who happens to sweep her off her feet. Its fair to want that, but you are dealing with humans. I guess I don't want it that badly. You're right. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 The free sites are mostly for hookups. Especially at your age. I would never try to meet any decent men at a bar. Same thing. Just more a holes per square inch there. If you want to do OLD, pony up for one of the paid sites. The age range you selected is more than sufficient to find guys who can afford it too. Otherwise, volunteer groups... Meetup groups... the gym, activity group (ie running club, ultimate Frisbee, etc) I'm not even in a big city and I run across reasonably attractive (physically) guys I'd like to date at least once a month. Heck, I had one guy climb down from a power pole to ask me out before... and I'm no supermodel. Link to post Share on other sites
AntiSocal Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 Paid sites will have better options if you're looking for an actual boyfriend. Pof is a total hookup site. OKC is better but not by much. You're a girl so you have it easy. Continue to go to shows, find a guy you like, then stare at him. When he catches you staring give him a big smile. If you're feeling extra confident give him a little wave or a wink too. Most dudes will approach. Do the same thing in everyday life. When you see a dude that you want stare at him, make eye contact, then give him a big smile. You'll start getting approached a lot more. Goodluck. Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 23 and into video games and indie music... You sound like exactly the type I'd go for (I'm 30). Thing is, the only places you'd be likely to meet someone like me outside of online dating would be at the gym (and I wouldn't approach first), or in town (unlikely). if you go the online dating route again, okcupid ive found to have the highest quality of members out of the free sites, and paid ones are far more likely to have guys who are serious about finding someone. Sometimes it works to your advantage if there aren't a huge number of members in your area as people are less likely to consider all their options disposable. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 For me? Public places. Book stores. Walking around doing errands. At bars or lounges. Even just on the beach. I met two long term bfs online and the rest whilst travelling or at bars. I am easily approachable and not loud or obnoxious yet not quiet and snobbish either. Not all girls get approached much, better looking ones than me are often left with no approaches or seemingly no options unless they go online. Link to post Share on other sites
Teraskas Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 (edited) I can't vouch for all guys my age (22, or relative to that), but for instance you can mostly find me: - In the gym. - Buying groceries. - Standing in the butcher's shop contemplating as to what I should choose for dinner (lol. ) - When it's decent weather I'm often outdoors talking a walk in the neighbourhood or the forest. Other than that, I'm doing my job. Edited March 28, 2014 by Teraskas Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 Going back to college as you plan is going to open up a world of opportunity. In the meantime, as others have suggested smiling & being more open is a good start. If you don't feel that spark, you don't feel it. Just because some guy hits on you does not obligate you to date him. It's better if you are polite & let him down gently but you don't own him anything. As for the where in a large city based on your preferred interests I'd try: 1. Meetup groups 2. indie record stores 3. coffee shops (not Starbucks / DD) 4. music festivals 5. tattoo conventions 6. taking or teaching a class in an adult education program (investing, auto repair, whatever holds your fancy) or in a for credit program 7. Bookstores 8. Speed dating 9. volunteering doing something you are passionate about (animals, curing cancer, politics) 10. having a small dinner party - -maybe 10 people -- get 4 of your GFs to bring guys then genuinely like but don't want to date Link to post Share on other sites
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