Does he like me or was he taking advantage of the situation?

[fonoma]

I have a slightly complicated situation, assuming I'm going to do anything about it. Two weeks ago I got more drunk than I'd ever been in my life (I always reach a point where I know when to stop but I must have missed it that day...) and have about 3 hours where I remember only bits and pieces at the end of the night. I was day drinking with friends before it turned into a very late night. Most of my friends had already gone home early but I was with a few people at a bar before we headed to my office where an event was happening on the balcony.

 

I don't know what happened to some of the others, but two friends came with me, one that I know pretty well by now and another who's more of a friend of a friend that I'd never spent time with one on one before. Anyhow, apparently this guy was hanging around me for most of the time we were at my office and he was keeping very close to me and I might remember he had his hand on my back attentively for a while as we talked. One thing I remember most was his face suddenly being very close, smiling, before he kissed me. Although I don't think I was 100% into it right away, I didn't pull away and definitely enjoyed it. Apparently I stuck with him most of the evening and we might have made out again and danced a bit (embarrassingly.)

 

Both of my friends came with me to drop me off at my apartment thanks to a good samaritan (the cabs were all taken) but didn't take the ride back and so they both left to walk back. I offered to let them in my place but they didn't take the offer. However, 15 minutes later I got a call from the guy I made out with (I don't remember giving him my number but it could've happened) saying he was lost– really doubt it– and wanted to crash on my couch, which he did. At that point I was more sobered up from the pain and went straight to bed in the next room.

 

In the morning things were as normal as they could have been and after he went to get his car where it was parked we went to breakfast– which he offered to pay for– where we had good conversation and learned some things about each other for about an hour. He seemed surprised that I couldn't remember much from the night before (but I'm pretty sure I was a huge mess, if this post doesn't paint that picture clearly) and we didn't really mention anything about making out. He said that he chatted with some of my coworkers and told everyone he was my husband for fun.

 

When he dropped me off at my car after breakfast I felt that I should have done or said something other than thanks but I really had no idea what to make of anything and was still ashamed that I lost control of myself like that. At first I was thinking that there wouldn't be anything coming from any of this and that it was just a wild fun night that I'd move on from, but two weeks later I'm still thinking about it and wanting to bump into him again.

 

I'm afraid I gave him the impression that I really don't remember the kissing or that I'm ashamed of it and that I don't want to see where it would go, but he also hasn't reached out to me after that either. I'm pretty inexperienced with these things (I'm 23, just got out of my first real relationship) and am aware that I'm infatuated but also curious to know what I should have done or be doing or if this guy was just trying to take advantage of a drunk girl while he was only a little tipsy.

 

He's divorced, quite a bit older and might be a bit of a ladies' man but I don't know to what extent that title goes as I only hear people joke about it. I hear more about how nice of a person he is and from what I know about him it seems like he is so I'm a bit torn whether or not what he did was a sign of bad intentions or if he was genuinely interested. I sorta got a hint he might have been passively interested in me (at least on the surface) in the past but our interaction is so limited and I automatically assume no one has any feelings for me in the first place so I don't get hurt, so it's tough to figure out. I just need a fresh opinion before I bring this up to some of our mutual friends. I've been trying to figure out if he told them the whole story but it's been inconclusive so far.

 

Terribly sorry for the long post, but there are more things and it could go on longer I have no idea how my life got so interesting so suddenly.

[David87]

Well that's always a good thing ( your life being interesting ) . You said that you have his number why don't you send him a text or a call to see how he's doing.

 

He really is a nice guy because I was certain that he slept with you that night but he didn't .

[fonoma]

I never heard from him for two weeks and was starting to not think about it as much but last Friday evening I was having a tough time and had no one to talk to. I tried to get people to come visit me outside after work for drinks since it was gorgeous out and everyone who said they'd come backed out on me and he didn't show up either, though he does live pretty far and traffic is always horrendous here. I got really impulsive (wine didn't help) and ended up messaging him on FB later that night regarding a post he made a few hours prior about how crazy his month was.

 

The moment I did it I was so embarrassed. He turned out to be really nice but was saying that a lot of what he was going through was personal (I think he was getting over someone else still– he's been trying to meet more people outside of his group and I know he's been looking for a relationship, not sure how serious/casual) and told me I could talk to him about anything that was on my mind as he always wants to be there for his friends. I backed out and apologized for my abruptness and went to bed, still pretty embarrassed and certain he didn't like me in any way.

 

Come Sunday I went to a wine drinking event with my group and he showed up as well and gave me a small hug in greeting. He didn't sit with us at first even though we offered to make space and instead wanted to chat with some ladies at the other end of the table to make new friends. He later came to join our side and over time as people started leaving it was just us talking for a bit. I could tell, even when talking to other people near us, though, that he was always attentive to my conversation and seemed to be listening in the whole time and offering more details about his own life and bringing up some things from our last conversation that he considered somewhat secret or personal about me that no one else would know (minor stuff, in humor).

 

A few of us left to go out to more bars/food later and he came along with me when our other close friends had already went home. One thing led to another and eventually we departed from the others and went to two more places on our own where we talked a lot about ourselves and ambitions. By the time we got to the last place we started making out again, quite a bit this time. We ended up coming back to my place again afterwards and made out deeply for a what seemed like an hour, possibly. Things got pretty heavy but we never had sex, though that was definitely an option (it's really been a while for me...) and we made out some more in the morning before he had to go back home to feed his dog and let her in and I had to get ready for work. We kissed again before he left and said "see you around" and that was it.

 

I'm wondering what this all is and I'm sure if I just talked to him more I'd get my answers, but I'm really terrible at broaching this kind of subject... I also have next to 0 experience with guys even at my age so I'm not sure if the fact that he didn't want to sleep with me right away means anything or if he just likes relying on the few times we bump into each other through mutual friends to have a bit of fun with someone younger. At this point I'll just wait it out and see what happens, hopefully with as little expectations as possible, but that often gets tougher for me as time goes on.