Ex Girlfriend pregnant by another guy 6 weeks after a 7 year relationship

[UltraTech]

Well last night was one of those bad nights, I bumped into a friend who asked how I was, he said he had seen the picture of the 'scan' on Facebook, just after she had made contact...

 

Saturday night I went and stayed at my Mum and Dads for company, I went to bed at 8pm I felt drained, and then came a few tear and such a low horrible feeling...

 

I then dreamt that I was in our house and I was going to the shop in the morning for Jo to get a mums day card and it was me putting pics of our baby on Facebook.. I woke up and felt the worst I have in 6 weeks...

 

This morning I was sat having a cup f tea with my Mum and just broke down in tears...uncontrollable! I dont know how much more I can take..?

Im mentally drained but I cant escape thinking about it all the time...

 

It helps writing on here about this, I hate being the way I am in front of friends and family but I cant help it, I have never been so low in my life and I cant see no light at the end of the tunnel...

 

What she has done to you is disgusting, absolutely disgusting, but, trust me on this, you dodged a BIG bullet my friend, you may not want to hear this, but here is the truth...... A women who gets pregnant by another man, 6 weeks after coming out of a long term relationship......is not wife material.

 

Nice to hear that the bloke she is with doesnt want it, mark my words, shes about to be a single parent very soon, do you really think the father wants to be in monogamous relationship with this girl for the rest of his life.?????? Hell no, thats why he didnt want the child in the first place, he wants to live his live, he doesnt want to be tied down.

 

You are suffering terribly, but you have to understand this is actually normal given what has happened to you. One day at a time my friend, one day at a time, you had a very bad hit, and you are going to need alot of time to heal.

[UltraTech]

What she has done to you is disgusting, absolutely disgusting, but, trust me on this, you dodged a BIG bullet my friend, you may not want to hear this, but here is the truth...... A women who gets pregnant by another man, 6 weeks after coming out of a long term relationship......is not wife material.

 

Nice to hear that the bloke she is with doesnt want it, mark my words, shes about to be a single parent very soon, do you really think the father wants to be in monogamous relationship with this girl for the rest of his life.?????? Hell no, thats why he didnt want the child in the first place, he wants to live his live, he doesnt want to be tied down.

 

You are suffering terribly, but you have to understand this is actually normal given what has happened to you. One day at a time my friend, one day at a time, you had a very bad hit, and you are going to need alot of time to heal.

 

Oh yeah, i forgot to add to my own advice above...... When loverboy does a runner because he finds someone elses g.f to shag, there is a chance this stupid girl is going to be at your door begging you to raise this child with her, she will talk about what she done being "the biggest mistake of my life.....but now ive realised what i did wrong"......they always come out with that line.

 

When that happens, you come back on here and we will advise accordingly lol.

[loversquarrel]

I am going to say something and say it loud and clear - YOU ARE NOT HER SAVIOR. YOU CAN NOT FIX OR SAVE ANYONE SO KNOCK OFF THE CRAP ABOUT PROTECTING HER. You certainly weren't the condom she needed before she got knocked up, so enough with the secret service crap. It's time to man up and move in a different direction.

 

Look at this mess with some retrospect - her family....ever hear of the saying "The apple don't fall to far from the tree"??? If it's one thing I've learned over the years, people with issues come from families with issues, not too mention she has unresolved issues pertaining to sexual abuse - VERY BAD COMBO. It seems rough for you now, you were dealt two bad hands....but believe me, if you stuck with her things would have been much worse down the road.

 

Take what you have learned about women and families and their effect on relationships, now apply that knowledge to your newly developed screening process and you will find yourself a much better, healthier woman for you.

 

P.S. get therapy and work on yourself, try to kick the co-dependency habit.

[stillafool]

If her new bf didn't want a baby with his ex gf I doubt he is too happy about this pregnancy either. He more than likely feels trapped.

[bluegreen]

Oh yeah, i forgot to add to my own advice above...... When loverboy does a runner because he finds someone elses g.f to shag, there is a chance this stupid girl is going to be at your door begging you to raise this child with her, she will talk about what she done being "the biggest mistake of my life.....but now ive realised what i did wrong"......they always come out with that line.

 

When that happens, you come back on here and we will advise accordingly lol.

 

 

 

Yap no doubt this is just what will happen.

It would be such a waste for him to take her back although I do feel for poor baby to : (((

 

Damn it its just not fair so many girls would do anything to get a good guy like him and one floozy has him all broken apart and sobbing damn it ...

[srobson321]

I know Im not her saviour, its happened so many times in the past.. I mean sorting out her mess... it's hard to adjust to the role of 'not my problem' given she is in the biggest mess of all...

 

It's weird everybody, friends family and people on here, has the same verdict that she will turn up at my house asking for help.. it is strange that at this present moment in time I want that to happen... but what scares me is what I will do if that happens.. what do I do?? can I raise another guys kid, can I trust her again, what sort of life will it be? would I be man enough to do that? Id like to think I was man enough to..

The problem is clearly I am still in love with her and still emotionally attached.. we have been through so much together in 7 years it seems that there has always been something in the background not wanting for us to be together... whatever it was has certainly won now

 

We did have good times together, lots of them, and we were always Ste and Jo, thats what everybody associates us as, especially my two nieces and nephews who have known nothing but Ste and Jo since they were born.. we have seen and travelled the world together, gone from having nothing but a falling down house to a house fit for a family, money in the bank (all be it mine) and a nice lifestyle.. the missing piece was a baby! however we have had a bumpy 16 months or so.. but that was down to not being on the same page and like I said we still were working through it... until this happened!

[srobson321]

Furthermore I learn it was her who put the scan picture up... not the boy...

 

less than 2 weeks to looking me in the eye and saying she wouldnt be doing anything like that... I want to scream!!!!!

[UltraTech]

Furthermore I learn it was her who put the scan picture up... not the boy...

 

less than 2 weeks to looking me in the eye and saying she wouldnt be doing anything like that... I want to scream!!!!!

 

Feel free to vent as much as you want in here, as long as you know this behavior from your ex is textbook behavior.

 

She isn't strong enough to be alone, which is why she couldn't go a couple of weeks without opening her legs to another man, sounds harsh, but thats the truth of the matter. She obviously needs a man next to her to validate her.

 

So of course now new man is on the scene she's going to be wrapped up in him and their new "family", that's how it works, trust me, she doesn't give a **** that you have to pick up the pieces, because people like her always do what is right for themselves before anyone else, she did her, you are hurt.....oh well, you'll be okay one day, that's how people like her look at these things.

 

When new man is out of the picture, do you think she is going to be alone by herself then? .............Or do you think she'll be knocking at your door trying to worm her way back in? And if so....what does that tell you about the kind of person she is.

 

Whatever you had, is done, thats the reality, women like her are NOT wife material and i'm willing to bet you in a few years time, you are going to look back on this and say "Jeeeezzzz, what a mess she is, glad i ducked out of that one".

 

You wont see it yet, but trust me, this is a positive, because however much this hurts now, if she had your child and swanned off with another man....which i think is VERY possible given what you have posted so far, you would really be in trouble.

[Chi townD]

It's weird everybody, friends family and people on here, has the same verdict that she will turn up at my house asking for help.. it is strange that at this present moment in time I want that to happen... but what scares me is what I will do if that happens.. what do I do?? can I raise another guys kid, can I trust her again, what sort of life will it be? would I be man enough to do that? Id like to think I was man enough to..

The problem is clearly I am still in love with her and still emotionally attached.. we have been through so much together in 7 years it seems that there has always been something in the background not wanting for us to be together... whatever it was has certainly won now

 

 

 

Could you raise someone else's kid? Possibly, but very unlikely. Some men that are in a similar situation such as your own normally end up ending the relationship. The kid was always a constant reminder to them about the betrayal and they never were able to fully bond with the child. And, in those instances, that's not fair to the kid who did nothing wrong.

 

 

Your discovery that she was the one that posted the scan should tell you everything you needed to know. She chose this other guy. She's making it public and doesn't care who knows. Therefore, you need to move on with your life.

 

 

Because she made the decision about her situation and this other guy, then take advantage of this moment. She so wrapped up with this pregnancy and playing house, it MIGHT be quite awhile before she contacts you. Possibly even well after the baby is born, so take advantage of this time and HEAL FROM THIS!

 

 

Stay NC and make positive changes in your life. The goal is to get to a point of indifference. That you could care less. So, if that phonecall or text ever comes through, you could say to yourself, "Oh Geez, what the hell does she want? You know what? I have a date in an hour. I can't be bothered with this right now."

 

 

So, hang in there and come here and vent as much as you want. We're all here for ya! You'll get through this!

[lolablue17]

You are so hurt now, and it isn't going away so quickly. But partly it's also up to you.

 

1. She left you and humiliated you with this pregnancy. So you understand yourself that your bad feelings are because fo the your heart is broken, and also because of your dignity was broken and humiliated.

 

Please rebuild your confidence and mainly dont let her to continue step on you. dont help her, dont talk to her, full NC.

 

2. a woman (she's not 18. or 16) at her age walking from 7 years R to immediate pregnancy with someone else, is such a low low person. Disgusting. this is the only word I can think of.

 

3. If she even consider having a baby from someone who doesn't want to, she's trash! Sorry for talking like that about your ex. How selfish of her to raise a baby when the father doesn't want it. selfish against the father and the baby as well.

 

So maybe you are lucky after all. Because you could found out who she realy is in 2-3 years, while having 1-2 little kids being married to this trash.

Then your life could be a real terrifying nightmare. Now you are without kids, the damage can be fixed.

 

Don't help her. because if you do, you will lose you dignity.

Edited March 31, 2014 by lolablue17

[KaliLove]

Furthermore I learn it was her who put the scan picture up... not the boy...

 

less than 2 weeks to looking me in the eye and saying she wouldnt be doing anything like that... I want to scream!!!!!

 

Sorry bud, but she can do whatever she wants. If she wants to put ultrasound pics up on her social media, it's her right. If you don't want to see them..don't look at her page.

 

I agree that she'll probably be back trying to get you to rescue her once this guy leaves her..but I hope you're strong enough to resist. She needs to learn how to clean up her own messes. Lots of people have ****ty childhoods and families, or no family at all, and are perfectly capable of standing on their own two feet. She needs you to stop saving her so she can learn how to take care of herself. She's going to be somebody's mother..she's not allowed to act like a child anymore.

[srobson321]

Im trying hard to accept it all, I get so far then its the good memories that take over and it gets me down...

Whats worse is the first time we split I did meet a nice girl, Jo was away travelling for 3 months and we had not been together properly for 5 months..

 

After texting for a few weeks I went out on a date with this girl but I felt uncomfortable on it, like guilty, I suppose I was angry Jo up sticks and went away to Australia leaving me to pay the mortgage and maintain the house, and thought why not..

 

When Jo came home I was honest and told her I was texting a girl and had been on a dte was unsure because of where we stood..

 

She made it known she didnt like it in an indirect way and went out of her way to ensure the girl was pushed out the scene, which she already was and I felt terrible about that as she grew to like me in a short space of time..

 

Even now when I mention that Im going to have to go through the process of finding someone else she doesnt like it, she gets her back up.. nobody believed me until she spoke to my sister and my sister told her to remember Jo Ste will meet someone and will start a family under the right circumstances... and my sister said she didnt like hearing that and again got her back up.. I dont know if that was for my benefit or thats how she tried to make it look I cant second guess her anymore..

 

She is certainly trying to portray a happy family with the boy now as Im told by others she is happy about everything, the baby the new boyfriend so again I dont know if its for my benefit and trying to make me look like the jilted ex fiance? I dont know?

 

Just want to say I appreciae the comments on here, it is helping more than you know Im gratful I came across this site..

[KaliLove]

Why are you still talking to her?

[Chi townD]

Your sister is awesome and is looking out for her brother.

 

 

Don't worry about dating right now. You're not looking to replace your Ex. HOWEVER, don't be a hermit either! If the opportunity to go out with a pretty girl comes around, don't turn it down!

 

 

It's all about your frame of mind when you go out. Go out with a girl with no agenda and no expectations with the only exception of nothing more than having a good time in a presence of a pretty girl.

 

 

Just be honest with her. Tell her that you just came out of a relationship and you're not looking to jump back into one. However, you promise her a great night out with good company. I think she would appreciate your honesty.

 

 

And who knows! You two might "click" and set yourselves up for a second date!

[UltraTech]

Im trying hard to accept it all, I get so far then its the good memories that take over and it gets me down...

Whats worse is the first time we split I did meet a nice girl, Jo was away travelling for 3 months and we had not been together properly for 5 months..

 

After texting for a few weeks I went out on a date with this girl but I felt uncomfortable on it, like guilty, I suppose I was angry Jo up sticks and went away to Australia leaving me to pay the mortgage and maintain the house, and thought why not..

 

When Jo came home I was honest and told her I was texting a girl and had been on a dte was unsure because of where we stood..

 

She made it known she didnt like it in an indirect way and went out of her way to ensure the girl was pushed out the scene, which she already was and I felt terrible about that as she grew to like me in a short space of time..

 

Even now when I mention that Im going to have to go through the process of finding someone else she doesnt like it, she gets her back up.. nobody believed me until she spoke to my sister and my sister told her to remember Jo Ste will meet someone and will start a family under the right circumstances... and my sister said she didnt like hearing that and again got her back up.. I dont know if that was for my benefit or thats how she tried to make it look I cant second guess her anymore..

 

She is certainly trying to portray a happy family with the boy now as Im told by others she is happy about everything, the baby the new boyfriend so again I dont know if its for my benefit and trying to make me look like the jilted ex fiance? I dont know?

 

Just want to say I appreciae the comments on here, it is helping more than you know Im gratful I came across this site..

 

You are still in shock, that's pretty clear, the events of what has happened haven't quite hit you yet, it takes time to sink in.

 

She probably is happy with the other man and her life right now, it's all like one big adventure for her, shes got a new man, baby on the way, family.....for now.

 

Why your family still speak to her I will never know, after what she done. personally, I would tell her what she is and tell her to F-Off.

 

Your actually doing a decent job at the moment, just DO NOT get involved her mind games....No contact whatsoever, i'm serious.

 

Tell you what, her new boyfriend must be thick as two short planks, imagine when his child asks him "How did you and mommy meet?"

 

Is he gonna tell his child "Well, you weren't planned, your mother was an easy lay, so i just went ahead and ploughed her.......even though there was a good guy who really took care of her.........so I ruined his life just for the sake of a shag, then....when your mother told me she was pregnant...i told her i didnt want you because I just wanted to shag a few other women.......but your mother decided to keep it......so I was stuck.....and here we are today".

 

 

He's a loser. Trust me.

 

She will come back running, may take a month, may take a decade, but she will, and by the time she does, you will be finished with her.

 

See that sap she is stuck with now? That could have been you.

 

You are lucky my friend.

[srobson321]

I appreciate the advice and guidance, I have never experienced a break up on this scale before let alone having to deal with the baby and moving him into a house I put together, so the textbook behaviour is new on me! You guys have probably read and heard it all before but I'm unable to recognise what happens next and why?

 

I took the no contact advice, I'm quite stubborn so I know il stick to it, hence why I sent my sister around to get the rest of my stuff from the porch, she was supposed to be in uni that day but happened to be taking a day off so it was an awkward situation, my sister kept her cool somehow and told her a few truths about the situation she is in

 

I must admit the last two days I have just had blinding headaches probably the stress of it all, I am still in a state of shock but il keep posting on here the developments, yesterday morning when I sat there and broke my heart crying to my mum I really did not know how much more I could take seriously I was done it's gone on 6 weeks now and it was just taking it's toll on me! I just hope there are not so many more days like that ahead but right now I think there will be

I just don't want to do anything stupid because of it all, it scares me to get to that low level I was at yesterday, I know I won't I just don't want to get to that final breaking point there can't be anymore or anything else to hurt me

[No Limit]

You shouldn't be crying that much over this. Be glad that she at least had enough in her that she didn't make you believe it was yours.

You can't judge a book from its title or cover. You've dodged a giant bullet, you're not responsible for her and unlike many other people who've been deeply hurt you are actually able to turn away for good.

[TiredFamilyGuy]

You poor guy. You've had your heart ripped out.

 

Go dark, cut all ties, don't look back. Please don't hope to be a white knight here - all you'd be is a stooge. Pretty soon it will all be about her and her baby anyway: the hormones see to that naturally. It's also natural for a pregnant woman to instinctively seek security, a plan B until she is sure the plan A is working out. Natural - but don't be a part of that.

 

This girl made bad choices. The bad things in her childhood happened to her and that sucks. Don't be confused here into excusing her behaviour. Cut all ties whatsoever - that is what will help.

 

Keep strong. Life will improve.

[bluegreen]

HUGS just that HUGS and lots of positive energy sent your way along with few heartfelt prayers.

Sometimes words just fail us

[srobson321]

Well I thought I would post an update... after driving to work this morning...

 

Im still thinking about her and the situation non stop but since No Contact I have found the anxiety in my chest has eased a bit and the ache in my heart seems to have lessoned slightly..

 

Im not kidding myself into thinking Im getting over this but I am following advice and guidence on here and reading other posts on how others have handled situations and it really does help..

 

Im not going to lie, deep down I still want the 'Carrie and Aidan Sex In the City YOU BROKE MY HEART' moment where she will turn up at my doorstep.. but Im hoping in time this will fade?

I do miss her and hearing from her but thats the girl I knew pre little boy days, it does hurt she is with him and giving a happy with the situation attitude, but the less I hear the better, I dont need to know what she and they are doing, not now I need to heal I recognise that...

 

Its funny how your mind starts to find ways to cope, as early as Sunday I was still in the same state of mind (in hell) as I have been since I found out 8 weeks ago.. but NC seems to have eased it but Im not trying to get ahead of myself...

 

Im starting to think of getting back into exercise which is a positive sign, I tried to exercise during the 'storm' I was going through but I found myself losing heart with it and getting a bit panicky and wanting to get back indoors... I guess this was anxiaty and stress...

 

People around me are telling me of the improvements I have made when I havnt seen them or felt them myself.. I suppose the semi suicidal state I was in a few weeks ago was written all over my face..

But Im getting into work tho I dread the morning and evening drive in, I was able to cut contact (that was a big step), and Im able to put a smoke screen on in work so I guess there little steps even if I dont know it as I still feel bad inside... day at a time no need for plans or an answer how to move forward just now, and I know the road ahead may get worse in fact I have a feeling it will given we live in the same area, small town etc...

[Chi townD]

Have you considered moving? Moving to a city, making a fresh start of things? Getting as far away from that situation is possible?

 

 

I'm not saying pack up the truck tomorrow and wander around the country until you find something you like. But, look into things. Look online for jobs in the area you think you might want to move to. Drop a resume or two.

[srobson321]

I did consider it yes and I am exploring the possibilty of returning to the Middle East, but in honesty I lived away 2 years and worked away the past year week on week off in the UK, I love my home town its a lovely part of the world and it feels like it would be them two driving me out of my home, again them winning!

 

Its strange because when the opportunity to go to Saudi came up she practically made me go, to build a future for us as a couple, within 6 months she wasnt coping and pleading with me to come home.. I battled with her to let me fulfill my obligations over there, in the meantime I sweetened her with a 3 week trip to Thailand and a cruise around the Middle East and a trip to Bahrain early on where we got engaged..

Ultimatly I came home which I didnt mind, I gave up a very well paid job running a $50million project to holding ladders for my Dad for $150 whilst I looked for a new job back home...

 

The girl I remember was an emotional mess when the day came when I had to leave to Saudi, it was like a scene from a movie at the airport, tears and emotion from both it was horrible, thats what convinced me to propose as leaving her was the hardest thing I ever had to do and I knew I loved her but didnt know how deep until that point.. and it was real for her aswell...

 

So starting again somewhere else? I dont know I have been away and done it and I love seeing my friends and family, obviously under happier circumstances than now, what strange when I was there I didnt feel alone when I was with her.. I would have to seriously think about it if I was to think about moving away again

[srobson321]

Well its been a few days since I posted an updaye on here so I thought I would write in with a bit of reflection..

 

Following my meltdown with my mum things have improved day by day, I have gone full NC and with each day that passes I feel a little more like myself.. Im not trig to get ahead of myself but I am feeling a little better, truthfully NC works its just making the decision to go NC thats the biggest step for anyone I guess...

 

Im still a bit fragile that is why I am not getting ahead of myself, maybe the slightest thing could set me back to square one but right now Im feeling stronger everyday I dont hear anything or see anything..

 

And you were right she wasnt done, at some point she turned up at my house on Saturday, I wasnt there but she posted 3 letters through my letter box, nothing important mainly junk mail... but what suprised me was my own reaction, I came in seen it and just through the letters on the side I didnt let it play on my mind... maybe because I was busy as I had to cut the grass I dont know..

 

I just miss her now and the relationship we had, I dont have to think about all the other ***t like the baby etc.. thats the grieving like you guys said would happen..

 

I still have a bumpy road ahead, I have hurdles to get over no doubt this isnt over I will see and hear things.. but I have my own things to look forward to, being best man at my mates wedding and a good stag do in Amsterdam next month aswel, I hav a few offers from friends I have living oveseas to go visit them in the summer namely LA or Australia so Il see Im not in any rush to do anything just yet just getting my head together day by day

[giblesp]

ok so here goes...

 

I love this girl more than anything in the whole world...

basically we split up in mid October but continued to carry on as a couple going for meals etc but not sleeping in the same house..

 

then i get told in January she is going on a date with a guy she met in uni I didnt like that...

Yeah my ex wife did the same. This will take time to get over. But one day I promise you that you will realise you lost NOTHING. You'll be thanking her for doing you a big favour by leaving your life. Right now m8 think the world of her, but wake up to the fact that she hasn't treated you that well. Get a bit angry about that, you deserve better. Her life is now a bit messed up, but that's the bed she made. She'll be ok. As for you, you're free and young. Enjoy it.

[Chi townD]

DUDE!!!! That's what I'm talking about! You have an opportunity to spend some of your summer in Australia or Los Angeles?!?!? Frickin GO!!!!

 

 

Have some fun! Decompress and re-energize! Go Surfing!! Not sure if I would go to Australia, they're heading into their winter and I know I had enough of winter here in the States. But, LA is expensive....But, you would be staying with friends I assume, so that would cut the costs.

 

 

Yeah dude, GO!!! Take them up on the offer!